Romance (duh)

[Poe's Prodigy]

Ok, so I'm confused. When I'm confused, I make lists. Here's a list.

Why haven't I ever had so much as an admirer?

- I'm funny, and not in a loud, obnoxious way either. Plus, I don't say this out of a sense of arrogance- I just happen to make people laugh hysterically.

-I'm smart, but I don't make other people feel dumb. I can have an intelligent conversation, but I don't constantly correct someone's grammer (even though I really want to sometimes) or talk down to people. By the way, don't you hate people who do those things?

-I'm up for anything. If you say "I want to jump into a pool filled with Jell-o" (my secret dream), I'll come along.

-It's not like I'm ugly. I'm not a perfect size 2 (or even 10), but I don't look like a troll, which is more than I can say for a lot of the guys in my school who happen to think that they're too good for anyone but the cheerleaders or whatnot.

-I'm not clingy, utterly dependant, controlling, or just plain bitchy. I think this should rack up some points.

-I'm nice. I can always find something true and nice to say. It's not hard- I know some pretty awesome people. Everyone I know says that I'm good to have around on a bad day.

-I just want to add that I have a ton of guy friends that I get along really well with. They constantly say how fun I am to be around, and what a good girlfriend I would make if I wasn't so (insert immature joke here).


Ok, if you managed to get through all that baggage, congratulations! I now have the million dollar questions for you: why in the heck havn't I been able to attract even the boggart that lives in my locker? Well, I did laugh at him, but still! I'd like to know why I can't find a single human that doesn't automatically put me into the "friend" category.

Thoghts? Comments? Concerns? Tips for boggart removal?

 

[Spare]

Don't fret! All it takes is time, and you have LOTS of that ahead of you!

Oh, and as far as bogart-removal tips, I've heard they have an aversion to Humpty-Dumpty jokes. That might do the trick.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Spare says time is the solution. But I say the solution is to keep trying and be a tiny bit forward.Someone eventually will like you...and then the sorting will begin much like a sorting hat where you sort the slimey slytherins from the sexy courageous Grifferins. (Please dont laugh at my atrocious spelling lol)

 

[Badjedidude]

Poe's Prodigy, you obviously have a good opinion of yourself, in a level-headed, very honest sort of way. That's awesome! So you definitely have no trouble getting friends or people to hang around with...it's just the romance that you're after.

I think Sophia's onto something. It may be that you've cultivated friendships with guys, yet never actually professed your interest to any of them. I don't know your entire situation exactly, but Sophia's right. If no one is seeking YOU out, you may need to take the first step and begin to aggressively (but not too aggressively ) show your interest in these guys.

----Steve

 

[nicbor]

That's good advice. Convention is that a girl should sit still and wait for a guy to make a move, but I feel that's increasingly old-fashioned. As equals, why shouldn't the girl be just as entitled as the guy to ask someone out?

Plus, you're still very young. It sucks to hear, but just be patient. Plenty of time to learn about relationships.

 

[Ekstra]

If you're sticking around here for a while, you'll notice that quite a few people are in the same position. It's difficult to get a whole understanding of another person from out encounters here but I always find myself stumped as to why people have such different experiences, that it just doesn't add up. I can definitely make a list of individuals I've met who don't seem to be getting the attention they deserve; I can't tell if it's something psychological, whether you're oblivious to your admirers or you just give off an aura that makes you seem unapproachable to others.

Edit: oh that's right, you're very young, so this is more or less typical for a girl your age; you're probably in the majority. Most of the time I see someone with this problem, they're 20-30s.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Becuase you put people in the friendzone..IDK
Every woman that I've been with...pretty much kissed me or held my hands on the first night.
My first GF was when I was 15. We got intruduce through a friend.
She pretty much gave all kinds of signs. She bascailly intiate body contacts and leaned into me over
and over again. So I got brave and held her or put my arms around her.
I bascailly got over my inviable wall of fears.
We didn't have sex but we made out a lot...not too much talking when we're together physically.
We talk alot when we were in the phone...just chit chat about anything.
When we get together...we pretty much just hang out in the pool, watch the sunset, played vedio games...
We didn't make out all the time. Just being in the moment with her and going with the flow.
When we wanna make out...we make out. It wasn't planned.
It was a kick ass summer...

Then later that years in HS. I had a girl that show interest in me. She too had to give me all kinds of clues
and kept giving signs...basicailly she came after me. hahaaaaa..she jumped through my bedroom window.
The reason why I'm like that...it's because the repect or whatever I have for women.
I'm not going to do anything to a woman unless she allows me. If i get to have a romantiuc relationship with her, it's becuase
she's allowing me to...so it takes me a while to read the signs becuase at first I'm thinking she's just being nice to me or just being freindly.


Nope both these girls weren't the cheerleaders. The girl next door type, reverve, down to earth, very intelligent, not flashy.. which I find very beautiful and sexy.

 

[kelbo]

The problem with being a girl who is seen as very chummy with guys is that you literally have to be a predator with the guys you do fancy. A little home truth I've learnt over the years...

 

[mr p]

Becuase you put people in the friendzone..IDK
Every woman that I've been with...pretty much kissed me or held my hands on the first night.

That's why I'm so tired of dating. So much stress; you've got to be very touchy and intimate in the beginning, or you simply stand no chance. Especially when dating sites are involved (Next please!).
The first meeting has to be perfect, even if you don't know whether you like her or not; you've got to put down all that effort just to get a chance to know her.
IT FEELS SO FAKE.

 

[Badjedidude]

The first meeting simply has to be perfect,

I disagree. Dates never have to be "perfect" at all. Expecting that a date has to be perfect puts a LOT of stress in the situation...and actually sabotages the date by making every little task or action you take during the date a huge challenge.

Don't look at a date as a time to meet a potential romance...look at it as a time to have fun with another human being. If you can reach that mindset and just relax, then I think you'll find that any date can be awesome if you're both enjoying yourself.

Just forget about impressing your date, forget about witty conversation, forget about your future and her future. Just have fun.

----Steve

 

[mr p]

I disagree. Dates never have to be "perfect" at all. Expecting that a date has to be perfect puts a LOT of stress in the situation...and actually sabotages the date by making every little task or action you take during the date a huge challenge.

Don't look at a date as a time to meet a potential romance...look at it as a time to have fun with another human being. If you can reach that mindset and just relax, then I think you'll find that any date can be awesome if you're both enjoying yourself.

Just forget about impressing your date, forget about witty conversation, forget about your future and her future. Just have fun.

----Steve

What you're saying sounds great, I just hope it's a strategy that works! Alright, you shouldn't really see it as a strategy I guess.
Though I think I'm getting there, or maybe I just don't care anymore about anything. Or maybe it's because I'm getting more and more people in my life.
I don't know which one it is really.
It's hard for me to have fun with a stranger though; I can't really relax and I probably come off as pretty reserved. When I've met someone at least once, it's so much easier. I don't really have a problem with flirting, it's just that I think it's so typical when a guy has to use all possible means to be all over a girl, like putting your arm around her the first time at the movies. It's... yuck.

Anyway, hopefully there's someone else that feels like this too.

 

[Badjedidude]

like putting your arm around her the first time at the movies. It's... yuck.

LOL I always thought that move was sooooo cheesy. But I guess sometimes chicks want cheesiness. *shrug* lol

----Steve

 

[Lonesome Crow]

First dates are awkward for both parties...
Lmao...the last time I went to the movies on the first date. I had my hand on her but it wasn't her shoulder.
It depends on the woman..i suppose. I simply put my hands on her knees and she didn't remove my hands from her knees.
She actaully leaned into me (giving me an ok sign) wrap her arms around mine then we held hands and whatever.
It was discrete...no one saw what we were doing nor did we made a scene...hahahaaaa it turned her on were i had my hand.
We kiss and stuff like that but we didn't have sex on our first date. The date wasn't perfect..the movies was a bit corney.
but she tolded me she wanted to see me again...relationship building. We went out on serveral more date...
She can easy be my wife today becuase our relationship didn't go beyound the dating and either one of us never actaully said
I don't want to see you again. She still say hello and hug me today everytime I see her.

I met her through actaully talking to her parents. I'm never met her parents before that moment either.
Then they introduced me to her. She and i chit chated for 10-15 mins and found each other interesting..rather then just
telling her I'll see her around or asking her for her number...I simply just asked her if she was bussied..if she wasn't,
then perhasp we can go grab something to eat or hang out at a coffee shop or see a movie. She said "yes"...
It was as simple as that. It wasn't planned or I asker her if she wanted to go out with me on a date.
I wasn't asking her 20 questions either. She simply talk to me about whatever and our conversations shifted to whatever.
Most of the time I was listening to her...building a repore..kind of like playing ping pong...back and forth...back and forth.

She didn't put me in the friendzone from the moment she met me.