sacks and sieves

[SpectacledScienceCat]

I'm alone with every part of myself that I don't want to be left alone with -- It's like everything once good about me got caught in this great big ******* mesh-wire sieve, leaving only the worst things to plummet through.

And this has been happening for a while. And it's becoming more and more difficult to find anything redeeming in myself.
All I am is my regret, my guilt, my shame, my despair.

I relate somewhat with Esther Greenwood when she describes her depression like ".....being stuffed farther and farther into a black, airless sack with no way out."
But it's not entirely like that, because sometimes it seems as if there actually is a way out -- It's just that I've struggled and struggled so much already that I don't know if I have the energy left to reach it.

And, everything just feels so wrong, because I shouldn't be here. I should be able to get myself out. But I can't.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Don't give up, like you said, sometimes it seems like there is a way out. Grab on to that and don't let go of it. You can pull yourself out if you want too, it might take every last bit of your strength and energy. Push all that stuff that feels wrong under you, step on it and bury it don't let it crush you.

 

[Vinan]

First off there is help there is many ways outs has well there is alot of hope and many futures so your future is very bright. You are a person of free will and you are very very important to this world. There is people that love you and ones that might very well depend on you thats very important so therefor you are a very extremely strong foundation for many things.

You say you have guilt. Forgive yourself then for whatever it is you have guilt over and reamember that you have forgiven yourself and all things have been made right. You don't need to depend on others to forgive you and if it helps I forgive and with my forgivness has anothers you don't need to wait on anyone elses.

You say you have shame. Do not worry about anything done in the past for whats in the past simply history now. What matters is your present and your future and here in your present and future you not only have forgivness. But you also have a new destiny one you can forge and one you can choose. You are a person who has indeed done good things in your life we all have our good. So let you good be what redeems you and your good out weighs anything you might be shameful of. So if your good and whatever your shameful of is small you can see your value is of good not of shame. So in this logic don't worry your have not shame you only are letting yourself worry about it. Just understand yourself and accept things don't beat yourself up over them.

You say you have Despair. Well your not alone we all have our share of negative stuff we got to deal with. Be it Physically,Mentally Or Emotionally. Every single person in this world deals with it every time it ever happens to them. So your in good company my friend. You got people you can talk to with about it there is alot of people who have gone through whatever despair you have gone through. There is understanding for you and help don't think you have been abandoned and don't think theres no help. There is many helpful and good people out there who want to help others and who can help you through yours whatever it maybe.

A doctor,A family member,This forum there is many good people out there we got your back and we don't abandon. You have us if you need us just come knocking and you will get and answer and even if you don't and all else fails. Keep knocking keep postin and keep trying has many times has you need till you find what your hoping and looking for.

 

[annik]

I can relate to this. I feel consumed by regret and guilt sometimes. I almost feel inhuman and see no way past it. The only way to survive is to not think and thats kind of what I've been doing for so long that now I can't do anything. I know I have to sort things out but that means thinking and thats so scary.

Hmm I always identied far too much with Esther Greenwood, there didn't seem anything wrong with her to me. Of course that says a lot.

I'm not really bringing any help and advice here am I so sorry about that.