Saying NO to loneliness! My Journal

[bender22]

Thank you lady and lostatsea! Receiving encouraging comments like that really helps me to stay motivated so I appreciate it.

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Body language and nonverbal communication is something I've been trying to work on lately batman.

I think there's some simple changes anyone can make that not only convey more confidence but actually make you feel more confident as well. Changing my vocal projection has helped me feel a lot more confident and I've found holding eye contact longer and not moving around too much when I'm talking to people.

These are just simple changes that anyone can make.

 

[bender22]

Take more risks!

I should probably be happy about my night out last night, I approached more girls than I do most nights out and I was pretty confident when talking to people but I still feel like I should’ve done more. I suppose it’s a good thing that I expect more of myself?

A few nights ago I got a message from the girl from my journal a few weeks ago, whom I referred to as ‘wing lady’ She said she was going out with some friends this weekend and asked if I wanted to meet up with them. Well of course if you have an opportunity to go out with a cute girl who can help you pick up other girls and may have hot friends you take it!

When I got into town I was walking around by myself looking for another friend. I started talking to some guy on the street for a while, he was cool and it helped me get into a more social mood. Then I ran into a few old friends from school and talked to them for a while. It was cool how confident I was talking to them and the other guy. Five years ago I never had that sort of confidence.

Winglady and her friends were at this loud dance club. While I was heading over there, I spotted these two girls who looked cute ahead of me. I ran after them to say hello, when I got closer to them I realised they were a bit older than me but I talked to them anyway. It actually started pretty well, one of them was on her phone but the other seemed really interested. We had a good conversation. Unfortunately the other one wasn’t so interested when she got off her phone and that kind of threw me off my game.

When I got to the club winglady was at, I started talking to two cute girls. It went alright initially, they were both friendly but I was playing it too safe and lost their attention. This is something I have to work on. I’m approaching more girls now and but I usually play it too safe and the interaction bombs very quickly. I need to get the confidence to take some more risks at night. I saw those girls a bit later on the dance floor and I told them to come over and meet my friends. We danced together for a while but again I played it too safe and they left.

I was sitting down with winglady and a few of her friends. One of the friends was talking to me and I’ve got into a habit of talking to almost all girls in a flirty way when I’m out at night, whether I’m attracted to them or not. Anyway my flirtiness must have been more effective than I had intended because she proceeded to make out with me. She wasn’t the best looking girl ever so I wasn’t too excited about this but I went with it.

Throughout the night I approached quite a few other girls. Most of these interactions didn’t last much longer than a minute or two though. It’s too hard to have a conversation with people in these noisy clubs and I can’t seduce girls with my terrible dancing skills haha so I never really know what to do after I say hi. Oh well, at least I stepped out of my comfort zone and approached them. And when the interaction didn’t go anywhere, I just laughed it off and didn’t let it bother me which was good.

So there were some positives to take out of the night. I was able to approach about 6 or 7 girls during the night, which is pretty good for me. I was also very confident talking to people when I wasn’t competing with deafening music. And I made a few new friends, I actually got along really well with one of winglady’s guy friends. But once again I feel like there were a lot of missed opportunities during the night and I didn’t take enough risks.

 

[bender22]

Happy New Year guys!

New Years Eve

The night began with a trip down to a local beach where they have fireworks and entertainment. I got there at about 9:30 and it was already packed. A couple of friends were down there so I caught up with them for a while.

My plan was to leave the beach fairly early and go to a house party about 30 minutes away where I would see in the new year. After I left my friends and was heading back to my car I spotted two girls standing together, one of whom was quite attractive, the other was average. There were a few girls I talked to earlier when I first got there but I wasn’t in the right state of mind yet at that point. Now that I’d talked to some people I was feeling more sociable so I had to go over and talk to them.

I told them they looked cool so I had to come over and wish them a happy new year. Looking back on this interaction, I am extremely happy with how it went to start off with. I was really confident, I held eye contact well and I did a great job at keeping the conversation flowing (which I usually suck at). After talking to them for about 20-30 minutes I realised it was getting close to midnight so I had to either leave them and go to the house party or stay with them until midnight.

Things were going really well with these girls and I thought I had a decent chance of getting a midnight kiss with the more attractive one so I decided to stay with them. I told them to come with me to this bar a few minutes away where I used to work. We all got a few drinks there and I was able to talk to some of my old workmates I hadn’t seen for a while.

Somewhere between leaving the bar and midnight I somehow lost all the attraction I had built with the more attractive girl. I’m not really sure what happened, before we were connecting really well, we were both having fun and I’d got her friend on my side too. Then suddenly she became really standoffish and unresponsive. There were a few things I know I could have done better but I didn’t think I did anything to cause such a drastic change in her attitude.

Strangely, as she became less interested in me, her friend seemed to become more interested in me. Anyway I stayed with them to watch the midnight fireworks. No midnight kiss for me After the fireworks, I said goodbye, we exchanged facebook details and I ran off to get to that house party as fast as I could. I got to the house party at about 1am. Not really anything exciting to report here. I was kinda awkward when I first got there because I didn’t know most of the people and everyone else had already been there most of the night.

I had a few good conversations with people there. There was one girl I was talking to who was kinda cute and we were alone at one point. If I’d had a few more minutes alone with her I’m sure I could’ve got a kiss but some of her friends came over and interrupted us.

So it may not have been the best new years eve ever but there were some good things to take away from it.

Anyway bring on 2014! I want this to be an awesome year where I change my life for the better!

 

[bender22]

My best day so far

Since starting this journal, Wednesday was probably the best day I’ve had.

Like I’ve said before, I generally don’t talk to many girls during the daytime, even though I would like to. Well Wednesday was a huge breakthrough.

A guy I met a few weeks ago said he would come into town and help me learn to meet girls during the daytime. He’s been doing it himself for a long time and as I witnessed yesterday, he’s pretty **** good at it.

Firstly we went into a bookstore and he spoke to a couple of girls in there and got me to join in. These were just some fun conversations to get the momentum going. A bit later we were walking along and stopped two girls who were German tourists. He spoke to one of them while I spoke to the other.

I hit it off pretty well with the girl I was talking to. I like European girls, they’re always so friendly. Even though I was probably a little nervous, I feel like I did well. I’ve never been very confident when it comes to asking for numbers or contact information but luckily Matt (the other guy) pushed me to ask for her number. They had mentioned going down to the beach the next day so I suggested I take her number and we could catch up at the beach. Her phone wasn’t working over here but she gave me her facebook.

I watched Matt stop another girl on the street, talk to her for about 10 minutes and get her number. This was great, because it made me see that talking to girls during the daytime is no big deal. I’m okay talking to girls at night now but talking to random girls during the daytime has always seemed really foreign to me, so this helped a lot.

Later while we were walking around Matt spotted a cute girl with bright red hair sitting by herself. He told me to go up and tell her how much I love red hair. I do it and she responds really well. After watching Matt do his thing, I just felt so much more relaxed and confident. Our conversation was light hearted and fun, which is perfect for daytime and there were no awkward pauses in the conversation.

If I could start up conversations like this regularly (which I proved to myself today, I am capable of) I have no doubt I could get a lot of phone numbers. I wanted to ask for this girls number but she was waiting for a friend and when the friend got there, I didn’t have the confidence to ask.

Next up, Matt got me to approach a girl and ask if she was German. Turned out she was Swiss. I had a fairly long conversation with her. From the outside it probably looked like a pretty bland conversation, but I was confident, leading the conversation and I didn’t freeze up and run out of things to say.

Later we spot a girl standing by herself, texting. Wow, she looked amazing. I walk up to her and tell her she can stop texting me because I’m already there. It’s amazing how not so long ago, the idea of approaching a random girl during the day and saying something like that would have been so far out of my reality.

She thought it was funny and it turned out to be a great ice breaker. One thing I’m really happy with is that I didn’t feel nervous at all talking to her, even though she was extremely attractive. I’m sure I could have asked for her number and I think she probably would have given it to me but I didn’t. She was probably a few years older than me and that was sitting in the back of my mind the whole time. That’s a stupid excuse, I should’ve asked for her number but besides that this was a great interaction.

Matt wanted me to come over and talk to these two girls we saw sitting together under some trees. Matt tried talking to one of them, the only thing I remember her saying was ‘ummm...this is my 50 year old mum here.’ Hahaha, well that was strange. We left.

That night I was working at a tennis tournament they have here. While I was on my break I was talking to a couple of other girls who were walking there. With my new found confidence it just felt so natural and easy talking to them. I was talking to them again last night too.

I really wanted to ask one of them for her number. She was cute and I felt like I’d built up a lot of attraction with her. I was going to talk to her again at the end of the night and ask for her number but she’d already gone and unfortunately that was the final night of the tournament.

So in that one day I feel like I took a huge step forward. I probably missed out on a few good opportunities to get numbers but the self belief and confidence I gained from it all are huge.

I know I’ve mostly focused on the girls I’ve talked to in this journal, but I feel like the confidence I’m building from all those interactions is carrying over into other areas of my life as well. And that is a big thing for me.

In just one day I made massive progress. So imagine how much progress I could make if I were to do that regularly. Now I need to be able to do this when I don’t have someone else there to push me.

I realise there are still a lot of things I could do better (like asking for numbers!) but I feel like these problems will autocorrect themselves as I gain more experience. They already are.

Taking action and actually seeing yourself improve is incredibly fulfilling. I still have a lot of work to do, but right now I’m full of optimism and I can’t wait to see what I can achieve in the next few months.

Working at that tennis tournament was a great experience too. I was able to speak to a lot of people and I also met a lot of high profile local celebrities and a couple of my favourite tennis players, which was cool.
2014 is of to a good start!

 

[ardour]

What courage. It makes me realize what a coward I am, never having approached women like this.

I'm amazed by the positivity you're getting in return, even without resulting hook ups. You aren't afraid of dirty looks or nasty comments made to their friends and that takes real fortitude.

 

[bender22]

Thanks ardour! I'd always been a huge coward for most of my life, when it came to approaching women. I was always terrified of those dirty looks and nasty comments and even now those fears still continue to hold me back a bit.

I went down to the shopping mall to try applying some of what I learnt from the other day. Nothing overly exciting happened and I didn't stay too long but it's all part of the process anyway.

One of the biggest things I took away from the other day is just how important it is to get warmed up and build some momentum. I already knew this is important and I've written about it in here, but the other day really confirmed just how important it is. If you go straight up to the first cute girl you see without talking to other people first, you probably wont be feeling very confident yet and it will be difficult to hold the conversation but by talking to several people first it seems to help give you access to the full range of your personality and it gives you a lot more confidence.

I think one of the best ways to achieve this during the day is by talking to people working in shops. Guys and girls, anyone you can talk to. So I went into several clothing stores and just started a bit of small chat with the people working in there.

At first I was feeling a bit awkward, I felt like I was forcing it too much. But I quickly got into a groove.

I had a look around Big W and as I was about to leave, I see a super cute girl at the entrance checking people’s bags as they left. She was holding some sort of childrens toy, it was like a big long plastic cylinder thing, I didn’t know what it was.

So I go up to her and ask her if she would use it to hit people if they tried shoplifting. She laughed. It turned out it was a kids water gun. I didn’t talk to her for too long because she was working, only a few minutes but I really enjoyed this conversation.

As I walked off the alarm actually went off but I kept walking because I didn't have any bags or anything on me and I assumed someone else had triggered it. (I wasn’t shoplifting haha) Afterwards I thought I should’ve turned around, gone back to her and told her how the alarm was some sort of sign that I should come back and get her number.

But it was too late. I need to learn how to think faster on the spot.

I only did one approach with a girl who wasn't working before I had to leave. There was a girl standing by herself waiting to order something in the food court. I went up and told her I liked her bright yellow shirt.

She seemed a bit shy but the conversation went alright. We spoke for a while but then when her food was ready she said goodbye. I probably should’ve pushed it a bit further and told her to stay and talk for another few minutes but I didn’t. No big deal, at least I did the approach. This is all about taking action and learning.

 

[bender22]

Daytime is more fun when you're meeting people

Alright, so another day of trying to meet girls during the daytime. Starting to feel a lot more comfortable doing this, which is awesome.

I met up with a guy from another forum who’s trying to learn to meet girls and is fairly new to it all like myself. That probably sounds strange meeting up with a random guy from online to meet girls with haha but I really wanted someone else to go out and practise this stuff with. I find it a lot easier to approach girls when I’m with somebody else. It’s always good to meet new people too, whether they’re male or female. And he turned out to be a pretty cool guy.

We started off with my warm up routine, just going into shops and starting up some small talk with people working.

After walking around for a while and going through my warm up routine I ended up approaching 3 girls. The first was definitely my best one. As we were walking, I spotted a cute girl walking by herself. She walked past us and I turned around and went after her.

She responded well and she turned out to be a really cool girl. We stopped and spoke for maybe 10 - 15 minutes. I felt like I was leading the conversation and building rapport well. Considering my lack of experience with this in the daytime and considering how shy and awkward I have been most of my life, I think I did a pretty **** good job.

I said to her we should stay in contact and she said she’d give me her facebook. I probably should have asked for her number but I settled for the facebook. I also made sure I gave her a hug when we said goodbye, which is something I haven’t had the confidence to do in my previous daytime interactions.

The second approach I did was alright. The girl was a bit shy and seemed a bit reluctant to talk but I pushed through her initial hesitancy and got her to open up a bit more. Unlike the first girl, I didn’t really connect so well with this one and I didn’t find her so attractive. I’m still glad I did the approach, it’s another good learning experience.

The final girl I talked to was walking along texting. I walked up and told her she could stop texting me because I was already there. I love this line haha and girls seem to find it funny. She was walking back to her work so I didn’t have much time to speak to her but the short interaction we did have was good.

So I’m starting to feel a lot more comfortable talking to girls during the day, especially if I have someone else with me to push me to do it. I’d like to start getting more numbers and dates from this but if I continue taking action like I am right now, I’m confident it’s just a matter of time.

 

[ladyforsaken]

So I’m starting to feel a lot more comfortable talking to girls during the day, especially if I have someone else with me to push me to do it. I’d like to start getting more numbers and dates from this but if I continue taking action like I am right now, I’m confident it’s just a matter of time.

I was just wondering how much more different you are feeling now that you've been working on talking to strangers. I wondered if you are more used to it now. Glad to see that you are becoming more and more confident each time.

 

[lostatsea]

Congrats bender! You're my hero. I know that for a lot of people it's just that initial fear stopping us from meeting tons of people and having great social lives. You're the perfect example. Just comparing your last post to your first one it's obvious how much has changed. I hope some point this year I gain the confidence to do something like this.

 

[bender22]

Yeah lady, it certainly feels a lot more natural talking to strangers now than it did a few months ago

Haha thanks lostatsea! And thanks for reminding me to re-read my first posts. You're right, I've already come a long way since then. I'd love to see you do something like this in 2014 too!

Friday night and Saturday arvo

I went out last night for a friend’s birthday. I’m not sure why but most of the night I was feeling rather tense and I found it hard to loosen up. I always tend to be a bit more introverted when I’m in a big group of people like I was last night too. That’s something I need to work on.

During the night I only spoke to a couple of girls and I wasn’t in the right frame of mind, so it didn’t go far. I did manage to have a bit of fun later in the night but most of the night I felt like I just wasn’t switched on.

Today I caught up with the guy from my previous journal entry again so we could practice talking to girls during the day again. I approached 4 girls while we were out. At the end of the day I felt a little dispirited but I should probably be focusing on the positive which is I approached 4 girls in one day. This journey is all about me taking action and I did that today, so yay for me!

Out of the four girls I talked to, one was just about to catch a bus, one was just walking back to work and one was sick so those interactions didn’t last very long. Although they were all fairly receptive when I approached them.

The fourth girl was sitting in the food court by herself. We spoke for a good 15-20 minutes and it went well. I found out she’s into working out and healthy eating like I am. It always makes these conversations a lot more interesting if you can find a commonality like that.

I told her we should stay in contact but she said she was engaged. The good thing was I didn’t let that phase me much, I just said oh that’s fine we can just be really good friends. So I still got her facebook.

Not a bad day. I like that I’m pushing myself out of my comfort zone a lot more now. I was probably a bit tired today after a late night last night, which didn’t do me any favours but in spite of that I still managed to have a few reasonable interactions. It also helps a lot having someone else pushing me to take action.

 

[bender22]

I must remain sangfroid

My new wingman and I decided to go out last night. As I’m walking to the pub we were going to, I spot two girls walking together. I go up and ask them where they’re heading to and suggest they should come to the pub I’m going to.

It doesn’t go very well….

They didn’t want to come where I was going and to make matters worse I hadn’t had a chance to get warmed up and I just froze up and didn’t know what to say or do. Then I was awkwardly walking along beside them, not saying anything and they eventually walk off in another direction. Probably the most brutal interaction I’ve had since I’ve been doing this!

It would’ve been easy to get down on myself and let it ruin my night after that but the great thing is I didn’t dwell on it at all. I barely even thought about it until this morning.

When we got there I spoke to a bunch German girls with my wingman. One of the Germans I spoke to was a super cute blonde. Definitely the most attractive in the group. We had a good chat but I didn’t push it far enough. I should’ve at least got her number, but I missed my opportunity.

After we left that pub we were walking around looking for somewhere else to go and I see my friend from uni (I’ll refer to her as uni girl) and her cute friend. For those who have been reading this, you may remember a girl I mentioned a while ago who I saw when I was out one night but she was just leaving. This is her. I’ll refer to her as short girl, because she’s about 5’3 aha, but very attractive.

Short girl and I have met a few times in the past and I have really wanted to hook up with her for a long time. I had a good chance once before but I blew it. So I was pretty happy to see her again.

We all decided to go to a new club together. On the way to this club and while we were lining up short girl and I were flirting with each other quite a bit. I felt like I was doing all the right things at this point. When we got inside the flirting continued. The problem was, I didn’t want to escalate things in front of uni girl but I couldn’t get them separated.

Finally I got them separated and I took short girls hand and kept flirting with her. We walked over to the bar but then uni girl was back. I had a golden opportunity to really escalate things while it was just me and short girl but I didn’t act fast enough. honeysuckle! That’s my lack of experience I guess.

Luckily uni girl is going out for her birthday next weekend and short girl will be there. So I have another chance. I’m sure if I play my cards right and don’t buckle under pressure, I can get short girl. I’ll just need more sangfroid next time (see below).


Sangfroid
n.
Coolness and composure, especially in trying circumstances.

That’s my word of the month. I must display more sangfroid in future!

 

[bender22]

More day time fun and an extremely frustrating night

Thursday
Went out Thursday arvo for a few hours with my new wingman again. I’m starting to enjoy meeting girls during the day, I find it a lot easier to talk to them during the day than at night. The only problem is so many girls you talk to during the day have boyfriends.

The first girl I talked to was cute but she told me almost immediately that she had a boyfriend. Another one I talked to did pretty much the same thing. No big deal, if you’re going to talk to a lot of girls during the day you have to expect that I guess.

There was another cutie I saw standing by herself. I go up and use my ‘stop texting me, I’m right here’ line. This is golden, everytime I’ve used this it’s worked well. I asked her what she was up to and she told me she was waiting for her mum and aunt who were in one of the shops. So I knew if I was going to get a number I would need to be quick.

Unfortunately I wasn’t quick enough. The short conversation we had was pretty good, I was making her laugh a lot and she appeared interested. I feel like I probably could’ve got her number if I’d asked for it.

Saturday night
Saturday night was unigirl’s birthday (unigirl from my last entry). We went to a cool new place in town. When I first got there, there were so many attractive girls and the ratio was surprisingly good too.

This would have been a prime opportunity to talk to some girls but I was being a little *****. I also had my eye on shortgirl again (shortgirl from my last entry). I thought I had a good chance with shortgirl but things didn’t pan out as well as I had hoped.

It was incredibly frustrating. She would flirt with me and give me all these signs she was keen but then she’d walk off and talk to the nearest random guy. This continued all night. I was pulling out my A-game too but it wasn’t enough to hold her attention for more than a few minutes at a time.

One second we’d be holding hands with our faces just inches apart and then the next second she’d take off and start talking to some random guy. It was bizarre, I’ve never experienced anything like this with a girl before. I’m not sure if she was trying to make me jealous or if she’s just an attention seeker. At one point she was even chatting up a police officer lol.

I was talking to another girl for a while,having a good conversation (my conversation skills are improving a lot) and shortgirl comes over and tries to drag me away to get me to come to the bar and get a drink with her. I just keep talking to the other girl.

When I’m out these days, I don’t let many things bother me but there was one incident that really got to me. Shortgirl and I were together at the bar and again she starts talking to a guy standing next to us.

This time I thought I’d try to have fun with it and just start talking nonsense to the guy. He was clearly attracted to shortgirl and I wanted to throw him off his game. I said something about the writing on his shirt and then I started asking him random stupid questions. He turned out to be a massive *********. He tried to tell me I had no chance with shortgirl and I should give up. We actually got into an argument.

Then I dropped the ball, I didn’t want to get in a fight or anything so I backed off a bit. I didn’t know how to handle the situation and I really screwed up. He asked shortgirl if she wanted to go and dance with him. She went with him and I just stood then and watched them walk off. I was absolutely fuming inside to see her walk off with this *******.

I’d like to be able to say this didn’t phase me but it did. Especially when I got home. The only positive I can take from it is I think I’ll be better prepared to handle a situation like that next time. I can learn from my mistakes.

There was actually another positive to take out of it. After that happened I was walking to another part of the bar where I ran into another girl from uni. I’d never spoken to her much at uni but I always thought she was really cute. I’ll refer to her as surfergirl because she was telling me about how she went surfing recently. I spoke to surfergirl and her friend for about 20 minutes. We had a really good chat, I enjoyed talking to her a lot more than shortgirl.

She said she was ready to leave and most of my friends had already left so I decided I’d leave too. I don’t know if shortgirl was still there, I didn’t really care. Surfergirl and her friend were getting a taxi back home, which was in my direction so we split a taxi.

I’m hoping I’ll have another chance to see surfergirl again soon because I really liked talking to her and she’s the type of girl I’d actually like to hang out with. We added each other on facebook so maybe I’ll try to organise something on there.

So besides seeing surfergirl again, it was rather frustrating night for me. I’m annoyed with myself for spending so much time chasing after shortgirl when I could’ve better spent that time talking to the other attractive girls there. I’m annoyed that I crumbled under pressure and let some ********* take off with the girl I wanted (I didn’t have enough sangfroid). I need to take experiences like that and use them to motivate me to lift my game in future and also learn from them.

This will definitely be the last time you hear of me chasing after shortgirl. She might be hot but I can’t deal with that again aha.

 

[ladyforsaken]

^ Interesting experiences there lol.

 

[bender22]

My highlight since starting this journal

The past week I’ve been in Hawaii on vacation with my family. I thought it would be an ideal opportunity to meet some new people and I was hoping my foreign accent might help me out lol.

The hotel we stayed at had free drinks and live music every evening by the pool. On the second night of our stay we went to watch the live music. When we got there, I spot a girl at one of the tables. We make eye contact and I smile at her. She was wearing a nice dress and looked amazing in it.

I sit down with my family at a table nearby her. I got up to grab some food and that girl walks over to get some food as well. For about 15 seconds she was standing right there next to me. I wanted to talk to her but I didn’t know what to say and before I got a chance she was walking back to her table.

For the next 10 minutes I was so angry at myself for not talking to her. I didn’t want to go over to her table because it looked like she was with her dad. So I was sure I had lost my chance. I asked my mum if she wanted to leave and get dinner. She said she wanted to stay to listen to a few more songs.

If we were going to stay I thought I may as well go back to get some more food and hope that girl would come over there too. And….she did!

This time I didn’t hesitate too much before speaking to her. I’d already blown one shot, I wasn’t going to waste this one too. We start talking and it went pretty well. It probably wasn’t my best conversational work, I didn’t say or do anything special but it was like we already had a connection. Probably because we had already make eye contact several times before we even spoke. I need to remember that...eye contact can be very powerful.

She was staying there for another 3 days, so we exchanged contact information so we could catch up some time before we left. It was a little bit strange chatting up a girl when my parents weren’t far away lol. Apparently my mum was watching the whole time aha.

I didn’t get a chance to see her the next day because we were both doing things with our families so we only had two days left. Those next two days we spent a lot of time together.

The two of us really clicked. It’s been a long time since I’ve met a girl I connected with as well as her. There were probably a few occasions where I reverted to my old awkward self but most of the time we spent together, I was confident, funny at times and able to make her feel comfortable. We clearly both liked each other.

On her last night there, we went for a walk down to the the beach together. This was the first time we’d been together alone, without lots of people and young children around. So it was my first good chance to get a little more intimate with her.

While we were on the beach we stopped for a while. It was a perfect opportunity to kiss her but I didn’t take it. I’ve never been good in these situations, especially when I’m completely sober. I had to at least kiss her before we said goodbye. She lives halfway around the world so if I didn’t do it now, it would probably never happen and I would regret it for a long time.

We walk back to the hotel. I told her to come up to my floor and took her to this balcony overlooking the ocean. It was starting to get late so this was definitely my final opportunity. Finally I made a move. We made out for quite a while. It was great, it’s so much better kissing someone you really like than a random girl who you barely know in a club.

I’m still annoyed with myself for not making a move earlier, that’s something I’ll need to be able to do in the future but it all turned out well. Out of all the girls I’ve met since starting this journal, she was by far the one I liked most. Unfortunately she lives on the other side of the world It would've been good if we'd had longer than two days as well.

It did get me thinking, what if I hadn’t spoken to her that evening? I was ready to leave, if my mum hadn’t convinced me to stay around a little longer I never would have spoken to her and would have missed out on all that. So what about all the other times I’ve seen a cute girl but haven’t had the balls to speak to her? All the times I’ve just walked away without taking a chance? How many other great experiences have I missed out on? Probably a lot. I have to remember in future that every time you take a chance and speak to someone, there’s a chance it could lead to something great.

I met some other great people while I was there and had some good conversations. I can honestly say my social skills have improved a lot since I began this journal. It feels more natural talking to new people now and I’m worrying a lot less about managing an impression when I talk to people, which is a problem I’ve always had.

 

[bender22]

Wow...awesome night

Before I went out last night I was still feeling tired after my travelling, I wasn’t intending to have a late night. On top of that, my eye had a stye in it and was all red so I wasn’t expecting this to be the best night.

I was just meeting up with one friend. He was already there when I got there and he was already talking to a group of three girls. The girls were all rather attractive, one was a tall blonde and the others were cute brunettes.

We were talking to them for about 10 minutes and the blonde said we should go to the club we went to for unigirl’s birthday a few weeks ago. We agreed. While we were walking to the club I was mostly talking to the brunette girls but when we got to the club the blonde girl and I got chatting.

When we got inside, blonde girl wanted me to buy her a drink. My number one rule when I go out is never buy girls drinks, especially if they ask you to. But this time, I thought I’d try a different approach. I said ‘yeah I’ll buy you a drink if you makeout with me right now.’ (I still love that I now have the confidence to even try something like that) At first she said she wouldn’t but she changed her mind pretty quickly. So I broke my rule and got her a drink. I think this worked because I said it with 100% conviction, if I’d had any hesitancy it probably wouldn’t have worked.

I was wondering if she’d just ditch me after she got her drink but she didn’t. We walked around the club together, danced and continued to make out a lot. I tried taking a few more risks. With a party girl like this, I think you have to take risks... if you play it safe she will get bored and find another guy. I started turning the conversation more sexual and when we were making out, I was sliding my hand down to her...behind. She liked it.

She wanted me to buy her another drink and I said no. We went to the bar and she ordered a drink for herself and told the bartender I was paying for it. I said I’m not and gave her a look like she was crazy lol. Eventually the bartender just took the drink away. At this point I thought it was probably over..she knew she wasn’t getting any more drinks from me and I’d made her look kinda stupid.

But about 10 minutes later she was back again and we continued where we left off And she stopped asking me for drinks.

I was talking to a friend of blonde girl for a while. We had a good interaction and she appeared really interested in me. I was thinking about asking for her number but blonde girl dragged me away and I didn’t see her again after that.

Later on, I saw a cute girl standing by herself on her phone. My friend said I should talk to her. I did and within about 30 seconds I could tell it was on. I grabbed her hand and took her over to the dancefloor with me. As soon as we got to the dancefloor we started making out. This was in less than 3 minutes after I first spoke to her. Pretty good for me.

For the next half hour, this girl and I were inseparable. I don’t think I could have got her off me even if I wanted to lol. She just kept kissing me, I barely had a chance to catch my breath aha. I didn’t want to play it too safe with this girl either, so while we were making out I was grabbing her bum and sliding my hand up her dress. I’m including these details just to show how much my confidence has increased. Even a few months ago when I started this journal, doing something like that in the middle of a nightclub would have been so far out of my comfort zone and I wouldn’t have even considered it. Also keep in mind, I hadn’t had much to drink so this wasn’t just liquid confidence.

Eventually her friends were leaving so she left with them. I got her number before she left.

After I decided to call it a night, I was walking back to the car and got a text from blonde girl. She’d gone to another place and said I should come. Meeting up with a girl this late in the night could possibly lead to good things so I tried to forget about my fatigue and began walking to the place she was at. Being so tired, I didn’t think to reply to the last text message she sent me. Rookie mistake. When I finally got to the place I texted her to ask if she was still there. She texted me saying she didn’t think I was coming so she was getting a taxi home.

I wonder what I missed out on

But besides that this was a great night. The past week or so has definitely filled me with a lot of optimism. I was beginning to become a little despondent from my lack of results but this last week has certainly changed that.

 

[hsp]

Wow...awesome night

Before I went out last night I was still feeling tired after my travelling, I wasn’t intending to have a late night. On top of that, my eye had a stye in it and was all red so I wasn’t expecting this to be the best night.

I was just meeting up with one friend. He was already there when I got there and he was already talking to a group of three girls. The girls were all rather attractive, one was a tall blonde and the others were cute brunettes.

We were talking to them for about 10 minutes and the blonde said we should go to the club we went to for unigirl’s birthday a few weeks ago. We agreed. While we were walking to the club I was mostly talking to the brunette girls but when we got to the club the blonde girl and I got chatting.

When we got inside, blonde girl wanted me to buy her a drink. My number one rule when I go out is never buy girls drinks, especially if they ask you to. But this time, I thought I’d try a different approach. I said ‘yeah I’ll buy you a drink if you makeout with me right now.’ (I still love that I now have the confidence to even try something like that) At first she said she wouldn’t but she changed her mind pretty quickly. So I broke my rule and got her a drink. I think this worked because I said it with 100% conviction, if I’d had any hesitancy it probably wouldn’t have worked.

I was wondering if she’d just ditch me after she got her drink but she didn’t. We walked around the club together, danced and continued to make out a lot. I tried taking a few more risks. With a party girl like this, I think you have to take risks... if you play it safe she will get bored and find another guy. I started turning the conversation more sexual and when we were making out, I was sliding my hand down to her...behind. She liked it.

She wanted me to buy her another drink and I said no. We went to the bar and she ordered a drink for herself and told the bartender I was paying for it. I said I’m not and gave her a look like she was crazy lol. Eventually the bartender just took the drink away. At this point I thought it was probably over..she knew she wasn’t getting any more drinks from me and I’d made her look kinda stupid.

But about 10 minutes later she was back again and we continued where we left off And she stopped asking me for drinks.

I was talking to a friend of blonde girl for a while. We had a good interaction and she appeared really interested in me. I was thinking about asking for her number but blonde girl dragged me away and I didn’t see her again after that.

Later on, I saw a cute girl standing by herself on her phone. My friend said I should talk to her. I did and within about 30 seconds I could tell it was on. I grabbed her hand and took her over to the dancefloor with me. As soon as we got to the dancefloor we started making out. This was in less than 3 minutes after I first spoke to her. Pretty good for me.

For the next half hour, this girl and I were inseparable. I don’t think I could have got her off me even if I wanted to lol. She just kept kissing me, I barely had a chance to catch my breath aha. I didn’t want to play it too safe with this girl either, so while we were making out I was grabbing her bum and sliding my hand up her dress. I’m including these details just to show how much my confidence has increased. Even a few months ago when I started this journal, doing something like that in the middle of a nightclub would have been so far out of my comfort zone and I wouldn’t have even considered it. Also keep in mind, I hadn’t had much to drink so this wasn’t just liquid confidence.

Eventually her friends were leaving so she left with them. I got her number before she left.

After I decided to call it a night, I was walking back to the car and got a text from blonde girl. She’d gone to another place and said I should come. Meeting up with a girl this late in the night could possibly lead to good things so I tried to forget about my fatigue and began walking to the place she was at. Being so tired, I didn’t think to reply to the last text message she sent me. Rookie mistake. When I finally got to the place I texted her to ask if she was still there. She texted me saying she didn’t think I was coming so she was getting a taxi home.

I wonder what I missed out on

But besides that this was a great night. The past week or so has definitely filled me with a lot of optimism. I was beginning to become a little despondent from my lack of results but this last week has certainly changed that.

Genuinely impressive. Good work

 

[The Underdog]

For valliant efforts in your young life, I award you the Honour of Contra-Tactics in the Battle of Loneliness and Other Conditions. May you live long and reign for an eternity (or until I'm ready to become Emperor of Everything).

Seriously though, nice work. Keep it up!

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[bender22]

Thanks guys! Haha underdog, I am honoured to receive the Honour of Contra Tactics in the battle of loneliness and other conditions.

Last minute search for a valentine

I was at the local shopping centre yesterday and thought it would be a good opportunity to find myself a valentine. It took me a long time before I was able to summon up the courage to talk to any girls. I'm not sure if that was because I couldn't find many or if I was just too scared.

I saw a girl walking by herself. I went up to her and opened with 'hey, would you like to be my valentine?' (In a half serious, fun kind of tone). She laughed but had a boyfriend.

Second girl I talked to had a boyfriend.... Third girl I talked to had a boyfriend. (Worst thing about meeting girls during the daytime, so many have boyfriends)

The fourth and final girl I talked to was a really cute blonde girl sitting by herself in the food court. I went over to her, sat down and opened with 'hey I thought you looked cool so I had to come over and ask you to be my valentine.' It turned out she had a boyfriend too but she thought it was hilarious. We had a really fun conversation. I somehow got her to call one of her one of her single friends and ask her to be my valentine haha. Unfortunately the friend said no. Not that I was really expecting a yes from some girl who had never seen or spoken to me lol.

So even though that girl had a boyfriend I still had a lot of fun talking to her and she had fun too. Before I left I got her facebook.

Anyway, looks like it will be a lonely valentines day for me

 

[bender22]

A fairly uneventful Saturday night

Decided to go into town Saturday night with a couple of other guys. One was my wingman I’ve talked about in other journals and the other was a friend of his who’s trying to learn to get better with girls like us.

They were late getting there, so I went straight into the bar to wait for them. There were a lot of attractive girls around who I should’ve been talking to but I kept making excuses in my mind. I was wondering around for ages without talking to anyone. What’s frustrating is I feel like I’ve come a long way over the past few months but I’m not reaching my full potential because I’m still not talking to enough girls. Especially at night. If I really want to speed up my progress, I should be approaching at least 10 girls every night I go out. If I approached 10 girls every night I’m certain at least 1 or 2 of them would like me, which would make every night more exciting and I would also learn a lot faster.

Finally I saw a group of three girls sitting together so I sat with them and struck up a conversation. Probably because I hadn’t spoken to many people yet, I was kinda off my game. I was making them laugh and building some rapport but it may have come across as if I was trying too hard.

Later, after the other guys had arrived, my wingman and I spotted two girls together. My wingman and I decided to approach them together. I was talking to one of the girls and it was going pretty well until their friend came over and wanted to go somewhere else.

After leaving the bar we went to this park which is set up like a carnival this month. There’s rides, sideshows, booze and lots of people there. Pretty good place to meet some people. One of the other guys started talking to two girls. One of the girls looked a bit young and not really my type but the other one was cute... great body.

We were having a fun interaction with these girls. I was starting to feel more comfortable and social. My previous interactions during the night just felt off, I was struggling to find things to say and I probably wasn’t in the right mindset. This still wasn’t my best work but it was a lot better.

These were classic party girls, a little bit crazy but definitely up for a good time. The only problem was they were both 17. For a while it was just me and the cuter girl together. Her friend had gone off to the bathroom and I don’t know where the other guys had gone. She definitely seemed interested in me, she added me on facebook. But I felt reluctant to escalate the interaction, knowing she was 17.

One way to make yourself a lot more memorable to a girl and increase your chances seeing her again is doing something spontaneous with her. (Not that I have any intentions to see this girl again, but it’s good practice at least) So I suggested we go on one of the rides together. She agreed. The ride was terrifying haha. But it definitely made the interaction more fun, it probably made her a lot more comfortable with me and you can guarantee she’s going to remember me better than the most of the other guys who hit on her and just have a boring conversation with her.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted to push things further with her but I thought it was probably best not to. Perhaps if she’d been a few months older, this may have been a more interesting story.

I went home fairly early because I had to get up early in the morning. So I can’t say I was very satisfied with this night. On the plus side, I did talk to a few girls and had one decent interaction but at this point I expect a lot better of myself. There’s a lot of things I could’ve done better during the night. Right from the beginning of the night when I was lining up there were a couple of guys lining up behind me, I should’ve spoken to them. At least that would have helped me to loosen up and I would’ve felt better about approaching other people afterwards. I think I’ve become a bit complacent the past few weeks, it's time to lift my game!

 

[bender22]

Hey guys, I'd like to ask those of you who read this for some advice/opinions on something. And apparently people do read this..I'm flattered that this journey of mine has been interesting enough to accumulate over 1100 views. Just knowing that people are interested enough to read these stories gives me extra motivation to keep going!

Anyway, onto my problem. Firstly I'll give you some background information.

It's O Week (Orientation Week) at the local universities this week. So I went down to one of the uni campuses in the city to have a look around yesterday. I spoke to a few guys and girls while I was there. One girl was standing by herself, she looked cute so I had to talk to her.

The interaction went well. She was really friendly and open to having a chat. After talking to her for about 10 minutes I wanted to ask for her number. But then she asked how old I was. I've just turned 22 and I thought she looked about the same age as me.

Turned out she was 26. I thought she probably wouldn't be interested in a guy 4 years younger than her so I just asked for her facebook instead of the number.

I wasn't expecting to hear anything from her but later that evening I got a message from her saying it was nice to meet you. We exchanged a few messages after that.

If that was a girl the same age or younger than me, I'd take that as a green light to ask her on a date. But because of the age difference I'm hesitant to.

She did seem like the type of girl I would connect well with, she was fairly attractive, we had a good conversation and there must have been some attraction if she sent me a message...right??

So what do you think guys? Should I try to set up a date? If anyone has any similar experiences to share, please do. Females who read this...have you dated guys younger than you or would you be open to? Any input would be appreciated.