Saying NO to loneliness! My Journal

[bender22]

So I'm now in a relationship! N and I had the chat last week.

It took me a lot of thought to decide whether I'm ready for a relationship at this point in my life. Now I'm happy with this outcome. Feels like a new chapter in my life. I know I'm going to learn a lot about myself in this relationship. I also felt like I needed to learn how to be in a relationship. This is pretty new territory for me.

Honestly I don't see myself in this relationship forever. I know there's going to be a time where I want to be single again. But right now I'm having a great time with this girl and I'm going to enjoy the ride.

I'm determined to find a healthy balance between my relationship, career, social life and my own development. That's going to be crucial. If I can't find a good balance then I'm not sure if the relationship will work.

Going to reflect on 2015 and post up a review of the year within the next week.

 

[Volt]

Congratulations, Bender.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey, good news to read, bender. Congrats. I'm happy for you, I hope it works out well for a long long time for the both of you. Best wishes.

 

[bender22]

Thanks Volt and LF

2015 Review

My year in a nutshell - travelled to the US, partied in some of the coolest clubs in Vegas, came back home and went out A LOT, talked to lots of girls, hooked up with more girls than I ever have before, got more focused on my career and life outside girls, got into my first 'real relationship.'

So 2015 was a pretty good year, which I'll have some amazing memories of. This journal is about improving my success with girls and my social life. In that regard, 2015 was undoubtedly the best year I've ever had.

In just the first half of 2015, I kissed more girls than I'd kissed in all the other years of my life combined. I slept with more girls than I ever have in my life. I approached more girls than I ever have before. I got a lot of numbers. And I found a pretty awesome girlfriend.

Highlights

Going out in Las Vegas - going out to nightclubs in Las Vegas four nights in a row was an incredible experience. The clubs were amazing, I saw some of the best DJ's in the world and some of the hottest girls I've ever seen. It also gave me a whole new appreciation for what's possible. I saw guys with totally different mindsets to most of the guys at clubs back home. Some of these guys had really good game. And I saw how much more guys approach girls than back at home. Would love to go back one day.

April - June - man, I had some good nights out over this period. Almost every night I went out, something cool happened. The momentum kept building up. I've never had a time in my life where I got so much good attention from girls. A couple of the best nights were:

5/3/15 (Saturday night) - I would consider this the best night out I've ever had. I made out with two cute girls, got several numbers and had some awesome interactions. There's been a few nights where I felt like I was really in the zone but probably never as much as this night. It felt a little bit like I was drunk but I could think clearly and felt even better (and still felt good the next day). I still remember at the end of the night when I was walking back to my car. Even though I wasn't going home with anyone I had the most amazing feeling of satisfaction. I felt like I'd just won the world cup. It was incredible.

5/30/15 (Friday night) - My friend Patty and I had some pretty fun nights out during the year but I think this was the one that stands out the most. I remember approaching two girls who made eye contact with me, putting my arms around both of them, talking to one then turning to the other and making out with her. Then later approaching a really attractive girl who was with two guys and having her love me. And at the end of the night being totally in the zone and approaching one of the most attractive girls in the club and getting her number. If I was watching another guy have a night like that, I would be very impressed. The cool thing was how I really put my ego aside that night and wasn't afraid to do a lot of things I normally wouldn't do.

Meeting my girlfriend - as much as I had a lot of fun going out meeting new girls every week, it's been great having one special girl to spend more time with and get to know on a deeper level.

Plans and goals for 2016

Building my social circle - although I met a lot of people in 2015, I didn't make a lot of close new friends. Now that I've got the dating side of things taken care of for now, I want to direct more focus to my social life. I said a few months ago, I want to bring amazing people into my life. That will be one of my big goals for 2016. And I want to be confident in any social situation, not just in bars and night clubs.

One of my goals for 2015 that didn't happen, was to host a party with 20+ people. That's something I'd like to do in the new year.

Greater emphasis on my career - right now I'm working two jobs. One that I love but doesn't give me many hours and another one that gives me more hours but I hate. I want to do work that I enjoy in 2016. There's nothing worse than waking up in the morning and dreading going to work. I'm sure if I were to take the same focus and energy I have put into developing my dating life and put that into my career, I could go a long way in one year.

Find a new hobby - going out every weekend and talking to girls has been a big part of my life the past two years. It's something I would usually look forward to and also gave me some sense of purpose and achievment. Now that I have a girlfriend and I'm not doing that anymore, it feels like something is missing. In 2016 I want to find something to replace that. Something that will allow me to build a new skill set and something I can look forward to. It would be great if it was something I could involve my girlfriend in too and if it had a social aspect to it, that would be ideal.

I'm not sure what that something could be yet. Maybe a social sport. One of my friends has taken up tango dancing and is really enjoying it. Not sure if that would be for me but could be worth a try. If anyone has any ideas, let me know.

Happy new year to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has read my journal this year and commented on it. It's definitely helped to keep me motivated, knowing there are people following this.

And if you're not satisfied with the position you're in with your dating life, make 2016 the year you change that. I know it probably won't happen, but it would be awesome to see someone else start their own journal like mine on here in the new year.

Cheers,
Bender

 

[bender22]

Thought I'd come back here to give you guys a quick update on how things are travelling and also to share some ideas that have become a lot clearer to me since being in a relationship.

My relationship is going pretty well. We've had some ups and downs and there are certain things about being in a relationship I find frustrating. But the relationship is giving me a better understanding of myself and I think I'm learning a lot more about females than when I was single. In a relationship you learn things about the other person that you couldn't possibly learn from short, casual encounters when you're single.

I've learnt that females are extremely emotional creatures. Far more so than men. Yeah I'd heard this before but I never fully got it until now. I think my girlfriend has some deep emotional issues which are probably very common to twenty-something women. I'm not exactly sure how to handle this yet.

One thing that has become very clear to me lately is just how important abundance is.

When I was single, I would watch pick up videos that would talk about this concept of abundance and an abundance mindset. It sort of made sense - when you live in a world of abundance it takes you out of neediness. Girls don't like needy guys, so this is a good thing. That's how I interpreted it.

And that's definitely true but now it's sunk in that abundance means so much more than that.

Abundance means you're not limited - you have options available to you. The opposite of abundance is scarcity. Abundance could apply to girls, friends, job opportunities, resources.....

If you're in a place of scarcity, not abundance, you will settle. I don't only mean settling for someone you're not happy with. I mean settling for bullshit, settling for breaches of trust, settling when certain boundaries are crossed.

There have been times in my relationship when my girlfriend has said or done things that I didn't really approve of. If I was in a place of scarcity, I would just accept these things. Guys who don't have abundance will settle for all sorts of bullshit from girls because they are so afraid they wouldn't be able to find a better girl.

For me, I know if worst comes to worst and I have to break up with my girl or if she breaks up with me, I can be confident I would be able to find another girl. That's abundance and it gives me the confidence to stand up for myself and have my own boundaries.

Abundance will give you the confidence to walk away from a negative relationship, end a bad friendship, turn down a job offer that is less than you deserve or stand up for yourself to a boss who's crossing the line.

With a lack of abundance you will settle for less than you deserve and it will eat away at you and destroy your happiness. Now I can recognise times this has happened to me before.

That's why I think it's so important for guys to learn how to attract the women they want. If you can't do that, you will never have abundance and I don't think it's an understatement to say that could ruin your life.

I suppose one alternative is to become extremely content with being alone. But if you do that you will be missing out on one of the best things you can have in your life and probably always wonder what could have been.

In short - learn how to be successful with women (or men, if you're a woman reading this). If you don't, you're in for a lot of pain.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Happy to see you back with good news about your relationship, bender! Hope it continues to go well and yes, women can be very emotional people. Gotta tread carefully! (just kidding)

Anyway, best wishes to you. I hope you'll continue to learn more about yourself and the interaction you have with people to be able to better yourself as a whole. Take care! *hug*

 

[Xpendable]

"Saying NO to singlehood" would be a more appropiate name.

 

[bender22]

One of the coolest things about creating a journal is reading about these stories again a few years later.

Some of the best memories of my adult life so far are contained in this journal. It's amazing to read over them.

It reminds me how much fun getting outside of your comfort zone and be social can be. Even for an introverted guy...

I've said words to this effect many times in this thread before but I have to say it again. To any guys reading this right now who are introverted, shy and aren't satisfied with their social and dating life...

Please read over this journal then go out and do it yourself. If you don't, you will miss out on one of the most rewarding, challenging, fun and character building experiences a naturally introverted guy could possibly have.

Starting this journal and making the commitment to improving my life was definitely one of the best decisions i ever made.

And as for me now, I'm still in a relationship. Which is going very well. I've been very focused on building my own business over the past six months. That has made me a bit more reclusive than i should be. Reading this journal is a good reminder to get out and keep meeting new people and to stay in touch with old friends.

 

[ladyforsaken]

bender22! It's so good to see you back on here and so glad to see you're doing well over there.

What sort of business are you building on?

 

[bender22]

Thanks LF! Hope you have been well

It's a marketing agency, specialising in social media for local businesses.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Thanks, bender. I wish you all the best on your business adventure!

 

[bender22]

Anyone who was subscribed to this thread or used to read it, I've started another journal. Take a look at it here: https://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=39154