Saying NO to loneliness! My Journal

[Xpendable]

Shopping malls, gyms, libraries, university campuses, book stores, parks, events, beaches, airports....

Those are places with a purpose which is not socializing. Have you ever realized that social interaction is always a byproduct of more primal needs? but never happens in a vacuum? Or you get socialization from doing something else or you're predisposed to socialize, but is never unintended.

 

[Batman55]

I was thinking more about why I have gravitated towards bars and nightclubs for meeting girls. A big part of the reason I believe meeting girls at night has such great appeal is the potential for instant gratification. You can go out and meet a girl, be kissing her within minutes then have sex with her that same night. Ultimate instant gratification. When you go out to meet girls during the day, that's probably not going to happen. I guess it could but it's unlikely.

I'm sure you've gotten some numbers from day game at least, though? Some decent outcomes?

 

[bender22]

Those are places with a purpose which is not socializing. Have you ever realized that social interaction is always a byproduct of more primal needs? but never happens in a vacuum? Or you get socialization from doing something else or you're predisposed to socialize, but is never unintended.

Not sure what you're getting at.

I'm sure you've gotten some numbers from day game at least, though? Some decent outcomes?

Yes, definitely. I just meant you're probably not going to walk up to a girl and makeout with her during the day or meet a girl at the shops and take her back to your place. Day game is more of a slow process. I guess day game does offer quick gratification in the form of numbers but anything beyond that you're probably going to have to wait for another day, whereas you can move beyond the number very quickly when you meet a girl at a bar or nightclub.

 

[bender22]

Friday

Only did a couple of approaches Friday night in the short time I was out. Approached a group of two girls not long before leaving. Got talking to one of them for a while and although I didn't get her number or anything it gave me a lot of confidence. The interaction felt a lot more solid on my end than most of my interactions recently.

Saturday

I wanted to do another solo night on Saturday but ended up bumping into all these other guys I know. I probably should have written this up yesterday while my memory of the night was fresher but I'll try to remember what I can. When I was lining up to go inside, I got chatting to the guy lining up behind me. Good reminder to be social with everyone, not just cute girls. Later when I was inside, I saw this guy again and he introduced me to all his friends who I talked to for a while. That's what this is all about, meeting new people.

The first few girls I talked to were from interstate and on a netball trip. They both went alright. The second one was pretty nice and I talked to her for a few minutes but let the interaction just fizzle out.

There was a cute blonde on the dancefloor who was looking at me as I walked towards her. I stopped her and asked if she liked Taylor Swift. She was going to the bar to get a drink so I went with her. I talked to her for a while at the bar but let if fizzle out again after a few minutes.

Can't remember much more. Probably did 7-8+ approaches. Decent night.

Sunday

Sunday night was definitely the most fun I've had on a night out in a while. Met up with Patty at a club by the beach and it was packed. Talked to the girl behind us as we lined up. As soon as we got inside I thought it would be a good night. So many hot girls around.

I approached two girls and convinced one of them I was a rapper lol. She was really cute and seemed to like me. I was talking to them for 5 minutes or so and went with them to meet the rest of their friends. She was going to get a drink so I told her I'd find her later. I was looking for her later but couldn't find her. I did see her later while I was talking to a different girl but didn't want to eject from the interaction I was in to talk to her.

Asked a girl if she knew what 'netflix and chill' meant.

Walked past two girls and one of them slipped over and fell over on her butt. When her friend picked her up I went over and asked her if she was okay and if her butt was sore. She said it was sore so I asked her if she wanted me to rub it for her. Not sure what she said but I rubbed her butt anyway haha. Her friend thought it was hilarious. Most nights I probably wouldn't dream of rubbing a girl's butt after she fell over but I was feeling so good and confident that it wouldn't have felt right not to rub her butt. Talked to them for a bit then bailed.

It was really easy to start up interactions with girls because everywhere I went there were girls looking at me and smiling at me, basically inviting me to approach them. Girls can definitely sense when you're having fun and feeling confident. It's always the nights when I'm having a lot of fun when I get a lot of girls checking me out. I did talk to a lot of these girls who I got eye contact from but missed a few good opportunities.

Best interaction of the night was a girl with a birthday sash on. I wished her a happy birthday then got chatting to her about traveling. Talked to her for about 20 minutes then Shane came over and I introduced her to him and they chatted for a while as I spoke to one of her friends for a while. I went back to the first girl and talked to her for a another 15 minutes or so then she said she was going to the toilets and she gave me her phone to put my number in. I put my number in and called my phone so I had hers. Solid interaction. It was cool how I blended into her circle of friends too.

I danced with her and her friends later on the dance floor for a while. Probably should have dragged her away from her friends and given her a birthday kiss.

I was walking near two girls and saw one of them look at me and smile. She was short and blonde, her friend was tall and brunette. Before I got a chance to approach them, another guy grabbed them. I stopped near them and the short blonde looked back at me a few times. When the guy who talked to them left I swooped in and talked to them. I talked to the tall brunette first. Probably should have spoken to the short blonde instead. The brunette was trying to get me to pay for their drinks. I tried the 'I'll get you drinks if you makeout with me' trick but she said she couldn't because she was seeing someone. She said she'd give me a kiss on the cheek though. Lol no thanks.

Girl was giving me eyes on the dance floor and I pointed at her took her hand then realised she wasn't as attractive as I first thought so I didn't go any further with that one.

Talked to quite a few other girls during the night. Probably my best night out since May/June when I was doing really well. There are some nights I forget about pretty quickly because nothing interesting happened but this night I will probably remember for a long time. That should be one of my main goals - to make my nights out memorable (for the right reasons).

 

[bender22]

Saturday night

Got into town and bumped into some guy I'd met once before. He was very socially awkward, can't remember if I was ever that bad. I talked to a group of three really cute girls on the street and this guy chimed in and scared off the girls.

Shane got there and we went to a new club we hadn't been to before, it was pretty good..plenty of cute girls. We talked to a birthday girl out the front and I saw her inside a few times later in the night. I was dancing with her later in the night and probably could've made out with her but didn't go for it.

There were two girls inside and I approached them. I talked to the more attractive one and Shane took the not so attractive friend. Mine was a little shy but friendly. It was hard to talk to them because it was loud in that spot and Shane's girl was giving him nothing so we bailed after a few minutes. A bit later I saw the girl I was talking to talking to another guy. He just stuck in there and ended up making out with her. I was disappointed in myself for not doing the same.

A few girls I talked to during the night showed plenty of interest in me but I missed the window of opportunity every time by not doing anything. All I needed to do was drag them to the dance floor to dance with them or to a quieter spot away from the girl's friends. Need to be more assertive and make sure I'm moving things forward when the girl appears to be interested.

At the end of the night, I was walking back to my car and who do I see? The cute, shy girl I talked to earlier. She was by herself. I stopped her and talked to her. Her friend had gone home so it was just her now. I said I was hungry and suggested we get food and she agreed to come along. We went to a place nearby to get food and spent at least half an hour in there chatting, it was like a mini date. She was still shy and a bit awkward but friendly. Bit different to the girls I usually meet at night. I was able to get her to open up more and after a while she became quite talkative. It was about 3:30am when we left the food place and I was getting tired and ready to go home. Maybe I should have walked with her back to her car and tried to escalate from there. I got her number then gave her a quick kiss goodbye.

 

[Batman55]

[size=medium]Saturday night

Got into town and bumped into some guy I'd met once before. He was very socially awkward, can't remember if I was ever that bad. I talked to a group of three really cute girls on the street and this guy chimed in and scared off the girls.

At least you could have told him "here's what you did wrong,".. eh?

 

[M_also_lonely]

But what would you talk to them?

 

[Xpendable]

Those are places with a purpose which is not socializing. Have you ever realized that social interaction is always a byproduct of more primal needs? but never happens in a vacuum? Or you get socialization from doing something else or you're predisposed to socialize, but is never unintended.

Not sure what you're getting at.

Would you talk to those women if you couldn't get anything from it?

 

[bender22]

At least you could have told him "here's what you did wrong,".. eh?

I did say something to him about his tone of voice. Didn't see enough of him in action to offer much more feedback. Also when I say he scared the girls off, it probably wasn't entirely his fault. They were the type of young girls with very short attention spans who probably would have run off eventually even if he hadn't been there.

Would you talk to those women if you couldn't get anything from it?

You can almost always get something from talking to a woman even if it's just a learning experience.

 

[Xpendable]

You can almost always get something from talking to a woman even if it's just a learning experience.

What have you learned?

 

[BeyondShy]

If Bender ever writes a book I'm buying it.

 

[Xpendable]

If Bender ever writes a book I'm buying it.

It would be a very lineal book.

 

[bender22]

What have you learned?

Have a read through the last 19 pages. There are loads of lessons I've learned in those 19 pages.

 

[Xpendable]

Have a read through the last 19 pages. There are loads of lessons I've learned in those 19 pages.

What you do is to describe what happens but rarely come up with any insight of interest. It's mostly "I should have done that" or "I shouldn't have done that" based in the experiences you get. You previously told me about all the places to meet women but apparently you go mostly to clubs. You describe how a conversation went with women but not about the topic itself. You approach women when their looks attract you and expect me to believe you care about what they have to say? Next time you should go to a place with no one is inebriated and looking to hook up, where no one is particularly attractive and see what happens. No wingman or alcohol, no "cute girl this or that" and maybe you could learn something different.

 

[bender22]

Have a read through the last 19 pages. There are loads of lessons I've learned in those 19 pages.

What you do is to describe what happens but rarely come up with any insight of interest. It's mostly "I should have done that" or "I shouldn't have done that" based in the experiences you get. You previously told me about all the places to meet women but apparently you go mostly to clubs. You describe how a conversation went with women but not about the topic itself. You approach women when their looks attract you and expect me to believe you care about what they have to say? Next time you should go to a place with no one is inebriated and looking to hook up, where no one is particularly attractive and see what happens. No wingman or alcohol, no "cute girl this or that" and maybe you could learn something different.

You obviously haven't read through the 19 pages. Go back to last year when I was going out during the day almost every week and meeting girls.

There's plenty of stories about me talking to girls at university campuses and shopping malls and getting phone numbers or facebooks in those places. There's stories in here about me meeting girls at airports and the gym.

There's a story in here about a girl who I started talking to while I was waiting to cross the street (during the day) and ended up getting her number.

There's a story in here about a girl I approached while I was at the shopping mall and ended up hanging out with her just a few hours later.

There's a story in here about when I was eating lunch in a park and saw two girls sit down over the other side of the park. I finished my lunch, walked all the way over to them, talked to them for 20 minutes and got their facebook details.

There's a story in here about a model I approached outside a train station while I was waiting for a date.

There's a story about the time I met a girl at the hotel I was staying at and she was one of the best girls I've ever met.

If you don't want to go out to bars and nightclubs that's fine. But don't tell me you can't meet women in other places. And if you want me to write in more detail about something in my reports, just ask me. I've asked for feedback before on what people would like me to write about.

 

[Xpendable]

You obviously haven't read through the 19 pages. Go back to last year when I was going out during the day almost every week and meeting girls.

There's plenty of stories about me talking to girls at university campuses and shopping malls and getting phone numbers or facebooks in those places. There's stories in here about me meeting girls at airports and the gym.

There's a story in... There's a story in ...

I've read it, that's why I say "mostly" to clubs.

Question: What's the first thing that makes you want to talk to an specific woman?

 

[Batman55]

I've read it, that's why I say "mostly" to clubs.

Question: What's the first thing that makes you want to talk to an specific woman?

I'll admit there's an element of shallowness in some of his posts, perhaps "all" if you're conservative, perhaps "none" if you're very liberal... but if you're going to try and take the high moral ground here, you need to be able to say with a straight face that your thoughts on relationships are completely pure and altruistic, which I don't think you (or anyone) truly can.

 

[bender22]

I've read it, that's why I say "mostly" to clubs.

Question: What's the first thing that makes you want to talk to an specific woman?

Then why does it matter if I mostly go to clubs to meet girls these days? Does that make my suggestion of other places to meet women any less valid?

There is no one thing that makes me want to talk to a girl. Sometimes it's her looks, sometimes it's that she looks approachable, sometimes it's that she's just close by and I want to talk to someone.

I got into this because I wanted to be able to attract the best quality women into my life. Not just any average girls. And when I say the best quality, yes looks are a part of that but I also mean the best quality in terms of non physical attributes as well. I want a girl who is doing something with her life, who shares similar values with me and someone I connect with well.

 

[BeyondShy]

Then why does it matter if I mostly go to clubs to meet girls these days? Does that make my suggestion of other places to meet women any less valid?

There is no one thing that makes me want to talk to a girl. Sometimes it's her looks, sometimes it's that she looks approachable, sometimes it's that she's just close by and I want to talk to someone.

I got into this because I wanted to be able to attract the best quality women into my life. Not just any average girls. And when I say the best quality, yes looks are a part of that but I also mean the best quality in terms of non physical attributes as well. I want a girl who is doing something with her life, who shares similar values with me and someone I connect with well.

Please ignore him and continue doing what you are doing. Is it making you happy? Is your life better now that you are meeting these girls? Of course. Then keep going!

 

[Batman55]

I got into this because I wanted to be able to attract the best quality women into my life. Not just any average girls. And when I say the best quality, yes looks are a part of that but I also mean the best quality in terms of non physical attributes as well. I want a girl who is doing something with her life, who shares similar values with me and someone I connect with well.

Shy, passive, indecisive wouldn't make the grade for you?