MentatsGhoul
Well-known member
First off, sorry I've been making way too many threads lately. Anyway, on to it.
Something I've experienced a lot over the past few years, especially since I started making friends online, is slowly losing them. And, with these past few, I've started to recognise when it's about to happen. It's so step by step and systematic it's unreal. Talking for hours turns into a few messages a day, then they start skipping days, then you talk a few times a week or less until one day they just drop out for good, stop messaging you.
It's happening now with someone I really care about. The last "friend" I have. I saved her life, or at least, potentially did, by talking her out of suicide when she was having a major breakdown on a different forum back in August, and it feels like we've been inseparable since. She's the only person who gave a honeysuckle during these difficult times for me. Everyone else, my ex, my other friends, they all left me, but she stayed, and honestly, I don't remember ever being that close with anyone, though, I'd never really have the courage to tell her that. Even my ex was distant and didn't understand half the time, but it's like this friend always got me and we always had each other's backs.
But, I'm seeing all those signs with her. We talked every day, had endless inside jokes. Then, she got busy, really busy with stuff. I missed her, but of course, that's always gonna happen with people in life, so I assumed that was it. But, she got "busy" more and more often, and with no real explanation or warning. Her messages are hours apart, if she messages me at all. I have to initiate every conversation. I tried not messaging her a few times, and sure enough, nothing. She doesn't even say goodnight anymore, she just leaves me hanging when she leaves. She's gonna abandon me, just like everyone else does. I tried talking to her, asking if everything was okay and why she was distant, but she just denied it.
And you know what... fine. I don't want to burden her. I know she's slowly making progress with her life and her offline friends. But, I just wish she'd stop talking to me at once, just leave me. Maybe leave a quick message explaining why if she's brave enough, but I don't expect much. I'm just so tired of sitting by helplessly watching it happen, just like it happens with everyone else. Why can't it just be quick and relatively painless? I hate this "letting down gently" bullshit, I'm so tired of it. I'd rather not have a fake friendship with someone I know I'm annoying or being a burden to as a cheap substitute. At least let me have my pride.
I think I'm gonna remove her from my skype...
Something I've experienced a lot over the past few years, especially since I started making friends online, is slowly losing them. And, with these past few, I've started to recognise when it's about to happen. It's so step by step and systematic it's unreal. Talking for hours turns into a few messages a day, then they start skipping days, then you talk a few times a week or less until one day they just drop out for good, stop messaging you.
It's happening now with someone I really care about. The last "friend" I have. I saved her life, or at least, potentially did, by talking her out of suicide when she was having a major breakdown on a different forum back in August, and it feels like we've been inseparable since. She's the only person who gave a honeysuckle during these difficult times for me. Everyone else, my ex, my other friends, they all left me, but she stayed, and honestly, I don't remember ever being that close with anyone, though, I'd never really have the courage to tell her that. Even my ex was distant and didn't understand half the time, but it's like this friend always got me and we always had each other's backs.
But, I'm seeing all those signs with her. We talked every day, had endless inside jokes. Then, she got busy, really busy with stuff. I missed her, but of course, that's always gonna happen with people in life, so I assumed that was it. But, she got "busy" more and more often, and with no real explanation or warning. Her messages are hours apart, if she messages me at all. I have to initiate every conversation. I tried not messaging her a few times, and sure enough, nothing. She doesn't even say goodnight anymore, she just leaves me hanging when she leaves. She's gonna abandon me, just like everyone else does. I tried talking to her, asking if everything was okay and why she was distant, but she just denied it.
And you know what... fine. I don't want to burden her. I know she's slowly making progress with her life and her offline friends. But, I just wish she'd stop talking to me at once, just leave me. Maybe leave a quick message explaining why if she's brave enough, but I don't expect much. I'm just so tired of sitting by helplessly watching it happen, just like it happens with everyone else. Why can't it just be quick and relatively painless? I hate this "letting down gently" bullshit, I'm so tired of it. I'd rather not have a fake friendship with someone I know I'm annoying or being a burden to as a cheap substitute. At least let me have my pride.
I think I'm gonna remove her from my skype...