Self esteem

[Skid Row 89]

I never had a very good opinion of myself as long as I can remember but in recent years it has become unbearable. Constant put downs from "friends" and people looking down at me has left its scars and led to my depression. I've tried not to let it get to me but it's such a prominent element in my life that I find it difficult to distinguish between my personality and what is considered a mental illness. Anyone had similar experiences?

 

[Sigma]

It used to be the same for me when I was in highschool - people I considered my friends for a long time suddenly turned on me and made my remaining days there extremely unpleasant until I just decided to start throwing the opinions and remarks of anyone that wasn't family into my mental trashbin.
Can't really recommend that course of action though, ignoring everyone doesn't really help in the finding-new-friends department (And you should find new friends)
Here's what I learned near the end of my highschool career: There's relationships of mutual benefit labeled as "friendship", two-faced people turning from your pal to a ****** overnight fall into that category.
And then there's the needles in the haystack who actually care for you and support you when the metaphorical honeysuckle hits the fan.
The problem is that the former often acts as the latter, which is also the reason I find it very difficult to place any trust in people anymore.
Anyway, I sincerely hope you find yourself a genuine friend, you really need only 1.

 

[Skid Row 89]

It used to be the same for me when I was in highschool - people I considered my friends for a long time suddenly turned on me and made my remaining days there extremely unpleasant until I just decided to start throwing the opinions and remarks of anyone that wasn't family into my mental trashbin.
Can't really recommend that course of action though, ignoring everyone doesn't really help in the finding-new-friends department (And you should find new friends)
Here's what I learned near the end of my highschool career: There's relationships of mutual benefit labeled as "friendship", two-faced people turning from your pal to a ****** overnight fall into that category.
And then there's the needles in the haystack who actually care for you and support you when the metaphorical honeysuckle hits the fan.
The problem is that the former often acts as the latter, which is also the reason I find it very difficult to place any trust in people anymore.
Anyway, I sincerely hope you find yourself a genuine friend, you really need only 1.

I have few very good friends but unfortunately one "friend" has mostly overshadowed this by going out of his way to make my life a misery with constant put downs and remarks. I don't think I'll escape this constantly low feeling any time soon unfortunately.

 

[Sigma]

I have few very good friends but unfortunately one "friend" has mostly overshadowed this by going out of his way to make my life a misery with constant put downs and remarks. I don't think I'll escape this constantly low feeling any time soon unfortunately.

Try forming a front with your friends then, if they really are very good friends as you say, they should try to help get this guy off your back.
Also if it's just vocal harassment, just ignore it.
I know it's not that easy for some people, but just ask yourself the question: "Does what some backstabbing ********* have to say about me really matter to me?"
Because let's be honest, it shouldn't

 

[Skid Row 89]

I have few very good friends but unfortunately one "friend" has mostly overshadowed this by going out of his way to make my life a misery with constant put downs and remarks. I don't think I'll escape this constantly low feeling any time soon unfortunately.

Try forming a front with your friends then, if they really are very good friends as you say, they should try to help get this guy off your back.
Also if it's just vocal harassment, just ignore it.
I know it's not that easy for some people, but just ask yourself the question: "Does what some backstabbing ********* have to say about me really matter to me?"
Because let's be honest, it shouldn't

They're not very supportive either and they're probably unaware of the extent of my frustration and misery due to these constant put downs. My contact with them is very infrequent and I like to keep it that way. I wouldn't want to burden them any further. I'm just glad high school is over now, that's one thing to be thankful for.

 

[Iceman1978]

I've been around people who have hurt me, ridiculed me, made jokes at my expense, treated me like I'm an idiot, called me a loser, called me ugly, told me I look like Beavis, and a whole host of other hurtful remarks. When you're around that long enough you eventually start to believe it.

 

[Sci-Fi]

High school really killed mine, amazing how some jerk wads words can do so much damage.

 

[Iceman1978]

Sci-Fi, So often I've wanted to put together a list of everyone who's hurt me, write a letter telling them exactly what I think of them, and mailing them the letters. I don't know why I don't, but maybe I should.

 

[Skid Row 89]

High school really killed mine, amazing how some jerk wads words can do so much damage.

Very true. I feel like I can't escape from it and it, it's always on my mind. It's a terrible never ending cycle and I feel ashamed that it preoccupies me so much.

 

[Cucuboth]

I was bullied every day of school. It actually started in Kindergarten, but really took hold from Grade 1 on wards. Right through primary school, high school, and even in to university. And then I coped it again at work.

You can pretend to not listen to them. But, you still hear them ...

I still hear them, some 20+ years later.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I always let everyone walk all over me, pretty soon I started changing my personality just so anyone would like me and so people would back off of me. Trust me your not alone. There's been a few people in my life that I allowed for them to bully me and control me. After awhile it affected my whole life and pretty soon I felt worthless cause anyone I would meet would throw judgements on me. Than afterwards they told me I was a horrible person and mean... after awhile I started to believe it. Had so many different friends and boyfriends bully me... cause I was bullied as a kid, in high school and at jobs. People at my last job saw I gained weight and almost everyone in the store no exaggeration asked me if I was pregnant when it was my medication. Now that I lost it and I enter Walmart where I used to work and feel sick even walking in cause of how others treated me and spread rumors. Felt like I was back in High School.

May be different from your story but I know what it's like to be bullied and insulted. And now I'm trying to gain my confidence back cause I allowed people to treat me this way without ever speaking up. Everyone needs friends but true friends care about your well being and support you. Not be little you. Now anytime I meet someone I get nervous cause I fear I'll be bullied again or controlled.

 

[Sci-Fi]

It's also amazing how one person you consider a friend can make you feel worthless. People just don't realize how their actions, no matter how small they are, can affect a person and hurt them.

 

[Skid Row 89]

There's been a few people in my life that I allowed for them to bully me and control me.

Same thing with me. Once someone sees you're an easy target and they can get to you easily they'll keep wearing you down, my fatal mistake. I tolerated it and tried to ignore it until recently when I couldn't get to sleep due to memories of constant put downs over the years. It really has ruined my life and the persistent thought in my head is "How am I going to live on like this?"

 

[isthatso]

Believe me, there are some nicer people out there. Find them and make them your friends.
Positive attacts positive though. So you may have to pretend you are happy and cheerful for a while. just my opinion.

 

[Skid Row 89]

Believe me, there are some nicer people out there. Find them and make them your friends.
Positive attacts positive though. So you may have to pretend you are happy and cheerful for a while. just my opinion.

Unfortunately I'm naturally a very negative person but your suggestion is probably my only option.

 

[ucxb]

I never had a very good opinion of myself as long as I can remember but in recent years it has become unbearable. Constant put downs from "friends" and people looking down at me has left its scars and led to my depression. I've tried not to let it get to me but it's such a prominent element in my life that I find it difficult to distinguish between my personality and what is considered a mental illness. Anyone had similar experiences?

I realize this post is older Skid, I hope that you have been feeling better and enjoying something I also have a low self-esteem and wonder if I may have social phobia. I have thought about seeing a doc instead of self-diagnosing but my justifications for going to a doc and not going to a doc can get rather extensive.

There are times I get caught up in what I am feeling, over think about it and get paranoid to say the least. My self-esteem and confidence need worked on and meeting people is not on my to do list but something I think about since I have been living alone for two years now. I get anxious about being alone and being socially rejected.

Even though my emotions can be intense and consume me and cause anxiety its not always the case. So I do wonder if it is just my personality and character too. Plus, I was instructed on the grieving process two years ago and I am still finding my way through it. Before my rambling gets too out of control I feel I am in limbo, in a transition state and learning how to let go of many things.

So, there are times I also find it difficult to determine if I may have a mental illness or if it is just me working through emotional, psychological trauma

 

[ladyforsaken]

Believe me, there are some nicer people out there. Find them and make them your friends.
Positive attacts positive though. So you may have to pretend you are happy and cheerful for a while. just my opinion.

I can relate to this. That's what I did, just got sick and tired of being depressed. I decided I'm going to turn my life around and be a positive person.

Ever since I did that and started to change my mindset? I started meeting so many nice people - even I cannot even believe it. Honestly. Before this, I haven't met anybody like these good people. Even right now, I'm still making new friends with such lovely people. I think this is happening because I started to be content with what I have and what I am, and forgiving people who have hurt me in the past and learning to move on and heal myself. It does work for me.