sexually frustrated

[Mr Hermit]

idk if im doing this just to vent or hoping that someone has a method to deal with this..
but i have been very sexually frustrated for the past year or so...
im depressed, lonely, stressed, have a fear of people and suffer from anxiety(been going on for 5 years now)
.. im a 20 year old virgin and have never kissed a girl...
(just admitting it makes me feel terrible)
i have been frustrated for around a year now but its getting worse and worse.. i find it very hard to get my mind off of sexual thoughts and its extremely distracting.. i constantly feel horny but lately whats adding to the frustration is that i have been finding it increasingly difficult to get off and with every other frustration about my life that i have to deal with this sexual frustration is one of the few things that i cannot deal with right now and i have been increasingly grumpy, moody and have a shorter temper.

due to my fear of people, depression, anxiety (worse around girls) and very low self confidence simply getting laid is out of the question..

does anybody know of any ways to deal with this or give me some kind of advice.. preferably helpful advice..

thanks in advance.

 

[Badjedidude]

things i want in life....

someone to love

There are somewhere around 3.5 billion women on the planet. Possibly more. Assuming you're into women... you can definitely find one.

a new shell

Murder an endangered sea turtle and steal its shell!

to be able to enjoy other people

This one's harder than the others. But there are people out there that you can find common cause with. The internet helps.

a skill

Skills can be learned! Try every hobby or entertainment pursuit that you run across... eventually you'll find and be able to develop a skill that's interesting and fun.

 

[defenestrate]

Hey, I've been there.
For me, this was more of self-esteem issue than anything else. I dealt with things by striving for even the simplest accomplishments. Any accomplishment at all that I could be proud of. Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of, it doesn't make you any less of a person, and it doesn't exclude you from having great relationships with other people. Hang in there, and I hope that your anxiety improves. These things take time...

 

[edgecrusher]

i used to be sexually frustrated for the same reason, never having had it. dont be ashamed, i didnt experience sex until earlier this year, right after i turned 31. just wait for someone that you care about. thats what i did and it was great. now i have experienced it and cant continue to do so because this person lives out of state and we are unable to see each other frequently. so im frustrated again, lol.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

There are somewhere around 3.5 billion women on the planet. Possibly more. Assuming you're into women... you can definitely find one.

It's still not guaranteed you will find one without paying.

 

[Badjedidude]

It's still not guaranteed you will find one without paying.

No... that's just the surest way of finding one.

For an hour or so.

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

You're 20. Of course you're sexually frustrated.

When I was 19 and sexually frustrated I just asked some dude I kept running into out for coffee, cuz he was cute and had a sweet smile. We had the coffee, went for a walk, found we had lots of common interests and we could make each other laugh. Somehow I started dating him for a couple of years.

I was a very shy person, and I still am, but all I can say is that what gave me courage was that I had nothing to lose. I also intuitively knew he was a good guy, and that he was just right. And he was.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I am 30, a virgin, and very sexually frustrated. I don't know how to cure this.

 

[duff]

I am 30, a virgin, and very sexually frustrated. I don't know how to cure this.

the obvious answer is to pay for it.

 

[Lady X]

The obvious answer isn't to pay for it at all.... the obvious answer is a bit of the old "five finger shuffle" and a box of kleenex


But on a serious note, being 20 and a virgin is not a bad thing at all. Trust me, not having had sex is a hell of a lot better than having had sex that you since regret.

I have no qualms about admitting that I was 24 when I lost my virginity, but at the time I felt the same as you and just "wanted it done", so even that was a mistake that I since regretted. Had I waited until I'd met my husband (which was only a few months later), it would've been a much more meaningful experience.

So I think paying for it would just be an empty experience, just for the sake of it, that you may well come to regret later when you do meet someone special.

And... This is just my personal opinion, and it may be old fashioned or whatever, but if I started dating a guy and found out that he'd been to a prostitute (especially lost his virginity to one), that would be very, very off-putting. Not just from a matter of taste, but also from a health risks point of view, as some Sexually transmitted diseases such as herpes and HPV can be totally undetectable for years after infection, with a person acting as a carrier even if they don't experience symptoms themselves.

 

[Badjedidude]

The obvious answer isn't to pay for it at all.... the obvious answer is a bit of the old "five finger shuffle" and a box of kleenex

Yeeeeeaaaaahhhhh...

Masturbation =/= Sex.

 

[Lady X]

The obvious answer isn't to pay for it at all.... the obvious answer is a bit of the old "five finger shuffle" and a box of kleenex

Yeeeeeaaaaahhhhh...

Masturbation =/= Sex.

It's an answer to sexual frustration, not losing ones virginity obviously.

Its a release though

 

[Badjedidude]

It's an answer to sexual frustration, not losing ones virginity obviously.

Its a release though

I never said anything about virginity.

The release that a male gets from masturbation is nothing like the release a male gets from sex. I think most guys would agree.

Nothing can quite live up to what sex means for a dude. Maybe I'm alone here, but for me, masturbation is only a sort of half-measure that only releases tension for a short time. *shrug*

 

[WildernessWildChild]

It's an answer to sexual frustration, not losing ones virginity obviously.

Its a release though

I never said anything about virginity.

The release that a male gets from masturbation is nothing like the release a male gets from sex. I think most guys would agree.

Nothing can quite live up to what sex means for a dude. Maybe I'm alone here, but for me, masturbation is only a sort of half-measure that only releases tension for a short time. *shrug*

Yep

 

[perfanoff]

That stuff doesn't quite cut it after a certain point. If anything the physical need decreases from teenage years but the psychological one increases.

 

[Mr Hermit]

It's an answer to sexual frustration, not losing ones virginity obviously.

Its a release though

I never said anything about virginity.

The release that a male gets from masturbation is nothing like the release a male gets from sex. I think most guys would agree.

Nothing can quite live up to what sex means for a dude. Maybe I'm alone here, but for me, masturbation is only a sort of half-measure that only releases tension for a short time. *shrug*

Yep

Yepx2

---

The obvious answer isn't to pay for it at all.... the obvious answer is a bit of the old "five finger shuffle" and a box of kleenex


But on a serious note, being 20 and a virgin is not a bad thing at all. Trust me, not having had sex is a hell of a lot better than having had sex that you since regret.

I have no qualms about admitting that I was 24 when I lost my virginity, but at the time I felt the same as you and just "wanted it done",

if i was going to do it then it would be with someone i like..
its not something that i just want to get out of the way, really at this point its causing me real frustration on a daily basis and is making it hard to concentrate in some situations..
i have other things that i deal with daily that i find hard to handle as it is.. i just can't stand having to have another thing to cope with..
just want it to stop

past few days its not been bothering me at all really thanks to a current conversation im having on here about mass effect..
i guess i just need to find something to concentrate on that interests me.. atleast then it could be bearable. but its been incredibly difficult to find anything interesting.. partly since i can't keep my concentration on pretty much everything for very long..

And... This is just my personal opinion, and it may be old fashioned or whatever, but if I started dating a guy and found out that he'd been to a prostitute (especially lost his virginity to one), that would be very, very off-putting. Not just from a matter of taste, but also from a health risks point of view, as some Sexually transmitted diseases such as herpes and HPV can be totally undetectable for years after infection, with a person acting as a carrier even if they don't experience symptoms themselves.

thanks for your opinion, makes sense i guess about it being off putting..
i wouldn't get a prostitute anyway.. for me i have to build up trust with someone before i can even talk to them..
something as intimate as sex would just feel wrong to do it with someone i don't know or trust.. (plus i can't talk to them unless i know or trust them so i couldn't anyway)

 

[Cucuboth]

Paying for it isn't always the answer. For some it might be, and good for them if they are comfortable with it, but for some of us, it just isn't a viable option (for various individual reasons). In fact, to keep getting told to just go and pay for it can become quite humiliating, and even at times feel rather insulting, since it can make one feel that they, as a human, and their emotions, really do have little to no value, other than to be smirked at by others.

Being a virgin at 20 isn't something to be ashamed of though. I'm 37 and still a virgin. It's not something I have chosen to be for any moral or religious reasons. I just haven't had the opportunity. Haven't found or met a girl who wants to have that form of contact with me (or any contact really). It defiantly impacts on self-esteem and confidence though. Something that, although a lot of people might say that it is important, that it is a normal and natural human desire, we're seemingly supposed to do with out it. They don't understand what it s like to NOT have the chance to have sex, or any form of physical affection.

Yeah. Sorry. This is quite an emotive topic for me, quite an important thing. Like I said, I'm a 37 year old virgin, and, of course, have sexual frustration. But most people seem to just want to turn it in to a joke, or be another to tell me to go and pay for it.

And to be honest, masturbation isn't as satisfying as it used to be. Not when you long for the touch and feel of another person, and some kind of emotional connection. Even if it isn't love, to feel that other person at least cares for YOU is quite important.

The Internet hasn't been very helpful either. At least not for me. Even though the Internet should be a place where all sorts of people find somewhere to fit in and belong, I seem to be still the square peg in a world of round holes.

Eh. Just my own experiences. Sorry I can't give any advice as to what to so, since I'm going through the same thing myself really ...

 

[Mr Hermit]

Paying for it isn't always the answer. For some it might be, and good for them if they are comfortable with it, but for some of us, it just isn't a viable option (for various individual reasons). In fact, to keep getting told to just go and pay for it can become quite humiliating, and even at times feel rather insulting, since it can make one feel that they, as a human, and their emotions, really do have little to no value, other than to be smirked at by others.

go pay for it has always been the answer that i'v got...
or go get laid... which is ofcourse very unhelpful
i was once told to just buy a £4,000 sex doll... that was an awkward conversation.. :|

Being a virgin at 20 isn't something to be ashamed of though. I'm 37 and still a virgin. It's not something I have chosen to be for any moral or religious reasons. I just haven't had the opportunity. Haven't found or met a girl who wants to have that form of contact with me (or any contact really). It defiantly impacts on self-esteem and confidence though. Something that, although a lot of people might say that it is important, that it is a normal and natural human desire, we're seemingly supposed to do with out it. They don't understand what it s like to NOT have the chance to have sex, or any form of physical affection.

i know that its nothing to be ashamed about, but its hard not to feel ashamed at times, especially the nights when my depression "kicks in" the hardest.

Yeah. Sorry. This is quite an emotive topic for me, quite an important thing. Like I said, I'm a 37 year old virgin, and, of course, have sexual frustration. But most people seem to just want to turn it in to a joke, or be another to tell me to go and pay for it.

see that alot

And to be honest, masturbation isn't as satisfying as it used to be. Not when you long for the touch and feel of another person, and some kind of emotional connection. Even if it isn't love, to feel that other person at least cares for YOU is quite important.

feels like you just read my mind...
well this tin foil hat is useless..

The Internet hasn't been very helpful either. At least not for me. Even though the Internet should be a place where all sorts of people find somewhere to fit in and belong, I seem to be still the square peg in a world of round holes.

yeah, still trying to find my place.. i screw up every time because of my inability to communicate with people properly, my limited vocabulary and virtually no interest in anything but games and sci-fi so i know pretty much nothing about everything else...
makes it harder when i don't even have money to buy them.. so.. idk if you know anything but gaming then you know where that leaves me.. :|

Eh. Just my own experiences. Sorry I can't give any advice as to what to so, since I'm going through the same thing myself really ...

actually this is the most helpful and reassuring anything i have ever gotten, i appreciate it, thank you for posting

 

[ardour]

I can't believe people are advising using a prostitute.

Don't pay for it - think about this for a moment, do you think the 'escort'/ prostitute will be feeling anything but contempt and disgust while you 'do it'?

You will be just another miserable experience for money

Gross..

 

[Mr Hermit]

I can't believe people are advising using a prostitute.

Don't pay for it - think about this for a moment, do you think the 'escort'/ prostitute will be feeling anything but contempt and disgust while you 'do it'?

You will be just another miserable experience for money

Gross..

i know..