Shared interests vs Shared purpose

[Boreal]

What's been your experience seeking friends through shared interests compared to seeking friends who share things like your religion, lifestyle, etc?

I've had some success engaging people who are already connected to me in some way, such as being niche members of the same umbrella community who have similar problems or worldviews.

I've often found that when I join interest groups, my approach is completely different and I don't relate to them at all. People who enjoy writing will most likely enjoy novels or poetry and be feedback-oriented, while I enjoy short stories and am determined to keep the addiction to attention out of my life. People who enjoy gaming will most likely enjoy high-end graphics, popular titles, or competitive gaming, while I enjoy small indie titles and revisiting 80's and 90's favorites.

A family member passed me some pamphlets for a geek gathering downtown that they thought I might enjoy, but I'm unsure if I want to attend or not. Since I have free time this summer I might do better to join a group with a practical purpose like learning a new language or discussing common ground.

 

[Rosebolt]

Considering purpose is a big driving force in our lives and in what we do, it is bound to be of a larger importance when seeking friends. Interests just develop from those purposes, and from your own personality.

I don't really have a personal experience, from the top of my head, though.

 

[user 115627]

Neither approach has worked much better than the other for me.

The reasons are many but the most prominent one was probably my lack of lively enthuasiasm for personal interests - closely followed by 'eccentric taste'. Video games, movies or music haven't been very capable of connecting me to others. And these are not exactly eccentric hobbies themselves.

A common/relatable lifestyle worked a bit better at least. That's why I came here. But I had a bad experience with another smaller forum for voluntary loners before. People that were so full of themselves, detached from reality and self-absorbed...it was quite discouraging.

That made me realize that it might just be a gamble after all. Or something beyond lifestyle and interests. Maybe inherent sympathy one feels towards other people seemingly random. I don't really know.

If you don't connect well with other people in general - as part of your personality - it's not going to make that much difference though...it didn't do for me.

 

[Boreal]

Neither approach has worked much better than the other for me.

The reasons are many but the most prominent one was probably my lack of lively enthuasiasm for personal interests - closely followed by 'eccentric taste'. Video games, movies or music haven't been very capable of connecting me to others. And these are not exactly eccentric hobbies themselves.

A common/relatable lifestyle worked a bit better at least. That's why I came here. But I had a bad experience with another smaller forum for voluntary loners before. People that were so full of themselves, detached from reality and self-absorbed...it was quite discouraging.

That made me realize that it might just be a gamble after all. Or something beyond lifestyle and interests. Maybe inherent sympathy one feels towards other people seemingly random. I don't really know.

If you don't connect well with other people in general - as part of your personality - it's not going to make that much difference though...it didn't do for me.

I've often seen the same attitude on forums, and it's one I try to avoid. I don't want to leap from one judgmental place in society to another just because I'm no longer the target. Being around people who are always upset and want others to be as upset as they are or be sympathetic is exhausting.

I can't say I've made any real friends, but niche communities feel more like home because I can relate to what's being posted.

 

[Nicolelt]

Considering purpose is a big driving force in our lives and in what we do, it is bound to be of a larger importance when seeking friends. Interests just develop from those purposes, and from your own personality.

I don't really have a personal experience, from the top of my head, though.

I agree with Rosebolt. It's really easy for me to relate to teachers in my building, for instance, because we have the same purpose and goal. Now, those of us that have the same interests, hang out sometimes. I think combining the two is even better. Thinking back to my college days, I was mostly friends in my major, but I lived with the ones I got along with well, and had the same lifestyle.

 

[Jazzbird]

Purpose for me.Shared purpose brings people together and creates strong bonds.I know a good amount of people who all have the same interests as I do.. we hang out from time to time and that's it.I have a friend that wants the same kind of ''future'' as I do and we are always in touch,helping each other and seeking to outdo each other all the time.I can easily say it's fun and far more beneficial for me.