shy people, do not join dating sites

[EveWasFramed]

Batman55 cheers to you buddy.

Props for not wanting to be your own commercial.
Props for not wanting to treat women like products in a catalogue.
And props for being smart/realistic enough to know that life/love don't always work out nicely for everyone like the world says it will.

Do you have to get ripped and take your shirt off for dating success? No...but I guarantee that it would help...a lot, and anybody (woman or man) who says any different is lying to you through their teeth/keyboard.

That doesn't mean give up, it just means that the righteous and fair strategy will lose the game....if you wanna win, you have no choice but to become what you don't respect.

For what it's worth you have my respect...if you're ever in Toronto...first shot of bourbon is on yours truly.

Well then it looks like I give up and will leave the dating site in the dust, where it belongs. I think all dating sites are a cesspool anyway.

And I will not become what I don't respect. It's true that I'm lifting weights more than I used to and I will continue. But does not mean I'm going to eventually "metamorphose" and wear tight shirts with sleeves that cling to biceps? No, because I would look ridiculous, that's just not me! And neither is wearing leather jackets with 100 buttons of different rock bands and things I like, either. Neither is acting like I'm important.

If the capitalistic/commercial aspect of western culture bleeds into "dating" that much, that such things are a requirement to meet a girl, then I'll just have to decide to never look for a woman (it sounds like they're terribly judgmental), or I'll just have to jump off a bridge.

Once again, the pattern continues. The men seem to suggest getting ripped and shirtless. The women say you might not need to, but offer few other ideas. There really is nothing you can tell me at all about what to write in a profile?

No ideas on how to write a message that women will reply to? None?

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And I think that women browsing profiles on dating sites would probably click more on the 6 pack abs than the long paragraphs about a charming personality

Good and bad thing there - I mean yeah some that make that choice are shallow, just like some men, but also there's a will and expression of androsexuality there in that fact that I find absolutely fabulous.

I don't even understand that. Can you be more plain?

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It doesn't appeal to me either, Lady F. Not at all.
But according to the previous poster, we must be liars.
Personally, I'd be more likely to dismiss a profile if it had a shirtless guy on it.

I will show you a shirtless photo if you're interested. PM me for details.

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LOL...I believe I said Id be more likely to dismiss a shirtless pic, didnt I?
But thanks for the offer.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It doesn't appeal to me either, Lady F. Not at all.
But according to the previous poster, we must be liars.
Personally, I'd be more likely to dismiss a profile if it had a shirtless guy on it.

I will show you a shirtless photo if you're interested. PM me for details.

LOL...I believe I said Id be more likely to dismiss a shirtless pic, didnt I?
But thanks for the offer.

Can't blame him for trying. :club:

 

[EveWasFramed]

Can't blame him for trying. :club:

LOL! Not at all.

 

[Batman55]

I thought people did that because there might be a (small) chance for something to come of it, when guys expect to meet women that way it's genuinely sad.

Did anything I say on here suggest to you that I feel entitled to meet a woman there?

As far as an "average face", I might have a better than average face, to some women at least. But it is clear that I'm thin. And reading my profile it's clear that I'm far from extroverted. I guess those two things, among others, are big roadblocks.

 

[Brianna-1982]

Hmm, I think you should narrow it down a bit. I mean, what type of woman are you looking for? Describe your ideal woman in your profile. Good luck

 

[ardour]

I thought people did that because there might be a (small) chance for something to come of it, when guys expect to meet women that way it's genuinely sad.

Did anything I say on here suggest to you that I feel entitled to meet a woman there?

As far as an "average face", I might have a better than average face, to some women at least. But it is clear that I'm thin. And reading my profile it's clear that I'm far from extroverted. I guess those two things, among others, are big roadblocks.

FTR I didn’t say anything to suggest you felt “entitled”.

 

[nerdygirl]

I asked you this in a PM, but I kind of want to talk about it here, because there are way too many threads about how awful dating sites are, and this is about to be just one more... however, there's something that is seriously bothering me about this thread.

You said, "After 3 weeks of being there, the only thing that's happened is what little confidence I had, has gone further down the drain."

To me, three weeks is incredibly brief. That sounds like a pretty unfair trial period. If I was to gather up the notes I've received in any random three week period, there will be times that I have zero messages. There will be periods where my messages consist of things like, "Hi u r kutee", "wanna hook up for sum fun", or, "I like your pics. We should meet up and see if we have anything in common." That last one might sound not horrible, but my profile says tons of things about me, and the person writing me won't actually be interested in ANY of those things if you look at his profile. Every. Single. Time. And, you know... I'm a female. So many people say that females have better luck than males on dating sites. If I can easily go three weeks without getting anything worth reading, then I think you might be jumping the gun a bit here.

I mean, if you're doing better offline... If you can find somebody ideal for you in less than three weeks, you should definitely stick with whatever it is that you're doing. Frankly, I don't even understand why somebody who can just walk outside and get a girlfriend would bother to create a dating profile in the first place.

 

[Mike510]

I have about 30 girls I talk to regularly on those sites. Here is some advice, start off messaging them saying something like this

Hello my name is Mike, I read your profile and you sound like someone who is very interesting and I like the fact we both share a common interest in (whatever you two have in common), (also if the work with kids or the elderly say something like I notice what you occupation is and I admire the fact that you help the children or elderly) . If you want to get to know me or just talk about anything feel free to respond.

That message is not to straight forward, it shows you read there profile, and you don't message them telling them I think your hot or even anything about there appearance because they automaticly assume you find them attractive or you wouldn't message them so you don't need to over do it and come off creepy.

Now this is not going to work 100% of the time but I woud say about 4 out of every 5 women will atleast respond to the original message, then it is up to you to keep them wanting to speak with you.

 

[Batman55]

Hmm, I think you should narrow it down a bit. I mean, what type of woman are you looking for? Describe your ideal woman in your profile. Good luck

Have you had any luck using these ideas?

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You said, "After 3 weeks of being there, the only thing that's happened is what little confidence I had, has gone further down the drain."

To me, three weeks is incredibly brief. That sounds like a pretty unfair trial period. ... If I can easily go three weeks without getting anything worth reading, then I think you might be jumping the gun a bit here.

Three weeks may be a short trial period but it is nonetheless distressing for someone like me. I go through the trouble to write good messages, the women visit my profile, and then they don't say anything. It's happened enough that it begins to feel like rejection, I start to think maybe I'm not good looking, which might be irrational, but then it always come back to, why are they simply not replying? I can't rule anything out.

So yeah, as you know, I have given up--for now at least. Those other guys in this thread were right. Dating sites are a sausage factory. If I don't have the physique they like, they're just going to skip over me and reply to someone who does have that physique. If they don't mind that I'm thin, then they are looking for confidence or ambition, which is not me either.

Also consider there is 10 men for every 1 woman there, something like that, I heard. I mean to stay longer on there as you suggest and keep on sending messages over and over, tweaking my profile this way and that, and to (most likely) still get nothing, it can only be more soul-draining than it is now. That is how I see it anyway, and I have to do what's best for me.

I mean, if you're doing better offline... If you can find somebody ideal for you in less than three weeks, you should definitely stick with whatever it is that you're doing. Frankly, I don't even understand why somebody who can just walk outside and get a girlfriend would bother to create a dating profile in the first place.

LOL far from it. Very far from it. I have virtually zero experience, never had a GF or even a kiss. You could say it's because I've never tried. Also, the few times some girl acted interested in me, I was too shy and anxious to say anything, and lost the chance. Not to mention I've been hiding from the world for years--I'm not agoraphobic, but I've avoided as much socializing as possible, which obviously removes the chance of meeting anyone. I'm afraid my position in life, for now at least, is so pathetic that nobody would be interested anyway. Hence, the "hiding from the world" bit.

 

[Tritium]

I would say that I have had pretty much the same results as the OP though his numbers look more optimistic than mine!! And trust me when I reply to people I read their profile multiple times and craft an email typically 1-3 paragraphs long. It takes a **** long time. The only time I shoot 1 liners is the rare occasion I find a girls photo attractive but there is no profile description. In which i ask to know more about them and their interests. I have had a profile on dating sites much longer as of now it has probably been about 10 years. In that time I have met about 2 people in real life had a cup of coffee talked and never saw each other again.

Real life is not much different. I do not have much problem talking to people (though people who are not single are more willing to talk). I do admit that I am very shy of a more serious relationship but just talking to people is often easy but this also doesn't yield any results. Sometimes I wish I liked the club or bar scene but I do not. To me they are horrible horrible places.

The past couple years I have traveled and increased the amount of people that I meet hoping to make more friends and find someone for me. I have been to: Mexico, Canada, Iceland, Britain, France, Germany, Denmark, Sweden, Latvia, Estonia, Russia, Ukraine, Moldova, Romania, Bulgaria, Turkey, Macedonia, Italy, Thailand, Japan my next stop is Finland. In all my travels I have met some new friends. Seen many things, explore and play because you cannot dwell on the whole dating thing or you just become depressed. But a real relationship that thing is **** near impossible to find.

 

[ardour]

Frankly, I don't even understand why somebody who can just walk outside and get a girlfriend would bother to create a dating profile in the first place.

Obviously "getting a girlfriend" isn't that easy, but this^

Batman55, people make profiles as something akin to a joke with little expectation for a successful hook-up. You place too much importance on a dating site then let yourself get bent out of shape. There's no way a profile should be thought of as a substitute for real-life socializing and meeting people in person.

 

[khaoz_ferox]

I was speaking to a couple of girls who joined a dating site just the other day. They said that they only use it to boost self-esteem and had no intention of actually looking for a partner or arranging dates through the site.

Take from that what you will.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I was speaking to a couple of girls who joined a dating site just the other day. They said that they only use it to boost self-esteem and had no intention of actually looking for a partner or arranging dates through the site.

Take from that what you will.

That's kind of messed up, lol.

 

[khaoz_ferox]

I was speaking to a couple of girls who joined a dating site just the other day. They said that they only use it to boost self-esteem and had no intention of actually looking for a partner or arranging dates through the site.

Take from that what you will.

That's kind of messed up, lol.

The reason was that one had just been dumped and was feeling down so her friend suggested it. They just use it for flirting.

is it messed up? I'm not so sure.

It does lead people on a bit and give the wrong impression I guess.

But I also think people take dating sites way too seriously. Some people think that going on these sites will guarantee success and then when it doesn't they take it personally.

And besides, how well can you really get to know someone on a dating site? It's seemingly all about aesthetics, which I think is pretty honeysuckle.

When you meet someone and you connect in a romantic way, it really doesn't matter what you look like. I'm not a good looking guy by any stretch of the imagination, but when I got with my first gf she was talking to her friends about me like I was a pin-up. She wasn't bad looking but to me at the time she was the most beautiful thing on this earth.


In short, don't pin all your hopes on dating sites. You could end up getting your self-worth trashed and it just isn't worth it.

 

[Adrolak]

*cough* I'd just like to say one thing. As far as dating sites go, unless you're paying for it, of course you're going to meet tools/whores/idiots. If it's free, then that shows how much effort, time, and money, and how seriously they're looking for a real relationship. Unfortunately, eharmony, match, chemistry, all those websites kind of have a corner on the market, meaning you pay what their prices are.

 

[Tritium]

*cough* I'd just like to say one thing. As far as dating sites go, unless you're paying for it, of course you're going to meet tools/whores/idiots. If it's free, then that shows how much effort, time, and money, and how seriously they're looking for a real relationship. Unfortunately, eharmony, match, chemistry, all those websites kind of have a corner on the market, meaning you pay what their prices are.

I seriously doubt that the for pay dating sites are any more serious than the free ones. I remember when e-harmony was popular and I took their personality profile. It said that they could not match me with anyone and i couldn't even sign up. I have been a member of match.com I admit the response rate is a little higher there were some kind ladies that would at least take the time after I wrote a long email to write one sentence "Sorry, but I am not interested". But the vast majority would never reply but at least you would see that they read your email. After my subscription expired all of a sudden match.com said I was quite popular which was a downright lie. Match was such a scam site. I have not used the chemistry site you mentioned.

 

[Batman55]

Real life is not much different. I do not have much problem talking to people (though people who are not single are more willing to talk). I do admit that I am very shy of a more serious relationship but just talking to people is often easy but this also doesn't yield any results. Sometimes I wish I liked the club or bar scene but I do not. To me they are horrible horrible places.

That is very depressing.

In any event, I don't see why meeting "someone special" has to be such an impossibility. I've seen VERY average guys who don't make money and don't even look good, suddenly luck out and they're in a relationship. I just saw a cognitively challenged relative of mine, he's a really nice guy, but you wouldn't expect him to attract women. I mean just talk to him once, you know he's got problems, and he doesn't always groom himself properly.. but he's had sex AND a girlfriend. (Sorry if that looks "un-PC" for some people, but I feel these are necessary examples.)

To suggest to me that real life is the same as dating sites--basically if you're shy/low confidence you have no chance--it is extremely depressing. Because citing the last two examples I gave you, it shouldn't be the same, IMO.

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Obviously "getting a girlfriend" isn't that easy, but this^

Batman55, people make profiles as something akin to a joke with little expectation for a successful hook-up. You place too much importance on a dating site then let yourself get bent out of shape. There's no way a profile should be thought of as a substitute for real-life socializing and meeting people in person.

How can I meet someone in person if I'm pathetic? Because you know, they would not be interested.

 

[ardour]

So you think exchanging messages on a dating site is a good way of getting to know someone first, bypassing the awkward early-stage conversation you presumably have trouble with. Is this how most people use them though?

 

[Tritium]

Real life is not much different. I do not have much problem talking to people (though people who are not single are more willing to talk). I do admit that I am very shy of a more serious relationship but just talking to people is often easy but this also doesn't yield any results. Sometimes I wish I liked the club or bar scene but I do not. To me they are horrible horrible places.

That is very depressing.

In any event, I don't see why meeting "someone special" has to be such an impossibility. I've seen VERY average guys who don't make money and don't even look good, suddenly luck out and they're in a relationship. I just saw a cognitively challenged relative of mine, he's a really nice guy, but you wouldn't expect him to attract women. I mean just talk to him once, you know he's got problems, and he doesn't always groom himself properly.. but he's had sex AND a girlfriend. (Sorry if that looks "un-PC" for some people, but I feel these are necessary examples.)

To suggest to me that real life is the same as dating sites--basically if you're shy/low confidence you have no chance--it is extremely depressing. Because citing the last two examples I gave you, it shouldn't be the same, IMO.

I have seen all sorts of guys both attractive an unattractive in a relationship as well. I don't mean to depress you perhaps I am venting a little bit. Sorry for that I am sure that you will have better luck than I do.

 

[DeadSun]

I think the main things women look at on dating profiles is what job you have, how much money you make, what kinda car you drive, if you have your own house or apartment, college degrees, etc.

Pretty faces are pretty faces and six pack abs are pretty irrelevant in comparison as is a "beautiful mind". It's important to all women at least to a certain degree but especially so for online dating sites where as you mentioned you're essentially advertising yourself and as others have mentioned you're competing with a large amount of men for the privilige of possibly buying her dinner or something so she can see if she sorta likes you.

Like someone else said, using a dating site that requires a fee of some sort can weed out the fakes and people that just aren't seriously looking. If you don't wanna pay though I'd suggest making a profile on a few other popular dating sites, you know that honeysuckle about a wider net and more fish blablabla.

And if you are just looking for more physical encounters with less self advertising bullshit, there are sites specifically for hooking up, some free some not. And then of course if some sort of meaningful relationship developed from there that'd be great.

But the main point is you're putting way too much on six pack abs and big muscles, and most women don't care too much about that. Its not what's on the outside that counts, it's what's inside your wallet.
Hope that helps.

Also I'm bitter and alone, just throwing that out there.