ShyBeliever
New member
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2008
- Messages
- 2
- Reaction score
- 0
Im now 21 years old (almost 22). I have social phobia since 14 that was when i think it all begun because i was violently bullied. Since then my situation was truly awful. I was called a "zombie" by my colleagues because i never talked to anyone, i had lunch many many times alone, in those times never had a close friend. I was almost all by myself if it wasnt for my family.
So until 18 i could say my social anxiety was real bad, because i even was affraid to go to the supermarket or answering the phone. All my isolation in adolescence affected the development of my social skills, i never knew what to say to people, i reacted awkwardly to them, being in a group was a nightmare to me because i was very quiet and people noticed this (i know they were noticing because they would make fun of me , even making bets of when i would speak a word). So i isolated myself and relieved all my stress in the studies (i was a very good student).
The anticipation of the university was true pain. I had the feeling that i was going to hell (ya know, new people, far away from home). But i went anyway and things werent so bad. I began to force myself to talk to ppl and began to make one or two good buddies. People in uni were more mature to me so i was more at ease. But the nightmare of social phobia was always present. Many times i had the feeling that i was seen as a loner in college. I had to lunch many times alone, attending classes without any interaction with colleagues (i was really affraid of approaching someone and still am today to a certain level), always going back home alone, my roommates were always partying and i was always alone with my computer, etc ,etc.
This loneliness drove me into a depression that began to affect my studies and my marks went really down. I couldnt study anymore as in high school. I was constantly procrastinating, skipping classes, i was strongly unmotivated. So until my age of 20 things were a bit different from high school (because i made 2 good friends in this time), but not so different.
When i made 20 i promised myself to change things. Yes i was a loner, had never kissed a girl or dated ,i was without close friends. First i tried to accept my situation and then to accept my flaws and personality.
But what really changed since my promise was self-discipline. I changed drastically my routine. I began to exercise everyday in the gym, eating much healthier (this one radically changed), i stick to a study plan (began to study blocks of 2 different classes everyday), i made a huge effort to attend all classes (classes were sacred to me even if i feel they didnt worth to go), i began to organize my room and tidy it once a week, my sleep time was always 00:00 to 7 am, i devoted some time to reading before sleeping (i love to read especially philosophy books).
Yes i changed all my routine but not to fight my social phobia. To be honest, at the time i began to make this change, i was totally conformed with the fact that i would be a loner and social phobic forever and ever, so all what i was trying to do was to make my journey in life more pleasurable and bearable.
But you know what?? The funny thing of all this is that when i began to follow strictly my daily routine (with the exception of some days), for weeks and weeks, i began to feel more confident. I was loosing some pounds, i was becoming fit (getting the 6 pack finally ), my marks in the uni skyrocketed with the daily study, i felt my daily reading and study was speeding up my speed of thought and my list of things to say in a conversation). I think i was still a loner when i was turning 21, but much more different and happier (no signs of depression). I dunno if its really true the reasons of this, but my growing confidence made people closer to me. Dunno how or why, i began to feel confident in approaching people or talking with them more easily, i began to feel some kind of superiority to them. Indirectly my lifestyle change began to change my social skills with people gradually. Of course anxiety was always there but it was much more bearable. Of course i eventually had those days in which my negative thoughts came in and i was the old self, but, i made an effort to be strict in my routine, and the happier days were coming back more often.
At the present day im really different than i was a year and half ago. I feel much more atractive phisically because of the gym and nutrition (i know women notice me much more often, but talking to oposite sex is still an issue sometimes but much better now ), i had some sexual adventures (but still no girlfriend ), i know new people and made more 2 good buddies with whom i hang out more frequently, i know much more people in the univ, im not that affraid of parties anymore and besides that, my academic situation is really good. But there are many days when i still feel those old feelings of my old self, my old paralysing anxiety, i still have some paralising thoughts that make me shy. But i think and believe those feelings are fading out gradually and slowly as i continue to follow my routine.
Finally, i have to say that im reaching the conclusion that fighting our fears is a slow process. We can change ourselves if we can find our strenght inside (i understand if you dont have my discipline, i think i have a kind of obsession in following routines now). Hey, there are the little things in what we do everyday that changes us a whole. Dont expect quick results, have patience and persistence. Dont become obsessed and worried about your loneliness, if we look around attentively there are many people like us and one day things may change, believe it.
Dont worry about having no girls in life (i remember when i always became frustrated when i saw couples dating, with hands together, seeing them more happier than me), dont think obsessively in this, if we pursuit our goals instead everyday until we get this feeling that we are happy in life without girls then girls will get to you (believe me, i notice the difference, i dont think it is only my body).
Have a good night!
So until 18 i could say my social anxiety was real bad, because i even was affraid to go to the supermarket or answering the phone. All my isolation in adolescence affected the development of my social skills, i never knew what to say to people, i reacted awkwardly to them, being in a group was a nightmare to me because i was very quiet and people noticed this (i know they were noticing because they would make fun of me , even making bets of when i would speak a word). So i isolated myself and relieved all my stress in the studies (i was a very good student).
The anticipation of the university was true pain. I had the feeling that i was going to hell (ya know, new people, far away from home). But i went anyway and things werent so bad. I began to force myself to talk to ppl and began to make one or two good buddies. People in uni were more mature to me so i was more at ease. But the nightmare of social phobia was always present. Many times i had the feeling that i was seen as a loner in college. I had to lunch many times alone, attending classes without any interaction with colleagues (i was really affraid of approaching someone and still am today to a certain level), always going back home alone, my roommates were always partying and i was always alone with my computer, etc ,etc.
This loneliness drove me into a depression that began to affect my studies and my marks went really down. I couldnt study anymore as in high school. I was constantly procrastinating, skipping classes, i was strongly unmotivated. So until my age of 20 things were a bit different from high school (because i made 2 good friends in this time), but not so different.
When i made 20 i promised myself to change things. Yes i was a loner, had never kissed a girl or dated ,i was without close friends. First i tried to accept my situation and then to accept my flaws and personality.
But what really changed since my promise was self-discipline. I changed drastically my routine. I began to exercise everyday in the gym, eating much healthier (this one radically changed), i stick to a study plan (began to study blocks of 2 different classes everyday), i made a huge effort to attend all classes (classes were sacred to me even if i feel they didnt worth to go), i began to organize my room and tidy it once a week, my sleep time was always 00:00 to 7 am, i devoted some time to reading before sleeping (i love to read especially philosophy books).
Yes i changed all my routine but not to fight my social phobia. To be honest, at the time i began to make this change, i was totally conformed with the fact that i would be a loner and social phobic forever and ever, so all what i was trying to do was to make my journey in life more pleasurable and bearable.
But you know what?? The funny thing of all this is that when i began to follow strictly my daily routine (with the exception of some days), for weeks and weeks, i began to feel more confident. I was loosing some pounds, i was becoming fit (getting the 6 pack finally ), my marks in the uni skyrocketed with the daily study, i felt my daily reading and study was speeding up my speed of thought and my list of things to say in a conversation). I think i was still a loner when i was turning 21, but much more different and happier (no signs of depression). I dunno if its really true the reasons of this, but my growing confidence made people closer to me. Dunno how or why, i began to feel confident in approaching people or talking with them more easily, i began to feel some kind of superiority to them. Indirectly my lifestyle change began to change my social skills with people gradually. Of course anxiety was always there but it was much more bearable. Of course i eventually had those days in which my negative thoughts came in and i was the old self, but, i made an effort to be strict in my routine, and the happier days were coming back more often.
At the present day im really different than i was a year and half ago. I feel much more atractive phisically because of the gym and nutrition (i know women notice me much more often, but talking to oposite sex is still an issue sometimes but much better now ), i had some sexual adventures (but still no girlfriend ), i know new people and made more 2 good buddies with whom i hang out more frequently, i know much more people in the univ, im not that affraid of parties anymore and besides that, my academic situation is really good. But there are many days when i still feel those old feelings of my old self, my old paralysing anxiety, i still have some paralising thoughts that make me shy. But i think and believe those feelings are fading out gradually and slowly as i continue to follow my routine.
Finally, i have to say that im reaching the conclusion that fighting our fears is a slow process. We can change ourselves if we can find our strenght inside (i understand if you dont have my discipline, i think i have a kind of obsession in following routines now). Hey, there are the little things in what we do everyday that changes us a whole. Dont expect quick results, have patience and persistence. Dont become obsessed and worried about your loneliness, if we look around attentively there are many people like us and one day things may change, believe it.
Dont worry about having no girls in life (i remember when i always became frustrated when i saw couples dating, with hands together, seeing them more happier than me), dont think obsessively in this, if we pursuit our goals instead everyday until we get this feeling that we are happy in life without girls then girls will get to you (believe me, i notice the difference, i dont think it is only my body).
Have a good night!
