So I guess that's that :(

[Mellz Bellz]

*Sigh* Why is it that in the rare times I meet a guy and I just feel that instant spark right away, they never feel the same? It's like how hard is it for two people to click? I'm really beginning to think that I'm going to be single forever.

So let me back up and explain. I moved down here to NC and don't know a lot of other single people. I have friends, but they are all married. So, I tried online dating which I'm not a fan of because I find it so unnatural and inpersonable. Now I admit I am very picky I guess. I don't think I ask for much in a guy, but I also just can't force myself to be with someone I'm not attracted to. I've only had maybe three times in my life where I've met someone and got that crazy, can't stop thinking about them, can see myself with them, in love feeling. It's just never went past more than two or three dates In fact, my longest relationships (which are still pathetically short (1 1/2 months tops?) have been with guys who have always been more into me, but I felt nothing for.

Anyway, I met this guy online who was just perfect. Fell for him in an instant. He was a little younger than me, but well educated, focused in life, good looking, seemed like a real gentlemen. I couldn't believe that he seemed interested in me. We talked on the phone and we texted every day. He was planning on moving to my area, so I thought that it would be a good time for us to get to know each other first to take off that awkward pressure of first meeting. I enjoyed our conversations, but of course not having much experience with guys I was very nervous and was trying not to show it. He kind of picked up on it and at first just thought it was cute. He really though kept zeroing in on my lack of experience which wasn't something that I wanted to bring up right away. He kept asking questions like, "Why are you single?" "How long was your longest relationship?" "Why so short?" "Who ended it?" "Why don't you date more?" It kind of made me uncomfortable, but I just naively thought that duh I'm going to be uncomfortable admitting things to him that I don't just tell every guy in the world.

Then one night we finally webcammed and it got really awkward. I don't necessarily think it was my looks that disapointed him, but we were only talking a few minutes when out of nowhere he goes, "So you said you were a virgin right?" Now the truth is yes I am and like many of you in my position who are older (I'm 27) it's something that you really don't like to admit. To me it's like this big Achille's heel because I'm so scared of how people are going to react and think of me. I'm not waiting for marriage, just the right person. To be honest I've never even come close. My friends say I'm an attractive young woman, but I must give off some really bad vibes or something. This was a nightmare for me because it was not something I was ready to discuss at that point in our relationship and certainly not the way it was brought up. Of course being on webcam I couldn't exactly lie very convincingly, so I felt no choice, but to tell him the truth.

The first words I asked him were "Are you okay with that?" I know a lot of guys who get freaked out by that and can't handle the pressure. He swore that it was fine, but of course HAD to say, "I just can't believe that you're 27 and never had sex." Like, this is a choice for me? I didn't ask for this. So yea... Conversation got really awkward and I had to explain that I was waiting for the right person and then he asked if I was in a relationship how long I thought I'd wait to have sex. I really couldn't give him a definitive answer because I think it would depend on the person. It may be 6 months. It may be two weeks. I'd like to say about three months, but not even ever being in a relationship that even went past some awkward kisses how can I pinpoint that? Anyway as it turns out I got disconnected and decided to call it a night. I texted him to let him know that I enjoyed talking to him and I'd love to do it again sometime. He agreed.

After that I noticed that I was the one doing all the texting. If I texted he'd answer, but I felt like I was doing the chasing. He wouldn't respond right away and things definitely changed. I decided to text him and reiterate to him that what I told him on webcam is not something that I reveal to every guy I date. In fact, he was the first guy I actually told and it's a big deal to me. I again stressed to him that if he was freaked out and didn't want to talk anymore it was fine. He replyed, "It's okay babe. It's cool."

That's like the last I heard from him. He imed me once. We started talking and he disappeared in the middle of our convo. According to his Facebook (yes, I turned into a Facebook stalker. i am SO not that girl, but love makes us do crazy things) he was down in my area visiting and I had told him if he is ever in town to give me a call and we could meet up... Nothing...

Now today I noticed he just deleted me off Facebook. I know it's dumb, but even after all of that I kept hoping and telling myself well, maybe he's just been busy. When he's down here for good you'll get together. Guess so much for that, huh?

I know it's dumb to upset over. fresia him right? It's just now I'm terrified to even talk to another guy because I'm afraid that I'm maybe a lot more transparent than I think. Maybe I have a big letter V tattooed on my forehead or something. Guys seem to have a real issue with this and I just feel so down on myself and unnattractive. I feel like a guy is never going to want to be with me. I feel like I was forced to share my deepest, darkest, secret, and he just spit on it. I'm so afraid that I'm never going to meet a guy that I am attracted to who is okay with this. Like I said, I didn't ask to be a 27 year old virgin. I didn't want to be this age and have never experienced a relationship. I already feel crap about getting older. I wish I'd just gotten over myself when I was younger and realized how attractive I used to be and just had confidence, Now I feel like it's too late for me...

Wow... Sorry for being such a Debbie Downer. I sure vented a lot, but I needed to get that out and need someone to talk to about this stuff who can relate. This is the kind of stuff I can't even share with my closest friends.

 

[EmoBlackThug]

Dang, thats crazy. Same thing happen to me 5 years ago with a female I've met through IMVU online dating services. She was a down to earth girl only 13 years old and I was 15 years old, we was to young but experience making love over the internet. 2008 we've decided to share pictures and you know what she said to me, "You're Ugly", after that I've felt like every single girl in the world would turned me down. Basically she blocked from from IMVU,Yahoo and change her cell phone number. It's 2011 a brand new year to start over fresh and clean with a new swag, I've feel like god controls love. I'm now 18 years old attracting young teenage girls who's between 14-16 in real life.

Mellz Bellz you should never date online, it's really a mental place to date on.
Reasons: Love isn't trusted over the network, it could be an old person, people would take you as a joke.
Start fresh and start looking for mr.right in real life, maybe your friends can introduce you to guys who are mature and doesn't care about looks but personality and smartness.

 

[SkuzzieMuff]

This story sucks, and not because it was poorly written, but because there's one character in it that's a total stinkwad. That guy you met is an *******, and a pussy. Did he ever tell you WHY he stopped talking to you? Or did he just STOP because... Well, for whatever stupid reason he has, but wont share, like a ******* *****. I really hate people sometimes... I'm a very honest person, and I can't stand people that aren't honest, or that hide their true feelings. I know this is probably not what you wanted to hear/read, but I'm glad that you learned that he wasn't worth your time before you got in too deep.
I kinda wish I had waited to have sex, and not let myself get manipulated by men... They always beckoned, and I felt that I needed to fulfill them in order to be a good girlfriend. So, then I ended up getting too attached to a person who I didn't realize was not right for me. After I realized that things were going down hill, I was still too attached, because of the whole physical element of the relationship, and I wanted to try to make it work. It's not really any girls dream to add more guys on "the list" but it ends up happening that way when you rush into things.
I think you should be proud of being a virgin, I think it shows self respect. You obviously wont jump into bed with just any man, and that's good. Because no matter how short any of your previous relationships were, there are people out there that have jumped into bed with someone in less than that time. I wish you luck in finding your Mister Right, because he's out there somewhere, and good luck with you're shyness. You're not a Debbie Downer, you're a self respecting young woman, and you deserve the best.

 

[evanescencefan91]

*hugs mellz bellz*

dating sucks and I'm really sorry about what happened, but you aren't doing anything worng, there's nothing wrong with being a virginat any age

i don't really get how dating and relationships works, i don't believe in fate or soulmates or some magical mystical thing that guides the dating world,

it just happens or it doesn't, and so many of us are in similar situations and it's messed up,

but keep trying

you have to keep trying, it seems that that guy really missed out on some pretty cool and that's too bad

and I can totally relate, I'm 20 and I've never had like any kind of relationship before, and it's sad

but it's not the end of the world so many people are single and it's not the end yet, so we can't say that it''ll be like this forever

*hugs*

 

[Ender]

Sorry to hear that happened to you Mellz Bellz. That guy should have at least told you why he stopped writing to you, just out of respect. I read online that some guys are spooked by women who are virgins (especially older ones) because they automatically assume something is wrong with them (if it's not for religious reasons). It's a shame really because some folks just haven't found the right person to develop that level of intimacy.

Well, if it's any consolation, I am also a nearly 27 year old virgin (but a guy). I haven't been on a date yet, so I can't comment on how women feel about that though. ^^;

I mean, at least you are out there and trying to find someone. That's a good thing. Also, I personally believe that being a virgin is a good thing. You are just waiting for the right person. I'm sure he's out there. Don't give up ^^

 

[kamya]

Similar things have happened to me mhmm. Not the virgin thing, but the total poofness and ignoring/deleting off of facebook/msn/steam/skype. They don't give a warning, a reason, a hint, anything. Just poof. And yeah, I've never had a cam to cam conversation that wasn't super awkward so that part is pretty normal I think.

It's really not too late. The whole virgin thing isn't that big of a deal. Maybe you should wait more before telling someone next time. Were you being super clingy or something? Even then its not fair for the person to just ignore you and disappear, they should at least tell you. Poofers should die

 

[Rosalyn]

Errr, it sounds like he might only have been after you for sex. He seemed surprised you were a virgin after seeing you live, and when you say he asked "if I was in a relationship how long I thought I'd wait to have sex," it just sounds like he was really asking how long HE would have to wait to have sex with you.

The guy doesn't sound like a gentleman at all, a gentleman wouldn't ask questions like that in the first place.

Trust me, there are guys who would travel a long, long way just to have sex with a pretty girl. I know a girl who, like you, met this guy she thought was amazing online. They met. He slept with her. Got home and then blocked her on every site ect.

:/

Keep take care of that virginity of yours. Like SkuzzieMuff, I wish I had waited sometimes. Waaay too much pressure is put on losing your virginity, if you lose it in a way, or to somebody that isn't really worth remembering, you'll likely regret it.

 

[Badjedidude]

DON'T PUT THE PENIS ON A PEDESTAL

Seriously. fresia virginity. Doesn't matter if you are, doesn't matter if you're not.

Just live your life, be watchful for partners, and have sex with someone you love.

 

[EmoBlackThug]

Errr, it sounds like he might only have been after you for sex. He seemed surprised you were a virgin after seeing you live, and when you say he asked "if I was in a relationship how long I thought I'd wait to have sex," it just sounds like he was really asking how long HE would have to wait to have sex with you.

The guy doesn't sound like a gentleman at all, a gentleman wouldn't ask questions like that in the first place.

Trust me, there are guys who would travel a long, long way just to have sex with a pretty girl. I know a girl who, like you, met this guy she thought was amazing online. They met. He slept with her. Got home and then blocked her on every site ect.

:/

Keep take care of that virginity of yours. Like SkuzzieMuff, I wish I had waited sometimes. Waaay too much pressure is put on losing your virginity, if you lose it in a way, or to somebody that isn't really worth remembering, you'll likely regret it.

Wordz, that's so true.

 

[Intranetusa]

Dang, thats crazy. Same thing happen to me 5 years ago with a female I've met through IMVU online dating services. She was a down to earth girl only 13 years old and I was 15 years old, we was to young but experience making love over the internet...I'm now 18 years old attracting young teenage girls who's between 14-16 in real life. Mellz Bellz you should never date online, it's really a mental place to date on. Reasons: Love isn't trusted over the network, it could be an old person, people would take you as a joke.

Errr, what? That's totally incorrect. The problem with your situation was that you were on an online dating service when you were 15, and the other person was some 13 year old middle schooler. That is way too young to be dating or in any sort of serious relationship. When you're an immature kid and tries to date other immature kids, that's when sh*t happens.

Online dating is perfectly fine and actually works for older, mature adults.

Errr, it sounds like he might only have been after you for sex. He seemed surprised you were a virgin after seeing you live, and when you say he asked "if I was in a relationship how long I thought I'd wait to have sex," it just sounds like he was really asking how long HE would have to wait to have sex with you. ...
Trust me, there are guys who would travel a long, long way just to have sex with a pretty girl. I know a girl who, like you, met this guy she thought was amazing online. They met. He slept with her. Got home and then blocked her on every site ect.
:/
Keep take care of that virginity of yours. Like SkuzzieMuff, I wish I had waited sometimes. Waaay too much pressure is put on losing your virginity, if you lose it in a way, or to somebody that isn't really worth remembering, you'll likely regret it.

Well said.

To the OP, yep, it definitely sounds like he was just after sex.

 

[Mellz Bellz]

Similar things have happened to me mhmm. Not the virgin thing, but the total poofness and ignoring/deleting off of facebook/msn/steam/skype. They don't give a warning, a reason, a hint, anything. Just poof. And yeah, I've never had a cam to cam conversation that wasn't super awkward so that part is pretty normal I think.

It's really not too late. The whole virgin thing isn't that big of a deal. Maybe you should wait more before telling someone next time. Were you being super clingy or something? Even then its not fair for the person to just ignore you and disappear, they should at least tell you. Poofers should die

Yea I've had a lot of poofers in my lifetime too. It sucks... I just wish that people would just be honest and provide some closure. At least have the balls to say, "I'm not feeling you." It wasn't my choice for the whole virgin thing to come up when/how it did, so that made things really awkward.

Thanks so much everyone for your kind words! Hmm... Maybe he was just after sex, but he seemed to make a big deal of telling me how chivalorous he was and old fashioned. Seemed like he really knew how to treat a lady. Maybe he was lying, which sucks because this just adds to my trust issues instead of easing them. Why do guys have to play these games for? (Sorry guys lol) What happened to good old honesty?

 

[Intranetusa]

Thanks so much everyone for your kind words! Hmm... Maybe he was just after sex, but he seemed to make a big deal of telling me how chivalrous he was and old fashioned. Seemed like he really knew how to treat a lady. Maybe he was lying, which sucks because this just adds to my trust issues instead of easing them. Why do guys have to play these games for? (Sorry guys lol) What happened to good old honesty?

Some guys play games... A lot of girls play these games too.

I don't think guys who are chivalrous and old fashioned would go around telling bragging to people about it. Reminds me of the article I read the other day about people pretending to be Navy SEALs - real Navy SEALs do not go around bragging about it.

It seems like the guy is simply a liar, and is a 'player' who is good at telling women what they want to hear in order to pick them up for one night stands.

He probably just didn't want to wait months for you to 'put out' and so he cut off contact with you to pursue other easier 'prey.'

Consider yourself to be lucky and having dodged a bullet.

 

[EmoBlackThug]

Dang, thats crazy. Same thing happen to me 5 years ago with a female I've met through IMVU online dating services. She was a down to earth girl only 13 years old and I was 15 years old, we was to young but experience making love over the internet...I'm now 18 years old attracting young teenage girls who's between 14-16 in real life. Mellz Bellz you should never date online, it's really a mental place to date on. Reasons: Love isn't trusted over the network, it could be an old person, people would take you as a joke.

Errr, what? That's totally incorrect. The problem with your situation was that you were on an online dating service when you were 15, and the other person was some 13 year old middle schooler. That is way too young to be dating or in any sort of serious relationship. When you're an immature kid and tries to date other immature kids, that's when sh*t happens.

Online dating is perfectly fine and actually works for older, mature adults.

My little cousin be typing on my account, it's all a lie.

 

[Kathy]

Mellz Bellz,

Any guy that can't deal with you being a virgin at your age doesn't deserve you.

I know you didn't sign up for being a virgin at 27. But I didn't sign up to be un-virgined at 14 (not rape, mostly peer pressure).

We are dealt the cards we are dealt. You play them the best way you can with what you know at the time.

Personally, I commend you for being a virgin at 27. After hearing about 12 year old girls getting pregnant, it's refreshing to know a few are saving it for the right guy.

I lost a best (guy) friend when I lost my virginity. He was like a big brother to me, only better since he was actually nice to me and looked after me. He was really hurt that I didn't stick to my plan and wait till I was older. (No, he didn't want me for himself - he just cared that much about me.)

I'd almost switch it around and start bragging about being a virgin, rather than being ashamed of it, own it. Just a viewpoint you might want to look at.

 

[Mellz Bellz]

Mellz Bellz,

I'd almost switch it around and start bragging about being a virgin, rather than being ashamed of it, own it. Just a viewpoint you might want to look at.

I never quite thought about it that way Kathy. Thanks for the advice.I guess if I do just accept it, it's out there and I don't have to be ashamed of it. I will try to start viewing it differently as you suggested.

 

[jales]

Why would you ever be ashamed of being a virgin?

Virginity is not something to be ashamed of. Sex is important and the fact that you are waiting to share it with someone says A LOT! It says that you see it as something important.

It will be so much easier for your future partner to trust you. If that guy stopped talking to you because you are a virgin, he is a really good guy and just say THANK GOD it was him you met and not some jerk.

I know many guys who would sleep with a girl simply to be the first and they have no intentions of sticking around.

If the first guy you are with is not your last, I don't think it is a big deal. But I do encourage you to hang in there and keep waiting for someone you see as special; because it will be so worth the wait in the end.

If however you are just really curious and can't wait that is also kool, and then you should just do it when you feel to, because you are single and no one can wrong you for doing that. It is human and really natural.


But just wanted to say, the fact that you are a virgin is GREAT. And speaking from experience it meant a lot to me that my person waited on me (wrt sex). So I think it will mean a lot to your future guy as well.

Mellz Bellz,

I'd almost switch it around and start bragging about being a virgin, rather than being ashamed of it, own it. Just a viewpoint you might want to look at.

I never quite thought about it that way Kathy. Thanks for the advice.I guess if I do just accept it, it's out there and I don't have to be ashamed of it. I will try to start viewing it differently as you suggested.

 

[DrFlashman]

You know, people do all sorts of weird stuff that we can't explain. Maybe he had something else going on in his life, or maybe there are a million other possibilities that you'll never know of. You can't dwell on this, or else you'll drive yourself crazy. Honestly, the best thing you can do is move on. I know that's easier said than done, but if he cared about you, then your being a virgin wouldn't matter one bit.

 

[ShybutHi]

Absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin, im a guy of 24 almost 25 and I still hold the V card. Personally I dont really care about what people think about this and if I got asked I would not have a problem telling anyone. Everyone is different and deal with situation's differently, I have had no opportunity to lose my virginity. I truly believe that I am simply not attractive to the opposite sex in any way so I dont even look for a relationship. I would not even know how to go about it anyway because of such a lack of experience and shyness.

It sure does sound to me like this guy was trying to play you possibly for sex... he seem's more like a player to me because of his actions and question's. Some of those question's you said he asked seem too forward and personal. Some of them are just quite simply irrelevant at such an early stage in a relationship too, like asking if you are a virgin. In my eyes virginity does not matter at all and I would not ask question's like this unless I was in a proper relationship with a woman and the subject arose.