Mellz Bellz
Member
*Sigh* Why is it that in the rare times I meet a guy and I just feel that instant spark right away, they never feel the same? It's like how hard is it for two people to click? I'm really beginning to think that I'm going to be single forever.
So let me back up and explain. I moved down here to NC and don't know a lot of other single people. I have friends, but they are all married. So, I tried online dating which I'm not a fan of because I find it so unnatural and inpersonable. Now I admit I am very picky I guess. I don't think I ask for much in a guy, but I also just can't force myself to be with someone I'm not attracted to. I've only had maybe three times in my life where I've met someone and got that crazy, can't stop thinking about them, can see myself with them, in love feeling. It's just never went past more than two or three dates In fact, my longest relationships (which are still pathetically short (1 1/2 months tops?) have been with guys who have always been more into me, but I felt nothing for.
Anyway, I met this guy online who was just perfect. Fell for him in an instant. He was a little younger than me, but well educated, focused in life, good looking, seemed like a real gentlemen. I couldn't believe that he seemed interested in me. We talked on the phone and we texted every day. He was planning on moving to my area, so I thought that it would be a good time for us to get to know each other first to take off that awkward pressure of first meeting. I enjoyed our conversations, but of course not having much experience with guys I was very nervous and was trying not to show it. He kind of picked up on it and at first just thought it was cute. He really though kept zeroing in on my lack of experience which wasn't something that I wanted to bring up right away. He kept asking questions like, "Why are you single?" "How long was your longest relationship?" "Why so short?" "Who ended it?" "Why don't you date more?" It kind of made me uncomfortable, but I just naively thought that duh I'm going to be uncomfortable admitting things to him that I don't just tell every guy in the world.
Then one night we finally webcammed and it got really awkward. I don't necessarily think it was my looks that disapointed him, but we were only talking a few minutes when out of nowhere he goes, "So you said you were a virgin right?" Now the truth is yes I am and like many of you in my position who are older (I'm 27) it's something that you really don't like to admit. To me it's like this big Achille's heel because I'm so scared of how people are going to react and think of me. I'm not waiting for marriage, just the right person. To be honest I've never even come close. My friends say I'm an attractive young woman, but I must give off some really bad vibes or something. This was a nightmare for me because it was not something I was ready to discuss at that point in our relationship and certainly not the way it was brought up. Of course being on webcam I couldn't exactly lie very convincingly, so I felt no choice, but to tell him the truth.
The first words I asked him were "Are you okay with that?" I know a lot of guys who get freaked out by that and can't handle the pressure. He swore that it was fine, but of course HAD to say, "I just can't believe that you're 27 and never had sex." Like, this is a choice for me? I didn't ask for this. So yea... Conversation got really awkward and I had to explain that I was waiting for the right person and then he asked if I was in a relationship how long I thought I'd wait to have sex. I really couldn't give him a definitive answer because I think it would depend on the person. It may be 6 months. It may be two weeks. I'd like to say about three months, but not even ever being in a relationship that even went past some awkward kisses how can I pinpoint that? Anyway as it turns out I got disconnected and decided to call it a night. I texted him to let him know that I enjoyed talking to him and I'd love to do it again sometime. He agreed.
After that I noticed that I was the one doing all the texting. If I texted he'd answer, but I felt like I was doing the chasing. He wouldn't respond right away and things definitely changed. I decided to text him and reiterate to him that what I told him on webcam is not something that I reveal to every guy I date. In fact, he was the first guy I actually told and it's a big deal to me. I again stressed to him that if he was freaked out and didn't want to talk anymore it was fine. He replyed, "It's okay babe. It's cool."
That's like the last I heard from him. He imed me once. We started talking and he disappeared in the middle of our convo. According to his Facebook (yes, I turned into a Facebook stalker. i am SO not that girl, but love makes us do crazy things) he was down in my area visiting and I had told him if he is ever in town to give me a call and we could meet up... Nothing...
Now today I noticed he just deleted me off Facebook. I know it's dumb, but even after all of that I kept hoping and telling myself well, maybe he's just been busy. When he's down here for good you'll get together. Guess so much for that, huh?
I know it's dumb to upset over. fresia him right? It's just now I'm terrified to even talk to another guy because I'm afraid that I'm maybe a lot more transparent than I think. Maybe I have a big letter V tattooed on my forehead or something. Guys seem to have a real issue with this and I just feel so down on myself and unnattractive. I feel like a guy is never going to want to be with me. I feel like I was forced to share my deepest, darkest, secret, and he just spit on it. I'm so afraid that I'm never going to meet a guy that I am attracted to who is okay with this. Like I said, I didn't ask to be a 27 year old virgin. I didn't want to be this age and have never experienced a relationship. I already feel crap about getting older. I wish I'd just gotten over myself when I was younger and realized how attractive I used to be and just had confidence, Now I feel like it's too late for me...
Wow... Sorry for being such a Debbie Downer. I sure vented a lot, but I needed to get that out and need someone to talk to about this stuff who can relate. This is the kind of stuff I can't even share with my closest friends.
So let me back up and explain. I moved down here to NC and don't know a lot of other single people. I have friends, but they are all married. So, I tried online dating which I'm not a fan of because I find it so unnatural and inpersonable. Now I admit I am very picky I guess. I don't think I ask for much in a guy, but I also just can't force myself to be with someone I'm not attracted to. I've only had maybe three times in my life where I've met someone and got that crazy, can't stop thinking about them, can see myself with them, in love feeling. It's just never went past more than two or three dates In fact, my longest relationships (which are still pathetically short (1 1/2 months tops?) have been with guys who have always been more into me, but I felt nothing for.
Anyway, I met this guy online who was just perfect. Fell for him in an instant. He was a little younger than me, but well educated, focused in life, good looking, seemed like a real gentlemen. I couldn't believe that he seemed interested in me. We talked on the phone and we texted every day. He was planning on moving to my area, so I thought that it would be a good time for us to get to know each other first to take off that awkward pressure of first meeting. I enjoyed our conversations, but of course not having much experience with guys I was very nervous and was trying not to show it. He kind of picked up on it and at first just thought it was cute. He really though kept zeroing in on my lack of experience which wasn't something that I wanted to bring up right away. He kept asking questions like, "Why are you single?" "How long was your longest relationship?" "Why so short?" "Who ended it?" "Why don't you date more?" It kind of made me uncomfortable, but I just naively thought that duh I'm going to be uncomfortable admitting things to him that I don't just tell every guy in the world.
Then one night we finally webcammed and it got really awkward. I don't necessarily think it was my looks that disapointed him, but we were only talking a few minutes when out of nowhere he goes, "So you said you were a virgin right?" Now the truth is yes I am and like many of you in my position who are older (I'm 27) it's something that you really don't like to admit. To me it's like this big Achille's heel because I'm so scared of how people are going to react and think of me. I'm not waiting for marriage, just the right person. To be honest I've never even come close. My friends say I'm an attractive young woman, but I must give off some really bad vibes or something. This was a nightmare for me because it was not something I was ready to discuss at that point in our relationship and certainly not the way it was brought up. Of course being on webcam I couldn't exactly lie very convincingly, so I felt no choice, but to tell him the truth.
The first words I asked him were "Are you okay with that?" I know a lot of guys who get freaked out by that and can't handle the pressure. He swore that it was fine, but of course HAD to say, "I just can't believe that you're 27 and never had sex." Like, this is a choice for me? I didn't ask for this. So yea... Conversation got really awkward and I had to explain that I was waiting for the right person and then he asked if I was in a relationship how long I thought I'd wait to have sex. I really couldn't give him a definitive answer because I think it would depend on the person. It may be 6 months. It may be two weeks. I'd like to say about three months, but not even ever being in a relationship that even went past some awkward kisses how can I pinpoint that? Anyway as it turns out I got disconnected and decided to call it a night. I texted him to let him know that I enjoyed talking to him and I'd love to do it again sometime. He agreed.
After that I noticed that I was the one doing all the texting. If I texted he'd answer, but I felt like I was doing the chasing. He wouldn't respond right away and things definitely changed. I decided to text him and reiterate to him that what I told him on webcam is not something that I reveal to every guy I date. In fact, he was the first guy I actually told and it's a big deal to me. I again stressed to him that if he was freaked out and didn't want to talk anymore it was fine. He replyed, "It's okay babe. It's cool."
That's like the last I heard from him. He imed me once. We started talking and he disappeared in the middle of our convo. According to his Facebook (yes, I turned into a Facebook stalker. i am SO not that girl, but love makes us do crazy things) he was down in my area visiting and I had told him if he is ever in town to give me a call and we could meet up... Nothing...
Now today I noticed he just deleted me off Facebook. I know it's dumb, but even after all of that I kept hoping and telling myself well, maybe he's just been busy. When he's down here for good you'll get together. Guess so much for that, huh?
I know it's dumb to upset over. fresia him right? It's just now I'm terrified to even talk to another guy because I'm afraid that I'm maybe a lot more transparent than I think. Maybe I have a big letter V tattooed on my forehead or something. Guys seem to have a real issue with this and I just feel so down on myself and unnattractive. I feel like a guy is never going to want to be with me. I feel like I was forced to share my deepest, darkest, secret, and he just spit on it. I'm so afraid that I'm never going to meet a guy that I am attracted to who is okay with this. Like I said, I didn't ask to be a 27 year old virgin. I didn't want to be this age and have never experienced a relationship. I already feel crap about getting older. I wish I'd just gotten over myself when I was younger and realized how attractive I used to be and just had confidence, Now I feel like it's too late for me...
Wow... Sorry for being such a Debbie Downer. I sure vented a lot, but I needed to get that out and need someone to talk to about this stuff who can relate. This is the kind of stuff I can't even share with my closest friends.