So tired of being alone

[smitty]

It's like that Al Green song.

I work full-time during the day and I perform on stage during the night so I have very little time to meet someone. I've been living alone for a little over a year and I have no one to go home to, no one to share special moments with.

And it makes me sad. :[

I can stay strong most of the time, not let it affect me, but man...I haven't been in a stable relationship for a few years and it is really starting to get to me. Especially since all of my friends are getting married, having kids and are at least in stable relationships.

My work and art life are going well and I have great friends. But, as far as what should be my most personal, intimate relationship it's non-existent. I'm rarely interested in someone and when I am it seems like they're not interested in me. I really feel like I have years and years of loneliness ahead of me. :/

I might reactivate my OkCupid, but really nothing serious came out of that the last few times I tried it.

I feel like there's no hope for someone like me. Every day is the same and I always wind up alone at the end of the night wondering what people who have someone are doing. Probably going to bed at a reasonable hour and living a great life.

I don't even know where to begin. I kind of don't want to throw myself back into the dating pool. That can be as depressing as being alone.

I wish Al Green had a song called "This is How You Become Unalone"

 

[Naleena]

Hi Smitty,
Sounds like you have a full life and a lot of good things going for you. I would encourage you not to write off the internet dating too soon. Sometimes you have to hang in there and keep trying. I hope you find someone soon who is a good match for you. In the meantime, I hear ya bro. It is hard not to have someone to share special moments with. Good luck.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Been doing it for 8 years, if you don't do something to change your situation it will never get better. The longer you stay stuck in it the harder it is to get out.

 

[Sine Nomine]

Hey Smitty, I can relate to that situation. Not right now, though. I've been in a monogamic relationship for three years and some months now, and it changed a lot of how I thought of human relationships in general.

Some four years ago, I remember feeling very lonely and I usually blamed the fact that I didn't have a loved one. Because of that, I think I put too much expectation into what a relationship should feel like. This is a poison, man. Expectations usually kill every good experience we have, because it always falls short. Nowadays, I feel like a sense of purpose is lacking, and I get the appeal of having a family, kids... that all brings purpose to one's life. But this is not necessarily the kind of purpose that will fulfill you.

I keep finding myself very concerned with what's expected of me in my relationship. My girlfriend says stuff like how she envisions our future together and I just can't think of the same things. I don't know what I want to do with my own life, and suddenly I'm deciding for two people.

I'm sorry for rambling on, I guess what I have to say is: there are many ways to work out that loneliness, don't put too much pressure onto it. It's not like you shouldn't make an effort or expect it to magically happen, but just don't worry too much. You're not heading into a solution to your loneliness, you're heading into a big life decision. I hope I wasn't really gloomy or anything like that. Hope you find a nice match!

 

[ladyforsaken]

Been doing it for 8 years, if you don't do something to change your situation it will never get better. The longer you stay stuck in it the harder it is to get out.

This mainly. You have to make a change in something if you want things to change. It may seem difficult or daunting but make a small step first to get to the bigger changes.

I know what you mean about how going back into dating might be just as depressing but who knows you'd find something or someone worth the effort? If you don't try, you'll never know.

Hopefully you'll find what you're looking for. Good luck!

 

[Alonewith2cats]

I feel that way too a lot. And there are disappointments in life too but no matter what you can't ever give up because you want to win eventually, even if it feels like you can't win right now. Take advantage of the freedom you have to talk to lots of people. I read a funny thing on facebook. It's called "flirting" when you're in a relationship and "being friendly" when you're single. Have fun being friendly, talk to lots of people. Seek out connections of all kinds, not only the ones that lead to romantic relationships and see what kind of magic you can make. Talk to both men and women. Expect to experience some rejection and disappointment from time to time like I did on the bus recently with a guy (referenced in another post) but just keep looking for more targets. Like just this morning I introduced myself to a cute new worker in the building at work, got his name, told him my name, he said "nice to meet you." These little things can bring you some pleasure.

 

[Masque]

If you have specific tastes, you'll naturally have to look more to meet the right kind of people. I feel guilty but I feel nothing for the handful of people who look my way, so I know how it is.

 

[Broken Hearted]

I believe there is a true love for everyone. I agree that it would be nice to have that special someone to come home to. Smitty, wish my man wanted what you do. He has it all and totally takes it forgranted. Doesn't deserve what he has.....