Somebody's got to help me. And fast. (PHOENIX area)

[ladyforsaken]

I skipped a lot of pages so forgive me if I am misunderstanding certain things.

Can anyone please help me escape this lonely, monotonous life I am living? I'm going nowhere, I'm working a minimum wage job, and there's absolutely no one around who wants to help get me out of the house. Somebody needs to help me before I go insane. I've been stuck here for much too long, and I need to find someone to possibly move in with that shares similar interests with me. I've been without friends for much too long and I never seem to enjoy my days as much as I can.

Things need to change so badly. I never have time to myself, my work is taxing, and there's never a reward for me after a long, hard week. Somebody in the PHOENIX area has to get me out of here for good, and help me move forward. Please, I'm so desperate...

I think that when you're too caught up with work, you would barely have time for social life... the only way is to make time for them, which could still be difficult because you'd be tired and not have the time for it.

Looking at your situation, the best thing you could do is try to look for another job that isn't as time-consuming as the current one? Maybe having more time for yourself can allow you to get out there and socialise and make new friends. It really does make a lot of difference.

Try not to overwhelm yourself by thinking you have to fix all of these things at once. You have to take one step at a time, deal with one thing at a time so as not to feel too stressed out about it. There's nothing wrong with planning how what you want to do in your near future. Find a new job, move to a new place, join meet up groups etc.

Good luck, anthony.

 

[TheRealCallie]

To all those who ridicule me: You're not helping, only hurting. We are part of the human species and were designed to thrive with each other's help as social animals. No person should have to go at their problems alone. I seek others interested in helping find a place to start life and get used to living on my own, that is all. Was it worth starting such a storm?

No one is ridiculing you. We're trying to make you see that if you sit there and wait for someone else to do honeysuckle for you, nothing will ever change. YOU have to do it.
You want help finding a place to start life and get used to living on your own...how exactly do you expect us to help with that? Do you want us to search the classifieds for apartments or roommates? Perhaps fill out job applications for you? Hold your hand while you walk down the street? WE can't help with those things, you have to do them on your own.
It's a part of life, it's a part of growing up. You don't get to start at the top, you have to start at the bottom and work your way up. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do to get where you want to be. There's no magic wand that is going to be waved around to give you exactly what you want. You want it, WORK FOR IT.

 

[SofiasMami]

To all those who ridicule me: You're not helping, only hurting. We are part of the human species and were designed to thrive with each other's help as social animals. No person should have to go at their problems alone. I seek others interested in helping find a place to start life and get used to living on my own, that is all. Was it worth starting such a storm?

No one is ridiculing you. We're trying to make you see that if you sit there and wait for someone else to do honeysuckle for you, nothing will ever change....

This man is asking for help and you're heckling him with cruel things like "Life's a *****., deal with it" and lecturing him with worthless advice. The OP has already said he doesn't take stock in what you have to say to him. You just don't know when to stop, do you?
You may have the right to voice your opinions thinly disguised as advice but you're NOT entitled to be shielded or protected from criticism.

-Teresa

 

[lifestream]

It's as though everyone is pitted against each other on this site nowadays. Something happened between the time I got an account here, and now. It needs to be reversed.

To all those who ridicule me: You're not helping, only hurting. We are part of the human species and were designed to thrive with each other's help as social animals. No person should have to go at their problems alone. I seek others interested in helping find a place to start life and get used to living on my own, that is all. Was it worth starting such a storm?

I'm sorry your thread got derailed, anthony. I hope some of what has been said here has been of some assistance and comfort to you.

 

[TheSkaFish]

This man is asking for help and you're heckling him with cruel things like "Life's a *****., deal with it" and lecturing him with worthless advice. The OP has already said he doesn't take stock in what you have to say to him. You just don't know when to stop, do you?
You may have the right to voice your opinions thinly disguised as advice but you're NOT entitled to be shielded or protected from criticism.

-Teresa

+1 million

This is why I entered the thread in the first place, against my New Year's resolutions and my better judgment. But at the same time, I felt I had to, because all that the OP was being offered at the time was "life's a *****, suck it up!", which has never felt like any kind of solution to me. To me that's always seemed like "accept that you're always going to be poor/talentless/single/miserable for whatever reason. accept that there are those who 'get' and those who don't, and you don't. accept that you're just not going to get anywhere because anything else is wishful thinking. might as well just lay down and die". I felt he could use some bedside manner, so to speak. I saw a lot of myself in the OP and knowing that I don't respond well to that I didn't think he would either. I think he would respond better to talking through it. Not knowing what you want is kind of like an injury, of course you don't want to stay on crutches forever, who would? But sometimes you need them until you've healed.

Yes, ultimately he will have to do the work himself once he is confident enough to do so and knows where he is going and that it's even possible and not a fool's errand - but I didn't feel he's was asking for help with that. He's asking for help in making a plan, because it's not about working harder - it's about working smarter. I often feel a lot like OP, that's why I ask for help - because sometimes I don't see the way out, and I'm hoping someone will see something I missed.

---

I must bow out of this thread now as I've wasted too much of my one life arguing in circles online, and I told myself I wouldn't do that anymore this year. I feel that if I don't keep my resolutions and commitments to myself now, I never will.

Anthony, in a way I know where you're coming from and wish you all the best. I really think it's all about planning, make a plan for what you want and stick to it. If you know you're plan is sound you'll have the confidence to walk it. Keep us posted and hopefully people can encourage you to keep going, if you fall off your horse.

 

[Despicable Me]

To all those who ridicule me: You're not helping, only hurting. We are part of the human species and were designed to thrive with each other's help as social animals. No person should have to go at their problems alone. I seek others interested in helping find a place to start life and get used to living on my own, that is all. Was it worth starting such a storm?

No one is ridiculing you. We're trying to make you see that if you sit there and wait for someone else to do honeysuckle for you, nothing will ever change. YOU have to do it.

That isn't true at all.
Sometimes people do need help. Sometimes people get it, sometimes they don't. We shouldn't make such absolute statements about everyone. The above is nothing more than a false generalization.
You saying they don't need help and have to do everything themselves is exactly why some people around here are calling you "Sarah Palin", I think. You can't just expect something like that to be true for everyone. It's simply not constructive.

Perhaps this is the life you've lived and you have had to do everything on your own, believing that you never needed anyone else's help, but that doesn't mean everyone in the world is in the same position in life.
You seem to be completely unaware of the fact that some people do need help. And not only that but you do seem to have this rather negative view on people who even ask for help, as if asking for or receiving help is somehow wrong or bad.

I think maybe this is something personal for you, it seems? A lot of people find it very difficult to ask for or receive help themselves. These same people often find those who do ask for help as "lazy" and such things, which brings to mind some of the accusations you've made in this topic. I'm not going to get into the psychobabble about this, but regardless of how you might personally feel about getting help there is honestly nothing wrong with simply asking for some. And people should not be so quick to judge or criticize these kind of requests. Everyone needs help at some point in their lives. In fact the very nature of being human requires assistance as babies and children require it.

Anyway, I don't know anthony's circumstances nor will I try to judge them from what he has provided, but he is asking for help and I think we should take that at face value rather than anyone telling him he doesn't need it. Maybe he does. How would we know? A request is a request, we can either honor that request or we can ignore it. But criticizing a request for help, as you are doing, seems derogatory and very condescending. And doing that to someone in their time of need can be extremely detrimental.
Asking for help is quite a humbling experience. It requires humility. We should be appreciating the fact anyone has the strength to do it, not condemning them for it.

Do some people try to take advantage of others? Sure. There are some people like that in the world. People with no self-respect or respect for others. They exist.
Does everyone try to abuse this? No, not at all. Many people legitimately seek help every day. And sadly very few ever get the help they deserve. And so I personally think we should not be so quick to judge one another.

 

[VanillaCreme]

If you can't comment on something someone's said without jumping up and getting defensive, then don't say anything. I'd hate for another thread to be closed because people can't accept a difference of opinions.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Sometimes people do need help. Sometimes people get it, sometimes they don't. We shouldn't make such absolute statements about everyone. The above is nothing more than a false generalization.
You saying they don't need help and have to do everything themselves is exactly why some people around here are calling you "Sarah Palin", I think. You can't just expect something like that to be true for everyone. It's simply not constructive.

Perhaps it is a generalization, but it's not a false one. Yes, people do get help, but for what the OP wants, the only thing he can get from us is maybe support or advice.
As for what is or is not constructive is subjective, isn't it? As you said, "you can't just expect something like that to be true for everyone." We can't help him find a place to live, we can't get him a roommate, we can't help him get a different job. HE has to do that. HE has to do the work, HE has to look around to see what he's qualified for. If the cost of living is too high where he is, he needs to look for a job/place to live/roommate elsewhere, as I said in my first or second post.

Perhaps this is the life you've lived and you have had to do everything on your own, believing that you never needed anyone else's help, but that doesn't mean everyone in the world is in the same position in life.
You seem to be completely unaware of the fact that some people do need help. And not only that but you do seem to have this rather negative view on people who even ask for help, as if asking for or receiving help is somehow wrong or bad.

It's funny how people assume that my life is perfect and I've done everything on my own with no help just because I don't air my personal life on open forum. lol I've said it before and I'll say it again, you'd be surprised what I've been through in my life.
Also, just because something SEEMS one way to you, doesn't mean that it is. Yes, sometimes I do have a negative view when some people ask for hep, but again, how about you go read what I wrote on the first page before you pass off whatever judgment you want to pass off.

I think maybe this is something personal for you, it seems? A lot of people find it very difficult to ask for or receive help themselves. These same people often find those who do ask for help as "lazy" and such things, which brings to mind some of the accusations you've made in this topic. I'm not going to get into the psychobabble about this, but regardless of how you might personally feel about getting help there is honestly nothing wrong with simply asking for some. And people should not be so quick to judge or criticize these kind of requests. Everyone needs help at some point in their lives. In fact the very nature of being human requires assistance as babies and children require it.

You may be right about what you seem to think of me with asking for help....if I didn't have kids. But I do. Since I do have kids, I ask for help when I need it because my children's well being is FAR more important than any sense of misplaced pride I might have.

Anyway, I don't know anthony's circumstances nor will I try to judge them from what he has provided, but he is asking for help and I think we should take that at face value rather than anyone telling him he doesn't need it. Maybe he does. How would we know? A request is a request, we can either honor that request or we can ignore it. But criticizing a request for help, as you are doing, seems derogatory and very condescending. And doing that to someone in their time of need can be extremely detrimental.
Asking for help is quite a humbling experience. It requires humility. We should be appreciating the fact anyone has the strength to do it, not condemning them for it.

Okay fine, you go and scour the internet for a new job, a roommate and a place to live. Because THAT is the help he is asking for here.
As I said, read EVERYTHING I post in a thread instead of going off other people's petty judgments and grudges against me.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Sigh. Anthony, I hope you're hanging in there.

 

[Sometimes]

Hi Anthony, I also hope you're hanging in there.

Lots of people here seem to be in support of working hard to get what you want. I want to say a little about making time and space for yourself. I hear what you're saying about you working a job that pays, then the rest of your time is spent working unpaid. This is bad. Of course, you already know that, but one doesn't realise just how bad that is until you're on the other side of it. You cannot be a human being when you're just a labouring machine. And I'm afraid that if you keep this up, you will collapse.

While your busting your ass trying to make things change for you, please try to find something to laugh about. Laughter is very healing. And try to find and hold a calm place within yourself and go to it, for maybe 5 minutes a day.

I heard that cry for someone to help you get out, not as an expectation that someone would hand you a free ticket, but as an expression of how bad it's getting for you. I was lucky, because although I waited until the bloody sharp end to make that cry, there happened to be someone there to help. No they didn't give me a ticket out, just helped me get on the right track. In the end I did have to do it myself.

 

[Despicable Me]

I don't want to drag this more off topic than it already has been but I've got a few last comments to make.

Okay fine, you go and scour the internet for a new job, a roommate and a place to live. Because THAT is the help he is asking for here.

I agree that he probably won't find much help here. My point was only that he might and simply asking for help is, in a way, doing exactly as you suggested he do. Trying to find what he needs. It is indirect, and I understand you're trying to tell him to be more direct, but I don't see anything wrong with this exactly. We don't know if someone here might live in the area and maybe they need a roommate or know of a job opening. We can't know that.

As I said, read EVERYTHING I post in a thread instead of going off other people's petty judgments and grudges against me.

That one hurts a bit.
I always think for myself. Always. Throughout my entire life I have always rejected other people's pettiness, their judgements, and their emotions. It is the very thing that defines who I am. The one thing that I thrive on and at the same time the one thing that seems to be killing me every day.
So I want you to understand I wasn't saying those things to reinforce what anyone else here said. Merely to explain why they were saying them. I agree some of the people here can be petty sometimes. And some petty insults were directed at you. But you know I have nothing against you, Callie. I've told you that before. And I would never let anyone else get in the way of that or influence what I believe.
The last thing I would ever want is for my statements to be seen as some kind of pandering or mob mentality. That was absolutely never intended. If that is how I came across then I truly apologize and I am extremely sorry for that. That isn't who I am at all. I would never do something like that.

I made a mess of this. I'm sorry to everyone. I don't even know what the hell I'm doing anymore.

@anthony, I hope you find what you need. Sorry I can't be of any assistance to you.