Someone for everyone

[Lyrics and Guitars]

Hi y'all.

I was going through some threads and some of you really feel as if theres no way u'd find a special someone.
I know for a fact that there is someone for everyone!
Sure, it might seem or be hard to find.
But it might not be as impossible as you think.
People who knew me in real life or.. thought who knew me,
would probably laugh and say "how would u know"
For me when i was like 16 until 18 or so it all went easy.
I guess i was one of the populair guys on school.
I was until i chose not to be.
Being part of a group where u shut others out is very much against my believes.
I remember that i liked this girl who was always bullied around.
I don't know why or if i started out liking her because i felt for her, i just did.
When i started to hang out with her i noticed that she was most likely the nicest person i had ever met.
She was pretty, smart, funny..
Somehow everyone had something against her.
The fact that i hung out with her changed how people would look at me.
And one morning when i came to school my 'friends' told me i had a choice to make,
Her or them and as they said, everyone there.
I was bullied myself, before i ended up with the more populair crowd and i really didn't wanna go back to that.
Honestly.. i was just scared of what would happen if i chose her.
So i chose them.
When she walked into our class she came sit next to me.
Some people started saying things like how pathetic she was thinking she got to hang out with me (i'm really not that special) and i said nothing to defend her.
She tried not to cry and asked me what was going on and i told her something like, "seriously?.. u really thought i liked u? I just thought u were sad and i really don't know why i should care"
She stood up and left.
It was the worste i had ever done to anyone.
I realised the next day what i had not only done to her, but to myself as well.
If u have a choice, 1 true friend or 100 'so called' friends..
I liked her as more than a friend.
I was so angry at myself and at the people who kept pushing me to do what i did.
So there was only one right thing to do.
The next day at school when i came in class i told my 'friends'
that i rather had no friends at all than to be someone i'm not just to fit in.
The girl i liked obviously didn't like me one bit at that time and now it was her turn to stay silent.
She was right to ignore me, i would've if i could.
From that day on, she wasn't bullied as much.
Most were to busy ruining my day.
Yet i was glad that i left the crowd.
Finding a girl was ehmmm impossible now though..
At least that's how it felt.
But after i left school and left behind a reputation that i never wanted in the first place,
I started talking to complete strangers.
Guys didn't like me much and i didn't like them.
They talk about women the way women talk about shoes.
And the shoes get a lot more respect than women did.
I guess i am not a 'real' man or, by definition.
In my eyes a real man is a man who doesn't pretend to be more than he is.
A real man shouldn't have to drink, fight or talk women as if they are just a dirty fantasy or a one night stand.
But that aside.
I chose to just be exactly who i was.
If i was bullied because of that i kept telling myself that the only way to look at myself in the mirror with at least a little pride, was if i wouldn't change who i was just to fit in.
Eventually it would mean u'd have to play a role and that people would like u for all the wrong reasons.
I started talking to different people.
Some liked me and some weren't interested.
The ones that did like me, liked me for me.
I met this beautiful girl who liked me for me, we got married 2 years ago after being together for 10 years.
She is my wife, my best friend and my soulmate.

I guess that's the thing u should hold on to.
To always be exactly who u are.
A lot of people if they'd approach someone to flirt with feel as if it's akward or that they should have a smart opening line or something interesting to talk about.
For those people, just be you? It might suprise ya and it may not be the first girl or guy that u approach, but it will pay off.
And when it does, then u know she or he likes u exactly for who you are and for all the right reasons.

There is someone out there for you.
And you are more than worth having a special someone!

Take care

-Jason

 

[looking glass]

Good to see that you are happy where you are now.


But the fact of the matter is that there isn't someone for everyone.
I'm 26 and I am perpetually single, even though I changed very much, several times, in the last ten or so years. And I know that there are people who are over 30, 40, 50 etc. who are in such a situation.

I wouldn't know why that is. I'd say that meeting someone just happens by chance. But that would mean that, since most people experienced at least some sort of relationship in their lives, those who haven't are just incredibly unlucky.

C'est la vie.

[edit]
Sorry for being such a downer but I find it to be dangerous to deal in absolutes and saying that something will happen just because it will happen... well, it's impossible to believe.

 

[Lyrics and Guitars]

Hi Looking glass,

I understand what you're saying and maybe it's easy for me to state 'someone for everyone'
Yet, if you say it differently.. for example,
There are billions of people on this planet, what are the odds that one of all those billions of people would love being yours?
I'd bet all my money that there'd be someone stepping foward saying ' i '.

How much effort do you put into finding someone and how much effort are you willing to put into it?
What do you do to find that special someone?
What could you.. do?
Does it have to be coincidence or luck?
Or are you somehow able to force luck?

Someone who joins a swim team, starts playing tennis, joins a volleyball team or simply signs up as a volunteer for something has maybe 90% more chance to meet someone and maybe 'the one' than someone who barely goes out.

I'm not saying it is just that easy, absolutely not.
But i do believe you are able to influence the odds of luck or chance.

Trust and hope is important to have and if u try to climb a mountain and u fall down every time u try, it would be easy and maybe logical to say it is impossible to get up there.
But it isn't realistic when there are already people standing on top of it.

My point is..
There are plenty of people who just knew they'd be alone for the rest of their lives, until they found someone.
It's a bit like "I'm fine until i'm not"

Obviously joining a volleyball team is no guarantee.
But the more teams u join, the higher and bigger are the odds.

For what it's worth,
I hope to inspire you rather than to simply debate.

Best regards -J

 

[looking glass]

Yes, I understand what you mean.
Seven billion people, at least half of them are women. There's gotta be someone, right?

The thing is... it's really all circumstance. Because there are these men and women who never in their life find a relationship. The are a myriad reasons for why that is.

I guess I am kind of a pessimist, even though I view myself as a realist. I just assume the worst because I tell myself that at least I won't be disappointed if the worst came to pass. Not that this was ever the case but I cannot stop being like that.


My problem is that I'm pretty stupid when it comes to meeting and talking to women. I started a thread where a lot of really great people gave me quite a bit of advice and I thank them all for that, but... somehow I still lack direction.

You did that, too. Told me to join some clubs or something. Which in itself is a really great idea and it's not that I don't know how to join a club. It's just that I can't myself to do it since I'm confused.

I'm also over-thinking it too much. What activity? What club? Where? When? How do I approach the whole thing? And once I'm in, how do I meet new people? Do I try to flirt with that girl? Is it too obvious? Is it appropriate? Is it weird? Or do I become friends with that guy? Maybe he can introduce me to someone? But why would he, we barely know each other. How long until we are good enough friends so he starts inviting me to parties? How can I influence that? Am I too shy? How do I signal that I'd be interested in hanging out and meeting other people? How do I talk to girls? How do I ask someone out on a date?

As you can see I spend A LOT of time in my head because this is the one place that I have where no one can judge me and no one can criticise me, where I'm safe.

For me it's not just about doing something (an activity like jogging, going to a cafe, joining a club) but I'm also inept at how to do it. I lack direction. Of course I don't expect anyone to give me a step by step tutorial on how to talk to girls but I DO lack direction. Suppose I decide to go to a cafe on a Saturday afternoon, with a book or something like that.
Do I just sit there and read? Or do I engage people? I mean, I cannot imagine doing that because I'm pretty sure they will be bothered by me asking them or talking to them.
I also cannot imagine myself to chit-chat with a girl and then outright ask for her number. I'm not that confident. I'll also not be able to return to that cafe anymore.

I thank you for your kind words and your advice but after typing all that down I get the impression that I'm kind of crazy. :/

 

[Lyrics and Guitars]

I admire your honesty.
And i don't think you're crazy at all.

I think convidence is very important when you decide to approach someone.
And obviously a lot of people struggle with it.
I myself used to as well.

I'd say, babysteps.
You like books? Try going to the library once or twice a week.
See someone of interest?
Try sitting at the table next to her/him, maybe one table in between so it isn't to obvious.
The way i used to flirt was to use small boost of convidence which also i found difficult.
I absolutely wouldn't just walk up to a good looking stranger, randomly introduce myself and wait for the first akward moment of silence.
I'd just wait.
For example, I was having dinner once at this restaurant and the girl who served our table (fam dinner) looked amazing.
When we all had to order our drink i made sure to make eye contact when i ordered mine and after i told her what i wanted i kept my eyes on her until she was done writing.
She looked back up and noticed i was still looking at her at as her eyes went back my way, i smiled and joined in on the going conversation with my fam.
When she brought us our drinks my eyes went straight back into her direction again and you'd be suprised how fast her eyes would go your way.
It doesn't have to mean she likes you, but she noticed you for sure.
Scary enough? Finish up dinner and call it a day.
Still have some courage in you?
Then take the next step.
After we finished dinner the same girl came to our table, every time she did my eyes where on her and this time her eyes went my way.
For me, and i'm no speciallist, this was the point where u don't wanna smile from ear to ear thinking " my god hi hiii u totally noticed me " in my mind that would very much overdo it and maybe look a tad desperate.
So, i looked back at her so she'd know i noticed her and pretended i didn't care much and took my eyes off her after a sec or two.
And that is the point where also for me it would get kinda scary.
As this is the part where u either make a move or not.
The thing you did until now is throw in some confusion.
First you make eye contact, you smile at her/him, then the second eye contact (it usually comes) and as soon the person u made eye contact with obviously noticed you, don't look to interest, play it cool.
After she left our table i waited until she stood behind the bar.
I gave myself the best peptalk i could think of "I soo wanna puke" and excused myself from the table and walked up to the bar.
That's where u want to make eye contact again and this time it may be obvious when u smile.
Don't laugh like someone just made the best joke u've ever heard, u don't wanna laugh at her.
And don't overdo it as well.
In my case she smiled back and said hi.
I ordered a beer and took a seat at the bar.
When she gave me my beer, it was up to me how far i was willing to push myself.
A comforting thought was that i knew the fam still at the table was having their last cup of coffee before taking leave.
It simply meant that i didn't have to make an endless conversation that rarely ends well.
A window of ten minutes ish, perfect.
If i say something funny and i'm the only one laughing than at least it won't have to deal with any akwardness for all to long..
I can't exactly remember the things i said.
But it was small talk.
I remember it was pretty crowded and when she handed me my beer i already made eye contact again, smiled politely with the attemd to look somewhat charming, and said something like "finally able to catch a breath huh?"
And she said something like "yeah, it was pretty hectic but everyones settled now"
An easy pick up line, " Working late or are you almost done? "
I kinda do remember the conversation now lol.
She said something like " i wish, i have two hours to go "
At some point u have to throw yourself into the deep and let her/him know you're interested.
" Shame, i would've asked you to join me and offer you a drink "
She laughed and said something like " that would've been nice "
And that is why i loved the time frame.
You made your impression.
You don't have to keep the conversation going much longer than you can handle.
I asked if she had a pen to which she replied " sure "
And as she handed me the pen i took the pen with my right hand as i took her hand with my left hand.
Obviously if that's to scary, grab a filter or a napkin or whatever.
As i was 90% sure she'd take it well i took her hand, wrote down my number and said " Guess i owe you a drink then, you should call me sometime "
And introduced myself " oh, i'm Jason by the way "
I forgot her name but she smiled and told me her name.

In this case i got 'lucky' if you will.
As the fam and i made our way towards the exit i suddenly felt someone reaching for my hand.
I turned around and it was the girl from the bar.
She gave me a small piece of paper and said " text me later tonight? "

And i agree..
This is obviously one of my finer days.
I could've easely given you the story or,one of them where it didn't turn out so well.

But the example i try to make or call it my advice,
Babysteps.
If you're in a library and u spot someone nice,
Just say a simple hello as you take place close next to someone.
Does she/he has a book you've read, compliment it or ask about her/his oppinion about one of the chapters.
The comforting thought behind it is that.. say u find the courage to say something to the person next to you, let's make up two different outcomes.

You- " Hii, good book you're reading "
She/he " oh hi, yeah.. it's okay so far "
You " Which chapter are you at? "
She/he " uhm, chapter 4 "
You " I really liked the 6th chapter.. ( feeling comfy enough? Make a small conversation about chapter 1 - 4.. Wasn't it the second chapter where Julie went to Paris with her uncle? "
She/he " yea, that's where she met Ruiz " ( go on with the convo as long as you feel it is going well, ask her/him something like, " do you come to read here often? "

2d scenario

" Wasn't it the second chapter where Julie went to Paris with her uncle? "
She/he " errmm..........yeah?......"
You " Thought so , enjoy the book "

Just mind your own book, there is always tomorrow.


If i can help you in any way, just shout.
I'm no expert at all but if you wonder how to approach or deal with a certain situation, a different oppinion(s) might help you to extend your convidence.

Have a good day

Best -Jason

 

[ABrokenMan]

Please, stop perpetuating this "there's someone for everyone" bullcrap.

That's exactly what it is.

Ranks right up at the summit of Mount Bullcrap, platitudes taught to us as children, like "You can be anything you want to be.."

Reality is not fair and equal to everyone. For every person that is successful and happy there will always be someone who is not.

Such is the essence of life.

If you've managed to find that special someone, you have my congratulations. There is a high tally of 20 and 30 somethings here. Life is still unfolding for you. Try dealing with condescending statements when you move past 50 years of age, are single, yet don't want to be, but the odds / chances of finding someone and the days remaining to do so are fewer. I hope that no one has to go through this when they reach my age. I wanted to be a dad, have my own family, and feel like I was at long last alive. I had it in my grasp, or thought I did. Now it's too late, looking at life realistically. I'm living proof ther eis not someone for everyone, even if one is or becomes damaged.

 

[Locke]

I don't necessarily believe that there's someone for everyone. Life is never that simple. True love is rare. I think that there are a few people in the world that you can love with all of your heart. If you're lucky, you'll meet at least one of them. If you're very lucky, they'll love you in turn. But not everyone is that lucky. That special someone isn't just waiting for you to stumble upon them someday, even if it seems like that sometimes, and even if it's easier for some people than it is for others. You have to be willing to keep trying, and hope that you'll find them.

I do like your message of hope, even if I don't completely agree with it.

 

[AnonymousMe]

Lyrics and Guitars, don't use yourself as a hopeful example for the rest of the world, please? Also, posts like yours hurts us lonely individuals more than anything else.

 

[Lyrics and Guitars]

Please, stop perpetuating this "there's someone for everyone" bullcrap.

That's exactly what it is.

Ranks right up at the summit of Mount Bullcrap, platitudes taught to us as children, like "You can be anything you want to be.."

Reality is not fair and equal to everyone. For every person that is successful and happy there will always be someone who is not.

Such is the essence of life.

Life is still unfolding for you.

Thank you for your reply.

I realise that my attemd to inspire can't help everyone.
Though if one out of a hundered does feel inspired, then i'm very happy with the outcome.

As you have no idea who i am, i can't blame you for saying " Life is still unfolding for you "
I want to point out that people much younger than you, could have a soull much older.
As for me, My life isn't unfolding.
It has ripped open, beaten, kicked and spit on.
I have found my special someone.
I hope someday, i find myself.

---

I don't necessarily believe that there's someone for everyone. Life is never that simple. True love is rare. I think that there are a few people in the world that you can love with all of your heart. If you're lucky, you'll meet at least one of them. If you're very lucky, they'll love you in turn. But not everyone is that lucky. That special someone isn't just waiting for you to stumble upon them someday, even if it seems like that sometimes, and even if it's easier for some people than it is for others. You have to be willing to keep trying, and hope that you'll find them.

I do like your message of hope, even if I don't completely agree with it.

Thanks for your reply,

I totally agree that true love is rare.
As are 'real' friends.
If you can count them on more than one hand you're blessed.
I know there are plenty of people who are alone and wish they weren't.
I also know, some fight their own insecurities to try and turn things around.
While others do absolutely nothing to make it better.

I have a lot of respect for the ones going after their 'luck'
And i find it difficult to respect them who do nothing to make things better.

I do understand how hard it can be to keep hope.
It's as i said, when u climb a mountain and u fall down every time u try, it would be easy to say it is impossible.
Yet if there are already people standing on top of the mountain, then it should be possible.
And maybe that's what i just said..
The people who keep trying to force their own luck, will most likely observe every single option on how to get on top.
Some fell down trying and even though they never went around the mountain to find a better part to climb, they lay down swearing it is impossible.

What i try to do..
simply inspire one or two to walk around the mountain.

---

Lyrics and Guitars, don't use yourself as a hopeful example for the rest of the world, please? Also, posts like yours hurts us lonely individuals more than anything else.

I usually start with a "thank you for your reply"

Let me start by a simple 'Hello'

I will use myself.
Have you met me?

What if u found out that yes i found my special one, i have no 'real' family and not one friend besides my wife.
What if u found out that i had to live under a bridge just 5 months before i met her.
What if u found out why docters say it is to riskty to treate my PTSD because my heart might give in if i had to go digging for memories.

My life isn't one story on a forum.
I was one who knew i'd be alone for ever.
No, i was one who thought..... i'd be alone, but i went after my luck.

I just spoke about 'the mountain' in my reply to Locke,
How some go around the mountain, and some just lay back.
Who of those are you?

Maybe i'm wrong, but your reply annoyed me.
I almost wanna say, stop feeling sorry for yourself and start walking that mountain.

Then again......
Who am I to judge U.
I shouldn't.

But if u lay down for all the reasons you have..
Try to at least encourage others rather than asking them to stay on your side of the mountain.

 

[Lyrics and Guitars]

To each and everyone reading the 'Someone for everyone' thread,

I hope it's obvious i posted this thread with the best intentions.
I appologize to them who find it difficult and feel like hope or effort will eventually just be a waste of time.

I encourage others to keep the 'Mountain' example in the back of their minds.

Also i want to let you know that i used to think it would be extremely hard to find someone.
Maybe i should've pointed that out more obvious in my first post.

If there are people who did find someone, but can still relate remembering how it felt before you met your someone, feel very free to post about your succes.

I realise that last line could be bait to some.
If there won't be posts about succes it is probably because it is impossible.

My reply to them "............... : ) "