Hi people! I hope this won’t be me whining a lot, but I don’t think I’m happy. I feel like crying for no reason, and the sadness can even be so strong at times that I hit myself in the face. I often think about what it would be like to jump before a train, though it will probably never happen. Hopefully by writing this post I can learn more about myself (how very selfish!) but I hope it can help others as well.
I don’t think my problems are that big (at least not compared to what others are experiencing), but I need a push or something. Don’t be gentle.
So, some background; I’m a 23 years old guy, lived a sheltered life (though I have taken some risks!), educated, my own apartment, good career in computers (which used to be of huge interest to me), etc. I’ve always been the youngest person in any given context, except for my family.
I’m a positive guy mostly, and I think I’m nice to people in some way. But lately I’ve been starting to think I might not be as nice as I think I am; there’s usually something I don’t like about people and I give that too much space. Sometimes, it even happens with friends, but at least then it passes soon. I’m also afraid I’m not really interested in other people. It seems I have to be drunk to be that, though I do ask people questions out of some reason or another, maybe politeness.
To nuance that picture a bit, I’m not afraid of making a fool of myself. Not by very much, anyway. I can also hold a conversation and be cheerful at times.
Am I arrogant? Or do I simply not have a presence? I’ve also been thinking that I might be a jealous type.
I’ve only had one real girlfriend in my life, which was pretty late, though I’ve been OK friendwise. The friends in my life are from school, and girls have always been from the Internet. I want to change this (since I’m not in school anymore, and I’m tired of the Internet), but I have no clue where I can meet girls in real life except for bars and clubs. I talk to roughly ~2 new girls a week, but that’s usually when I buy groceries. I hang with two friends but it seems they don’t want to share their friends or know any girls.
I’ve probably been like this for a long time, and I’m getting fed up. When I’m happy, I’m full of energy and I want to do things. I love that person, but that’s usually not how I am. There was a period when I was more happy in general, and that was when I was together with my girlfriend.
I’ve been thinking that maybe I’ve got asperger’s, or maybe bipolar, but the tests on the Internet say I’m hardly any one of them. Some tests even say I’m an extrovert.
Sorry for the long post, but I’m blind to what my problem is. Maybe I’ve been this way for far too long to see it. :club:
I don’t think my problems are that big (at least not compared to what others are experiencing), but I need a push or something. Don’t be gentle.
So, some background; I’m a 23 years old guy, lived a sheltered life (though I have taken some risks!), educated, my own apartment, good career in computers (which used to be of huge interest to me), etc. I’ve always been the youngest person in any given context, except for my family.
I’m a positive guy mostly, and I think I’m nice to people in some way. But lately I’ve been starting to think I might not be as nice as I think I am; there’s usually something I don’t like about people and I give that too much space. Sometimes, it even happens with friends, but at least then it passes soon. I’m also afraid I’m not really interested in other people. It seems I have to be drunk to be that, though I do ask people questions out of some reason or another, maybe politeness.
To nuance that picture a bit, I’m not afraid of making a fool of myself. Not by very much, anyway. I can also hold a conversation and be cheerful at times.
Am I arrogant? Or do I simply not have a presence? I’ve also been thinking that I might be a jealous type.
I’ve only had one real girlfriend in my life, which was pretty late, though I’ve been OK friendwise. The friends in my life are from school, and girls have always been from the Internet. I want to change this (since I’m not in school anymore, and I’m tired of the Internet), but I have no clue where I can meet girls in real life except for bars and clubs. I talk to roughly ~2 new girls a week, but that’s usually when I buy groceries. I hang with two friends but it seems they don’t want to share their friends or know any girls.
I’ve probably been like this for a long time, and I’m getting fed up. When I’m happy, I’m full of energy and I want to do things. I love that person, but that’s usually not how I am. There was a period when I was more happy in general, and that was when I was together with my girlfriend.
I’ve been thinking that maybe I’ve got asperger’s, or maybe bipolar, but the tests on the Internet say I’m hardly any one of them. Some tests even say I’m an extrovert.
Sorry for the long post, but I’m blind to what my problem is. Maybe I’ve been this way for far too long to see it. :club: