Something’s wrong, but I don’t know what

[tusk]

Hi people! I hope this won’t be me whining a lot, but I don’t think I’m happy. I feel like crying for no reason, and the sadness can even be so strong at times that I hit myself in the face. I often think about what it would be like to jump before a train, though it will probably never happen. Hopefully by writing this post I can learn more about myself (how very selfish!) but I hope it can help others as well.
I don’t think my problems are that big (at least not compared to what others are experiencing), but I need a push or something. Don’t be gentle.
So, some background; I’m a 23 years old guy, lived a sheltered life (though I have taken some risks!), educated, my own apartment, good career in computers (which used to be of huge interest to me), etc. I’ve always been the youngest person in any given context, except for my family.
I’m a positive guy mostly, and I think I’m nice to people in some way. But lately I’ve been starting to think I might not be as nice as I think I am; there’s usually something I don’t like about people and I give that too much space. Sometimes, it even happens with friends, but at least then it passes soon. I’m also afraid I’m not really interested in other people. It seems I have to be drunk to be that, though I do ask people questions out of some reason or another, maybe politeness.
To nuance that picture a bit, I’m not afraid of making a fool of myself. Not by very much, anyway. I can also hold a conversation and be cheerful at times.

Am I arrogant? Or do I simply not have a presence? I’ve also been thinking that I might be a jealous type.

I’ve only had one real girlfriend in my life, which was pretty late, though I’ve been OK friendwise. The friends in my life are from school, and girls have always been from the Internet. I want to change this (since I’m not in school anymore, and I’m tired of the Internet), but I have no clue where I can meet girls in real life except for bars and clubs. I talk to roughly ~2 new girls a week, but that’s usually when I buy groceries. I hang with two friends but it seems they don’t want to share their friends or know any girls.
I’ve probably been like this for a long time, and I’m getting fed up. When I’m happy, I’m full of energy and I want to do things. I love that person, but that’s usually not how I am. There was a period when I was more happy in general, and that was when I was together with my girlfriend.
I’ve been thinking that maybe I’ve got asperger’s, or maybe bipolar, but the tests on the Internet say I’m hardly any one of them. Some tests even say I’m an extrovert.

Sorry for the long post, but I’m blind to what my problem is. Maybe I’ve been this way for far too long to see it. :club:

 

[dead]

Tusk, sometimes it's just a matter of time and place, i guess.
as to where do you meet new people - i wish i knew the answer to that. i study - so i suppose most people i know are from uni.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Some version of Asperger's might apply, such as the fact that you're not generally interested in people but whatever you have is evidently mild. Try dance classes; there is a higher population of women who attend it, so you'll be able to meet more people there, and it is also a fairly technical field where you can apply your same general form of attention to.

 

[tusk]

Thanks for your replies!

Tusk, sometimes it's just a matter of time and place, i guess.
as to where do you meet new people - i wish i knew the answer to that. i study - so i suppose most people i know are from uni.

Time and place have always been bad for me, then. :/ Sometimes I wish I could go back to uni, study something outside my field.

Some version of Asperger's might apply, such as the fact that you're not generally interested in people but whatever you have is evidently mild. Try dance classes; there is a higher population of women who attend it, so you'll be able to meet more people there, and it is also a fairly technical field where you can apply your same general form of attention to.

Is there some way to become more interested? Though I'm not sure I'm interested in other people or not, how do you know?
Good idea with the dance classes, I've actually had that in mind earlier. Maybe I'll try it out-- I might not find a girlfriend there, but at least I get more exposed to women in a relaxed environment. Though why would girls my age go paying for dance classes?

 

[Musicalpsycho]

What interests do you have? Are there any that you could develop at a club or other organisation? If there are then you'd have some common ground to discuss with any women there, just an idea. If the unhappiness etc persists then maybe you could consider Psycho-therapy? It's really helped me get to the root of my anger/ anxiety/ depression issues and it might help you too.

 

[roguewave]

To me, it sounds like you are bored and not being challenged or engaged enough in everyday life.

 

[paulo]

i do have asperger`s and the whole social aspect of people doesnt interest me at all.
so in that way of interacting with people socially i have no interest at all, other than trying to figuere out what the point of it all is.
so i get bored really fast talking to people if there is no clear reason to be talking.
i like discussing sharing ideas and thoughts but pretty much onely when it is about something im interested in or something i dont know enough about yet.
so mostely i do get bored with people.
i like having them around from time to time but talking to them if there is nothing to talk about just doesnt interest me.
if it gets uncomfortable i also ask questions hoping something interesting comes up or just to be nice and seem interested

 

[tusk]

What interests do you have? Are there any that you could develop at a club or other organisation? If there are then you'd have some common ground to discuss with any women there, just an idea. If the unhappiness etc persists then maybe you could consider Psycho-therapy? It's really helped me get to the root of my anger/ anxiety/ depression issues and it might help you too.

I used to be really interested in computer programming, but it doesn't spark my interest the way it used to anymore. It was my no 1 hobby for ~15 or so years. Most other interests are solitary ones or ones with very few women.
I think I'd try therapy at least once if I knew why I was going there; I'm afraid I might say "I'm quite alright" or something like that.

To me, it sounds like you are bored and not being challenged or engaged enough in everyday life.

I think you might be right. Maybe I need to change job and take up some new hobbies/go deeper into existing ones. Was there anything in particular that made it sound that way?

paulo: Have you been diagnosed with asperger's? or can non-aspies be uninterested in other people? are people generally interested in other people's lives? I thought everyone just wanted to talk about themselves. or bond.

 

[paulo]

i am officially an aspie yes
well i do talk to people, if I want them to like me, or to not make the situation awkward.
but unless i really really like the persone (which doesnt happen verry often) or there is really something to talk about, i get noting out of the conversation, its just a lot of hard work for me with no point to it.
and i do really get bored in the middle of it.
a confersation just for the sake of filling a silence i just find to be completely pointless and useless.
so if i do get stuck talking to someone like that, id love to aks the persone to be quiet and stop talking, but i dont cause thats rude, so instead i pretend i care and listen untill theyre done talking, totaly bored and not interested usually thinking about other stuff.
or if i can find a way out without hurting anybodys feelings i go for that.

i guess if you dont feel like talking for any reason and there is nothing to gain from a conversation anyone can be uninterested in other people at times.
because people like to talk about themselfs, you dont always want to listen to that, specially when you have a lot going on in your life.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Is there some way to become more interested? Though I'm not sure I'm interested in other people or not, how do you know?
Good idea with the dance classes, I've actually had that in mind earlier. Maybe I'll try it out-- I might not find a girlfriend there, but at least I get more exposed to women in a relaxed environment. Though why would girls my age go paying for dance classes?

You'd be surprised. And if nothing else, you can then use your skills at a club, it'll be a **** applicable. Definitely recommended.

As to become more interested in people, I think you just need to see some benefit from them. At least, that's the way I am, but evidently I have antisocial personality disorder and don't particularly enjoy talking about nothing. So as long as people are interesting and have common ground with you, though, I think you'll have plenty to want to learn from them, and share thoughts on; i.e. most people might want to talk about sports, which you have no interest in, but you might be very interested in talking to someone who's working with artificial intelligence rulesets and trying to adapt a beowulf cluster to support such a system.