Sometimes it is not worth helping people

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charlotte craig

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That makes sense. People often leave bits out or exaggerate or make things up to make their side of a story sound better.

The thing is that when you are talking about whether or not people want to socialise with you and grumbling that they do not want to meet up with you then you do have to see it from their point of view. If those people have loads of friends and options they will pick the best ones, you cannot expect them to pick something they find boring and worse just because it suits you. I know peeps whose idea of socialising is coming over to my house and sitting there for hours going on about their problems. It's not going to happen. I know other peeps whose idea of socialising is that we all go out for an evening, have a lovely meal and go to the theatre. Relaxing and having fun. That happens.
 

charlotte craig

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I always help people. Doesn't matter if it's returned or not, appreciated or not, gives me more work or not.
It's what I do 😉
HELP them in what way precisely and how often? It also depends on how much spare time you have and if you would be sitting around bored otherwise.
 
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charlotte craig

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You can only look at your own behaviour and change that if it isnt working for you. It's no good complaining because others choose to do things that don't suit you and put themselves first. That ought to teach you to do the same thing. Friendship in the work place is rarely real anyway. It's often a guy who fancies or has a soft spot for the woman - even if she is not at all interested - and most of these so called work place friendships end quickly when one of them leaves the company and goes elsewhere - just proving there was no friendship at all as they did not stay in touch later.

If you do things in a certain way for ages and it does not work then you are doing things wrong - you change or stop complaining.

You also don't put a lot of effort into a job that pays badly where you end up eating a tin of tuna as you wait for pay day. If the pay is that bad maybe you need to change your job/ career or who you work for. Jobs that require real skill and qualifications usually pay very well so choose one of them instead. Jobs that are easy to do that anyone could do are the ones that pay badly, because a thousand people could easily take your place for the same money or less.
 

charlotte craig

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I always help people. Doesn't matter if it's returned or not, appreciated or not, gives me more work or not.
It's what I do 😉
Help who and in what way? Are these people friends or family or who? Some are not in a position to really help anyone at all and it's normal to help people you know well who care about you and would do the same for you if they could.
 

charlotte craig

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Honest work pays if you are smart and choose the right job. If you do an unskilled job working for someone else then of course you do not earn much, they can easily get someone else to do what you do - probably cheaper. You need proper skills and qualifications and probably to be your own boss self employed to really get anywhere and that means often working seven days a week very long hours -which most wont do, so they do not succeed.
 

Diogenes

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I just need to vent this because I really don't have anyone to speak to about it.

Im about to quit my career of 7 years. I chose to do it because I am extremely skilled at it. I have put in the kind of work that they say you should when you want to master something. I love to do it. I don't want to sound or come off as arrogant- but I am VERY good at it because I love it a lot.

But leadership at my job has robbed me of loving my role because they refuse to promote me and pay me according to the level of responsibility that continuously grows for me every year. Every year, more work, more responsibility. I am constantly made to report to people in the department who are ALREADY managers and know nothing of my job. So I end ups having to TEACH them what I do. And at the end of the year, since my team reports to me, and I report to this manager, THAT manager gets a glowing review about how well *I* run MY team. I made the choice to no longer allow myself to be abused. This is something I have come to peace with.

One of my frustrations comes from a close friend who works for me on my team. I have worked very closely with her for 5 of these past 7 years. This is a person who I took in when they knew nothing of this world. Knew nothing of this job. I nurtured her. I taught her. I encouraged her. I helped her. In a manner of speaking, I carried this person every single day for 5 years. She is a talented person, but has confidence issues that she will now have to confront on her own in my absence. She no longer has me to hide behind or stand up for her or fight her battles for. These are all normal everyday things people have to do for themselves. But I view this person like family.

I am noticing that as I get increasingly closer to my end date, this person has made the decision to be increasingly backhanded and passive aggressive with me. I can certainly understand if they are processing this big change in their job and life in their own way. However, it is being done in a way where this person is seemingly trying to take the benefit of the doubt from me. She has had a front row seat for 5 years to this job jacking me around and not paying me properly and promoting me properly. She has seem be struggle while juggling taking care of my elderly parents and trying to make my career work. But when I vent or complain, she seemingly sticks up for the department we work.

For example- last month, there was a department wide meeting where they announced the departure of SEVERAL key players in the department. You see, they're taking advantage of MANY talented employees, not just me. So there is an exodus of highly skilled employees leaving, and I am one of them. They didn't acknowledge me in that meeting, and I pointed it out. Today, the department manager, who has been ignoring my requests for support and help and LITERALLY ignoring me, my messages and emails, and then went on vacation while I agreed to stay till the end of this major project reached out to me. In an act of hypocrisy, this manager tells me that she's going to miss me and wants to connect with me one time before I leave for good next week.

I told this to my friend/co worker. She told me that first I was mad that I was not acknowledged publicly when they announced the departing associates. And that now I'm mad that the manager wants to talk to me.
For perspective, BOTH of those statements can be offensive. Yes, I wasn't acknowledged - and Yes, now after not acknowledging me and ignoring me, this manager wants to see me off. I don't understand the problem here. They're not mutually exclusive.

So what bothers me, and the bottom line to this whole post, god bless you if you have made it this far, is that this friend of mine can't see things from my point of view. I am in a fight for my life because I want to have a good life. I spent the years it took to master my craft, and I deserve to get paid for it- and the pay is justified for not only the quality of my work, but for the levels that I have gone above and beyond for my job. But this same friend isn't fighting for the same things as me.

-I would like to own a home one day. This friend has a wealthy and successful husband who C-U-S-T-O-M built their home and paid it off in less than 4 years
-I am struggling to pay rent and buy groceries. I don't tell anyone, but sometimes I eat tuna cans and crackers to get by until payday. This friend has F-I-V-E luxury cars in her driveway and garage.
-When work is done, I have to sit in a dark room with no sound until the world stops spinning. This friend takes vacation time in the middle of some of the most major projects when I need her.
-When I draw up plans for our projects, this friend goes against them if they feel like hard work. And then when I have trouble executing the project because of her lack of cooperation, and other officials have to step in, she starts cooperating and sees how easy my plan originally was, so the project looks like it only works when others step in.
-When I put in my notice to quit my job, she applied to a different position outside of the team (same dept) because she was afraid to take on the same job without me there to guide and protect her.

Its not until I write this out that I can truly "step away from the forest" and see how much it seems that this person just takes advantage of me, and doesn't actually REALLY care about how I feel and how dejected and tired and at the end of my rope I really am. Notice how many times I refer to the person as my friend. But when I write out the situations, they read like scenarios in an itemized list of ways that people take advantage of you.

This is my vow that I will never lift another finger to help another person in my life. I mean that. I mean that if I see someone struggling, I can comfortably now look the other way. Because right now, as I hang on by the last thread of my will, that is exactly what the world is doing to me. Things are tough and we all struggle. And I get that now. I never got anything from working hard or helping others. Its not a requirement to be a good person. A good person can keep to themselves and not help others. Just don't harm others. That's all.

I feel better now that I wrote this.


Who is John Galt? The only way to have hope of getting what you deserve is to start your own business.
 

StephanieB

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Hi there, Waldo. I'm glad you got a chance to vent. Sometimes we need to let it out. It really was a long post and I haven't gotten around to reading everyone's comments, but I am interested in hearing how you are doing now? Did you take on another job? How are things going in general?
 

Black Rose

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When it comes to eating tins of tuna and crackers, I would encourage you to think about yourself first. If you can find a better paying secure job, take it. Your loyalty means nothing to that company if they won't give you a decent wage to live on. Imo, the whole world is about to go through a recession. It's a slow burn that's going to get a lot worse. Take care of yourself. If you don't, who will?
 

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