Sometimes Lonely, Sometimes Not

[LonelyAtNight]

starting a thread, in regard to "sometimes lonely, sometimes not", actually could say not as much as I once was, and still at times a "problem"....

I think I'll share first when I haven't been lonely, in short terms when my life has been satisfying enough. The key word in that last sentance being "enough". I like gardening, I have a plot in a community garden, during spring and summer I spend a considerable amount of time there. I get a great amount of satisfaction from this, plus it tuckers me out. At night, fairly often, summer time, I don't feel so lonely because I have a background feeling of satisfaction.

In the fall/winter I feel more lonely, I just don't have as much activity in my life.

This shows up the most at night. As a long term single person, it is at night that I most feel this.

Throw in some insomnia and I can be pretty/very unhappy at times.

Working on my insomnia, I think that at a deeper level I'm scared that I haven't done enough, or the right things with my life.....

I've started to affirm to myself, particularly at night, that I've done pretty good, not in comparison to some "successful" people, but ok/good for me...if I compare to what my "thoughts" of "successful" people are/have done, I can be really very unhappy", if I focus on my actual accomplishments, and myself as a "work in progress", it is much more likely that I can feel some amount of "peace of mind" and "happiness"...."meaningfulness".....

life is not a success only journey, but a certain amount of success/happiness/meaningfulness is posible.....

I have a "little" bit of happiness/satifaction sharing this post, that some might find some part of it interesting or thought prevoking

any comments/sharing welcome.........

John H

 

[Lua]

Yeah I know the feeling too well. When I'm busy or more active, I just don't have time to feel lonely. This summer I was writing my BA thesis and in my free time I often went swimming with friends. It was perfect. For some reason, it seems to be more difficult to regularly meet with people when it's cold outside. It just doesn't happen as often or as spontaneously...

Maybe you can find other productive activities for fall and winter? I've started playing badminton and going to a film club, I think anything that's fun helps

if I focus on my actual accomplishments, and myself as a "work in progress", it is much more likely that I can feel some amount of "peace of mind" and "happiness"...."meaningfulness".....

Mhm

 

[monkeysocks]

Night time is worse, especially during cold and wet weather, I live by the sea, so in summer could at least sit outside a local bar (without feeling awkward) Now they are a ghost town.

Its good both of you are being proactive by partaking in pursuits, because all lead to opportunity to meet new people - even on an allotment. Thought about selling your veg on a farmers market ? Or starting yourself a little organic veg business for some extra pennies/dollars ?

There are other people out there in the same position. Lua made a good point. There is nothing to stop you starting your own club. I saw one advertised but couldn't get to it. it was just called ' A meeting of souls' for lonely people.

 

[LonelyAtNight]

Yeah I know the feeling too well. When I'm busy or more active, I just don't have time to feel lonely. This summer I was writing my BA thesis and in my free time I often went swimming with friends. It was perfect. For some reason, it seems to be more difficult to regularly meet with people when it's cold outside. It just doesn't happen as often or as spontaneously...

thank you for your reply Lua, I havn't done very much online forums so feels nice to get a reply or two....

I do get out to a few things during any given week, so not too bad, not the satisfaction of the gardening season yet not a complete vacuum

one thing in the community garden is that besides the gardening is the interaction with a number of other people....so perhaps some interaction on this forum will fill some amount of "need" for a certain amount of interaction/conversation...

cheers...JH

---

Night time is worse, especially during cold and wet weather, I live by the sea, so in summer could at least sit outside a local bar (without feeling awkward) Now they are a ghost town.

thank you for your reply monkeysocks

there is no work to be done in the garden right now but still able to harvest some things over fall and winter....yesterday picked kale, swiss chard, leeks and some potatoes...still nice to have some FRESH stuff....

the garden doesn't quite produce enough to be doing/selling at a farmers market, during the garden season, when I do have extra, I give to friends or sometimes in the garden trade with others, in the garden, for something they are growing that I'm not

I guess part of winter is the more inside/alone time and it is for me to just be ok with that, as I can...like I said to Lua I do get out to some things so not a total vacuum. I do have some knee problems that I could be/would be good for me, to be doing my rehab exercises, so in a way this fall - winter time is an opportunity, and some ongoing interaction on a forum or two, such as this may be nice/satisfying interaction.......

cheers...JH

 

[Lua]

thank you for your reply Lua, I havn't done very much online forums so feels nice to get a reply or two....

I do get out to a few things during any given week, so not too bad, not the satisfaction of the gardening season yet not a complete vacuum

one thing in the community garden is that besides the gardening is the interaction with a number of other people....so perhaps some interaction on this forum will fill some amount of "need" for a certain amount of interaction/conversation...

cheers...JH

Yeah I can imagine that being great about a community garden, having neighbors and saying more than just 'hi' to them And having a garden is wonderful anyway. My parents have a big one and as a child I loved gardening so much. I'll probably get back to it when I have my own house/flat someday. I hope ALL can make up for the lack of interaction, at least to some degree! It's the first forum I've ever been on and it's a really nice place

 

[LonelyAtNight]

Lua

with the last week or so does feel nice to have some interaction and reply to some posts, share, have some chit chat or offer or recieve some support...I'm not quite as "lonely at night" when I read or send a post or two ....will see how it goes, next few weeks...over the winter...

does feel good....

cheers...JH

 

[SophiaGrace]

Might be Seasonal Affective Disorder at work.