G
gollim
Guest
Hey guys....
Sorry for my original post.....as it was my first and i had never posted here before, I guess i could have used a lil more tact I just get so frustrated with my life some times. So if yall dont mind I would like to try this again.
My rl name is rick im a 32 yr old father of 3 been married a bit over 9 yrs. I came to louisiana in 1998 met my wife and married her 3 weeks later....(I know what yall must be thinking and trust me i thought the same some time later). I guess to make that desicission more clearer i would have to explain myself a bit.........from the ages of 4 to 13 I was my fathers beating post along with my brother.......when i was 13 my brother went to live with my biological mother....who,when asked by myself to come live with her also told me that i made her feel to old and although technically i was her son mentally i wasnt....she had me when she was 16.
After that I ran away from home....only to be arrested for underage drinking and public drunkness......and was returned to my father.....where one last time i was beat....sort of like Rocky 5 when rocky went up against that russian guy.
I left home from there.....still 13 and pretty much.....for those that have seen the movie....did what joe dirt did when he was groing up....i hitched around....camping,working when i could.....
6 days befor my 18th birthday my mother died.....not that i was that close to her but it made me more mad i guess that i felt cheated becuz i wanted to form a relationship with her and she was gone......btw she was killed in a drunk driving crash.
So after that I went on the road again.....no real destinations just hoping from town to town across the country....meeting people....going to concerts.....
In 1998 was when i came to louisiana doing some relief work I met the woman that is now my wife......after living a life of solitude.....trust me from 13 to then what was 23 with no family or friends....she showed me alot of attention.....and i had never had that befor....so i jumped in both feet first....
Theres alot of my life I left out in the paragraphs above.....just writing the turning points lol.
So we fast forward to now a days.....I have never stopped feeling incomplete as a person.....I used to be heavily into drinking and drugs.....pre marriage.....but havent messed with all that in almost a decade.....my closest friend down here whom ive known 12 yrs is a raging drunk....his wifes my wifes best friend in the world so i have to deal with him on a daily bases,not that i mind but his drunkeness and become rather burdensome i feel on our friendship,which i have discussed with him.....to no preveil,he would rather end our friendship then not drink....which makes me feel like crap.
My wife.....has lived her whole life down here....to put it this way the whole 9 yrs that we have been married we have never lived any furthur than 2 miles from her mom....not that i dont like her mom.....but i hate living here.........I have discussed with her time and time again my unhappiness....not only about living here but about wanting to maybe go visit some of mine that i havent seen in almost 2 decades that i have recently gotten in touch with.....and she doesnt even consider it......and trust me i have discussed/argued/pleeded till im blue in the face....it doesnt matter.
In our relationship we have split up twice......both times becuz i wanted a change....one of the times was for over 6 months....but i always go back for my children....i hate seeing them unhappy,they dont deserve that and im not going to be the cause of that.
I have my own pesonal issues to my lonliness.....a plethera of self loathing disabilities......worst being my anxiety/panic disorder.....well worst in my mind........along with my obstructive sleep apnea....sleeping with my cpap machine turned up to 13 humming away all nite, a rare disease called aracnoid cyst syndrome.....its about 9 inches long and very long definition....if anyone wants to know they can google it fear of sleeping,called omniphobia i believe.....death doesnt really scare me anymore its just the fear on the eternal lonliness after scares the hell out of me.
So when im not at work im in front of my pc.....secluding myself from the rest of the world becuz after going thru the experiences that I have.....I know what the bottom is in this great big world and the term "keep your chin up" is looked at by me as a mute point.......I try most days to be cheerful for my children.....they are my light. I wish that in my RL i had people that understood and related with the way that i am....but have never found that,I have searched online for yrs for people i can relate to....never finding anyone long term......most people like myself belive there is no one out there to relate to so they just give up....im not ready to yet......I have been across many forums like this....hoping to find a "family" where i feel i fit in....is this the place idk i can just hope
Anywho i got kinda off topic as i usually do when i type and i apoligize.......lol
Oh and i saw a post on a different forum....called "I'm a loser"......i was 31 when i got my drivers licence....im 5'7" and 200 lbs,I'm addicted to mmorpg like everquest and world of warcraft .....i have "loser" written all over me lol
anyways ill end this with a thnx to those that took the time to read this and apologiesto anything i may have said that might have offended anyone.
Oh and hello guys......the whole reason for me starting this post in the first place lol
Sorry for my original post.....as it was my first and i had never posted here before, I guess i could have used a lil more tact I just get so frustrated with my life some times. So if yall dont mind I would like to try this again.
My rl name is rick im a 32 yr old father of 3 been married a bit over 9 yrs. I came to louisiana in 1998 met my wife and married her 3 weeks later....(I know what yall must be thinking and trust me i thought the same some time later). I guess to make that desicission more clearer i would have to explain myself a bit.........from the ages of 4 to 13 I was my fathers beating post along with my brother.......when i was 13 my brother went to live with my biological mother....who,when asked by myself to come live with her also told me that i made her feel to old and although technically i was her son mentally i wasnt....she had me when she was 16.
After that I ran away from home....only to be arrested for underage drinking and public drunkness......and was returned to my father.....where one last time i was beat....sort of like Rocky 5 when rocky went up against that russian guy.
I left home from there.....still 13 and pretty much.....for those that have seen the movie....did what joe dirt did when he was groing up....i hitched around....camping,working when i could.....
6 days befor my 18th birthday my mother died.....not that i was that close to her but it made me more mad i guess that i felt cheated becuz i wanted to form a relationship with her and she was gone......btw she was killed in a drunk driving crash.
So after that I went on the road again.....no real destinations just hoping from town to town across the country....meeting people....going to concerts.....
In 1998 was when i came to louisiana doing some relief work I met the woman that is now my wife......after living a life of solitude.....trust me from 13 to then what was 23 with no family or friends....she showed me alot of attention.....and i had never had that befor....so i jumped in both feet first....
Theres alot of my life I left out in the paragraphs above.....just writing the turning points lol.
So we fast forward to now a days.....I have never stopped feeling incomplete as a person.....I used to be heavily into drinking and drugs.....pre marriage.....but havent messed with all that in almost a decade.....my closest friend down here whom ive known 12 yrs is a raging drunk....his wifes my wifes best friend in the world so i have to deal with him on a daily bases,not that i mind but his drunkeness and become rather burdensome i feel on our friendship,which i have discussed with him.....to no preveil,he would rather end our friendship then not drink....which makes me feel like crap.
My wife.....has lived her whole life down here....to put it this way the whole 9 yrs that we have been married we have never lived any furthur than 2 miles from her mom....not that i dont like her mom.....but i hate living here.........I have discussed with her time and time again my unhappiness....not only about living here but about wanting to maybe go visit some of mine that i havent seen in almost 2 decades that i have recently gotten in touch with.....and she doesnt even consider it......and trust me i have discussed/argued/pleeded till im blue in the face....it doesnt matter.
In our relationship we have split up twice......both times becuz i wanted a change....one of the times was for over 6 months....but i always go back for my children....i hate seeing them unhappy,they dont deserve that and im not going to be the cause of that.
I have my own pesonal issues to my lonliness.....a plethera of self loathing disabilities......worst being my anxiety/panic disorder.....well worst in my mind........along with my obstructive sleep apnea....sleeping with my cpap machine turned up to 13 humming away all nite, a rare disease called aracnoid cyst syndrome.....its about 9 inches long and very long definition....if anyone wants to know they can google it
fear of sleeping,called omniphobia i believe.....death doesnt really scare me anymore its just the fear on the eternal lonliness after scares the hell out of me.So when im not at work im in front of my pc.....secluding myself from the rest of the world becuz after going thru the experiences that I have.....I know what the bottom is in this great big world and the term "keep your chin up" is looked at by me as a mute point.......I try most days to be cheerful for my children.....they are my light. I wish that in my RL i had people that understood and related with the way that i am....but have never found that,I have searched online for yrs for people i can relate to....never finding anyone long term......most people like myself belive there is no one out there to relate to so they just give up....im not ready to yet......I have been across many forums like this....hoping to find a "family" where i feel i fit in....is this the place idk i can just hope
Anywho i got kinda off topic as i usually do when i type and i apoligize.......lol
Oh and i saw a post on a different forum....called "I'm a loser"......i was 31 when i got my drivers licence....im 5'7" and 200 lbs,I'm addicted to mmorpg like everquest and world of warcraft .....i have "loser" written all over me lol
anyways ill end this with a thnx to those that took the time to read this and apologiesto anything i may have said that might have offended anyone.
Oh and hello guys......the whole reason for me starting this post in the first place lol
