Soulmates

[EveWasFramed]

I've noticed that people often say things like..."I'm looking for my soulmate" or "I'm searching for my best friend" or..."I'm looking for someone who completes me."

Does anyone besides me feel that hearing that from someone would be one of the most daunting things imaginable? I mean...isn't that a HUGE burden/responsibility to expect someone to take on? Maybe my thinking is flawed.

Opinions?

 

[Sci-Fi]

Holy crap yeah, it's like they are searching for the holy grail. It must be nice to find that but man it just seems like a heck of a task.

 

[ringwood]

I don't think so. I mean I guess it depends on what you expect of a soulmate or best friend. To me, the definition of a 'best friend' or 'soulmate' would be someone who I can confide in, who accepts me wholeheartedly for who I am, who listens and respects me and doesn't try to change me, someone I can laugh with and feel comfortable with, just a person who brings out the best in myself and vice versa. For someone looking for a lifemate, I don't think that's too daunting a task. I think it's pretty much what everyone deep down wants - simply someone who makes them happy.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

I've noticed that people often say things like..."I'm looking for my soulmate" or "I'm searching for my best friend" or..."I'm looking for someone who completes me."

Does anyone besides me feel that hearing that from someone would be one of the most daunting things imaginable? I mean...isn't that a HUGE burden/responsibility to expect someone to take on? Maybe my thinking is flawed.

Opinions?

Someone to complete me....it's too big of a task for any sane female type to tackle.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I've noticed that people often say things like..."I'm looking for my soulmate" or "I'm searching for my best friend" or..."I'm looking for someone who completes me."

Does anyone besides me feel that hearing that from someone would be one of the most daunting things imaginable? I mean...isn't that a HUGE burden/responsibility to expect someone to take on? Maybe my thinking is flawed.

Opinions?

Someone to complete me....it's too big of a task for any sane female type to tackle.

Guess you need to find yourself a complete nutter then.

 

[ardour]

If it's about making your happiness entirely someone else's responsibility, that is ridiculous. But I'd want my hypothetical wife to be my best friend too, I can't imagine it any other way.

 

[Nightwing]

I try not to take women too seriously when they say that to me. Whenever I hear it, I'm reminded of the brilliant song "29-31" by Garfunkle and Oates. Perhaps I'm just cynical... but I like to think I'm realistic about the whole relationships thing. In my humble opinion, we're all going to have to settle to some extent. Some more than others. While I hesitate to tar all women with the same brush... I have seen in my experience that many women in their teens aren't looking for the soulmate. Then they are looking for the perfect soulmate in their twenties... before eventually deciding to settle for whatever is their idea of the best they're going to get.

... Perhaps men are similar. I've certainly seen plenty of my male friends talk about finding "the one" and then proceed the settle for far less than they're worth further down the line. Ultimately... this comes down to whether you'd rather have a companion or a passionate lover. Speaking psychologically, the chances of you getting both from one person in high degrees is statistically less significant than your chances of winning the lottery.

As for me... if I thought I had a reasonable shot at finding a best friend/soul mate... then I would be doing so. Never considered it possible to find someone who "completes me"... mainly because I'm such an oddly shaped jigsaw piece. Anyone else ever felt that?

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't really believe in soulmates or someone being able to complete another person.
If I were to think that someone could actually COMPLETE me, it would be like saying I can't be complete on my own.

As for the best friend part, it would be fantastic to actually be in a committed relationship with someone you consider your best friend. That said, I don't really think that's possible either. There's way too much that goes on in a relationship (in my opinion) to be BEST friends with your significant other.

 

[Grackle]

I don't think so. I mean I guess it depends on what you expect of a soulmate or best friend. To me, the definition of a 'best friend' or 'soulmate' would be someone who I can confide in, who accepts me wholeheartedly for who I am, who listens and respects me and doesn't try to change me, someone I can laugh with and feel comfortable with, just a person who brings out the best in myself and vice versa. For someone looking for a lifemate, I don't think that's too daunting a task. I think it's pretty much what everyone deep down wants - simply someone who makes them happy.

This. Exactly.
I'll add that it would also be nice to have someone who has my back.
I don't think its their 'job' to make me happy, but happy I will be, just knowing I have someone who loves me.

 

[Peaches]

we all have many soul mates and many best friends out there
this said, I'd be happy to just find people I can get along with

 

[Nightwing]

we all have many soul mates and many best friends out there
this said, I'd be happy to just find people I can get along with

You have... they're right here

 

[9006]

If someone said to me 'You're my soul mate' It wouldn't change anything really. It's their expectation, not mine. Though this means different things to different people.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

we all have many soul mates and many best friends out there
this said, I'd be happy to just find people I can get along with

I think Peaches has nicely summed up what's been echoing in the back of my mind.

It seems like there's couples that completely compliment each other in interests, activities, values, etc., but since we're on the outside looking in we really don't see the nuts n' bolts of what makes them tick. I think I was lucky in having ten years with someone that seemed/felt like a soul mate at the time. We were very compatible, comfortable, and happy in so many ways but things changed, interests, activities, expectations.......and one day it was like I was with a stranger.

As sad and painful as it can be the road sometimes forks and there's nothing that can bring back what once was. I....we, struggled for an extremely long time before realizing the thing that made us "Us" was gone. Having had it though I'd like to have it again although it'll be a completely different "soul partner" situation. I know she's out there for me, I might even know her now, I'll know when it happens.

 

[edgecrusher]

I agree that saying that can be daunting and even off putting for some people. I never looked at it as there being a single "soul mate" for someone. I'm sure there are plenty of compatible people out there. I think it's just a matter of finding ONE of those people, not finding THE one and only.

 

[Goblin]

I wouldn't know how to respond if someone said that to me. I'm nowhere near the "find a soulmate" mental wavelength, and I don't really think much about my relationships with others or feel anything in particular about them until they've been there for some time. I don't feel the drive to pair off in some kind of incredibly passionate, intense relationship, just to have ones that aren't transient where my investment simply disappears one day.

I would, however, wonder how they could know such a thing without knowing me very well and be waiting for the retraction... some people have had a dozen supposed soulmates.

 

[Sci-Fi]

The word soulmate is thrown around a lot these days.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Perhaps the issue is that people don't view "soul mate" or "soulmate" by it's actual definition, but by their own interpretation of the term?

soulmate or soul mate (sōl′māt′)
n.
One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity.

The definition above, is something attainable....do-able I guess you could say.
But, if you view today's dating sites and the like, it seems that people are looking for someone who meets some sort of lofty (and almost unattainable) criteria that's more fantasy than real.
As some of you have pointed out, one's "soulmate" might be all about perception. I do agree with that. And, I think it's certainly possible to run into someone who might mesh with you so well that you could easily apply that label to them.
However, my point in my initial post was more aimed at people looking for a person that fits their idea of a "soulmate."
I can't count the profiles I've read that, at face value, should have been perfectly acceptable, and then I run into the dreaded, "Im looking for my soulmate...that person who can complete me." And then they go on to tell you just what that entails. Maybe I feel that way because I don't feel that I could ever measure up to someone's ideal woman? Or, maybe people have unrealistic ideas of what someone else is capable of being/doing/giving. Could it be both?
Maybe the idea of starting to date someone who has such rigid notions of what's acceptable to them and what isn't that's so daunting?
Or...maybe it's the idea of, once you start to date someone, they decide that you indeed don't meet their lofty criteria of a "soulmate" and decide to dump you to continue their search for the perfect mate?
It sometimes makes me feel as though I won't ever be good enough for anyone, even though I know (in my head) that I'm a perfectly decent person, with my good points and my faults, just like every other human being on the planet.
It really makes me question my belief in myself and even question my whether or not some people should just stay clear of relationships (myself being one of them).
I find these thoughts quite disturbing at times. *frowns*

 

[Regumika]

I can't count the profiles I've read that, at face value, should have been perfectly acceptable, and then I run into the dreaded, "Im looking for my soulmate...that person who can complete me." And then they go on to tell you just what that entails. Maybe I feel that way because I don't feel that I could ever measure up to someone's ideal woman? Or, maybe people have unrealistic ideas of what someone else is capable of being/doing/giving. Could it be both?

I am going to say it is usually the latter that is the issue. I'll give an anology... Cell phones. Pretty much every cell phone can perform their function - for communication. However, many people want their phones to have more and more capabilities. This in turn makes them reject perfectly functional phones. A stupid comparison, but you get the point. Many of us are perfectly capable of loving someone and be a partner, but I think the problem is the "settle for less" or "selling themselves short" attitude. Which really isn't the case because it should be "content with what you have". Perception.

Or...maybe it's the idea of, once you start to date someone, they decide that you indeed don't meet their lofty criteria of a "soulmate" and decide to dump you to continue their search for the perfect mate?
It sometimes makes me feel as though I won't ever be good enough for anyone, even though I know (in my head) that I'm a perfectly decent person, with my good points and my faults, just like every other human being on the planet.
It really makes me question my belief in myself and even question my whether or not some people should just stay clear of relationships (myself being one of them).
I find these thoughts quite disturbing at times. *frowns*

I have personal experience with this. And am still struggling with it as the one that got "the short end of the stick"?

I see the concern at the end with two points of view... One that is searching for a soulmate, and the one that is 'waiting' to be found. Yes, I agree that there are some that should stop searching for a soulmate. As for being found.. Maybe the perception can be changed a little? Such the "Disney Princess Syndrome"? Not saying it applies to everyone, but especially those with the soulmate outlook, they are just waiting for their soulmate prince charming. What if the perception is no longer to 'wait' but to search instead?

Perhaps the issue is that people don't view "soul mate" or "soulmate" by it's actual definition, but by their own interpretation of the term?

soulmate or soul mate (sōl′māt′)
n.
One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity.

^^^ This is the soulmate you're looking for.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I see the concern at the end with two points of view... One that is searching for a soulmate, and the one that is 'waiting' to be found.

What about the third point of view - what if you're neither searching nor waiting to be found?

 

[Regumika]

I see the concern at the end with two points of view... One that is searching for a soulmate, and the one that is 'waiting' to be found.

What about the third point of view - what if you're neither searching nor waiting to be found?

I really don't know what to say to that.. I would say to not be the 3rd point of view... (Since in my opinion that would just be miserable) But that would make me a hypocrite since I wouldn't be following my own advice.. >_>