Speaking to people

[Zackarydoo]

Does anyone else long to have people to speak to? I mean speaking speak, not just writing. I only speak to one person apart from family but wish there were others I felt comfortable to speak with. I get so lonely. Doesn't help that I'm shy.

Geoff.

 

[Ridin Solo]

You mean like small talk? It's nice from time to time, but I have to put on a socially acceptable "happy" mask to carry that kind of conversation.

As far as having a meaningful conversation where words are translated instantly from your deepest thoughts and feelings, and having them understood and even validated in return... yes, I'd give anything to have just one person to talk to on this level.

 

[Zackarydoo]

No I don't mean small talk - I hate that, it's fake and not me. I meant meaningful talk, like about my problems and the other person tell me about their problems. So a real genuine friend to share my thoughts with I guess, who wants to listen to me and who'd like me to listen to them.

 

[Almondeyes]

I have no one to talk to about my problems. I'm not even religious but find myself talking to god throughout the day.

 

[Zackarydoo]

I have no one to talk to about my problems. I'm not even religious but find myself talking to god throughout the day.

I'm not religious but also talk to God sometimes. I do believe I think, but I'm not positive, but that's different from being religious anyway. Ok that's kinda another subject I guess.

Anyway I talk to.....Well maybe I won't say in public 'cos I'll probably get laughed at.

Sorry you have nobody to talk to. It can be very lonely can't it?

 

[Alaric]

I tell my son, who is naturally shy, to find people into the same stuff as him. He plays guitar as well as many of the more famous rock guitarists, so I encourage him to hang with people like that. When he is around them there is a universal language between them. The conversations get as intense as they need to be. When he is in that zone, he is happy... I mean really happy... He has one friend, and when they see each other, they both light up. It is wonderful.

Everyone has something. Everyone is into something that umpteen zillion others are into, and that is common ground.

For me, all I know is found in books. The people I know who are the same way are about as riveting conversationalists as I am. We bore each other to death!!! LOL!!! The conversations run to the usefulness of the DSM-IV TR as a reliable diagnostic tool, or debates over the ramifications of an anthropological find somewhere out in the New Mexico desert. Not what most people find stimulating conversation.

Find your kindred spirits. They are here, and many of them are treading water, just like you are. You will be amazing to them. A treasure.

 

[Cara]

Does anyone else long to have people to speak to? I mean speaking speak, not just writing. I only speak to one person apart from family but wish there were others I felt comfortable to speak with. I get so lonely. Doesn't help that I'm shy.

Geoff.

I am on the same page as you........................it would just be nice to have others to talk about things with. When I go for long periods without speaking I tend to talk really quickly, so I can get everything out.

I use to cry about being lonely but now its just the numbness I feel within.

 

[Zackarydoo]

I am on the same page as you........................it would just be nice to have others to talk about things with. When I go for long periods without speaking I tend to talk really quickly, so I can get everything out.

I use to cry about being lonely but now its just the numbness I feel within.

Hi Cara. You do sound a lot like me. I sometimes talk a lot when I get the chance too, so I can get as much in as possible. That's when I'm not being shy so struggling to say anything. Smile

You sound very sad, and I totally understand what you mean about the numbness you feel. I hope things get better for you soon.

---

I tell my son, who is naturally shy, to find people into the same stuff as him. He plays guitar as well as many of the more famous rock guitarists, so I encourage him to hang with people like that. When he is around them there is a universal language between them. The conversations get as intense as they need to be. When he is in that zone, he is happy... I mean really happy... He has one friend, and when they see each other, they both light up. It is wonderful.

Everyone has something. Everyone is into something that umpteen zillion others are into, and that is common ground.

For me, all I know is found in books. The people I know who are the same way are about as riveting conversationalists as I am. We bore each other to death!!! LOL!!! The conversations run to the usefulness of the DSM-IV TR as a reliable diagnostic tool, or debates over the ramifications of an anthropological find somewhere out in the New Mexico desert. Not what most people find stimulating conversation.

Find your kindred spirits. They are here, and many of them are treading water, just like you are. You will be amazing to them. A treasure.

Thanks for your nice reply Alaric. I already replied to this but I did it on my phone, which seems to have messed it all up! So I'll try again, from my PC this time.

I have tried finding people who like the same things as me, but just like with everything else I do to meet people, it's done on the Internet and people hardly ever keep a friendship going in forums like this. I'm too shy to go to local clubs as I'd have to go alone because I don't know anyone locally. The only club I've found locally anyway is for photography, which is my main interest, but almost all the members are over 60. So I wouldn't feel very comfortable there.

I would like people with similar interests to speak to, but also people who would understand me and listen to me moan about other things, like the way I feel, the fact I'm lonely, why the girl I'm interested in keeps blanking me, and stuff like that.

I also get along better with women usually because I don't think the same way as most (not all) guys. I'm not into football, don't drink and don't want to talk about how big a model's breasts are! I'm also very open with talking about my feelings, which isn't something that goes down very well with most other men.

 

[Jeremi]

I would really like someone with similar interests as me who I could talk and discuss with, but it seems really hard to find some common ground with others. I play guitar, but I don’t know anyone who play any instruments. I have a big passion for music, but no one’s ever heard of my favorite bands. No one seems to like the same movies that I do. I don’t mind being different from others, I kind of like that, but it comes with a price.

It would mean a lot to have someone to talk about my feelings. Just getting the smallest thing off my chest would be huge. I never get to do that, and I doubt it’s healthy. I just suck it up. I’m too afraid. I don’t want to be a bother to others. I don’t want to sound depressing. If I could meet someone who feels the same that I do, someone who knows what it’s like, then maybe we could both share our feelings with each other, and I wouldn't have to be so embarrassed. I'd be honored to listen to someone wanting to share their feelings with me ^^

Zack, I also get along better with women, pretty much for the same reasons you wrote. It just feels more natural. When I'm talking to (most) guys I feel so fake. Most guys really are too macho

 

[Zackarydoo]

Jeremi, you sound so much like me. I wish I could tell you that I'm into music as much as you, but I wouldn't know any bands that aren't really famous. I haven't even heard of bands that ARE famous! I do love music though, and have played a few instruments in the past, and I think music is quite a major part of my life....But it's more about the well known stuff I guess, or playing it myself.

It's interesting that you said you'd feel honoured if someone wanted to share their feelings with you. I'm the same way, it means a lot to me if someone actually wants to speak with me and tell me personal stuff. Even this girl I'm in a long distance 'thing' with at the moment doesn't seem to like speaking to me about a lot of her problems. She just tells me very bluntly that she doesn't want to talk about it, and that is quite upsetting for me because I SOOOOO want to be there for her, and for her to feel she can really speak to me and have a good cry with me comforting her. She often does then go on to talk about those things actually....But I feel it's under protest.

Too right about most guys. I'm the total opposite of macho - I'm a real wimp deep down. LOL.

 

[Ahmann]

Being lonely is really killing...human beings are social animals..so they cant stay alone..specially for long term..so the best way out is speaking to people....I would also like people who might be from various backgrounds ..but much match my frequency....

 

[*Sigh*]

Ya, I think its important to have a friend to talk about personal feelings. But I find it hard to just start telling people things in my life because a lot people these days just seem so superficial, I mean most of the relationship that I have are mainly work-related, church-related, and school-related. Most of conversations are freaking short and pointless, I hear like 100 "how are you?"s everyday (sometimes even from the exact same person more than once). People around me want to maintain that professional relationship, but they don't really want to be friends. I haven't genuinely talked to another person about things in life for ages. But I still remember the feeling I would get after a good conversation. Its kinda like having to honeysuckle really bad but there's no toilets nearby, and as your spending time looking for a place to unload you feel like your intestines have been stuck in a meat grinder, then finally when you lose that extra weight it feels you just found heaven. Sorry, that's kinda a weird analogy, but that's kinda how it feels like when you can tell somebody all the troubles you have life with them actually listening.

 

[RebeccaSarah33]

I don't think you guys are wimps at all, I think you're realistic. Guys have feelings too. If anyone needs a friend to vent to you can private message me, i got plenty of time on my hands to talk its not like i know where you are im not gonna come to your house and embarrass you haha, i enjoy listening and sharing thoughts.

Zackarydoo~ maybe your ladyfriend is afraid to share too much of her problems because she values her friendship with you so much that she doesn't want you to feel disappointed in her that shes "whiney" or complains too much and feels it might have a negative impact on how you view her, I know I've felt that way before with someone. :/ eventually I did vent all the time to that person and they grew tired of it after a few years and told me how much of a negative person I was all the time because i let them hear every small annoyance I ever encountered, things I should have kept to myself if I didn't want to lose him. Maybe it was the way I would say things in bad taste instead of thinking it through once over and making it sound better. Not everybody is the same though, but I think if she cares a great deal for you that shes not hiding anything just trying keep things happy between you

 

[Zackarydoo]

I don't think you guys are wimps at all, I think you're realistic. Guys have feelings too. If anyone needs a friend to vent to you can private message me, i got plenty of time on my hands to talk its not like i know where you are im not gonna come to your house and embarrass you haha, i enjoy listening and sharing thoughts.

Zackarydoo~ maybe your ladyfriend is afraid to share too much of her problems because she values her friendship with you so much that she doesn't want you to feel disappointed in her that shes "whiney" or complains too much and feels it might have a negative impact on how you view her, I know I've felt that way before with someone. :/ eventually I did vent all the time to that person and they grew tired of it after a few years and told me how much of a negative person I was all the time because i let them hear every small annoyance I ever encountered, things I should have kept to myself if I didn't want to lose him. Maybe it was the way I would say things in bad taste instead of thinking it through once over and making it sound better. Not everybody is the same though, but I think if she cares a great deal for you that shes not hiding anything just trying keep things happy between you

I know that you might be right about her reasons for not talking to me about things sometimes. Most people I've known over the years have got fed up with me being negative all the time. I know I can be, but I can also be positive and fun. I think that when I have the rare chance to actually talk or write to someone about my feelings, then I use the opportunity to really let it all out! No matter how nice and accepting people seem about that, they almost always get sick of it after a short time. These days I try not to dwell on negative or 'deep' things too much, but I probably still do it a lot. I don't believe my lady friend is hiding anything, but.....well I'm not honestly too sure what is going on in her head. She is going through a really tough time at the moment and it's messed her head up lots.....and mine.

 

[FoolOnTheHill]

I am some similar issues, i wish i could find some people to talk to and hang out with, find acceptance. some one willing to put into a relationship as much as i am.

 

[Ray]

I use to cry about being lonely but now its just the numbness I feel within.

Hi. I am new to this forum and im not sure posting on here will help me at all but I can so relate to you in that I also feel numb inside.

I was bullied all my school life and have never spoke of it to anyone. I always wondered why they picked on me but eventually came to the conclusion that its down to my shyness. I have no friends but at the same time no enemies. The reason I have no friends is because I simply cant connect with people. I avoid talking to people at all costs and hate speaking on the telephone yet I could ramble on for hours on a forum. I know that deep inside me is a sociable and friendly person that will never surface due to my problems. I cant even look at my own wife in the eye when talking or my 2 lovely sons. Why is this?

As it is my life would be seen by many as very envyous. I have a gorgeous wife and I mean as in stunning looking. To look at me nobody would think I am a nerd. I was always a great all rounder at sport and fantastic footballer. I have always had lots of female attention. So I am the complete opposite to a nerd and should have been one of the popular kids at school. I have 2 lovely sons, lots of money and a nice big house and £30,000 car.
However, I would swap all of this to be anyone but myself. I feel so lonely as I have no friends. I feel ugly yet (like I say) I have always had lots of female attention. The thing that makes me so unhappy is the fact I cant connect with people and its all down to being bullied at school.
I went for a night out a few weeks ago with my brother and a few of his friends who are nice people but they struggle to connect with me as well and and the whole night I felt so uncomfortable. I couldnt relax and enjoy myself. I just felt on edge the whole time and just felt like I had to try and make conversation or people will think im ignorant but then when I make conversation I dont look at the person im talking to and just get so nervous. I drink like a fish when on the rare occassion that I do go out which is also down o nerves. God I wish I could be like everyone else and be able to mix and dance on the dancefloor and the fact I never have or will be able to do this will always leave me feeling numb.
Anyway I have blabbered on for long enough now and im not even sure if people on here can relate to me but one thing I do know from reading a few of the threads on here is that I wish you were all my classmates earlier in my life as Im sure the real me would have provailed. Like I say im not sure that posting on here will benefit me as I feel I would sink even further by dwelling on it. I am not on any medication so I manage to get by even though I dont sleep at all yet always feel wide awake.
I suspect many of the people on this forum have been subjected to bullying and in my opinion whoever said sticks and stone may break my bones but names will never hurt me need a good slap for saying such a stupid thing. Its exactly the opposite.