start from scratch

[inhumanity]

I'm 19, i live in finland. after graduation from school and army i got work in oil-refinery as operator. i have about 8-12 working days in month so i have lots of free time, my job pays more than average, i have my 60m2 house in citys heart and im single, so it sounds like everything is fine.

everyday im alone, i dont know anyone from this city and i havnt been able to get any friends from here. Im locked in my house on my days off. i dont talk to anyone and im scared to go outside. why?, i have no idea. even when i go to convenient store i feel bit nervous, I have couple of good, wonderful friends one is 11000km way from here and others are married and in different city. i knew them so well.. that its hard to get new friends becouse new friendship is not that deep which i have get used to..

So i curse myself everyday, i despise myself.,but i dont hate myself i know that i am a decent, funny guy and ok looks.but something is wrong with me. once i felt so sick when i tought of myself and my life i shaked and i were cold; i was in a physical pain and i almost puked.

i have tought of a suicide but noway im going to do that, its most idiotic way to end everything.
I have been thinking of leaving, quitting my job and leave this country. But im a coward. i have secure life. i have everything that ones need to live, but i need to feel alive, i want to do things that i want, not the things that are for my "best".but im too afraid to step out of my safe life. so thats how the things are..

i have read messages here and ive seen that many of you are way older than me, so you have more life experience and have had more hardships than i, so i ask your opinnion what should i do? is this all just something that time will change? Would you start from a scratch?

 

[Larsen B]

Hi inhumanity, welcome to the forum.

I'm very sorry you're feeling so alone, and it's not good at all that you curse yourself and despise yourself, but i'm glad you've ruled out suicide - i agree, it's not for me either - i hope it never will be. But you sound to be very shy or socially anxious as certain psychologists would say.

I'm not sure i can give you a particularly good advice at the moment - i think i would want to learn more about you. Are you going to be sticking around here? There are things that i could suggest to you, but i think before that i think it's important that you try to fully understand the feelings you are having. So maybe try to think exactly what is making you so shy and scared - what is causing it.

I'd just be interested in you talking more about this that's all. Great that you've made a positive step by coming here though.

 

[armor4sleepPA]

I have been thinking of leaving, quitting my job and leave this country. But im a coward. i have secure life. i have everything that ones need to live, but i need to feel alive, i want to do things that i want, not the things that are for my "best".but im too afraid to step out of my safe life. so thats how the things are..

IH,

I think you've done well for yourself financially at such an early age. If you require the stability of your employment/income, then starting from scratch (if by this you mean quitting your job and moving away) may not be feasible. However, think of it this way: You are, in a sense, starting from scratch. You're new in life, new to a career, and somuch is ahead of you. Most of us who have career level jobs had something else we were doing until our "real" job came along. Before I gained a teaching position, I worked in retail unloading stock from trucks. You'll find your passion.

Why do you want to leave Finland?

A4S

 

[Kristen]

but im too afraid to step out of my safe life. so thats how the things are..

hi, I think this is the time to try out new things.

 

[evanescencefan91]

if you do decide to quit and move just make out a plan first and get a job in the area first, if you can.

 

[Bluey]

Hi and welcome inhumanity. I had a mate that had a lot of free time do to hes work and how hes shifts fall. He Burt a cheep house and did it up for a project and to keep himself busy. That was when you could buy a cheep house over about 8 years ago know.

I think you need an outlet for yourself. So you don't have so much time on your hands. As stupid as thins may sound when your not struggling for cash. How about a second job of some kind. My mate did not know when hes shifts where going to be so could not get a second job. That's why he went into property. As he could do WTF work needed to be done when he was free. He did and still dose not need the extra cash as he has a well paid job. He dose it simply because he gets board and needs to be doing something. And sitting at the pc for hours on end is just not hes thing. In fact hes pretty useless at that lol btw of course.

I have lots of free time but I do not have lots of energy so its OK for me most of the time like that.

Also I am moving this to the new members forum. If you would like me to move it back here just say and I well. Just I think it well get noticed moor there

 

[Blue Sky]

Hi inhumanity, and welcome to the forum.

 

[mink]

Hey inhumanity, welcome to the forum..
Sometimes it may seem like nothing will ever change in your life, that things always don't seem right. But it doesn't hurt to hope for a better change right? I really hope things do get better for you

 

[Occipudding]

I'm 19, i live in finland. after graduation from school and army i got work in oil-refinery as operator. i have about 8-12 working days in month so i have lots of free time, my job pays more than average, i have my 60m2 house in citys heart and im single, so it sounds like everything is fine.

everyday im alone, i dont know anyone from this city and i havnt been able to get any friends from here. Im locked in my house on my days off. i dont talk to anyone and im scared to go outside. why?, i have no idea. even when i go to convenient store i feel bit nervous, I have couple of good, wonderful friends one is 11000km way from here and others are married and in different city. i knew them so well.. that its hard to get new friends becouse new friendship is not that deep which i have get used to..

So i curse myself everyday, i despise myself.,but i dont hate myself i know that i am a decent, funny guy and ok looks.but something is wrong with me. once i felt so sick when i tought of myself and my life i shaked and i were cold; i was in a physical pain and i almost puked.

i have tought of a suicide but noway im going to do that, its most idiotic way to end everything.
I have been thinking of leaving, quitting my job and leave this country. But im a coward. i have secure life. i have everything that ones need to live, but i need to feel alive, i want to do things that i want, not the things that are for my "best".but im too afraid to step out of my safe life. so thats how the things are..

i have read messages here and ive seen that many of you are way older than me, so you have more life experience and have had more hardships than i, so i ask your opinnion what should i do? is this all just something that time will change? Would you start from a scratch?

i can relate to how you feel. keep you're head up dude. i'm in a similar boat and that's the best advice i have for you. keep your head up.