lbstanley70
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- Joined
- Oct 16, 2011
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When my wife and I separated in the summer of 2003, my life entered a tailspin of depression and loathing. I loathed I had lost someone so beautiful and so loving, a woman who made had treated me so well and loved me so completely. But I didn’t understand love yet. I was depressed because I had failed at marriage and my attempts at creating a family had failed. I was alone and my life was at standstill.
My ex moved on. I turned to the bottle and partied like a frat boy. My only good thing may have been I did not sleep around. I still have a few morals.
And the Pita. 20 years my younger, co workers at a part time job I hold and somehow she just slipped in. At first she was annoying. Then she was charming and finally she was always around constantly talking about nothing, telling how I needed to wear this or that, listen to this band, or read this book. And I liked the attention. It was flattering and I just enjoyed listening to her talk ( the first—not even the ex could hold me in her sway). This youngster imbibed me with a richness of life I had been missing. It was like I had found my fountain of youth in her eyes. I grew to love my Pita. She said she loved me.
In retrospect, I should have known better. 20 year olds are so fragile emotionally. I was so selfish though and I was alive with the magic she brought me with every phone call or text. And I let myself believe we could make magic, our love would prove all the critics wrong. In my mind, we would be the ones to prove love could overcome the difference in our age and we would stand hand and hand together til death do us part. I was wrong again.
But there is the irony, the complete and sweet irony of my life. My Pita made me whole again. She made me understand love for the first time. She was the first woman I would do anything for, no strings attached, no expectation about outcome. My love for her was unconditional. And it took someone 20 years younger than me to make me understand that is what love is. And for that I am eternally grateful, even if I never see her again. And I still say a prayer for her every night, that she is safe and happy and that she finds the happiness she deserves. I still love her and always will and I will always have a prayer for her.
When I got divorced I was a broken man, saddened and afraid. I am still sad today but I am no longer afraid nor broken. I have my Pita to thank for that and as I move on with the rest of my life, I know that she is the one who put my heart back together. I don’t know if I will ever love again (and this one hurts) but I am not going to stop living like I did when I got divorced.
I know I will be ok one day. I just wish it wasn’t so much fun getting to where I am going.
My ex moved on. I turned to the bottle and partied like a frat boy. My only good thing may have been I did not sleep around. I still have a few morals.
And the Pita. 20 years my younger, co workers at a part time job I hold and somehow she just slipped in. At first she was annoying. Then she was charming and finally she was always around constantly talking about nothing, telling how I needed to wear this or that, listen to this band, or read this book. And I liked the attention. It was flattering and I just enjoyed listening to her talk ( the first—not even the ex could hold me in her sway). This youngster imbibed me with a richness of life I had been missing. It was like I had found my fountain of youth in her eyes. I grew to love my Pita. She said she loved me.
In retrospect, I should have known better. 20 year olds are so fragile emotionally. I was so selfish though and I was alive with the magic she brought me with every phone call or text. And I let myself believe we could make magic, our love would prove all the critics wrong. In my mind, we would be the ones to prove love could overcome the difference in our age and we would stand hand and hand together til death do us part. I was wrong again.
But there is the irony, the complete and sweet irony of my life. My Pita made me whole again. She made me understand love for the first time. She was the first woman I would do anything for, no strings attached, no expectation about outcome. My love for her was unconditional. And it took someone 20 years younger than me to make me understand that is what love is. And for that I am eternally grateful, even if I never see her again. And I still say a prayer for her every night, that she is safe and happy and that she finds the happiness she deserves. I still love her and always will and I will always have a prayer for her.
When I got divorced I was a broken man, saddened and afraid. I am still sad today but I am no longer afraid nor broken. I have my Pita to thank for that and as I move on with the rest of my life, I know that she is the one who put my heart back together. I don’t know if I will ever love again (and this one hurts) but I am not going to stop living like I did when I got divorced.
I know I will be ok one day. I just wish it wasn’t so much fun getting to where I am going.
