How do I cope with heartbreak?

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Biran

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My girlfriend was exactly what I needed from life. A shoulder to cry on, love, and assurance that things will be ok. She then thought it was okay to tell me that she had planned on going back to her ex the whole time. My dreams were shattered. I saw so many lies. She never loved me. She never wanted to be in my future. When I asked her why she did this, apparently it was so SHE could feel happy until she could se her ex again. Good to know that my emotions don't matter, because men have to be made of steel apparently. She just dated me until she was bored, and tossed me aside like a broken toy. Now, my depression and trust issues are worse. Fast forward many cuts and a broken noose later, and I still feel as lonely and useless as I had that day. It's been 4 months. I know she showed her true colors as toxic, and I should feel like I dodged a bullet, but for some reason I can't let go. How can I move on from this? How can I be happy, at least for a little while?

Sorry for giving you my life story.
 

JesseC

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My girlfriend was exactly what I needed from life. A shoulder to cry on, love, and assurance that things will be ok. She then thought it was okay to tell me that she had planned on going back to her ex the whole time. My dreams were shattered. I saw so many lies. She never loved me. She never wanted to be in my future. When I asked her why she did this, apparently it was so SHE could feel happy until she could se her ex again. Good to know that my emotions don't matter, because men have to be made of steel apparently. She just dated me until she was bored, and tossed me aside like a broken toy. Now, my depression and trust issues are worse. Fast forward many cuts and a broken noose later, and I still feel as lonely and useless as I had that day. It's been 4 months. I know she showed her true colors as toxic, and I should feel like I dodged a bullet, but for some reason I can't let go. How can I move on from this? How can I be happy, at least for a little while?

Sorry for giving you my life story.
My assumption is she wasn't all that taken with her ex, so she gave you a test drive. Was it not her right to explore you? Do you expect anyone to commit their lives without having experienced us?

You get over the heartbreak by knowing that any city you go to will have someone willing to give you that test drive. It's up to you to convince them you are worth their energy.

I don't know you, or your circumstances, but it sounded like you were taking advantage of her... a shoulder to cry on, her assurance...

You might have a valid point that men need to be made of steel. Historically a woman depended on the man for safety and sustenance. If we as men cannot give the impression that we can deliver these, then, that she might go looking for someone who can might not be something to condemn them for.

I'm not saying there is someone out there that will be content to be your shoulder to cry on. That is routinely not a good basis for a relationship. However, there is likely someone out there that that can drive your strength so that shoulder is no longer needed.

You can't blame people for leaving you. It is your responsibility to give them the comfort of knowing they don't have to carry your burden.

This is just something to think about. Not intended to pass judgement.
 

Richard_39

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You just move on. You learn from the mistakes you made, because there are some, you learn from the mistakes she made, which are kind of obvious, then look for someone who doesn't have those particular flaws.
And, of course, time. It doesn't necessarily go away entirely, depending on how you're built, but time will ease the pain somewhat.
 

mzoltan32

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My girlfriend was exactly what I needed from life. A shoulder to cry on, love, and assurance that things will be ok. She then thought it was okay to tell me that she had planned on going back to her ex the whole time. My dreams were shattered. I saw so many lies. She never loved me. She never wanted to be in my future. When I asked her why she did this, apparently it was so SHE could feel happy until she could se her ex again. Good to know that my emotions don't matter, because men have to be made of steel apparently. She just dated me until she was bored, and tossed me aside like a broken toy. Now, my depression and trust issues are worse. Fast forward many cuts and a broken noose later, and I still feel as lonely and useless as I had that day. It's been 4 months. I know she showed her true colors as toxic, and I should feel like I dodged a bullet, but for some reason I can't let go. How can I move on from this? How can I be happy, at least for a little while?

Sorry for giving you my life story.
She may have felt somewhat good with you, but according to Her selection criteria Her Ex was a better fit (in the current times). Selection criteria happens very often.
In my case i would select some women who are ok with having more then 1 women with me, but i am not very good looking from the majority womens perspective. So chances are lower to find sufficiently long lasting relationship for me.
On the other hand at this point i am confused as to who should be my long time relationship. I dont know if i should spread out my time more in between higher or comparably lower number of women. But at this point this is not a factor for me, because of my low popularity (according to what i have observed). So this is more like a long term goal.
If you can be ok (not extatic, but ok, with being celibate) then you can chose that. If you are not ok enough with it, you can chose some partner finding things or get comfortable with the thought that you would share a women with another men, where all parties are willing to share (what if the other men is not willing to share but the women is willing to share? Perhaps most women would stick with one nonsharing partner whichever feels more comfortable for them.. but they dont realy go on imagining a huge ammount of destruction it may cause in some cases.. this is not a game for all the time imagining the worst).
 

NoxApex(N/A)

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To answer the question directly, I repeatedly remind myself, that is, on a daily basis, that the heartbreak is temporary.
I remind myself of things like how it's just my neurochemistry adjusting itself to the heartbreak.
Rather than not feel it, I allow myself an allotted amount time to feel the whole the **** thing.
That way I can get back to prioritizing my life and heal faster.
Usually a week or two, excluding the relationships I was in before I developed a systemic way of dealing with breakups.

An old employer told me once that if something negative is weighing on your mind, it will continue to weigh on both your mind and your body until you forwardly go and deal with it, whatever it is. He said, "it's a bit like trying to run a car if you never think to check your fluids: Eventually, the car breaks down. This is an important lesson in self-maintenance. Like a car: when your car breaks down, you've gotta get a mechanic to fix it. And if you can't afford a mechanic than you have to figure out how to fix it yourself and get your hands a little dirty."

The old man was a Hell of a taskmaster, but he wasn't completely heartless, otherwise he wouldn't have told me that. He's right.

Another way to look at it is a water barrel:
What do you do when there's too much water in the barrel and you're struggling to carry it?
You pour some of it out and/or drink some of it to help lighten the load and/or refresh yourself with a little bit of time setback to rest for your health.
 

CenotaphGirl

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sometimes letting go is hard, but I hate to think of the alternative, constantly hurting each other, constantly belittling each other, just to chase the fleeting good times, thats whats not worth it to me… if I hurt someone I love trying to keep them, I’d never forgive myself.
 

Kar

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My general attitude is to let them go and sever all ties. Delete her phone number and don't follow her on social media. The reason for this is because otherwise you will keep thinking maybe there is a way to get her back or something you can do to convince her back. That's very unhealthy. Wish her best of luck and move on being glad that you didn't learn this after years more time with her.
 

Unsigned

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best way to get over one is to get another
Only if you're willing to accept substandard looks.
90% of humans are unattractive.
I suppose most of us are OK with that.
Some of us are not...and we are mostly miserable because of it.
 

Claudia1794

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Only if you're willing to accept substandard looks.
90% of humans are unattractive.
I suppose most of us are OK with that.
Some of us are not...and we are mostly miserable because of it.
Well that just sounds ridiculous
 

Unsigned

The Lone Monger
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Well that just sounds ridiculous
It is ridiculous...but for me...is reality.
I really wish I was OK with Mediocre Millies...I really wish I was...but...I'm not...and I am miserable because of it.
And the worse part is, I am NOT a George Clooney type.
For a male I am a Mediocre Billy...but I have champagne taste & a pizza face...sucks to be me...
 

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