This might be off-topic but out of interest , did it take alot till you found someone on OKCupid? i had an account there but i did not get any requests at all not even to chat with somebody so i delete the acc:/ either i am to ugly or not to many people use it
Strange date okcupid!
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matt4
Well-known member
Avatar is me.
It took a bit till I found someone on okcupid, 3 months or so. I had more success when I edited my profile. You have to make yourself seem like a catch, more in demand, and there are many ways to do this. One thing you got to have is a positive attitude. When I used it I can't count how many women I used to message. Really attractive and clever ones. I got no reply most of the time.
However! The times I did made up for it. I got dates with really attractive women, who actually liked me. It never worked out for one reason or another (compatibility) but it was fun. A lot of the time you will not get a response because I've seen the vast quantity of messages women get from me on okcupid. Some incredibly vulgar and to be honest, I'd have a tough time sifting through the good people on there if I was female.
I'm shy but I've improved confidence wise so much over the past few years. Just try to go in with a positive mind, and aim to enjoy yourself. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.
I've got a girlfriend, so I no longer make use of okcupid. However, I'm able to give tips on things there if anyone needs. It's not all down to looks or what you say. It can be one or the other, or both. It's not that simple.. because everyone is different. No, two people are the same. So don't beat yourself up about not getting responses. I know it what it's like when you don't months on end.
It took a bit till I found someone on okcupid, 3 months or so. I had more success when I edited my profile. You have to make yourself seem like a catch, more in demand, and there are many ways to do this. One thing you got to have is a positive attitude. When I used it I can't count how many women I used to message. Really attractive and clever ones. I got no reply most of the time.
However! The times I did made up for it. I got dates with really attractive women, who actually liked me. It never worked out for one reason or another (compatibility) but it was fun. A lot of the time you will not get a response because I've seen the vast quantity of messages women get from me on okcupid. Some incredibly vulgar and to be honest, I'd have a tough time sifting through the good people on there if I was female.
I'm shy but I've improved confidence wise so much over the past few years. Just try to go in with a positive mind, and aim to enjoy yourself. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.
I've got a girlfriend, so I no longer make use of okcupid. However, I'm able to give tips on things there if anyone needs. It's not all down to looks or what you say. It can be one or the other, or both. It's not that simple.. because everyone is different. No, two people are the same. So don't beat yourself up about not getting responses. I know it what it's like when you don't months on end.
matt4 said:
I dont think i can have a positive mind ... i usualy dont msg women i wait for them to msg me , main reason because they get so many people msg them they might not even notice me , problem is i'm from Romania , and not many girls maybe not at all use OKCupid ... and to find someone from other country is hard because when they see i'm not from were they are they just ignore or go look for someone else ...
matt4
Well-known member
Unfortunately, you most likely won't succeed waiting for a woman to message you. I have had two women message me genuinely in around 11 months there, so it does happen though.
How do you know not many people in Romania use OKC? Have you checked? You might be surprised. Have a look and see
How do you know not many people in Romania use OKC? Have you checked? You might be surprised. Have a look and see
Kido said:
If you have had women routinely send you unsolicited messages, and you are honest with your picture and profile, then you don't even need to be on OKCupid.
One sign that you are "above that level" is if you are getting non-spam unsolicited messages. It's pretty much a fact. This kind of thing is a rarity for men, in my country at least.
matt4 said:Unfortunately, you most likely won't succeed waiting for a woman to message you. I have had two women message me genuinely in around 11 months there, so it does happen though.
How do you know not many people in Romania use OKC? Have you checked? You might be surprised. Have a look and see
I did check ... I had account x2 times there but deleted them both times , they lasted me like 1 month both... and from all the msg's i gave there only 1 gril from the UK reply to me but it was akward and boring so i did not talk anymore to here ... when u msg someone on there how you begin the conversation or what did you say for the first time ?
ardour
Well known loser
matt4 said:
You appear to be quite good looking going by the avatar, so that's not surprising even if it was only twice in almost a year.
Some of us are not blessed with pleasant looking faces, which is why I don't bother with these websites. A 'hi, how's it going' message from me using an honest profile photo is likely to elicit a "eww what a ******* creep" etc. reaction. There's just no point and I'd be opening myself up to a barrage of hateful responses.
matt4
Well-known member
Try not to generalise here.
Just like in real life people online carry their own problems. In fact probably even more so (a possible reason why they can't meet someone in real life). Don't get disheartened. 1 month is really no time at all. I had nothing in my first month.
You are going to meet/talk to boring or weird people. See my OP
Thank you
I think responses have come down to what I say, rather then how I look. Take a peek here. I read her profile and then threw her off her toes by being a little creative. She later admitted she had been gauging our distance and was amazed I'd guessed
It's the simple things.
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A "hi, hows it going?" is 99% of the time not going to get you a response. Women on dating sites get ton's of messages from men. You need to stand out in some way and catch her attention. I know that's tough. Who cares about a hateful response. Just move on and don't let it bring ya down
That's all very well but some of us are shy unfortunately. I used to be dreadfully shy. However, I've worked on myself to achieve a decent level of confidence (still shy in some instances). I've approached a few women on the train and got talking, something unthinkable a few years ago when I was reclusive, and anxious. It's a tough thing to approach women like that because of the risk that, you could be shown up and embarrassed. I've yet to experience that and it could be majorly confidence knocking if it happened in front of strangers. I guess the response would be to just jump off the train at the next stop
You also have to select the person very carefully. Trying to randomly approach someone reading or with headphones in is generally a bad idea. If you were going down this route, I'd suggest someone who doesn't look preoccupied. Again it's high risk and not great if you can't deal with severe rejection. It also relies heavily on confidence.
