Suicide...

[askal]

Has any of you here contemplated suicide due to loneliness?

Well I did.

Though mostly self-harming attempts. Some of the stuff I did:

1) Alternate drenching of hot and cold water.
2) Biking at a high speed... then hoping to get hit by a car... But the driver slammed on his brake and didnt kill me.

3) I tried tying up my neck with a belt... Though I couldnt really find a spot where to "hang" myself... I was just cryin... and trying to strangle myself with the belt...

4) wall punching
5) face-punching
6) Going out in the -20 winter with just a shirt on. No sweaters, none of that winter jacket stuff.


While that peak of suicide attempts and thoughts were a few years back... I still somehow get haunted by them.

I'm still like a passive suicide of some sort. Deep inside I still wish I never existed on this earth. Its more like a last stand kinda thing. I eliminated my depression... I couldnt cry anymore even if I purposely force the old depression mode upon myself... I dont think of actually doing it as of this point. In fact, I'm going to school part time to hopefully better myself and be more successful in life.

Its just one of the things still inside me. Sorta like a tiger in the basement that is locked in a maximum security cage.

The only thing that prevented me from completing it, is my belief in a "God" and heaven and hell. Up to now... that belief is still ingrained in my head... and it acts as a sort of electric fence to prevent me from going the road of suicide.


Anyway, your thoughts on suicide?

 

[tony30]

I've copied and pasted this from the other suicide thread askal, here's my veiws on the subject.


Very poignant issue and something I've expended a great deal of time mulling over. One of the things I've always been curious about, particularly when I was a child, is what people would say or do upon news of my death - how much would they care? In my case both of my parents and my sister would be utterly devastated. Knowing that could I still inflict that kind of pain and confusion upon them in order to state how bad I felt about myself? Never in a million years.

There are other good reasons why suicide should be resoundingly dismissed as a practical option. However bad things seem and however miserable you feel about your situation, taking your own life will rob you of the chance to find out if there is indeed light at the end of the tunnel ( and in the majority of cases there is usually some hope that things will get better).

Something else that is worth bearing in mind - a lot of suicide attempts end up being botched. I know of one young man who tried to hang himself. Although the paramedics managed to cut down and resuscitate him, he is now confined to a wheelchair and incapable of sentient thought or of eating solids.

You are worth more than that people, don't do it!!

 

[mixtech]

Death...it's nothing but a door to eternity. Though I am in a state of loneliness and grief I do believe that I will have my "Beautiful death". I find no honor in taking my own life (Contrary to the concept of most death romanticists) and I see no benefit in doing so either.

Enduring pain (Emotional or physical) is where I find honor and pride. The more I can take reflects how much stronger I have become. Masochism? Maybe, but strength can only be attained through pain as steel can only be tempered with fire.

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi Askal,

It makes me really sad that you harmed yourself that way. You DO NOT deserve to die! You deserve to have a good life! My view is that suicide is a bad idea. You have to deal with life while you are living, but you'll have to deal with death when you are dead. I do believe in another life...what dreams may come. Hang in there!!!

 

[tony30]

Pertaining to my last post. Tragically, the young man who hung himself has finally passed away. This has come as something of an eerie revelation considering that I only made mention of him a week or so ago. He was a decent bloke, vivacious, kind-hearted and trustworthy. It was a complete waste of life. There was no melancholic romance in what he did to himself, it was an agonizing, prolonged and unfathomably horrifying exit to his life's journey.
The man's family are crestfallen - in all likelihood this sickening blow will have inflicted damage beyond repair.
Sorry to speak out so strongly on this topic but, in my opinion, life is too special to throw away on a dark impulse no matter what the circumstances because you can't unring the bell once it's done. If your feeling disposed towards taking your own life then get help immediately - no, even sooner than that! It doesn't matter whether it's a doctor, a priest, a support group or a friend, for heaven's sake, talk to someone.

 

[Robin]

It's evil that has sneaked in. It floods the brain, the heart AND the soul so badly that it takes control sometimes. People who want to die are evil, very very evil; to themselves. If You have the evil inside You must try to get it out by doing something else than trying to take it with You in death. Instead of ending Your life, these people must understand that they can change it instead. Fill the gap of sorrow with something else, something new and meaningful.

I wish i could scream out to every depressed person in the world that they can make it once they take a step towards getting help. But the invisible devil inside them keep them from doing it. That's what i hate about being obcessed with helping them; they won't believe You unless You really get into it and at the same time might have a very short time left until they will leave forever.

Askal, i am very glad to see that a guy who made it through all this horror ended up trying to help others who might go down the same road. Alot of people here are real heroes, just like the firefighters who are discussed in another thread by alexp in the "I am lonely" board. Saving the inside of a person is just as important as saving the outside.

 

[kazman32]

Has any of you here contemplated suicide due to loneliness?  

Well I did.  

Though mostly self-harming attempts.  Some of the stuff I did:

1)  Alternate drenching of hot and cold water.  
2)  Biking at a high speed... then hoping to get hit by a car...  But the driver slammed on his brake and didnt kill me.  

3)  I tried tying up my neck with a belt... Though I couldnt really find a spot where to "hang" myself... I was just cryin... and trying to strangle myself with the belt...

4)  wall punching
5)  face-punching
6)  Going out in the -20 winter with just a shirt on.  No sweaters, none of that winter jacket stuff.  


While that peak of suicide attempts and thoughts were a few years back...  I still somehow get haunted by them.  

I'm still like a passive suicide of some sort.  Deep inside I still wish I never existed on this earth.  Its more like a last stand kinda thing.  I eliminated my depression...  I couldnt cry anymore even if I purposely force the old depression mode upon myself...  I dont think of actually doing it as of this point.  In fact, I'm going to school part time to hopefully better myself and be more successful in life.  

Its just one of the things still inside me.  Sorta like a tiger in the basement that is locked in a maximum security cage.      

The only thing that prevented me from completing it, is my belief in a "God" and heaven and hell.  Up to now... that belief is still ingrained in my head... and it acts as a sort of electric fence to prevent me from going the road of suicide.  


Anyway, your thoughts on suicide?

I had a long period where I wanted to kill myself, I understand, my father commited suicide, eventually I have worked through those feelings but it was very very hard to do so. Life can be so painful at times and when years go by and there is more pain than pleasure in your life, it can be hard to find a reason to keep going. I quit looking for a reason and just kept going, my life is finally starting to get a little better, there are things I hope for, we shall se what happens.

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi Askal,

Here is the part on suicide as forbidden behavior by Buddhism:

The second ethical principle, right action, involves the body as natural means of expression, as it refers to deeds that involve bodily actions. Unwholesome actions lead to unsound states of mind, while wholesome actions lead to sound states of mind. Again, the principle is explained in terms of abstinence: right action means 1. to abstain from harming sentient beings, especially to abstain from taking life (including suicide) and doing harm intentionally or delinquently,

 

[unkn0wn]

suicide is the most horrible form of cowardliness

think about your family people !!!

 

[killmex]

i want to kill myself. . .

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi Killmex,

Why do you feel that way? I hope you really don't want to kill yourself. It's a morally wrong choice. And it's so final. It's not worth it!

 

[Blue Sky]

I have tried to suicide twice, I won't go into how I went about it. At the time I felt so depressed, I didn't see myself having any future at all. All I would do all day was drink until everything was a blur, sleep, get up and start drinking again. After the second time, my sister came over to my place to vist me and she could see me through a window and straight away she knew that something was wrong but she couldn't get into my house. She called for the ambulance and they broke into my house and I was rushed to hospital. I woke up in intensive care and within a day I was sent to a detox centre and thats where my treatment and recovery began. I have really affected my sisters life after doing that, we used to be very close but now it's not the same relationship as it used to be. Soon after I made a decision never to try anything like that again, no matter how low I felt. Over a period of time I have got better and I now know that if I ever get in that type of situation again to get professional help straight away. I have also learnt that there are other ways to get through this besides suicide. I was only thinking of myself and not what my actions would cause to my family and friends.

 

[unkn0wn]

i want to kill myself. . .

LOOK AT POST #9

 

[Eyael]

Killmex, hang in there...

Suicide is not ''the ultimate way of cowardliness'', it's an escape for an overwhelming pain (such as a death of someone close). Unkn0wn, please understand that no one in this hole planet wants to die, even those who commit suicide; it's not about wanting to die, it's about not wanting to live, and these two things are very different. There are people who ''don't live'' thru drink, others thru drugs, and so on. So don't be so sure about suicide being coward.

My brother killed himself, and he was no coward, I can assure you...

 

[unkn0wn]

Killmex, hang in there...

Suicide is not ''the ultimate way of cowardliness'', it's an escape for an overwhelming pain (such as a death of someone close). Unkn0wn, please understand that no one in this hole planet wants to die, even those who commit suicide; it's not about wanting to die, it's about not wanting to live, and these two things are very different. There are people who ''don't live'' thru drink, others thru drugs, and so on. So don't be so sure about suicide being coward.

My brother killed himself, and he was no coward, I can assure you...

that was kind of a saying...
I've never wanted to kill myself and i assure you i will never want to do this>> because i know that there are many people who care about me ( i'm not saying about friends.... i'm saying about my family! that is one of the greatest things a man could have)

One of the best way of getting rid of this ****ing depression and stress and...etc.etc.etc.>>> is doing Good things, helping people, and then you'll see the happiness on their faces, you'll see that they know you're a good guy, that deserves attention, love etc. (human rights



P.S. Besides. God gave us life, we shouldn't take this gift away.

 

[BrokenDreams]

I've wanted to kill myself before. Once at school I was really depressed and I asked all my friends if they would miss me if I killed myself. They sent me to guidance, and then the counsellor phoned my Mom. She got really mad at me and gave me some long talk.

It feels like nobody cares sometimes, and that no one would even notice that I'm gone. Besides, I don't have the courage to kill myself, there is a little source of hope in me that keeps me alive on the thought that things will get better. But its not working.

 

[askal]

I dont wanna commit suicide because of a "God". No matter what you tell me, I still believe that it is only God who can take your life away. (lol... Ive been soooo brainwashed during my youth as a hardcore Opus Dei catholic)

However I pray to him for two things I am EITHER willing to accept.

1) A better life in the future
2) Instant death so everything will be over.

Cuz seriously... deep inside I still feel I have no reason in the first place to exist on this earth. Sometimes I wish I just died during the time when I had an extremely high fever as a kid... together with complications on other honeysuckle regarding my health.

God? If you see me typing this... Why? Why didnt you just put me to sleep permanently when you had the perfect chance. A little skinny kid. With other kinds of bad health goin on. I have faint memories of that time. I remember I didnt really wanna eat... then I developed a sort of broncho disease... then all the vomiting and passing out.

lol God... Next time it happens, please make me go to sleep.......... PERMANENTLY. Thanks.


But I dunno God... Part of me still wishes to keep getting up and fighting. Guess I was born a fighter... and have this weird sense of warrior pride or somethin. I dont know...

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi Askal,

I think you made many points.

I don't necessarily think that suicide is about cowardice. HOWEVER, it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Being overwhelmed by negative energy, one sees no light at the end of the tunnel. So, one does something extreme, something rash, from which there is no coming back. Suicide--what a waste of a no doubt brilliant and sensitive mind. The world needs these people--artists, poets, the sensitive and no doubt intelligent folks who make the world a better place!

Ignorance is bliss...I doubt a truly stupid person ever commits suicide. Only the poetic hearts who can't bear the loneliness and rigidity of modern society. In a world full of technology to help us communicate, we're further apart than ever. Just sit on a train and make eye contact with the people around you--they will be scared, trust me! Do it as an experiment. Make eye contact with people (friendly, not staring!) and they will look away, too shy, too unused to human contact!

 

[tony30]

No matter how hard I try, I've never been able to accept the idea that human beings or the earth upon which we walk are part of a divine whole. Christianity, Islam, Judaism, they all leave me cold because everything that I understand, I owe to scientific discovery and innovation. Chemistery and mathmatics in a nutshell.

Sure there is philosophy, and there is also a part of the mind that can be augmented by religious stimuli that enhances characteristics such as self-belief and acceptance of logos, or at least the principle definition of the word, meaning everything being part of a greater whole.

My body, and indeed every other material object, is comprised of atomic particles which in isolation are not alive. Only together do they create life and only once will they ever be organised into a pattern that makes my existence possible.

Just once.

When I eventually drop from my mortal coil, as far as I am concerned, that will be the absolute end from which there will never be another beginning, my consciousness will be expunged from the universe never to return and never to ascend to another plane eg heaven.

If what I say reveals itself to be the ultimate truth, then I would rather endure sixty years of misery and abandonment than hasten my departure from this life. It is such a fragile period, sandwiched twixt infinity, the idea of canceling it out prematurely is ghastly.

Just an opinion to chew on.