L
lonelyfairy
Guest
SophiaGrace said:
Lol. I am sorry, I didn't remember. D: *embarrassed*
Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
Lol. I am sorry, I didn't remember. D: *embarrassed*
S
SophiaGrace
Guest
lonelyfairy said:
that's what happens when you post a lot
L
lonelyfairy
Guest
SophiaGrace said:lonelyfairy said:
Lol, very true.
Lost Drifter
Well-known member
Was born on a boat leaving Italy and grew up within the Italian immigrant community in Wales which resulted in a lot of culture clashes, hostility and exclusion. Grew up a forgotten child (parents were workaholics) and spent too much time alone teaching myself how to cook, clean, do homework etc. which wasn’t as bad as I make out but very isolated. I was a good student at school but wanted more out of life so joined up with the Red Cross in South America at 18, then flew helicopters for a private military contractor in the Middle East at 21, travelled alone all across Europe and South East Asia before ending up in Japan. (Deep breath) worked as a pizza chief, a bodyguard, a translator, radio host, journalist, teacher and finally a trainee Shinto priest though I was in it more for the calm and philosophy. Came back to the UK at 28, worked a few odd jobs (butcher, sewer worker, councillor), published a book, found a dull office job and am currently completing a degree course, making a podcast, working PR for a big software studio and training for a trip to the Antarctica.
That’s all folks! (and I had to leave out quite a bit)
That’s all folks! (and I had to leave out quite a bit)
My parents met while in the Air Force..which oddly enough, both of their assignments had been switched to meet in the same area... on the island of Guam. So that is how my parents met and they fell in love while on the island. They got married there too I think, or it was Hawaii. They lived there also.. then moved to Texas, then back to Michigan. They are actually both from Michigan come to find out.
I was born 6 years later after they married. My dad wanted more kids but because of money issues my mom got her tubes tied and he was mad, because he wanted a boy as well. Not that he didn't want me though. When my mom gave birth at the hospital, she had a name planned for me..however the nurse screwed up badly on my middle name, and it still remains the same today. (lol) Nobody in the world must have my middle name yay. Monic.
I was always a shy girl growing up...ok I still am sometimes. I was picked on in elementary school because I basically acted like the boys. I always enjoyed catching frogs and reading comics, playing the Atari, riding my bike. At this point I moved to the city a little north of where I first lived. I lived there for 14 years with both my parents and sister. My mom, sister, and I always did lots of fun activities together like going for rides, going to the beach, shopping, visiting different scenic places and I just grew to love that kind of lifestyle. Being outside was and has always been my favorite thing. My dad would go camping and take us fishing as well. I would watch him clean fish all the time, so I feel like I know how to do it, did it once anyways. We had nice thanksgiving and christmas parties at his parent's house at the farm. Very nice to be and brings back those memories. I loved having my family all together and the more years went by..the more I missed this. I have always wanted true love ever since I was little. And also peace in the world. I wanted to have friends and people to like me but I was too afraid to show them and was disliked for it.
My parents had always seemed to live two separate lives.. and after 20 years of marriage they decided to get a divorce. My mom and I moved out into an apartment by ourselves and my sister was over 18 and got her own, leaving my dad with the house. He would bother my mom so she decided to up and move to another town about 60 miles west and I had just finished my 9th year of school (9th grade in high school).
So while in 10th grade I had to pretty much start over with friends and a new town. I was excited, but nervous. I think I buried my feelings about the divorce for nearly 10 years. I kinda got into the wrong crowd and it was just not good. My most best friend in the world admitted something to me that I won't mention here, and well, since I am not that way it was just too confusing and we ended up drifting apart. Ironically, my mom got a job promotion somewhere else. So we move nearly 200 miles southwest along the other coast this time.
I was not happy with this move at all. I was further away from my dad and I had to start over again with new friends. Although this time I made a boyfriend, who also..his parents divorced and he was forced to move too. Things ended up not working out though and I was only 16 so you know how that is. I think after we broke up..that's when I had no more friends left here and I grew into a deep depression. I had suicidal thoughts. I was going to purposely walk in front of this truck one day coming from from school, and this guy appeared on a bike to whistle at me to stop. I backed up and the truck flew by. I told him thank you.... and I watched him ride his bike in the distance. At that moment, I knew there was something to live for.
I had been talking to my um... ex online as a friend at the time.. and he was a really good friend who I ended up falling for because of his kind nature. We really didn't have anything in common but I didn't think that mattered. Fast forward a year, we are (age 18) married, living back in the second town I lived in, and living in his parents basement. They hated that we weren't married yet the first few months we were living there and kinda pressured him to do it. I like to think the marriage had it's happy moments..because it did.. but when I look back..there was a lot of emptiness and loneliness. I got a job as a secretary, and quit that job when I got pregnant. I had a child a year after marriage because I felt lonely (age 19), and well.. I wanted a part of me to spend time with too. He is 5 years old. Ex told me twice (first 6th year, and then 7th year..this year of marriage) he never loved me and the marriage was forced, we had nothing in common, and fell for his best gal friend and it drove me away... back down to where my mom and sister are 2 months ago.
I was born 6 years later after they married. My dad wanted more kids but because of money issues my mom got her tubes tied and he was mad, because he wanted a boy as well. Not that he didn't want me though. When my mom gave birth at the hospital, she had a name planned for me..however the nurse screwed up badly on my middle name, and it still remains the same today. (lol) Nobody in the world must have my middle name yay. Monic.
I was always a shy girl growing up...ok I still am sometimes. I was picked on in elementary school because I basically acted like the boys. I always enjoyed catching frogs and reading comics, playing the Atari, riding my bike. At this point I moved to the city a little north of where I first lived. I lived there for 14 years with both my parents and sister. My mom, sister, and I always did lots of fun activities together like going for rides, going to the beach, shopping, visiting different scenic places and I just grew to love that kind of lifestyle. Being outside was and has always been my favorite thing. My dad would go camping and take us fishing as well. I would watch him clean fish all the time, so I feel like I know how to do it, did it once anyways. We had nice thanksgiving and christmas parties at his parent's house at the farm. Very nice to be and brings back those memories. I loved having my family all together and the more years went by..the more I missed this. I have always wanted true love ever since I was little. And also peace in the world. I wanted to have friends and people to like me but I was too afraid to show them and was disliked for it.
My parents had always seemed to live two separate lives.. and after 20 years of marriage they decided to get a divorce. My mom and I moved out into an apartment by ourselves and my sister was over 18 and got her own, leaving my dad with the house. He would bother my mom so she decided to up and move to another town about 60 miles west and I had just finished my 9th year of school (9th grade in high school).
So while in 10th grade I had to pretty much start over with friends and a new town. I was excited, but nervous. I think I buried my feelings about the divorce for nearly 10 years. I kinda got into the wrong crowd and it was just not good. My most best friend in the world admitted something to me that I won't mention here, and well, since I am not that way it was just too confusing and we ended up drifting apart. Ironically, my mom got a job promotion somewhere else. So we move nearly 200 miles southwest along the other coast this time.
I was not happy with this move at all. I was further away from my dad and I had to start over again with new friends. Although this time I made a boyfriend, who also..his parents divorced and he was forced to move too. Things ended up not working out though and I was only 16 so you know how that is. I think after we broke up..that's when I had no more friends left here and I grew into a deep depression. I had suicidal thoughts. I was going to purposely walk in front of this truck one day coming from from school, and this guy appeared on a bike to whistle at me to stop. I backed up and the truck flew by. I told him thank you.... and I watched him ride his bike in the distance. At that moment, I knew there was something to live for.
I had been talking to my um... ex online as a friend at the time.. and he was a really good friend who I ended up falling for because of his kind nature. We really didn't have anything in common but I didn't think that mattered. Fast forward a year, we are (age 18) married, living back in the second town I lived in, and living in his parents basement. They hated that we weren't married yet the first few months we were living there and kinda pressured him to do it. I like to think the marriage had it's happy moments..because it did.. but when I look back..there was a lot of emptiness and loneliness. I got a job as a secretary, and quit that job when I got pregnant. I had a child a year after marriage because I felt lonely (age 19), and well.. I wanted a part of me to spend time with too. He is 5 years old. Ex told me twice (first 6th year, and then 7th year..this year of marriage) he never loved me and the marriage was forced, we had nothing in common, and fell for his best gal friend and it drove me away... back down to where my mom and sister are 2 months ago.
was born in chicago
only boy i have two sisters
moved to texas when i was three
enjoyed school up until about 4th grade
was picked on everysingle day after that until i graduated high school
was slim and tall
never played sports
unfortunatley have been single all my life
got arrested for dwi when i was 21
went into a deep depression
lost the little bit of freinds i had
im 24 now
and thats about it
only boy i have two sisters
moved to texas when i was three
enjoyed school up until about 4th grade
was picked on everysingle day after that until i graduated high school
was slim and tall
never played sports
unfortunatley have been single all my life
got arrested for dwi when i was 21
went into a deep depression
lost the little bit of freinds i had
im 24 now
and thats about it
IgnoredOne
Well-known member
Was born into a well-heeled family but my parents had particular thoughts about child rearing, so I was kept isolated from the world until I was 15. I was academically well educated, and was technically certified by the age of 14; I had full marks on both my SAT and my ACT. I got into college at 16; did some very stupid things and reversed that, and with very little to call my own, moved into a new city, dealt with virtual homelessness and proceeded to build a new life and am working to get an advanced degree.
There's a lot else, but I think that's all I can safely and legally mention here.
Perhaps the best moment was how within six months, I moved from squatting in abandoned apartment units to renting my own place in a guarded neighborhood. I remember laying down on the carpet, no furniture, nothing, but realizing somehow, that I had made it. I didn't have any friends, I didn't have anyone I could rely on and a few people from my past would want to kill me...but I had made it; I walked alone...and I would not falter if I was relentless enough. Nothing would stop me if I damned wanted it. It had to be this way, too, because for as hostile and difficult the world is, I had purpose.
Tthere was so much evil left to stop in this world yet.
There's a lot else, but I think that's all I can safely and legally mention here.
Perhaps the best moment was how within six months, I moved from squatting in abandoned apartment units to renting my own place in a guarded neighborhood. I remember laying down on the carpet, no furniture, nothing, but realizing somehow, that I had made it. I didn't have any friends, I didn't have anyone I could rely on and a few people from my past would want to kill me...but I had made it; I walked alone...and I would not falter if I was relentless enough. Nothing would stop me if I damned wanted it. It had to be this way, too, because for as hostile and difficult the world is, I had purpose.
Tthere was so much evil left to stop in this world yet.
S
SophiaGrace
Guest
You know, I think my first memory, when I was 3, was of waking up on a sunny day, getting out of bed, and running downstairs to the kitchen. I remember lots of sun streaming in through the windows.
In the kitchen was my mom, and she was at the counter doing something. She had a makeshift dishcloth apron on , and I pulled at it, trying to get her attention. I remember her asking me what I wanted, and me making sounds back at her, trying to talk. I don't think I had anything to say to her, but, I was trying to imitate speech by humming different pitched notes to her.
I hummed when I was a child, because it made me happy and meant that I was happy. I used to hum to different songs and sing to myself. As I grew up, I hummed less and less, because I realized that it sounded different and I didn't want to draw other people's attention to me.
Sometimes I still hum, and, being at a Deaf school, I hear people make noises which are inarticulate, but, to me, translate into direct emotion. I have a friend who makes a particular noise which means he is thinking, and another who makes a certain sound when he is happy.
Those sounds somehow translate more directly into an emotion in ways that words can't and somehow, by proxy, they make me happy too. Like an inexplicable bubbly sort of joy happiness at knowing what they mean, while others may not.
In the kitchen was my mom, and she was at the counter doing something. She had a makeshift dishcloth apron on , and I pulled at it, trying to get her attention. I remember her asking me what I wanted, and me making sounds back at her, trying to talk. I don't think I had anything to say to her, but, I was trying to imitate speech by humming different pitched notes to her.
I hummed when I was a child, because it made me happy and meant that I was happy. I used to hum to different songs and sing to myself. As I grew up, I hummed less and less, because I realized that it sounded different and I didn't want to draw other people's attention to me.
Sometimes I still hum, and, being at a Deaf school, I hear people make noises which are inarticulate, but, to me, translate into direct emotion. I have a friend who makes a particular noise which means he is thinking, and another who makes a certain sound when he is happy.
Those sounds somehow translate more directly into an emotion in ways that words can't and somehow, by proxy, they make me happy too. Like an inexplicable bubbly sort of joy happiness at knowing what they mean, while others may not.
painter's radio
Well-known member
SophiaGrace said:
This is beautiful
Hmm, my "story". Why not eh.
Born in Wales, some weeks early. Had some blood disease or something, was very ill and on life support. Also denied nutrients from mother's dodgy placenta. I have weak bones and honeysuckle teeth and inherited all the bad things from my family members, and my mother's content for it all.
Parents divorced when I was born; dad slept with my mum's best friend.
Had horrendous nightmares as a child. Recurring ones, sleep paralysis, night tremors, sleepwalking, really horrible dreams, every night. I'd even start hallucinating as soon as my mum said goodnight and walked out the door. I'd beg her not to leave as the "white lines of death" would get me. No, it wasn't a cocaine premonition, these white lines on my walls would start weaving like smoke all across my ceiling and make their way into my mouth and nose and trap me. I feared going to sleep every single night, even just going to bed brought about such feelings of anxiety and terror.
Life was boring and uneventful until I was about 8 years old. Had my first girlfriend. We would go to private areas in the school playground and kiss at lunchtime. We'd write each other love letters. We'd hang out after school too. I was discovering the joys of good music at this time, stealing my older sister's tapes... Nirvana, Metallica, Pearl Jam etc. I don't think my girlfriend's parents appreciated their daughter coming home and blasting Nirvana's "Rape Me" at 8 years old. My bad influence.
She had to move away. We wrote each other every week... for a while. I think it was me that stopped writing. For the rest of my life I wondered when we would have contact again. Not every day of course, or week, month, maybe even year. But I never forgot her.
The nightmares continued, I started skateboarding. Well, first it was my sister's shitty hand-me-down rollerskates. Mother was poor and in rehab so I never had much, but I loved what I had. Dad wasn't much of a dad. I had a roof over my head but was left to come and go and I pleased.
Had Meningitis when I was 14. Very close to death there. Worst experience ever.
I got into raves and drugs when I was about 14/15. For the next 10 years or so I took copious amounts of pills... ecstacy, MDMA, LSD, mushrooms, speed, coke, ketamine, bass... and smoke SO MUCH weed. All day every day. Never went to school or college, just got the fresia out of my head as much as I could.
Had a few intense relationships that always ended in tears. My own tears mostly. Had quite an abusive girlfriend who would hit me and sleep with other dudes, would take too many drugs at parties and I've have to care for her and make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit. She manufactured her own GHB and was addicted to it. Always overdosing on it to escape. We moved away together for a while, had a house. It didn't work out. 4 years I was with her.
I had started self harming by this time. Just scratches on the wrists, punching walls till my knuckles ripped and bled, giving myself black eyes, really beating the fresia out of myself. I didn't like me at all. Over time, the cuts got worse. I started needing stitches, often turning up at A&E in the early hours. Started the medication/therapy route. Took a huge overdose, got put on a psychiatric ward, had a seizure and hit my head really hard. Was a retard for months, couldn't see properly, couldn't remember anything, couldn't eat, still had those ******* nightmares.
Meh, this is depressing, lol. Why am I only saying the bad things? Good things happened too. I don't know. That's my honeysuckle, anyway. Maybe some day I'll talk about the better things.
S
SophiaGrace
Guest
Was the psychiatric ward a terrible experience for you? What was it like?
painter's radio
Well-known member
The first few times I went there voluntarily. It was shitty and awful. Constantly around completely insane people with absolutely nothing to do but try avoid them as they scare the honeysuckle out of you talking complete nonsense or trying to shake your hand every 20 seconds without saying a single word, ever, because they have to, you can see their life just repeating itself over and over in a neverending loop of utter confusion... the insane fits of laughter or tears, the rocking back and forth cliche's, people getting restrained and sedated... on my first day there I saw a guy pull down his pants and honeysuckle on the floor. All this went on while the staff watched us through a giant circular window in the middle of the room. Queuing up in a line to be medicated.
After the overdose they put me there against my will. That was a terrible feeling. To be robbed of my freedom like that, to be put in that ******* hellhole when what I really needed was to be at home resting and taken care of, although yeah I did have a delayed seizure because of the overdose a few days earlier but I really did not want to be there that time. I was escorted there like a prisoner and hated every second of it.
After the overdose they put me there against my will. That was a terrible feeling. To be robbed of my freedom like that, to be put in that ******* hellhole when what I really needed was to be at home resting and taken care of, although yeah I did have a delayed seizure because of the overdose a few days earlier but I really did not want to be there that time. I was escorted there like a prisoner and hated every second of it.
painter's radio
Well-known member
I wont say I can relate to it but I will say you are a very inspiring person. Really, reading your story made me want to be stronger.
painter's radio
Well-known member
Yet you have done things I don't think I could do, for whatever reason...
ladyforsaken
Well-known member
Peaches - *hugs*
You don't know how your life story moved me almost to tears. And here I thought I'm suffering so bad with my illness. You inspire me. It's so amazing how tough and messed up your life was.. you kept falling and tripping but you kept getting up and continued walking. It's like a young soul who never knows how to give up and keeps on going.
I salute you.
You don't know how your life story moved me almost to tears. And here I thought I'm suffering so bad with my illness. You inspire me. It's so amazing how tough and messed up your life was.. you kept falling and tripping but you kept getting up and continued walking. It's like a young soul who never knows how to give up and keeps on going.
I salute you.
S
SophiaGrace
Guest
Peaches said:
... ._.
ladyforsaken
Well-known member
Peaches said:
Aww *hugs*
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