Telling my girlfriend to see a 'professional'..

[Inexperienced]

Is this a bad thing? I mean, I told her to see a counselor in her University to talk about our relationship. I also suggested this when she was having family problems.

She thinks I'm her life support, and can't live without me, etc etc.
She's sad when we can't be together, and this affects her life. (She's rude to friends, skips classes, etc) Generally, she's a nice, shy person.

I'm a total shut-in, btw. I don't have a car, so I can't see her whenever I feel like it. And I'm a little nervous when I have to step out of my comfortable home and meet her friends or people she knows. Usually we have to plan whenever we want to meet, so sometimes I can't give her what she wants.. well, most of the time.

Is it wrong for me to suggest this? I know our relationship is a little unhealthy. Do you think she just needs a better boyfriend?

 

[Sci-Fi]

It's all in how you word it, but one thing for sure I wouldn't say she needs a better boyfriend. You obviously care about her or you wouldn't be wanting her to talk to someone. When it comes to your relationship though you BOTH should be going to talk to someone, not just her.

 

[nerdygirl]

What Sci-Fi said.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Please express concern and care as your motivation when you bring up the topic of the counselor. By all means don't come over as if she is mentally ill or a whack job.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Agreed, it won't hurt for her to talk a little to someone else who can help her, but be careful not to aggravate whatever might be affecting her.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It can be tocuhy either way. No matter how you word it..It's also in how she's going to respond/react.
If She can take it in a postive light..Yes that would be simple and uncomplicate.

As most of us that has family members and love ones that's not totally mentally and emotionally stable...
It can turn ugly really quick Which can create more problems and conflicts.
Then you get into all kinds of blamshifting, control issues...arguments.

Time and time again...my partners themselve know they need counseling or sometype of help...
but they never follow through themselve or it dont last.

The mistake we make as love ones are that somehow if they have counseling or professional help
that they're going to be cured, fix and get well overnight.
People arnt like mechanical contraption where you can just take into a shop to get fixed....especailly
with it comes to mental and emotional well being.

If everyone would act right...be happy, get fixed...than I would be OK...kind of thing.lol

For the most part...its more about me getting well and working on myself first.
Kind of like taking the lead...Show her through your actions. Hopefully she'll see the positive changes and consistancy in you
and she might consider.

My finacee knows she need treatments ,conseling, theropy...ect.
She's gotten some. She's making progresss and is trying...but she's not consitant.
I go with her to the Dr...just to be there for her.
She's on meds but it's not a cure all for her.

However...Ive been staying postive. So she's kind da picking up on the idea of thinking postive and feeling postive.
She has no clue to the programs I work...I cant force her to work it or pick up the tools Ive learned either.

Ultimately she's gonna have to want to do it for herself...
Everyone have thier own bottom. Whatever her bottom is.
Even if she did agree to seek treatment, via interventions , altimatums, court system...ect. IT WOULD ALL IN HER MOTIVES.
If her motive is to just get people off of her ass..she'll just go through the motions and not really get well.
She must do it for herself first and foremost...not for you, not for her parents. not even for her kids or god.

As most of us already know...we cant change or fix other people...We can only change and work on ourselves.

 

[Inexperienced]

I guess most people don't understand that you don't have to be ill to see a counselor. Any way, I fail at being a boyfriend. She ended up hurting herself.

Thanks for the responses.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Wait, what? Is she okay? How are you dealing with this?

 

[IgnoredOne]

I guess most people don't understand that you don't have to be ill to see a counselor. Any way, I fail at being a boyfriend. She ended up hurting herself.

Thanks for the responses.

I think you need to talk to her more directly about why she needs you so much - what's bothering her exactly? There's something going on, possibly more than she told you.

 

[floatsamjetsam]

Weird, this sounds very similar to my ex. Let me tell you right now, a Councillor will not be able to help her, if she confides that deeply in you, she is seeking help with love. Unless you are fully committed to changing your life, a Councillor will be a cold substitute for a boyfriend. It is quite possible that she needs you now more than you even know, most often self-inflicted injuries not resulting in hospitalization, or death are a cry for help, or a way to relieve the physical torment of depression. When you injure yourself, your body releases endorphins, (natures painkiller) this allows a person to temporarily reduce the intensity of the more serious pain that is afflicting them. If her last resort to relieve her emotional pain is to self-inflict injuries then she is without hope.

I imagine she wants you to be there for her, and the only solace she finds is in your comfort, at this point a Councillor can do very little for her, you can make a decision. To accept that you're a bad boyfriend, and abandon her thinking it best for her to find someone else who can support her better, and lead her down a much harder path than she is currently treading, so that eventually she might find a new boyfriend, but will have caused serious damage to herself psychologically and emotionally that might never be repaired.

It seems to me as though you're ready to throw in the towel, but consider staying with her, being an emotional support and visiting her as often as you can. Make an effort to leave the house for her, and show her she's important, and that she matters enough to try for. Once she get stable you can then leave and allow her to find someone who you believe is more suitable. You have the ability to prevent a large amount of misery for someone, to strengthen a heart before it withers.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Generally being a complete shuf-in is also a bad thing. Chances are you need professional help as well. Maybe you should offer to go with her. Not go to her session, but go to the office and wait for her, then go to your session.

Truth be told, you sound like you just want out of the relationship. So why not dump her and get it over with?

 

[IgnoredOne]

Generally being a complete shuf-in is also a bad thing. Chances are you need professional help as well. Maybe you should offer to go with her. Not go to her session, but go to the office and wait for her, then go to your session.

Truth be told, you sound like you just want out of the relationship. So why not dump her and get it over with?

Evidently because he cares for and loves her. And while things might be tough, its no reason to just give up. Few things in life that are worthwhile are easy.