Texts from last night

[cheaptrickfan]

This one is my all-time favorite:
Texts from last night

(508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
(1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

I love searching for texts from my area code.

 

[Naval_Fluff]

(610): If I had a penis I would totaly hang honeysuckle off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.

lmao

(214): I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

(610): If I had a penis I would totaly hang honeysuckle off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.

lmao

(214): I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.

Oh my, that made me snort.

That site is seriously a black hole of awesomely wasted time.

---

(705): Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence

llama

 

[Sodium]

HAHAAH... my area code (not anymore):

(408): When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.

(408): man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"

(408): i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.

(408): booty call
(925): i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.

(408): hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
(1-408): if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends

(408): the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW

(408): carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
(415): be there in 3 mins

(408): hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over
(650): nah, i'm gonna grab some food

(818): he got wood on it!
(408): i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
(818): ...i was talking about hockey

Ok ok ENOUGH... I lovveee this site !

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Ok ok ENOUGH... I lovveee this site !

Isn't it hysterical?


A few of my favorites from my state:

(315): covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly

(212): I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York.

(901): I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.


(315): Some man just told me I had very intense eyes
(315): He looks like a deranged leprechaun
(941): Kick him in the shammrocks
(941): then steal his lucky charms
(315): "Why does everyone laugh when I say that. They are after my lucky charms"
(941): Now I have to watch Austin powers, thanks alot.

 

[Divinitywolf]

(202): I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared

(603): That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I would have like to see this one:


(512): Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"

 

[Spare]

(406): my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute

(406): Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.

(406): When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.

(303): Have you learned any life lessons?
(406): I like big butts and I cannot lie.

(406): we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.

 

[Sodium]

(415): I hate ******* guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.

(415): i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.

(415): I just let someone steal something bc they were so ******* weird and wouldn't leave me alone

(415): She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.

(415): I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
(510): I hope so

(415): if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?

(650): my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
(415): and she bought it?!?
(650): yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes

(510): he said he didn't have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

 

[Minus]

(812): There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.

Yup fluffy

 

[cheaptrickfan]

(281): Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.

 

[Minus]

So much for becoming a pirate.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

So much for becoming a pirate.

Arr! Save it for International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

September 19. ;-)

 

[Minus]

Oh geez