Hi peeps
This is gonna be long.. I don't even no if i should write this or not.. I feel kinda bad, having the need to share my idiotic problems.. But then again, i know it help to share..
I don't even no where to start.. But i think i will just start and see where it goes..
--
2012 started with extreme hangover, bad weather which effects quite a bit, im educating myself as Lumberjack - so i work in the forest mainly (more 'bout that later)
Then all the things i forgot to do in December, crashed down on me.. These things are quite importen (Job or no job importen like)..
And my back still hurts after working to hard before christmas - this effects me too.. Back problems could result in that im not able to perform my job.
Thoughts about whether my ritalin helps me or not, it helps my concentration a lot and i get more energi / power to do stuf, but i have side effects of it.
Thoughts 'bout whether i keep doing what im doing, working as a lumberjack (Can i get a job when out my education?) - Its too "dumb" a job for me.. Could i achieve more in life - Like becomming an Energi engineer - Since i actually have the intelligens, skills and interest, and then i still dout it..
My economy is crap, since i have loans (yeah stupid) and a car (which my father pays the taxes and stuf on) and i dont get paid very well because i couldn't find a place that wanted to hire me, so i work through my school - that way i keep moving forward in my education..
I have friends.. Good friends, and a fair social life, but after i moved away to become a lumberjack (have to survive somehow), i started crashing the couches whenever i was invited to a party or something like that and had to do visit my psycaiatrist and so on.. I feel that i nag on them, wanting there company, need their help, but they always say that im most welcome.. Still i feel like being a burden..
Actually i have the feeling of being a burden a lot lately.. A burden on my family and friends.. But they always tell me and keep me, it aint a problem.. Its probably that i some idea that it aint okay if i can take care of myself.. That i need to be strong and handle all on my own..
I miss having a girl friend, but girls are hard.. I good friends that are girls.. But most of those girls i have had feelings for.. Which often tends ruin our friendship.. When i met a new girl and we sort of become friends, i feeling really fast, but often i bury 'em.. Well they are in the way and i so bad at saying that exsist..
Edit: Lately all this and more... resulting in anger and frustration.. It have really shorten my fuse, which isnt to long alrdy... And it dosnt help at all..
Okay i'll stop now.. I know its a "cry" post.. Just need a place to load of.. And it actually feels good - a lil happier now.
I just wish that i the will to say "i'm happy with the way my life is going and just.. would accepter that its okay the to get help and being a screwup"...
This is gonna be long.. I don't even no if i should write this or not.. I feel kinda bad, having the need to share my idiotic problems.. But then again, i know it help to share..
I don't even no where to start.. But i think i will just start and see where it goes..
--
2012 started with extreme hangover, bad weather which effects quite a bit, im educating myself as Lumberjack - so i work in the forest mainly (more 'bout that later)
Then all the things i forgot to do in December, crashed down on me.. These things are quite importen (Job or no job importen like)..
And my back still hurts after working to hard before christmas - this effects me too.. Back problems could result in that im not able to perform my job.
Thoughts about whether my ritalin helps me or not, it helps my concentration a lot and i get more energi / power to do stuf, but i have side effects of it.
Thoughts 'bout whether i keep doing what im doing, working as a lumberjack (Can i get a job when out my education?) - Its too "dumb" a job for me.. Could i achieve more in life - Like becomming an Energi engineer - Since i actually have the intelligens, skills and interest, and then i still dout it..
My economy is crap, since i have loans (yeah stupid) and a car (which my father pays the taxes and stuf on) and i dont get paid very well because i couldn't find a place that wanted to hire me, so i work through my school - that way i keep moving forward in my education..
I have friends.. Good friends, and a fair social life, but after i moved away to become a lumberjack (have to survive somehow), i started crashing the couches whenever i was invited to a party or something like that and had to do visit my psycaiatrist and so on.. I feel that i nag on them, wanting there company, need their help, but they always say that im most welcome.. Still i feel like being a burden..
Actually i have the feeling of being a burden a lot lately.. A burden on my family and friends.. But they always tell me and keep me, it aint a problem.. Its probably that i some idea that it aint okay if i can take care of myself.. That i need to be strong and handle all on my own..
I miss having a girl friend, but girls are hard.. I good friends that are girls.. But most of those girls i have had feelings for.. Which often tends ruin our friendship.. When i met a new girl and we sort of become friends, i feeling really fast, but often i bury 'em.. Well they are in the way and i so bad at saying that exsist..
Edit: Lately all this and more... resulting in anger and frustration.. It have really shorten my fuse, which isnt to long alrdy... And it dosnt help at all..
Okay i'll stop now.. I know its a "cry" post.. Just need a place to load of.. And it actually feels good - a lil happier now.
I just wish that i the will to say "i'm happy with the way my life is going and just.. would accepter that its okay the to get help and being a screwup"...
