The degeneration of morals/ethics/values/etc as your emotional state worsens

[Siertes]

Once upon a time I considered myself a good person. There were things I knew to be wrong and could never imagine myself being a part of them. There were things I counted myself above, common societal practices I could live without for the betterment of my mind, body, and wallet.

But...

As time marches on, I'm not sure if I'm losing those values entirely or just lacking the energy to hold strong to them. At the moment it's mostly in thought but I feel that in my current state, I'm of a mind to give in to all kinds of temptations.

I was never much of a drinker. I can't stand the taste and always looked sideways at those who did it constantly for the fun but part of me wants to dive into it. Lose myself in drunken stupors and not have a care in the world.

On the subject of relationships, I had always been against cheating in any form, but the lonelier I get, the more I feel like I wouldn't turn down a proposition from someone in a monogamous relationship. I've always been more comfortable talking to unavailable women. That fact relieved me of any pressure, assuming I found them attractive in some way, that I should be doing something to earn their favor and attention but now...there's a constant itch, a nagging desire that if I say the right things and nudge them in the perfect direction...

It's pathetic. I detest thinking like this but I'm finding it harder and harder to fight. I liken living with loneliness to going to prison with no real rehabilitation program: the person who goes in comes out worse than before. You live in this state surrounded by all this bad and your mind just adapts to it in order to survive.

Being good didn't find me happiness. Those that did all the things I avoided have all the things I've always wanted. There are no rewards for sticking to my values. "Screw it all," your thoughts start saying again and again.

Anyone else have a mind traversing this dark path? Or perhaps this was once you but you've found a way out. Please share either way...

 

[9006]

It's pathetic. I detest thinking like this but I'm finding it harder and harder to fight. I liken living with loneliness to going to prison with no real rehabilitation program: the person who goes in comes out worse than before. You live in this state surrounded by all this bad and your mind just adapts to it in order to survive.

No, you're just human. This perfect temperament - or whatever - does not exist. It sounds more like you need a change as well as feeling isolated & lonely, everyone has their own varying degree of this it doesn't make you less [or worse] of a guy just for thinking some of these things.

 

[daughter of the moon]

I don't know, dear. I do, to some extent, understand where you're coming from. There was a time, during my last relationship, that I felt so miserable with him and everything, that I wouldn't have turned down an offer to cheat with someone, had there been one. (and I still consider people who cheat among the lowest possible life forms)
All I can say is that I firmly believe, if you do things that you really despise deep inside, you will just end up hating yourself more than ever before. And then what? Forgiving oneself is the hardest thing. Better not accumulate too much of it, if you have a choice.

 

[Siertes]

It's pathetic. I detest thinking like this but I'm finding it harder and harder to fight. I liken living with loneliness to going to prison with no real rehabilitation program: the person who goes in comes out worse than before. You live in this state surrounded by all this bad and your mind just adapts to it in order to survive.

No, you're just human. This perfect temperament - or whatever - does not exist. It sounds more like you need a change as well as feeling isolated & lonely, everyone has their own varying degree of this it doesn't make you less [or worse] of a guy just for thinking some of these things.

A change would be most welcome. I really don't want to suffer the consequences should I ever pass some point of no return.

I don't know, dear. I do, to some extent, understand where you're coming from. There was a time, during my last relationship, that I felt so miserable with him and everything, that I wouldn't have turned down an offer to cheat with someone, had there been one. (and I still consider people who cheat among the lowest possible life forms)
All I can say is that I firmly believe, if you do things that you really despise deep inside, you will just end up hating yourself more than ever before. And then what? Forgiving oneself is the hardest thing. Better not accumulate too much of it, if you have a choice.

Guess it's kind of like a drug huh? Might feel good in the moment but you're destroying yourself on the inside. Lord knows how much guilt over the simplest things eats at me already

 

[Batman55]

I don't know, dear. I do, to some extent, understand where you're coming from. There was a time, during my last relationship, that I felt so miserable with him and everything, that I wouldn't have turned down an offer to cheat with someone, had there been one. (and I still consider people who cheat among the lowest possible life forms)
All I can say is that I firmly believe, if you do things that you really despise deep inside, you will just end up hating yourself more than ever before. And then what? Forgiving oneself is the hardest thing. Better not accumulate too much of it, if you have a choice.

My friend suffered from loneliness and feeling unwanted for much of his life. He was practically a virgin and had never had a girlfriend. About 6 months ago at his workplace, a married woman w/ kids (but in a lifeless marriage) basically picked him up. The relationship is secret and the two of them are intimate pretty often. I thought it would last a month, here we are 6 months later and this thing is still going on (to the best of my knowledge.)

Everyone says there are serious consequences for being in an affair. But my friend seems just as happy as he's ever been--if anything, he is more confident, not less.

I do not advocate this kind of thing. But I do wonder if sometimes conventional wisdom of "serious problems" happening with affairs/cheating doesn't always apply, some people get away with it. For my friend, that seems to be the case so far... I'm not so sure he's even going to regret it, once it's over. That's what troubles me the most.

Because if he turned her down, it's not like the lords of karma would look down on him and help him find an available woman. It would just be (probably) more years of being unwanted, which when you're a guy, it really is a destructive force and the longer it goes on, the less chance you have of attracting anyone. So... I can understand the temptation, esp. if you've never had a relationship.

 

[ardour]

I cling to pretentious ideas of decency more the lonelier life gets as a kind of emotional fall back; "well at least I'm an okay person". Without that I'd have nothing.

Lets say you could act on these thoughts, what are you left with afterwards, a partner who loves you? Nope. Self respect? Quite a bit less.

 

[daughter of the moon]

I cling to pretentious ideas of decency more the lonelier life gets as a kind of emotional fall back; "well at least I'm an okay person". Without that I'd have nothing.

Lets say you could act on these thoughts, what are you left with afterwards, a partner who loves you? Nope. Self respect? Quite a bit less.

That's exactly my thinking

 

[Batman55]

To continue the role of devil's advocate here, what about the necessity of being flexible and learning to accept that things cannot be the way you hoped they would be?