The devaluation of sex.

[Papabear]

I'm one of those people that waited until I was truly in love to have sex. I shared losing my virginity with my ex-fiancee and I believe it was worth every bit of the wait regardless of how things ended up between us.

Now this isn't to say one should wait for marriage, or one shouldn't truly enjoy sex. I think a lot of issues we have as a human population actually stems from our inability to be open about sex.

With that said, I really dislike how sex is beginning to get devalued. I've slept with women that I was doing it "just for the sex"... it honestly felt like more of a waste of time than anything, especially when compared to sex with someone that actually mattered.

I recently was discussing this with a woman and she was talking about how open she was. How any slew of her friends can grab her, grope her, and how they share sexual favors and other things of this nature with each other. I tried to envision myself entering a relationship with this person, I just don't think I could enjoy that. (Not that I don't love lots of sex). I just don't think that I want it to be something that is so worthless.

I guess, I wouldn't call myself old fashioned, not at all. I just, I want what I consider to be one of the most intimate things that two people can share to be the same for the other person involved.

Is this a little too much to ask of me? Would I be too picky if I let this change my opinion on getting into a relationship with someone?

 

[Antihero]

Is this a little too much to ask of me? Would I be too picky if I let this change my opinion on getting into a relationship with someone?

Not at all. I believe we share the same opinion.

 

[Robin]

Sex isn't the same as lovemaking, nor as good i think! Can't make love to someone You don't love.

 

[friendsvme]

Is this a little too much to ask of me? Would I be too picky if I let this change my opinion on getting into a relationship with someone?

Not at all! You should be proud of yourself instead!
I mean I don't know why but people nowadays are all influenced by all this negative "culture", they feel proud because they lost their virginity when they were very young or they had sex with a stranger they met in a bar (apparently that's somewhat cool to some people?)?
You are definitely not picky because how can you share something that special to a woman like that who doesn't take sex as a serious matter?
Anyway, call me old-fashioned but that's what I think.

 

[Satyr]

With that said, I really dislike how sex is beginning to get devalued. I've slept with women that I was doing it "just for the sex"... it honestly felt like more of a waste of time than anything, especially when compared to sex with someone that actually mattered.

I've actually turned down offers of sex because there simply wasn't any substance behind it.

A lot of women seem to think that guys will jump into bed with just about anyone that asks. For awhile, I thought they might be right until I was confronted with a situation where I actually said "No thanks". Just when you think you know yourself, life has a tendency to throw you a curve and skew your entire perception.

 

[Unacceptance]

Sex isn't the same as lovemaking.

This pretty much sums it up perfectly.

And now for something related, the first part of this video:

[youtube]XGQilYAloIA[/youtube]

 

[Estreen]

I absolutely agree. I am one of the few waiting until marriage until I have sex and a lot of people think me old fashioned for it, but the way I see it, anyone can have sex. It's easy, it's simple, it's human nature. But not everyone can wait for the right moment and have worthwhile sex, or make love, and while I love my boyfriend I am sticking to waiting until my wedding night, because then, what good is the honeymoon, eh?

This is not to say I look down on anyone that has had pre-marital sex; I don't judge. I just wish more people would take it seriously and not treat it like it's nothing. Sexuality is a sacred, personal thing between two people and should be treated as such.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I don't think sex is a dirty thing. It's too bad it can get ya kill now adayz though.

I don't know...there's certain things i don't like to share in life...one just so happens to be sex
or my partner. Weahter marriage is an institutions or not.

The closest i can explain it ....for me.
If someone is to take a bite out of my sandwish or me taking food out of trash can and eating it. Eewwww
It's a same sort of feeling if i was to get involve in an open relationship.

I'm not built like that. I'm straight up meat and patatos kind of guy.

I don't think anyone is going to hell or less than me just becuase they choose to have mulitples
sex partners or thier chioce of same sex partners.
As they say....different strokes for different folks.

 

[Phaedron]

There was a point in my philosophical and spiritual journey where I had concluded justice is nonexistant, evil is simply having the most fun, and everyone is ultimately forgiven anyway. I stripped away my basic belief in good and tried to find my dark side, but what I found was a simple and natural me undefined by either extreme.

I thought about how some enlightened cultures could share their passion with everyone, free love and all that, but from the bottom of my heart I can only be satisfied with a one on one relationship.

I see time as a single point. In all likelihood the person I will love has had many relations by now. To me there is only 0, 1, and many. Having done it in the past is no different then doing it tomorrow.

Also consider a woman who has children already. In this case we can't say her past exploits were a mistake, no that would deny their existence. Thus for me to get involved with such a woman I am forced to learn to love the idea of her being with another man. Indeed it is a thought that will cross my mind many times, but I would learn to love her children and thus be thankful she was with another man. Hopefully I won't find myself this desperate, but I won't rule it out.

I myself will only stick to the person I chose and will want the same in return, but I've often asked myself what I would if she cheated on me. Well the truth is meaningless sex is not enough to make me lash out in anger at the woman I love, but it will create an imbalance in the relationship that I am not willing to remedy.

If, on the other hand, she fell in love with another man I would be crushed and torn to pieces. I always swore to myself that I would never get into a relationship that could end like this, become dull, or result in bickering and divorce. This was the kind of relationship my parents had and I hated it every moment of my youth. No I would give it my all and do my best and it would be smooth sailing and lively.

Were such a thing to happen I don't know what I would do. I can't honestly say I wouldn't be above killing the other man, or at least finding some way to break them up, but most likely I would leave and dwell in sorrow the remainder of my days. I would then take all the blame onto myself and conclude it is Gods will I suffer at all times. Oddly enough I would find a sense of peace in this conclusion of hell. Imagination is the one place where I am truly content. I've lived more lifetimes in my head then reincarnationists believe they had in the past.

 

[Naleena]

I myself will only stick to the person I chose and will want the same in return, but I've often asked myself what I would if she cheated on me. Well the truth is meaningless sex is not enough to make me lash out in anger at the woman I love, but it will create an imbalance in the relationship that I am not willing to remedy.

If a person who has a mate goes out and has sex with another, it is never MEANINGLESS. Anyone who does that and says otherwise is lying.

but most likely I would leave and dwell in sorrow the remainder of my days. I would then take all the blame onto myself and conclude it is Gods will I suffer at all times.

Are you serious? You would take the blame? As if you had control over what another person does? Last time I checked, no one had that kind of power....lol Look, any woman who would make you cry, isn't worth your tears and there is no way she would be "the one" for you.

Now this is what I would do...lol Say the man I am living with decides he wants to cheat. Kill the other woman? Naaaa, she can have him. Let her worry about him and whether or not he will end up cheating on her.
I would tell him to get the hell out and don't let the door slam him in the ass as he leaves! Hausta la vista, baby!
I wouldn't be hanging around feeling sorry for myself. Hell no! Be more inclined to feel sorry for him...lol Cause ya know what? Karma will end up biting him in the ass-promise! I wouldn't let someone like that steal my happiness. I consider myself worth more than that and so should everyone. I would snap my fingers and say, "Next!" There are so many good men out there who wouldn't cheat and I gaurantee there would be plenty of other men waiting to take his place!
Yeah, it might hurt for a while but, this ole' girl wouldn't be wasting her time and energy on someone so trivial. It's best spent on someone who is worthy of my love and affection. Life is too short to pine away for some loser when you could be out dancing and laughing and living the life you deserve. That's what I would choose. To live, to dance, to love and to demand nothing less than respect and honesty from anyone who wants to be with me.

Anyone want to dance? )

 

[Unacceptance]

If a person who has a mate goes out and has sex with another, it is never MEANINGLESS. Anyone who does that and says otherwise is lying.

It means they need to get their rocks off.

 

[Satyr]

Anyone want to dance? )

<------ Well, duh...

 

[Naleena]

Anyone want to dance? )

<------ Well, duh...

Here we go!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[youtube]OlfH3r780So[/youtube]

 

[Steel]

I love that scene from FF8.

 

[jales]

interesting topic

i have to disagree with one thing.

waiting till you find someone worthy or not is great.

But life isnt that simple for everyone. For some people yep; it's easy their ..environment permits it. And I dont mean easy hormone wise or even peer pressure wise.

Take peer-pressure for example.. it means totally different things to people from different back-grounds. If you have love at home, or even have the know-how/opportunity/ability to find love from people who dont pressure you into sex. Then those that do want to pressure you will have a far less effect on you.

At the end of the day I strongly believe that we are all the same. I'm the same as any give prostitute and any given virgin.

I've just gone through very different things, different forms of pressure and no pressure at different emotional stages.

You totally have the right to reject me based on the way I treat sex though. In fact it's something you need to carefully consider about someone you are dating because sex is a huge part of relationships. Just the concept of devaluation is sex is not always as simple as it appears to be.

sex is ...what it is.. to everyone. Different things occurring in our lives force us to treat sex differently. And at the end of the day we all want the same happiness or love or companionship or whatever it is we seek.

Some people dont need to use sex to get it, some people need food more than they need love and have to use sex to get that. So okay the moral. We arent devaluing sex; our environment is simply changing. So you cant really judge people as devaluing sex.

Sex will always be something of great value.. it's where life comes from
But as for you papabear you arent wrong. You do have to think about what she is doing with other men..and if its something that would make you happy or not.

 

[Phaedron]

If a person who has a mate goes out and has sex with another, it is never MEANINGLESS. Anyone who does that and says otherwise is lying.

Do not think it is an easy matter. The person I choose will not be someone who does this. It is simply my nature to have a plan set for every eventuality. I don't believe in abandoning a relationship once I have made certain it is what I want. Nothing short of betrayal of the heart will make me do so.

I can understand and relate to the viewpoint of those who have been with many others and condone meaningless sex, but it is something that will hurt me and she would know it would hurt me. I'm basically saying its an issue we could get through. Like I said the person I choose will be someone who is against this anyway.

I know this is a difficult concept for many of you. Call it naieve. I want to get it right the first time.

 

[Steel]

Well, of course, I hope you do get it right first time. Despite being an optimist by nature, however, I must say that the chances are slim.

People change with time, and sometimes they change in ways that no longer makes a relationship viable. Any cracks that were there from the beginning will simply widen with time.

The number of sexual partners someone has had is not a valid indicator of how they view sex. It's a number, pure and simple, and just, perhaps, reflects the life which they have led up to that point. It doesn't mean they view sex as something best kept casual.

People cheat for a number of reasons. Lack of attention, anger, boredom, reaffirming desirability... to name but a few. But it's never meaningless, there is always a reason, even if its a bad one.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Well, of course, I hope you do get it right first time. Despite being an optimist by nature, however, I must say that the chances are slim.

People change with time, and sometimes they change in ways that no longer makes a relationship viable. Any cracks that were there from the beginning will simply widen with time.

The number of sexual partners someone has had is not a valid indicator of how they view sex. It's a number, pure and simple, and just, perhaps, reflects the life which they have led up to that point. It doesn't mean they view sex as something best kept casual.

People cheat for a number of reasons. Lack of attention, anger, boredom, reaffirming desirability... to name but a few. But it's never meaningless, there is always a reason, even if its a bad one.

What do you mean...like just being curiouse of how it would be
to wake up in the morning with 2 girls in bed with me ?
yeah..i guess I showed my ex-wf..I told her to come home
after 30 days or else... I was a man of my words...lmao
Sure...being apart can makes the heart fonder, but that love stravtions crap is looney too.

Then wife moved back in just to drive my ass crazier.
Hell she even gave a T-shirt with her name on it..
It say " property of......her name....lmao
Then 2 chicks calling my wife at home just to rub it in.
The meaning behind that was.....
I had to issued her 2 FREE get a dick card...lmao
Incased in a glass case..."break incase of emergency"

Sure...as if that how i wanted my marrige to turn out or imagine crazy crap like that the day i married her.

 

[Naleena]

People cheat for a number of reasons. Lack of attention, anger, boredom, reaffirming desirability... to name but a few. But it's never meaningless, there is always a reason, even if its a bad one.

I think ALL reasons for cheating are bad ones. People are adults and if they are missing something in thier relationship, they need to talk about it. Thats why we have mouths. Also, if they "fall out of love" like some people do, it's much better for them to leave and then go sleep with who they want. It's never cool for any reason to cheat on anyone. There isn't a reason other than a bad one, for doing such a thing.

 

[Steel]

People cheat for a number of reasons. Lack of attention, anger, boredom, reaffirming desirability... to name but a few. But it's never meaningless, there is always a reason, even if its a bad one.

I think ALL reasons for cheating are bad ones. People are adults and if they are missing something in thier relationship, they need to talk about it. Thats why we have mouths. Also, if they "fall out of love" like some people do, it's much better for them to leave and then go sleep with who they want. It's never cool for any reason to cheat on anyone. There isn't a reason other than a bad one, for doing such a thing.

You are quite correct. I hadn't meant it to sound like some people have a good reason for cheating.