hi, well i dont know why im writing here, i guess at least this way im sort of talking to someone. where am i at? well my condition has worsened and my social life is just as f@#ked as it always was. sleep comes a lot easier now and alot more often, i guess im slepping 16 hrs some days. always very short of breath now , just moving around leaves me out of breath. i think my lungs have fluid on them again. im writing this and telling all so i dont feel alone anymore. Please comment if you want as i just want to feel something from someone.
my chest hurts most of the time now and a cpl of times a day i get very severe pain around my heart. i know i should go to hospital but all that will do is delay the way out and beleive me i now want that to happen. i am so desperately lonely and empty.....there is no love from any one , not even family memebers.god i hate them for making me feel so rejected and unloved.................
i ahve nowhere comfortable to live and i have tried most goverment agencies and because im in the lowest of the priority groups(single white male)there is no real support or help.....tried counselling and that just doesnt work for me, i need,needed, real support.most of all i just want someone to hold , to feel, to love and that will never happen...who wants a fat , dying 44yo? no-one.....lol....its a goddamned joke and im sure gods laughing his tits off over me.......
as you can guess the anger is coming thru...i dont deserve this, though i have made plenty of mistakes i swear i have never deliberately tried to hurt anyone ...........why cant we be like the animal world and dont have these feelings of being wanted and loved.
please god help me see this thru and soon
my chest hurts most of the time now and a cpl of times a day i get very severe pain around my heart. i know i should go to hospital but all that will do is delay the way out and beleive me i now want that to happen. i am so desperately lonely and empty.....there is no love from any one , not even family memebers.god i hate them for making me feel so rejected and unloved.................
i ahve nowhere comfortable to live and i have tried most goverment agencies and because im in the lowest of the priority groups(single white male)there is no real support or help.....tried counselling and that just doesnt work for me, i need,needed, real support.most of all i just want someone to hold , to feel, to love and that will never happen...who wants a fat , dying 44yo? no-one.....lol....its a goddamned joke and im sure gods laughing his tits off over me.......
as you can guess the anger is coming thru...i dont deserve this, though i have made plenty of mistakes i swear i have never deliberately tried to hurt anyone ...........why cant we be like the animal world and dont have these feelings of being wanted and loved.
please god help me see this thru and soon
It's nice to see you. I have thought about you. I am sorry you are feeling so unloved in this moment. There are a lot of people, myself included, who would be glad to listen. I know you don't want to go to the hospital and seek treatment. You can seek palliative care. When a patient deides they do not want to seek treatment for whatever reason, they can get comfort care. You should not have to suffer the physical pain. If you are sure you want to let the disease take it's corse, I recommend calling hospice. Hospice is a very caring, nonjudgmental organisation. I have worked for and volunteered with them. There are a lot of caring people who do hospice work because they have a real love for the dying. I want to see you get the support you need. I don't want this final chapter of your life to be a lonely one. Please feel free to pm me anytime or if you have msn and want to chat to pass the days, I will be happy to keep you company : ) I may not be a warm body to snuggle up to but I am a real person on the other end of a computer who does care about you. Let's talk sometime, if you feel up to it.
