The Hatred of the Miserable?

[midnightlamp]

I can't understand this concept for the life of me. Earlier today I posted on another forum, trying to make peace with everyone -- I had a lot of pent up resentment, so I spoke my mind and got everything off my chest. The forum had a section where it said to do just that -- get "anything else" off your chest -- so I did. I was met with disparaging remarks and overall very negative comments, and I don't know why. People accused me of all sorts of things, i.e. the reason I made the thread in the first place, and they were all wrong.

Why is it that every time I make any indication of anything related to "pain," I'm made fun of and criticized? In the thread of referred directly to past sentiments -- the ways I had felt two years ago, not how I feel now -- and I ended the post by praising the people on the forum and saying how I felt it was very productive, so on and so forth, and I really thought the overall implication was positive. I get this "Why do you think anyone gives a rat's ass about what it is that you have to say?" Well, they put it differently, in a more insulting way that took a shot at what apparently was my maudlin writing. I was not being sentimental or emotional in any way; I was using those feelings from my past experiences to say how I came to a valid conclusion from them, and the whole point of the thread (at least in one sense) was to praise it and express my appreciation for it.

People criticized my writing, my thoughts, my feelings, and my ideas into the ground, and completely overlooked the fact that they were all ancillary to my main goal in writing the thing in the first place. I'm not 100% innocent; I probably chose very poor wording at times, but I really don't think that that should've been a real issue.

Blah blah blah...my point is that emotions and intellect are equally essential to the human experience. In short, each must be experienced in such an extreme that isolates one from the other, and they must be experienced in moderation by working together. Why do people always feel the apparent need to bash emotional writing? "Who gives a rat's ass" about this or that? Are you not human as well? I see it everywhere in writing. People will shoot down everything they think is "gushing" in any way -- mine certainly did not fit that bill, but I'm not talking about myself anymore. Generalities, generalities.

I hate the insular. The lonely, miserable, complacent, content, happy, smug, and the like are all the same in terms of being human, yet its the complacent and the smug that feel the need to berate all others who come off to them as "overly sentimental" or what have you. Who hasn't felt intense emotions? Are these people inhuman? Of all of the pollution on earth, the most despicable and cold are the narrow-minded complacent thugs.

I'm tired of being nice and just giving up without fighting back, but I believe that in demonstrating kindness one shows superiority and thus triumphs. I keep forgetting that these people are incorrigible, and I have no such power over them that would change any hardhearted thought or demented percept; it's just this resentment that keeps building up inside me that bothers me. Regarding that resentment, let's have us one last hoorah...or the first of many?...

Yelling, criticizing, and talking about the most unhappy people on earth, who by far get the least enjoyment of it, as though they're less than human, some idiot monkeys or gaudy windup dolls for attempting to relay their agonies in the only way they can; those that do that yelling, criticizing, and horrendous talking are the real idiot monkeys and gaudy windup dolls, and far worse to boot as that makes them equivocations. To them, I say the following:

Why don't you fresia off with your pseudo-intelligence and authoritative bullshit and crawl into your miserable wretched holes of illusion so you'll stop spreading your damned and worthless opinions around the world just to elevate your own sense of messed self-satisfaction at humankind's expense? fresia you all. fresia you for life.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Well spoken.

I think that ultimately the "hatred of the miserable" is incredibly easy to explain. You demonstrate a certain vulnerability by opening yourself, allowing them an angle to attack you. And sadly, many people have a tendancy to kick anyone who's down. It makes them feel better. Its the same tendancies as any bully, except that online, you don't even need the strength of flesh or the bulk of size. Being small-minded, nasty and critical is almost always the sure way to popularity on most online forums.

Regards,
IO

 

[FriskyMarmot]

Earlier today I posted on another forum, trying to make peace with everyone -- I had a lot of pent up resentment, so I spoke my mind and got everything off my chest. The forum had a section where it said to do just that -- get "anything else" off your chest -- so I did. I was met with disparaging remarks and overall very negative comments, and I don't know why. People accused me of all sorts of things, i.e. the reason I made the thread in the first place, and they were all wrong.

You made peace? So that means you've argued with these people over something before? Perhaps their unwillingness to forgive you means they are still holding a grudge over something that happened between you?

Why is it that every time I make any indication of anything related to "pain," I'm made fun of and criticized?

Because most people are insecure about their inner feelings and sharing them with others. It's a scary thing...you can't be any more vulnerable than when you open up. And if you expose yourself like that to the wrong person, yeah, they will take advantage of it.

I'm not 100% innocent; I probably chose very poor wording at times, but I really don't think that that should've been a real issue.

But maybe they do think it's a real issue. Obviously I don't know all the facts, but I would be willing to bet they have some kind of reason to throw your apology back in your face and aren't just doing it to be jerks. There is a true reason behind most people's motives. While some people are jackasses just for the sake of being so, most people are not. They have reasons. If you really want to reconcile, you might have to try and find out why exactly that is.

 

[midnightlamp]

IgnoredOne: Thanks immensely for the comment. You have a clear and eloquent succinctness to your writing that I really admire, more so now for the fact that you've shed further light on the subject for everyone's benefit...and particularly my own, after having calmed down after my rant yesterday

FriskyMarmot: Thanks immensely for the comment as well; I have chosen to retain more information as I hate the idea of anything I've said leaking anywhere online. Oh well, right?

To clarify for my lack of elaboration on the situation, I had only posted a few times and had mainly been lurking. I saw disparaging remarks everywhere, people getting angry at feeling belittled, and the destruction of art in general because of such careless haughtiness. People, especially the moderators, were just smattering the forum with negativity and generally popping everyone's balloons. A lot of people, I think, don't realize it; they think they're getting help, but if there is any resentment built up regarding someone's response, creativity is crippled.

About your second response: Very well put, and thanks for bringing that to light. It's a truth about mankind that I often forget, and that usually results in such anger and resentment that I have displayed in this thread. I don't like to believe it, but you're right beyond all logical argument.

I agree with your last response wholeheartedly. I read over what I wrote again, and I believe that my overriding message may have been misunderstood because of how I worded it. I think they detected sarcasm when it was just the opposite, and took my praises for slander. I really don't know if it could've been that extreme, but I will never know: Right after closing the thread (before giving me a chance to reply once more; I had replied once, and then the thread was closed), one of the moderators sent me a PM saying "I don't even want to hear it," saying that the "discussion" (it bothered me that "discussion" was in quotes) was finished.

I have learned that some people are incorrigible, and if I can't have my fair say in some conversations, so be it. It isn't worth building up resentment over, which is all I'd have to fall back on right now if it weren't for writing. It is a shame, though, isn't it -- that people are so set in their ways that they won't even let another person clarify their opinion?

 

[snow]

I find this site is one of the happy places on the internet. It is one of those few sites that really feels like a community. It's amazing how much toxic waste of daily misery we let out here but everyone is so considerate and empathic.

Sure, I believe emotionally hurt people can be hurtful as well but I've been on this forum a lot and have seen very little of it (from registered members). And I couldn't think of the mods here doing that. Big shout out to Bluey, Cleo, and Robin!

 

[iwasaloverb4thiswar]

my point is that emotions and intellect are equally essential to the human experience. In short, each must be experienced in such an extreme that isolates one from the other, and they must be experienced in moderation by working together.

So true, key word here being 'experienced'. Smugness, condescension, criticism; all stem from fear, from a need to make the 'You' very distant from the 'I'. Your willingness to be vulnerable, to be weak, to be ugly and reveal your own fears and demons is a threat to those who function on the denial of their existence. They are scared of you because they have not faced these things themselves. Unfortunately there is no room for empathy when you are struggling to hold your own illusions together; it's a very self-absorbed pastime. I would emphasize the bit about working together, yes I believe that on the physical plane we all are essentially alone, but we are more than what are bodies encapsulate for us, or at least that is what I choose to believe. You mention several times our "humanness," and thank you for that, you can't know how often I want to remind people of that fact. Losing sight of our connection to those around us is dangerous, and no matter how much we may feel that it is, it is not reality.

I'm tired of being nice and just giving up without fighting back, but I believe that in demonstrating kindness one shows superiority and thus triumphs. I keep forgetting that these people are incorrigible, and I have no such power over them that would change any hardhearted thought or demented percept; it's just this resentment that keeps building up inside me that bothers me. Regarding that resentment, let's have us one last hoorah...or the first of many?...

Hmmm, a few things here. First, your resentment is legitimate and it is necessary to express it. Although smiling and "turning the other cheek" is a demonstration of a more enlightened being, if you do not truly feel these emotions then they are lies and will only result in more anger and hurt for you. This does not mean you get to belittle other people, tempting and immediately satisfying as it may be You do deserve respect and in no way need to tolerate bad behavior and straightforward cruelty. Be assertive; express your disappointment in their lack of politeness. The goal here is not to change other people, that is something that they will have to do on their own, so do not expect them to respond to you with kindness. The goal is to create and defend your right to a safe environment for expression. To do that, that may mean getting honest with yourself. What you describe sounds like an honest mistake; you felt you could share but everyone else had other ideas. Be careful though, do you notice that it is a habit of yours to look for understanding and support in places and from people who will only hurt you further? These are questions only you can answer. Either way, it is probably not a good idea to remain active in that community; no matter what you say you are never going to "win." That brings me to my second point; it is not a battle of self-righteousness. Not one of you is 'better' than the other and continuing to engage them in order to establish some sort of moral high ground is a bad idea. Believe me, I have fallen for the allure of that game too often. If you are truly searching for empathy, maybe turn some of that on your enemies? They are scared, sad people. That is something everyone here understands I am sure. The best thing for both them and you may be to just let it lie. Curse as much as you want here, but then let it go, no use feeding that negativity. It seems that you are doing all of the above in posting this thread to begin with

You are a beautiful writer, by the way. I hope you continue to share, I look forward to it!

 

[iwasaloverb4thiswar]

oh, and i completely agree with Snow, you won't find a better place out there!

 

[midnightlamp]

I find this site is one of the happy places on the internet. It is one of those few sites that really feels like a community. It's amazing how much toxic waste of daily misery we let out here but everyone is so considerate and empathic.

Sure, I believe emotionally hurt people can be hurtful as well but I've been on this forum a lot and have seen very little of it (from registered members). And I couldn't think of the mods here doing that. Big shout out to Bluey, Cleo, and Robin!

I was just thinking the same thing. The other day I was looking through the pictures of the people here, and it was a very touching experience. Just seeing the faces and expressions of all of these people that are going through so much pain and have so much to offer to humanity; even if we can't get as much of our message out to the world as we'd like, we can congregate here under the common realization that there are people out there who we can relate to, who care, and who are genuinely good human beings. It's extremely comforting, to say the least, especially when there's no one else to turn to.

My quote got messed up, Sarah (I'm assuming that's your name? My name's Matt, by the way); sorry about that. I'm not very adept with these things, and although I could've gotten it to work my eyes are a bit bleary.

Thank you for the kind words, and thank you furthermore for comforting me in relaying your own thoughts which so closely parallel my own. I've uninstalled AIM up here out of frustration, I don't answer the phone, I'm averaging about three hours of sleep a night...well, I'm not going to complain anymore but I just wanted to say that amidst all of this loneliness and frustration that is essentially driving me to insanity, words such as yours are helpful beyond belief. Come to think of it, I think I could say the same about every reply I've received on this forum thus far as well as every reply I've seen in general...but I'm addressing you right now!

I agree completely that "we are more than what are bodies encapsulate for us." The battle I'm fighting now is in that line of thought: I can't figure out how much of each is necessary to incorporate, in short. Do I need to look for intimacy in my life or should I stay where I am now? Is a connection such as the one I'm forming as I speak with all of you enough? Anyway, I am furthermore on the brink of elation that you said, "you can't know how often I want to remind people of that fact. Losing sight of our connection to those around us is dangerous, and no matter how much we may feel that it is, it is not reality." In all honesty, the happiest memories I have have just been formed about a week ago; I sent someone an e-mail and received a reply that made me feel like I wasn't alone, and that someone understood how I felt alongside my ideas. I just got that again from that comment, and I thank you immensely. I've been working on a lot of projects lately, and I keep coming back to that main goal: To get across the point that we're all in this together, and that shutting off the rest of humanity or brushing it aside as though it isn't important is not reality. I have a lot more ground to cover with that idea, but I'm sure you know what I mean and where I'm going to go with it.

Regarding my resentment, I started another piece today -- revising an old one, rather, basically to encapsulate the emotion of resentment alongside the idea that it is not productive, inhibits rational thought and creativity, and essentially ends in hopeless frustration in desperate need of resolution. Trying not be long-winded as I usually am, I agree with everything you said; the funny thing is that I actually did truly feel those emotions at the time. I don't know how to explain it, but my resentment has a way of coming to light after the fact, and usually only then.

Yes, yes! Everything you said hits home with me. You're exactly right about it not being a battle of self-righteousness, and striving ever to impress or claim superiority over someone else will just result in disaster, be it internal and personal or external and destructive to the other person; thus, I have decided to let it lie, as you said. I'm also attempting to take my frustration out on the forum by not addressing the people who aggravated me, yet the newcomers in offering them help in the way I see fit -- i.e., constructive criticism with absolutely no negativity and as much encouragement to continue as I can reasonably offer. Perhaps in this way I'll be able to help other people avoid the trap I fell into? I hope so, but I'm never sure.

So much for not being long winded. :shy:

One day I want to share these pieces with someone, but they're still in the unfledged stage; I've found that both in writing prose and music I'm able to vent that frustration in a positive way, creating something that benefits me and -- more importantly, yet without guarantee -- other people. Concurrent with what you said before, I really just want to be able to produce something that will help other people; even if my own personal pain goes unresolved in the sense I want now, perhaps one day I'll come to terms with everything by helping other people in the most effective way I can. Hell, everyone here is already doing just that! This fact does give me a lot of faith in humanity, right alongside your post and everyone else's. There has never been a greater satisfaction to me than to have someone to connect with -- thank you again, and I'm saying that with everything I have to offer. By the way, I think your writing style is beautiful as well

 

[iwasaloverb4thiswar]

Nice to meet you Matt, and no worries about the quote business, I am as incompetent as they come with computers so I don't judge, haha.

Thank you for your post, thank you, thank you, thank you. It seems that I am struggling in many of the same ways you are. It all sounds so chillingly familiar... the isolation, the insomnia, the even scarier parts that have no name. Funny as it seems, it was good to hear it.

You are doing so amazingly well already, your ideas, your presence here all seem to say that you are so close to finding some peace. Maybe even some joy? Haha, well lets not get too ahead of ourselves I mean to reassure and affirm you here, you are asking great questions of yourself and seem to be someone who lives with compassion. It’s comforting to know that you are out there.

I don't know how to explain it, but my resentment has a way of coming to light after the fact, and usually only then.

I know this all too well. Through some pretty heavy therapy I have been able to narrow the gap between real time and my emotions. Of course, I then had to learn how to manage them realistically. How much of my anger/resentment was deserved and how much was a product of bottling them up? Results in some pretty dramatic breakdowns over the silliest things, let me tell you. Haha, makes me grateful for those that did and still do put up with my antics. And I am still working through this; there are those that I am not sure I will ever be able to forgive. It is a life-long process, good luck in yours my friend.

If you ever get around to reactivating your AIM, or want to share some of your writing, or just want to whine and complain for a bit, please don't hesitate to contact me. I have so much more of my story that I want to share with you, but like you say, for fear of being long winded, I will end here.

...but one more thing...

I find that it is best during these times to make some room for self-care. The guilt and doubt and hopelessness can be rough, and our poor bodies take the brunt of it. I hope you can find a moment today to do something for yourself, something basic but soul-feeding. I like to take long baths, but this may be embarrassingly feminine, so translate that into the acceptable masculine equivalent. Maybe a nice healthy hot meal?? Haha I am only kidding.

Talk to you soon I hope

 

[NeverMore]

My name's Matt, by the way);

I have something that won't add anything to the current discussion, just an observation: Matt seems to be the loneliest name for a male to have I am convinced there are quite a bit of Matts here at least 5, wonder what's up with that? Coincidence probably?

 

[midnightlamp]

My name's Matt, by the way);

I have something that won't add anything to the current discussion, just an observation: Matt seems to be the loneliest name for a male to have I am convinced there are quite a bit of Matts here at least 5, wonder what's up with that? Coincidence probably?

That is pretty weird! I'm not entirely sure...if that's true, though, I'm going to have to get back at my parents.