The hedgehog's dilemma

[A new life]

To give credit where credit is due I got this from Wikipedia

The hedgehog's dilemma, or sometimes the porcupine dilemma, is an analogy about the challenges of human intimacy. It describes a situation in which a group of hedgehogs all seek to become close to one another in order to share heat during cold weather. They must remain apart, however, as they cannot avoid hurting one another with their sharp quills. Though they all share the intention of a close reciprocal relationship, this may not occur for reasons they cannot avoid.

Both Arthur Schopenhauer and Sigmund Freud have used this situation to describe what they feel is the state of individual in relation to others. The hedgehog's dilemma suggests that despite goodwill, human intimacy cannot occur without substantial mutual harm, and what results is cautious behavior and weak relationships. With the hedgehog's dilemma, one is recommended to use moderation in affairs with others both because of self-interest, as well as out of consideration for others. The hedgehog's dilemma is used to justify or explain introversion and isolationism.

 

[jjam]

That is a very interesting concept to me, perhaps because I feel like I've been faced with such a dilemma as of very recently.

The best example (in my experiences) is when you have acquaintances who can't transition beyond that level. They are GRRRRRRRRRRREAT as acquantances, but when they try to become more (good friends, for starters), then things go terribly awry for some strange reason.

The better half of me does not subscribe to the "reasons they can't avoid" part. I think good intentions can prevail. The execution just needs work. Forgiveness and effort towards understanding one another is necessary.

 

[A new life]

They are GRRRRRRRRRRREAT as acquantances,

You're buds with Tony the Tiger aren't you?

Don't you think the "reasons they can't avoid" is somebody getting hurt?
I mean don't relationships ('cause we're all a little crazy in some way)
ALWAYS involve some degree of hurt?

 

[jjam]

They are GRRRRRRRRRRREAT as acquantances,

You're buds with Tony the Tiger aren't you?

Don't you think the "reasons they can't avoid" is somebody getting hurt?
I mean don't relationships ('cause we're all a little crazy in some way)
ALWAYS involve some degree of hurt?

Haha!

Well, let's look at that part again.

"Though they all share the intention of a close reciprocal relationship, this may not occur for reasons they cannot avoid."

Two people want a close relationship but this may not happen for reasons they can't avoid?!?!? I mean, I don't get it. Maybe there should have been some elaboration on that.

I always thought a close relationship could include hurt. I think of it as misteps that need correction through forgiveness and effort to change. Excluding extraordinary circumstances, I don't see why people who SHARE interest in building a close relationship with each other can't avoid failure to put in the work needed to do so and minimize hurt. That's all I'm saying, really.

 

[Pheenix]

The idea is, that in our society, the type of out-going-ness and spontaneity that you need for social interaction is a rushed one where mistakes will inevitably happen. Sorta why embarrassing situations are unavoidable even for socially skilled people. It also happens in relationships, where you need to take risks in order for the other to stay interested.