deirdre
Well-known member
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2009
- Messages
- 88
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So here I am..... can't imagine how I'm going to sludge through the madness of constant seasons greetings, joyous smiling innocents hallucinating on brotherly love (which they quickly forget the next 11 months of the year), totally high-on-happiness- sharing-caring overbearing tiders of good will, tete-a-tetes of togetherness all over the telly, peace, hope and love-schmove everywhere.
So I'm a grinch. Shoot me. But I really can't tolerate this time of year, it just underscores my lonely status. And I am truly hoping this is not some psuedo-dating-site in sheeps clothing, but just an honest space to come to with my heavy heart and empty life. I hope I don't have to put up with cheerful little missives like, "this too shall pass"... "awww, you're just not trying hard enough".... "it's always darkest before the dawn"....." we get stronger in the broken places"...... can i just gag now??? You are forewarned, post that treacle under my thread and you will just be ignored.
Anyone out there feel, like I, that we were just born under some dark cloud? That "the secret" is a bunch of hooey and for a myriad of reasons, we are here, alone, after a lifetime of abuse or suffering and can't seem to fight our way back into what others deem is normal or right or real.
I think I just need to embrace my loneliness and try to come to terms with it, stop wishing for friends, stop searching for them, stop trying to assimiliate and insinuate myself into others lives. It hasn't happened for the last 60 years and no miracle is going to happen today or tomorrow. I'm a lonely, lonely, lonely old fart and it's best to just accept it and try to deal with it without these depressions. I do believe we are only as happy as we make up our mind to be, and that is all I want to achieve here. I want to learn from like minded people who have become successful in living in their solitary status. I am hoping they are here. I am hoping to stop being this depressive zombie in my own personal abyss and yes, put my mind to accepting my fate, this is it, this is what I have, now try to take what little I have and use it, make it work and be grateful for the grace of the silence around me.... it's music can be just as sweet as any other.
Oh: and p.s.? no suggestions about going on anti-depressive medicines please? Out of the question. I have been unemployed for over a year now, have no access to medical attention and I do not want to seek out help from the social service agencies that haven't been at all successful in helping one whit in the past. I don't want a cure. I need to come to terms with what is, not with what I dream of.
So I'm a grinch. Shoot me. But I really can't tolerate this time of year, it just underscores my lonely status. And I am truly hoping this is not some psuedo-dating-site in sheeps clothing, but just an honest space to come to with my heavy heart and empty life. I hope I don't have to put up with cheerful little missives like, "this too shall pass"... "awww, you're just not trying hard enough".... "it's always darkest before the dawn"....." we get stronger in the broken places"...... can i just gag now??? You are forewarned, post that treacle under my thread and you will just be ignored.
Anyone out there feel, like I, that we were just born under some dark cloud? That "the secret" is a bunch of hooey and for a myriad of reasons, we are here, alone, after a lifetime of abuse or suffering and can't seem to fight our way back into what others deem is normal or right or real.
I think I just need to embrace my loneliness and try to come to terms with it, stop wishing for friends, stop searching for them, stop trying to assimiliate and insinuate myself into others lives. It hasn't happened for the last 60 years and no miracle is going to happen today or tomorrow. I'm a lonely, lonely, lonely old fart and it's best to just accept it and try to deal with it without these depressions. I do believe we are only as happy as we make up our mind to be, and that is all I want to achieve here. I want to learn from like minded people who have become successful in living in their solitary status. I am hoping they are here. I am hoping to stop being this depressive zombie in my own personal abyss and yes, put my mind to accepting my fate, this is it, this is what I have, now try to take what little I have and use it, make it work and be grateful for the grace of the silence around me.... it's music can be just as sweet as any other.
Oh: and p.s.? no suggestions about going on anti-depressive medicines please? Out of the question. I have been unemployed for over a year now, have no access to medical attention and I do not want to seek out help from the social service agencies that haven't been at all successful in helping one whit in the past. I don't want a cure. I need to come to terms with what is, not with what I dream of.