The lonely life... why?

[AfterDark]

I have been puzzled by this one thing since I joined this forum. Perhaps it's just my own experience, but still.. there has to be something to it.
Anyway ... to the point..!
This is a forum for the lonely, shouldn't the average reason for people to come here be to bring people into their lives so that they would no longer feel lonely?

I find it an odd thing, that the networking section of the forum, isn't even close to being one of the most active ones. There are few people making threads.. trying to reach out to people. There is less than an average of one person a month sincerely trying to make a decent attempt at this, by using that section. Most here do not seem to want to form bonds with people, to actually make good friends. The casual post in a thread or two seems to be the limit for many. Of course I do not have any idea how much goes on behind the scenes (PMs).

There are different ways of getting to know each other, posting in random threads about random things is a slow and inefficient way. Imagine if everyone here, made a thread similar to the one MissyEchelon made recently. Much good could come of it I bet. She put down a lot in her thread, pretty much why she's here, what she's looking for, how she is like as a person, well done! I can understand people value their anonymity (I do too), but you wouldn't have to put down that much information.

I just think it a pity, this forum could've been so much more than it currently is, a solution to many peoples loneliness. This is not criticism of the forum, but of the users.

I could go on, but I'll leave it at that..

 

[Chuck]

That's a very good point. I wish there was more activity in this section I think this section could benefit from having a few more stickied threads for certain things like finding pen-pals or general exchanging of contact info.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

The geographic diversity is one thing working against this forum.

 

[Barbaloot]

The geographic diversity is one thing working against this forum.

This.

It can be pretty easy to make friends to write to or chat with on this site if you reach out to other people, or to even see their posts and find them interesting and start PMing them... but I've never utilized the networking section because no one lives anywhere near me. The social void I have in my life is for a real life friend - someone I can visit easily, go on trips with, hang out with. The closest people to me on this site still live 15-18 hours away.

 

[switch]

I can honestly see your point. I came here because at times I feel lonely and I love talking to people online about random things and getting to know people from different places around the world.

I haven't made a post in the networking section asking for friends/people to talk to or even PMed a person that has posted looking. I would like to and after I read someones post I would love to get in touch but sometimes I get a bit put off just PMing anyone, or the person who makes the post.

One reason for this is because I don't want to be anyone's 'bad experience' as I have noticed a lot of people post on here about their online friends and bad experiences they have had. Another reason is I feel they might be looking too much and not everyone will like each other or click. I think another main reason of mine is, I like to listen to people and read what they say and I get interested in what they do but I feel after I while I don't really have anything to say apart from everyday life talk and I always think to someone that would be boring considering at the minute I pretty much just go to class, study and hang around my flat so as you can see I don't have much going on at the minute.

Anyway, enough about that. I would love to form bonds and make friends here and I feel at some point I will. I'm just not good at making the first step. So anyone that got through this post and wants a chat I'm right here, feel free to PM me anytime.

 

[AfterDark]

The geographic diversity is one thing working against this forum.

This.

It can be pretty easy to make friends to write to or chat with on this site if you reach out to other people, or to even see their posts and find them interesting and start PMing them... but I've never utilized the networking section because no one lives anywhere near me. The social void I have in my life is for a real life friend - someone I can visit easily, go on trips with, hang out with. The closest people to me on this site still live 15-18 hours away.

Mm.. there is distance, that's true. But that only factors in if you are focused on making real life friends. Online friends can become irl friends eventually too, despite the distance! Unlikely but can happen!
Sure.. you can reach out, I fear many do not. For several reasons; knowing very little about the person, if he/she wants friends, pride and self esteem factors in, and also.. it seems a bit selfish.. (I like your posts, lets try to become friends!)

Butbut.. I'm not the best person to talk about making friends as I don't even know how it happens, it's kinda like signing a contract to me.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

The geographic diversity is one thing working against this forum.

This.

The social void I have in my life is for a real life friend - someone I can visit easily, go on trips with, hang out with. The closest people to me on this site still live 15-18 hours away.

Exactly. You can have plenty of online or penpal friends, but that does you no good when you're looking for someone to go hang out with, split a pizza, accompany you to a party, etc.

 

[pacman]

Exactly. You can have plenty of online or penpal friends, but that does you no good when you're looking for someone to go hang out with, split a pizza, accompany you to a party, etc.

I agree 100% with you. It seems to me that the majority of members here are from America (at least it seems so). If I could find even one member here from Israel I would be so very pleasantly surprised, but it seems as if I am the only one...

 

[Walley]

i dont care where people are from. people i meet are spread all over the globe and i love it!
we find time to hook up even if its a few mins here and there or email/pm's.
some of the networking goes on behind the scene more than you know. im known to pm someone out of the blue and sometimes they turn into friendship but know one else would ever know it.

 

[bulmabriefs144]

I find it an odd thing, that the networking section of the forum, isn't even close to being one of the most active ones. There are few people making threads.. trying to reach out to people. There is less than an average of one person a month sincerely trying to make a decent attempt at this, by using that section. Most here do not seem to want to form bonds with people, to actually make good friends. The casual post in a thread or two seems to be the limit for many. Of course I do not have any idea how much goes on behind the scenes (PMs).

People are lonely for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they are simply from a small town with nobody for miles, sometimes people have treated them badly (making an actual barrier to reaching out, because trust is difficult now), and sometimes they have developed personal social problems (I'm a schizoid, meaning I cannot emote, coming across to everyone like I don't care about them. Because of this, I get treated coldly, and also have developed trust issues). And sometimes, they weren't lonely, until a personal tragedy, like a wife or son dying, leaving them scarred.

You can't force people to connect, they've got to want to do it, and this means doing it at their own pace, or sometimes, not at all.

 

[EveWasFramed]

A lot of members use Main Chat for real-time conversations.

 

[Lostman]

For me, I think being lonely, or rather being alone is both my own choice, and also something I can't help. A bit of both. Because of my difficulty conversing with people, I've received poor treatment from 3/4 people all my life. I've developed crippling insecurities.

Well, to answer your question, I'm here on this site because I saw an opportunity to join a community of people who may be a lot like me. Curiosity, loneliness, and admittedly, a bit of boredom brought me here. I'm not yet ready to tell you all about myself, or join the chat. But I'd like to.

 

[AfterDark]

Anyway, enough about that. I would love to form bonds and make friends here and I feel at some point I will. I'm just not good at making the first step. So anyone that got through this post and wants a chat I'm right here, feel free to PM me anytime.

Heey.. you have PM's disabled, but maybe it works to send emails o.o

 

[switch]

Heey.. you have PM's disabled, but maybe it works to send emails o.o

Hey AfterDark I hadn't realized, thanks for pointing that out!

 

[AfterDark]

You're welcome.. maybe you would've gotten a few PM's by now if it hadn't been o.o