The Most Screwed up Situation Ever (VERY LONG)

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2fresh4youx

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I've been a long time reader of this site, first time poster. And Something drastic in my life has recently occurred that had compelled me to post on here.

I don't know how short I can possibly make this but I feel like I need to get all the details in so you can get a clearer picture.

I'm 20 years old, never had a girl in my life before and I guess you could say I sometimes boarder on the path to loneliness. So hopefully that is a good reason to post my story on here.

I work as manager for a chain of restaurants here in Australia. About 15 months ago I was transferred to another store and it was only until 4 months ago I started working for full time for a while over uni break. And well, this is where it all began. There was this girl, lets just give her a random name, Kate. So Kate had just finished school (She's 18, I'm 20). She had also decided to work full-time. We had always known each other, but we had hardly ever worked with one another because of the different hours we would do. So I began talking to Kate alot more often on shift, the place I work at is quite relaxed, a bit intense at times but there is plenty of opportunity to get to know people really well.

I found that the two of us had a lot in common. And we would joke with one another on just about every shift. I would always be happy when I saw her name on the roster next to mine. Oh and he is bombshell number 1.

She has a boyfriend.

I always knew she had one. But that doesn't mean you can't help but get along with someone right? They always seemed like the perfect couple. A very "Cute, Romantic type of relationship" he'd always bring in flowers to her at work, leave her cute messages etc etc. But funny enough whenever she was around me she would never speak about him. I never once thought about pursuing anything in her. I mean, once you know someone is in a relationship you know the rules. And I am not a player of anykind, especially since I have never been in a relationship before.

I mentioned to her that I was going on a short overseas trip to America, and she wanted me to bring her back something that she wanted over there. I said that I would, just as a kind gesture. Before I left, she would hugged me alot, saying that she was going to miss me a lot. I said the same to her.

I brought back the souvenir for her. I think she was surprised that I actually did. And this is where things started to change a little. By this time, I really did have a thing for her and I knew that it was a fantasy if she could ever be mine. But she kept saying things. Mentioning things that made me think that this fantasy could one day be true. Things like "You always have my attention", "You can't keep away from me". I mean, I did give a lot of attention to her but nothing more than in a friendly manner. I never really gave her anything to make her believe that I did like her besides the gift and the fact that I was talking to her a lot more.

And now for another shift in gears. We began Face booking one-another. She would keep saying all these flirtatious words that made it obvious she was into me. I would never respond to it at first but it was hard not to after a certain while. She finally admitted her feelings for me at first and then I slowly did. We began texting one another like a new couple in love. And then after a while, the talk had to be made. What the hell were we going to do about this situation. Well, more importantly what was she going to do. There was nothing wrong with her current relationship, other than that it was a bit Stale. She loved him, he loved her. But she felt different things for me. Things that she hadn't felt with him or anyone else before. When she told me this, I had never felt more ontop of the world.

Kate then randomly texted me a few days later saying that she had broken up with him. I was shocked. I think she expected me to reply with "tears of joy" but I said things like "Are you sure this is what you want" "Are you upset" blah blah blah. So I gave her a few days but she would continue to message me. Mainly all the stuff you would say after you brake up with someone like "I feel so bad" "what if this was a mistake". I would always say to her that this was her choice and I never once forced it upon her to say that I was better or mention anything bad about her ex. I said I would always respect any decision she made and made sure I didn't have too much of an influence. She did mention that her reasons for breaking up with him weren't solely because of me but rather for change and new direction as well.

So we began seeing one another a few days later. Taking things slowly. And then she made out with me on one of our dates. After we left one another, she began messaging me, saying that she felt bad about what she had done so soon after breaking up with her ex. Mind you, we never, ever did anything physical with one another before she broke up with him. She was not that sort of person.

So we began doing more and more activities together. And then, she mentioned that she had begun to talking to her ex again after a few weeks. Just mentioning that she still felt bad about having to hurt him, but knew her decision was a wise one.

The whole time we had together was simply amazing. I had finally found love and we said those words to one another after about a month. But some days, I began to notice she was sad. And it was when she wasn't around me. Like, when I tried to talk to her over Facebook she would give me one word answers. I always managed to get it out of her what was wrong with her and a lot the time it had to do with her ex. He would be saying nasty things to her, she would still feel bad for breaking up with him for me etc. And this began to happen more often. Right up until D-Day.

This morning, she took a while to message me back. She mentioned she was at the doctors with her ex boyfriend. Yes that's right. I knew she had met up with him a few times to talk about things but I found this very suspicious. I said to her after this that there was something I had to talk to her about in person. She got really worried. I was going to tell her that I thought we could do with some time apart to get her head in order. She already knew she wanted to be with me but I wanted her to feel that my mind wouldn't be at ease until I knew hers was. I said I would be over to her house in 20 mins to tell her.

I arrive. Things seemed a bit awkward. And then she spilled it. She had just had sex with her ex. Yep. Unbelievable. I mean, I thought the situation in which we had met was bad enough but I really thought things could work. She told me she didn't know why she did it. She said she felt nothing. She kept saying to me how sorry she was to me. It had happened a few hours earlier.

I made the situation clear to her that she never cheated on him But here she is, cheating on me. And she knew exactly what I meant by that. I kept my cool when she told me. She was crying so much. I don't think I've ever seen someone cry for that long before. Before I left, I did tell her one thing, and that I was thankful for her telling me that it happened pretty much straight away after it did. And this makes it even worse. What if it was a silly mistake? The fact that she had the guts to tell me straight away. I just don't know what to do. I feel utterly crushed and betrayed. But I love her. I cannot my dull and boring life had turned into this within a matter of months. It's like something out of a soap opera.

I'm sorry for the long message. I just don't know what to do :(
 
Time for a new girl. It'll be lonely for a while, but for the best. That's what I tell myself anyway.
 
This is always the proper course of action. ;)
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But seriously, I think you should stick with what you were planning on in the first place.
I was going to tell her that I thought we could do with some time apart to get her head in order. She already knew she wanted to be with me but I wanted her to feel that my mind wouldn't be at ease until I knew hers was.
In my honest opinion the girl is being extremely selfish. She doesn't know what she wants so she's just playing around with the both of you. And for the record, she was cheating on him first. Sex is not a requirement.

You should have given her some time in the beginning after the breakup. I would never trust a girl if I was one of the reasons she broke up with her ex.

It's going to be hard to avoid her if you guys are working together so I really don't know what you should do.
 
Welcome to the world of rebounds, that feeling of having your heart ripped out and stepped all over? It happens frequently, get used to it and don't let it beat you.

1st off, never date anyone at work, EVER. This is going to end up affecting your work now.
2nd, plenty of fish in the sea, no not the crap dating site, there's plenty of girls out and about, do not get hung up over one silly broad.

I feel for ya mate, I'd share my pitiful heart breaking stories with you too but there's a long list, honeysuckle happens do your best to chin up and march on. I still think about the one's that hurt me the most but after adding more names to that roster it dilutes the emotions and intensity.
 
kamya said:
You should have given her some time in the beginning after the breakup. I would never trust a girl if I was one of the reasons she broke up with her ex.

It's going to be hard to avoid her if you guys are working together so I really don't know what you should do.

I agree with you. She just pushed and pushed and pushed the fact that she wanted to see me straight away. And I knew that from the start things could get yucky. I know, I went into this whole thing with that on my shoulders. Guess I'm just a fool who needs to learn from his mistakes?

And the work thing will be hard. But I already know How I will be dealing with that.

 
You mean you can actually talk to girls? I'll take your situation over mine any time....
 

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