The Paradox That Binds Me

[Sometimes]

How can you be seen while not being seen?

I learned to be invisible so that I could minimise the abuse that I lived with when I was growing up. Attracting attention was dangerous.

Now I hate being invisible, but I still do it.

How can you have friends if noone can find you?

 

[user 150037]

Do you feel you want to talk to people but are afraid that by doing so you will end up getting hurt?

 

[Sometimes]

For most of my life I was afraid of people and wouldn't talk to them. I had trouble looking at people and if I had to talk I would stay factual and clinical. These last years I've gradually gotten rid of my first approach fear. Now I do talk to people. It's funny, now I can talk to anyone superficially without any problem, but I can't get past the first conversation. Somehow, nothing ever gets any closer. I can laugh, make jokes, etc. but then something just doesn't click after that. Ever.

I've noticed that as time goes by, people I've tried to connect with end up connecting with people around me and leave me to be invisible. Also, I know that this is a big emotional trigger for me. It makes me run away because it hurts really badly and I'd rather be alone and try to enjoy my time than hang around and be a barely existing presence.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I have the opposite issue sadly, I seem to spark obsession. Im too visible, never allowed to blend in. If I say I am not going to an event on a group chat, suddenly everyone cant make it. Its awful and can be hard on me sometimes. What you are going through sounds hard as I am sure most people just want to be normal, the person who is not too visible and not invisible.

 

[isthatso]

For most of my life I was afraid of people and wouldn't talk to them. I had trouble looking at people and if I had to talk I would stay factual and clinical. These last years I've gradually gotten rid of my first approach fear. Now I do talk to people. It's funny, now I can talk to anyone superficially without any problem, but I can't get past the first conversation. Somehow, nothing ever gets any closer. I can laugh, make jokes, etc. but then something just doesn't click after that. Ever.

I've noticed that as time goes by, people I've tried to connect with end up connecting with people around me and leave me to be invisible. Also, I know that this is a big emotional trigger for me. It makes me run away because it hurts really badly and I'd rather be alone and try to enjoy my time than hang around and be a barely existing presence.

My advice?
Say what you really think. Don't be afraid to have opinions. We all have opinions. You seem fine to me.

 

[Sometimes]

I have the opposite issue sadly, I seem to spark obsession. Im too visible, never allowed to blend in. If I say I am not going to an event on a group chat, suddenly everyone cant make it. Its awful and can be hard on me sometimes. What you are going through sounds hard as I am sure most people just want to be normal, the person who is not too visible and not invisible.

This is a situation that I can't even imagine. I'm going to spend some time trying yo imagine it though, because it's something really different and fascinating.

 

[Sometimes]

My advice?
Say what you really think. Don't be afraid to have opinions. We all have opinions. You seem fine to me.

I agree with you, and it's good for getting by, but I want to take it to the next level. I get along with everyone, but I'm never invited to the party, y'know? Noone thinks of inviting me, noone thinks of me at all. I'm still invisible. I want to change that.

I realise that I can't determine what other people do (or don't do), but I'm hoping I can at least influence it.

 

[isthatso]

I agree with you, and it's good for getting by, but I want to take it to the next level. I get along with everyone, but I'm never invited to the party, y'know? Noone thinks of inviting me, noone thinks of me at all. I'm still invisible. I want to change that.

I realise that I can't determine what other people do (or don't do), but I'm hoping I can at least influence it.

Well I formally invite you to the party of this forum

 

[August Campbell]

I realise that I can't determine what other people do (or don't do), but I'm hoping I can at least influence it.

Just as you want others to let you be what you want to be, so must you let others be what they want to be as well. Just as you want to be true to yourself, so you have to respect the rights of others to do the same. In other words, trying to influence is a sensitive area. While it's good to express our opinions, we must also be careful to respect differences.