darkwall
Well-known member
I read somewhere that we experience time differently. Some people live packed lives full of memories that stick out, and so lead "longer" lives, because the memories don't overlap.
Lately I have realised that I am creating very few memories. I don't remember most of the conversations or experiences I have, because none of them are exceptional. People are amazed at how disorganised I am, but it is because future events have no real meaning for me, but dissolve into the uniform landscape.
So while I'm meant to have lived for a year, say, I think I have only really lived a few days. The rest just disappeared, because I made no real note of it. I live a very internal life, meaning that I am never living "in the moment" - and the moments I have are few and far between.
I lived abroad as a child, and part of this is that I wasn't prepared for the blandness of middle-class English existence. My most vivid memories are formed when I am on holiday or working on a film, but university life just passes me in a haze. I rarely feel alive, and so rarely feel strong happiness, because routine destroys time the same way that a journey you are used to taking seems shorter every time - especially if you are thinking.
I no longer live at the speed of life, but at the speed of my own thoughts. Things that may happen pass me by, because they do not affect my inner universe. I need a life that engages me.
Lately I have realised that I am creating very few memories. I don't remember most of the conversations or experiences I have, because none of them are exceptional. People are amazed at how disorganised I am, but it is because future events have no real meaning for me, but dissolve into the uniform landscape.
So while I'm meant to have lived for a year, say, I think I have only really lived a few days. The rest just disappeared, because I made no real note of it. I live a very internal life, meaning that I am never living "in the moment" - and the moments I have are few and far between.
I lived abroad as a child, and part of this is that I wasn't prepared for the blandness of middle-class English existence. My most vivid memories are formed when I am on holiday or working on a film, but university life just passes me in a haze. I rarely feel alive, and so rarely feel strong happiness, because routine destroys time the same way that a journey you are used to taking seems shorter every time - especially if you are thinking.
I no longer live at the speed of life, but at the speed of my own thoughts. Things that may happen pass me by, because they do not affect my inner universe. I need a life that engages me.