think i got rejected, advice?

[dax]

Well I'll start at the beginning. There's this resturant my family and I get our food from, usually mom stops by to get the food. They serve burgers and have a variety of other things like salad and different meats to choose from. Well my mom is real social, she tends to make friends quick with people of all ages. So she made friends with one of the girls there. Anyway I went with mom one time and mom introduced us, mom knew her first name started with an A....so she asked what her name was again. So she tells us her name and mom tells her name too.

So it's slow and we chit chat for a little while and put our order in. Then we wait for our food and when it's ready she gets it for us. Then an older coworker comes by and is joking with her and us. We grab our food, thank her and leave. The next week mom wasn't feeling well so I went to get food there instead. Someone else took the order and our friend was on the other side where the orders are put together. When I go to that side I wave at her, she waves back but has an unsure look on her face like I think I know you from somewhere. So as she is bagging up our food I tell her my mom says hi by the way. Then she smiles and says that's right you two are related. I thank her for the food and leave.

The next week I go again and she takes my order she is very friendly. While waiting for the food she asks why my mom isn't here and I tell her she isn't feeling well. She tells me I hope she feels better tell her I said hi. Next she says she probably doesn't remember my name, I tell her oh no, she does, sometimes she has her moments. Her coworker is instructing her about my order and she says dont worry I got it I know his mom. She assembles our food and I tell her we know your name is (let's just call her Jen for example). She smiles and says ok see you next time.

Well about another week goes by and mom and I return. Mom waves at her she waves back and then I wave too, she waves back. Someone else takes our order and in between mom converses with her a little bit. Then mom comes over to me and says she seems a little grouchy. She was nice to us though was smiling, assembled our food and we thanked her by name. In the car mom told me she is bored cause all she does is go to school and work.

Thanks for reading this far there isnt much more to go.

Well yesterday I worked up the courage to go ask her out. Usually I wear a red baseball cap, but I got a haircut and combed my hair this time. Went there by myself when it wasn't busy. So she is cashiering and I wave at her I get a half smile cause someone else was in front of me. When it's my turn I ask her how she is she said fine how may I help you. I put my order in....it was all business not much friendliness. So I go over to the side to wait for the food and maybe for an oppurtunity to chat with her. Our eyes met once, got half smile but otherwise it was like I was a stranger. I got my food, thanked her and since I took this as rejection just said my mom says hi and she says tell her I said hi with a blank expression on her face.

Anyway I do know the boss she doesn't like was working when I was there. But I figured if there were any tones of interest things would of been different. A friend said maybe she had other things on her mind and a different friend said maybe she didnt recognize you without the hat. Idk what to think, I just took it she wasn't interested. And figured it's best to leave it alone. I really don't want to piss off the person serving my food

 

[Shrimp]

I'd treat her like an ordinary cashier at this point and she if see makes the effort to show any interest again. if you do any thing else prior to that I would imagine you will scare her off.
(shrimpy advice)

 

[jaguarundi]

You are obsessing over what her every little gesture or facial expression means. Don't.

You have no idea what is going on in her head, and a blank half smile might have nothing whatsoever to do with you. It could simply mean she is tired, wishing she could afford those shoes she fell in love with last week or thinking her sister\brother\ boss is a jerk. Or anything and everything else.

She might be interested in you, she might be more intested in keeping her job as I imagine encouraging customers to ask you out isn't in her job description.

As shrimp says, just be pleasant but treat her like an ordinary cashier, unless she really shows interest.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Cashiers are told /paid to be friendly. I am one myself. I remember when I was in my early 20's, the only women I talked to were cashiers. Of course I got a crush on a few. It's never a good situation to get into.

 

[tc00]

I wouldn't take her luke warm manner as a personal rejection towards you and give up on her. You said she didn't like that one boss, and no telling what other stuff might have happened that day, such as getting up late, suffering from a sinus headache and can't take the day off, busy, stressed over a school project or just tired, just a few examples there. You don't have much confidence (I know how that goes) and so you jump to the conclusion it's you, when it likely was just her having a bad day and nothing personally directed towards you. How about writing her a brief note on a cheerful card and hand it to her when ya order asking she read it later when she has time. In that you could ask if she is feeling OK, as she seemed to be having a stressful day the last time you saw her, then ask if she might like to go out sometime, and leave your number so she can text or phone you later. That's what I would do. If she was possibly disciplined by management for too much talking, she may not do anything to encourage you for sake of her job. At least with the card idea, you are showing you are a sensitive person that cares how she is feeling and at the same time you will be able to ask her out and giving her another way to contact you outside of a brief word at the place she works. It would make me more curious and frustrated to do nothing (with the little annoying voice in my head saying negative things about myself) than to take action.

Everytime people take a chance on another there is a risk of rejection, but if you don't take that chance you are surely to be alone. People that have been hurt deeply try again because long term loneliness is worse than the fear of rejection.

 

[dax]

fair enough, i'll give it another try......see if she reacts differently towards me. I'll make sure to not be overly friendly and try not to push for something that may not be there.

 

[Batman55]

If you don't try, you'll never know.

So, try to make your interest in this girl known, but in a kind and sensitive manner. I think you can't go wrong there. If she reacts negatively and/or you get rejected, it's on her, not you.