thinking of ANGRY thoughts

[viviana]

i don't really have the time to write this, but i really really have to get it off my chest. time is of the essence, i have not time, but it seem regardless the busyness things i hate keep sneaking up on me to catch my attention.

i was finally starting to be happy again. i took the decision to move on and leave the past, and my longing behind. i was finding the courage to embark on whatever life had in store for me. you know, even if i did not get the one thing that i think its worth living for, i was going to accept the fact that its the life i get and that's that. from yesterday on i decided i will try to be successful at what i do, what i want to become, make a difference in the world by helping people and maybe make others happy, even if i can't find anyone who will make myself happy.

well anyway, i am now trying to hold on (really hard) to those promises, and objective for the future.

my anger and rage toward these predicament, that life keep bringing my way, its making me think of the most twisted, godforsaken, condemned thoughts that i ever have before.

all i asked God was that i was happy with my life, maybe give me a companion so i would not be so alone everywhere and in everything i do. but most of all just help me to accept that this is my life and it's full of factors that should make me happy. every time i think that way, i get a little hopeful, a little less annoyed and empty inside.

but then, come along these insupportable couple who ride the same bus as i do on my way home. they just can't contain themselves, and i am more disgusted than i am jealous of them. i just wish they could realized they are in public and they need to keep their hand off each other and stop calling attention to themselves. even if they do little things like stroking and massaging each other's hair, moving their hands. anyway that's not the point. if they were discreet couple they would sit quietly on the fully packed-stinky-uncomfortable-filthy public transportation, and maybe just hold hand or holding each others waste or something. or avoid it all together until they go home. everybody is disgusting anyway, we are all coming from work, beat and sweaty, and smelling like whatever restaurants you work at. so i feel like telling them to get a room. stop the cuddling and the rubbing, the fooling around. i want to ask them; is that all you do all day, then when you get home you walk around the house naked with his penis locked inaide your vagina while you do the chores around the house, since you seem to live together for getting off the bus at the same stop to go to the appartment complex

as much as i want to see it as just another torture, i don't believe that's the only thing, i want to think that most of us find it inappropriate and irritating. i know it looks like, everything i ask God to be happy: something that a real couple in love have. but it's better to avoid the PDA all together anyway, behave yourself especially in such a confined place ( as it is on the bus), where people don't have anything else to look at but each other, and in that case you.

well i feel is like i want to make them pay. i want to set them on fire, punch them and embarrass them, i want to see something happen to them that is just so unfortunate for them. i have perfume in my purse and a lighter. i am so tempted to just flicker my lighter and then spray on their faces, and watch them trash themselves on the floor and burn while everyone else watch at the same time and so much in shock that they can find the best way to help them.

i am utterly furious for having to see them again, everytime, while i am so desperately trying to restore my brokenheart, my lonesomeness and all. i need peace, i need a different sight. and they are just out of line, they just exaggerated..............

i hate when i almost feel happy something comes to interrupt it. i have to deal with all these physical and mental and financial issues, and then seeing things i don't know how to interpret. i don't want to find myself blaming or getting mad at God. i just want a break i guess. some nice things to go as i wish and expect them to happen..

these twisted thought only get worse and i feel like i might do something someday. i feel like i am busting out and just want to go for it.
maybe i could use some input on this

two possibilities i already consider are;
first i could try to avoid riding the bus with them. if i see them i will wait for the next one.
second i will carry a sharp object and slash them as i walk by quickly, then get off the bus, before they notice. heehehehe just kidding. i can't remember the second possibility

okay huuff just wanted to vent my feeling and rage, now i feel a little better.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I think part of the reason why you're angry with them is because you want to have a companion yourself. Please dont take it out on them...

and be assured, that stage of the relationship when they just cant keep their hands off each other, only lasts for a year or two.

So...it'll end someday. It wont last forever. Nothing does. (i dont mean that in a depressing way but a matter-of-fact way)

lol, do you still want to hang out before the semester ends or what?!

Take another bus if it bothers you too much...*hug*

 

[Lawrens]

I see where you're coming from, those couples making out in public in a confined place bugs me as well, it wasn't really jealousy or envying as I hate them since I was a kid, it's almost like they're trying to be the center of attention and being inconsiderate. I don't see these people that often so I don't really know what I think of them now, maybe they still piss me off, but I think it's a waste of energy to hate these people, because it's really not a big deal. I just hate the exaggerated type.

I agree on trying to avoid them if it bothers you that much, I'd listen to music and close my eyes or something, I'd see them as 2 inconsiderate human beings that just happens to be on the same bus as me, there're other annoying things like kids talking really loud on the phone or doing silly things with their friends, but they're what they are, just kids.
It's not really worth the energy hating something like that, it's like hating 2 monkeys making out and want to kill them, there are better things to do.

 

[Regret]

Yep, seems like if things ever look like they're coming together something happens so that it all falls apart or reverses the progress made, at least for me it does.

I know what you mean with the couples thing.......it's why I rarely go out anymore, I can't handle it. Not so much anger for me but the jealousy that I can't have that kind of thing in my life........and sometimes it makes me think of the the girl I love and the guy shes with.........that stopped for a while but here I am again heh:club:. Actually yeah, sometimes I do get angry or just aggravated at them, depends on my mood.

I strongly suggest against physical action, it's not worth it. They're not worth your energy. If it's really that bad then definitely take another bus, or just try and get lost in your head, that's what I do. Music definitely can be a good distraction if it's available. My favorite is bottling the anger and unleashing it through working out, my three broken hearts always give me that extra rep, so I guess I have that at least.