Time for a new change

[Chris 2]

I been watching Grey's Anatomy lately and you guys are right, there are some thing that are even worse than my life currently. I guess when your force to die without any choice, that is when it become painful. When you suck in a bed that could very well be the last place to be when you pass away, that is painful. When your suppose to live through a surgery, and something goes incredibly wrong and all hell break loose, that is when it painful.

Life is painful, but I still have a choice. I don't even know where to start, there must be someway out of this mess. Staying home for another three week with my family is only harming myself but I don't have a choice there. I will probably ranting about the same thing over and over almost everyday because I am just so lonely until school start.

I guess I need to seek real counseling which require some money, but I guess without this treatment, despite if the impossible happen, and I make some friends, all of my past childhood will still affect me, just as it has affect me in my dream and nightmare. I'm just not an OK child right now, my mind do play trick on me believe it or not, I haven't been in the right mindset for a long time, and I don't know when it will change. I don't believe in miracle, I don't even believe my future will change, heck I don't even believe that therapy will actually work and just waste more of my money like those med that I pay costly for.

I think getting a job would be a first step in the right direction. I don't know if I will be able to find a job, I don't have much experience with majority of the work study job at my school. I hope it a job I like if I do get a job. Other than that I can't think of anything else I could work on.

It still gonna be a tough road ahead.

 

[Unacceptance]

Yeah but you can trample that road good dude.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You can seek help from your local county mental health department.
It's probably will be free or what you can afford...according to your
income...obviously , if you're not employed or don't have money
you don't pay them.

The state's emplyees are sent there..so you're probably going to get
that same treament or professional help as firemen, social workers, policemen..etc.

You have to leave your cave and go the mental health department
though

if you get a job you might get fire...lol
You're boss will probably make you do things you don't like or want to do.
I'm a softy compair to most bosses.lol
See...either way, you still have to do things you don't want to....like go outside and get some day light.

 

[LonelyDragon]

I agree. Check at the local hospital. Ask there if there are any free counciling groups. I found out today that ours does have one that I'm going to look into.


I also agree about the job. I've been meaning to sugest that but didn't want to sound like I was just saying "get a job". LoL

 

[Brian]

This is a step in the right direction I think, Chris. Congratulations. Listen to Lonesome; see about County Mental Health. We can talk here all day and night, but in the end only a counselor can provide the real quality help...especially with deeper mental issues. Besides, the in-person contact is better.

I never considered the fact that you don't have a job actually! Chris, having a job of any sort is a huge boon in many ways. Aside from having money, I found once I was employed I had - a LOT MORE- to talk about with people than I did before. And of course it gives you a chance to make friends among your co workers, and can help you feel better about your self.

 

[GHOSTNYOURMIST]

I agree that a job may help, but it will not fix everything.
You have a long hard road ahead, many ups and downs, the thing to remember Chris is to keep moving forward. Don't live in the past.
Never be afraid to try something new, professional help included, it may not be for you but at least it's a move forward.

 

[Gothmother]

Go you!
Make that change Chris.. you know you want it and you know you can do it!
Realy glad you have got into the frame of mind to help yourself!
Hugs.

 

[Steel]

Good to read an encouraging post from you. Making the first step, and analysing what you need to do, is often the hardest part... so I wish you all the best in the future.

 

[grundel70]

That is awesome to hear Chris!

Just so you know, just about ALL of my friends right now and women I have dated have been either people I work with, had worked with, or met through someone I work with.

One thing I will say about working...

You generally have to do real crap jobs when you first start, and the harder you work, the better your attitude, the better the jobs you will get. I love my job now, but when I first started it was hard and I got pissed or depressed several times...i felt I was passed over for promotion several times, felt that my boss let me down a couple times, etc...