I been watching Grey's Anatomy lately and you guys are right, there are some thing that are even worse than my life currently. I guess when your force to die without any choice, that is when it become painful. When you suck in a bed that could very well be the last place to be when you pass away, that is painful. When your suppose to live through a surgery, and something goes incredibly wrong and all hell break loose, that is when it painful.
Life is painful, but I still have a choice. I don't even know where to start, there must be someway out of this mess. Staying home for another three week with my family is only harming myself but I don't have a choice there. I will probably ranting about the same thing over and over almost everyday because I am just so lonely until school start.
I guess I need to seek real counseling which require some money, but I guess without this treatment, despite if the impossible happen, and I make some friends, all of my past childhood will still affect me, just as it has affect me in my dream and nightmare. I'm just not an OK child right now, my mind do play trick on me believe it or not, I haven't been in the right mindset for a long time, and I don't know when it will change. I don't believe in miracle, I don't even believe my future will change, heck I don't even believe that therapy will actually work and just waste more of my money like those med that I pay costly for.
I think getting a job would be a first step in the right direction. I don't know if I will be able to find a job, I don't have much experience with majority of the work study job at my school. I hope it a job I like if I do get a job. Other than that I can't think of anything else I could work on.
It still gonna be a tough road ahead.
Life is painful, but I still have a choice. I don't even know where to start, there must be someway out of this mess. Staying home for another three week with my family is only harming myself but I don't have a choice there. I will probably ranting about the same thing over and over almost everyday because I am just so lonely until school start.
I guess I need to seek real counseling which require some money, but I guess without this treatment, despite if the impossible happen, and I make some friends, all of my past childhood will still affect me, just as it has affect me in my dream and nightmare. I'm just not an OK child right now, my mind do play trick on me believe it or not, I haven't been in the right mindset for a long time, and I don't know when it will change. I don't believe in miracle, I don't even believe my future will change, heck I don't even believe that therapy will actually work and just waste more of my money like those med that I pay costly for.
I think getting a job would be a first step in the right direction. I don't know if I will be able to find a job, I don't have much experience with majority of the work study job at my school. I hope it a job I like if I do get a job. Other than that I can't think of anything else I could work on.
It still gonna be a tough road ahead.