Tired

[ExiledWays]

I feel tired, in so many ways. I'm tired of trying just to fall into the same depressive hopelessness again (whice ironically is the only state of mind that makes any kind of sense to me).

I'm also tired of telling myself that I can become something that I'm simply not, that I actually belong here, in life. But most of all, I'm tired of having to wake up to the same frustrating empty existence.

Nothing makes sense anymore. I've grown so distant from everything. If I could choose between being happy and satisfied with my life, or to simply perish into nothingness, I would pick the latter. How messed up is that?

The only thing I really live for, and desire, is sleep. I guess sleep is as close as you can get to not existing without actually dying. Everything else in life is just shallow, something to make time pass and to make being awake and conscious somewhat tolerable.

God, I am beyond messed up. And wow, this is probably the most personal stuff I've shared on a public forum. I just needed to get it out, and since I don't really have any friends or close family, this place was my only choice, pretty much. I hope no one minds.

Thanks for reading.

/ExiledWays

 

[Minus]

I hope no one minds.

Of course not.

If I could choose between being happy and satisfied with my life, or to simply perish into nothingness, I would pick the latter. How messed up is that?

I couldn't tell you because i have often felt like that myself. For some reason it doesn't come to mind anymore.

 

[Twitchy]

The only thing I really live for, and desire, is sleep. I guess sleep is as close as you can get to not existing without actually dying. Everything else in life is just shallow, something to make time pass and to make being awake and conscious somewhat tolerable.

It sounds like you're just isolated and lacking in external stimuli. I don't know what to tell you there...except that things change and usually when you're not expecting them to.

God, I am beyond messed up. And wow, this is probably the most personal stuff I've shared on a public forum. I just needed to get it out, and since I don't really have any friends or close family, this place was my only choice, pretty much. I hope no one minds.

I don't think anyone minds. I've occasionally shared similar feelings of hopelessness with strangers or acquaintances. It's often easier than explaining it to family.