Track Record?

[The_Iblis_Trigger]

I know this is my first real post here and I hope that I do not sound rude or challenging to anyone, but:

At least, in the realm of dating and relationships, I have a track record that gives failure, disgrace, and disappointment a bad name (i.e. My record is a disgrace to disgrace, a phrase I have come up with myself, just like "...giving failure, disappointment, and disgrace a bad name...") It kind of annoys me when I hear someone say that things will get better. I told this story to the librarian here (I am a student at the Gary Job Corps Center in San Marcos, Texas) and she said that (she doesn't agree that I am unworthy). A few days later (after thinking about what she said), I told her in response (since she is married):

"Something like that is easy for you to say, because you do not have to endure what I go through. Also, if you want to say something like that to me, you're going to have to PROVE IT-- show me someone that thinks the same way you do. However, she must meet 4 criteria:

1) She CAN NOT be married,

2) She CAN NOT be dating,

3) She CAN NOT be in a relationship,

and finally #4) She HAS to be interested in me. Also, she has to meet ALL FOUR of these criteria, or it doesn't count.

I said this to her, and all she had to say was "I gave you the advice, now it's up to you to do something with it". While that is true, such a lame response to my challenge only shows that what I said was so powerful that she did not have an adequate response to it. Also, she could not show me anyone that fits all 4 of the criteria that I had set forth, so I suspect that was the reason she said that. That will be my challenge to anyone and everyone who says something like that to me: to either "put up or shut up".

On another note, I have developed this "put up or shut up" attitude to protect myself froom further disappointment and hurt. I told this to a man that I went to church with back home and he disagrees, saying that "I have to put myself out there and risk that". Maybe so, but I feel that I should protect what little I do have left with a vengeance because, if I keep putting myself out there and getting hurt, then I will have nothing left to offer, even when/if that special person does come along...

I hope that I do not come off as an arrogant @$$hole here, but I guess I am tired of failure and rejection, but mainly of rich people telling me (the poor man) that being poor isn't bad, especially when these people have never been poor in their lives (METAPHORICALLY SPEAKING, OF COURSE).

I am not talking about monetary wealth here, by the way.

 

[septicemia]

Its not that your words were so powerful, but your challenge is totally unreal. Of course shes not going to run out and spend her time finding you a partner, is that what you expected? Shes a librarian not a match maker, but there are match makers out there, and dating websites. And yes, the guy at church is right. Do you really expect someone to just fall in love with you if you dont make any sort of effort?

I am the same way. I dont put myself out there, at all, and of course, no one ever talks to me anymore. I dont have a right to expect more than I give.

 

[The_Iblis_Trigger]

Its not that your words were so powerful, but your challenge is totally unreal. Of course shes not going to run out and spend her time finding you a partner, is that what you expected? Shes a librarian not a match maker, but there are match makers out there, and dating websites. And yes, the guy at church is right. Do you really expect someone to just fall in love with you if you dont make any sort of effort?

I am the same way. I dont put myself out there, at all, and of course, no one ever talks to me anymore. I dont have a right to expect more than I give.

How is my challenge unreal when the underlying message of my challenge is "Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is"? The way I see it, you know, if you're trying to sell me some Mickey-Mouse-fairy-tale type of thing, then at least have SOMETHING to back up your claim(s).

For instance, anyone can claim to be the best businessman in the world. However, if you do not have anything to show for it (i.e. no credentials, no references, etc.), then you can't really expect anyone to take you seriously or even believe you.

Also, have you ever worked in sales before? I haven't, but I do know this basic concept: If you're trying to sell someone an item that was just released (like, let's say... a new robotic vacuum cleaner), you could easily claim that "This robotic vacuum cleaner is the best in the world". However, the client will or should (rightfully) be skeptical of these claims (even if they are legitimate) if the vacuum salesman has NOTHING TO SHOW FOR THEM.

Let me take it farther: Are you a Christian? Even if not, have you ever read the Bible? I ask because of this: Why do you think the children of Israel revered God to the point of fear? Because when God said that He was going to do something, He actually put His money where His mouth was; He backed up His words with tangible action(s). Also, do you think the children of Israel would have taken God seriously if He did not back up His Word?

Ah, I am terribly sorry to have gone on and on like this. The point that I am trying to make is this: If you're going to tell me something like "Oh, there is someone out there for you", at least have something to back it up (other than empty words and/or hollow platitudes).

I will say this one last thing, and then I will close this reply: You said that my challenge is unreal/ my standards are too high. Well, that might be so, but whoever I put this challenge to thinks that my challenge is indeed too hard/ my standards are indeed too high, it is only because they know that they cannot meet it. For instance, if you ask a 5-year old child to go pick up a 80-pound rock, that child will tell you that it's too difficult for him. Why? That child knows that he will not be able to lift that rock. However, ask a professional bodybuilder to pick up that same 80-pound rock...

 

[Code S.O.L]

I can kinda see where you're coming from. You feel frustrated over your inability to meet, or maintain romantic relationships with the opposite sex(you didn't make that part clear), and so you cry out help to the world hoping that someone actually helps you instead of being told 'help is on the way'(hypothetically).

Unfortunately, girls aren't looking for withdrawn people like us. It takes much less effort for them to find people who have put themselves out there, than to dive in deeper to find one of us. I'm not gonna tell you that you need to put yourself out there. While the only taste of rejection I've felt was in high school, the fear it gave me has been more than enough to hold me back. Whether we like it or not, the help that we so desperately desire, isn't coming our way.

So it's at this point where we have a choice to make. Do we find the courage to help ourselves? Or do we humbly accept our fate and give up?

 

[The_Iblis_Trigger]

I can kinda see where you're coming from. You feel frustrated over your inability to meet, or maintain romantic relationships with the opposite sex(you didn't make that part clear), and so you cry out help to the world hoping that someone actually helps you instead of being told 'help is on the way'(hypothetically).

Unfortunately, girls aren't looking for withdrawn people like us. It takes much less effort for them to find people who have put themselves out there, than to dive in deeper to find one of us. I'm not gonna tell you that you need to put yourself out there. While the only taste of rejection I've felt was in high school, the fear it gave me has been more than enough to hold me back. Whether we like it or not, the help that we so desperately desire, isn't coming our way.

So it's at this point where we have a choice to make. Do we find the courage to help ourselves? Or do we humbly accept our fate and give up?

I just feel that I will lose either way. What really gets on my nerves is to hear people (especially those that are either married or in relationships) say that "Oh, being single is so wonderful. You should be happy".

When people say stuff like that to me, it makes me angry to the point that I either want to curse them out, or ram my fist straight into the middle of their face. The reason being is this: If being single (and lonely) were in fact so wonderful, why aren't THEY single (and lonely)? I do not know why, but that seems to me like these people are taunting me (it doesn't matter that their intentions may be good, because of the old saying, "The road to Hell is paved with Good Intentions..."). However, I will settle for just asking them that, and hopefully, it will be strong enough to shut them up.

Also, I will further explain myself in another thread...

Code SOL, in response to your question, it's both inability to meet and inability to maintain. I will go more into that in another thread.

 

[Minus]

How is my challenge unreal when the underlying message of my challenge is "Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is"?

I thought septicemia made that pretty clear. It is your characterization of it that is questionable.

 

[The_Iblis_Trigger]

How is my challenge unreal when the underlying message of my challenge is "Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is"?

I thought septicemia made that pretty clear. It is your characterization of it that is questionable.

In your opinion, how is my characterization of that "questionable"? All I was trying to convey is that if someone is trying to sell me something, then they should have something to back it up.

It is as I said previously: If my standards are too high to you, it is only because you know that you can not/will not be able to meet them. If you ask a fourth grader to pick up a 90-pound rock, of course (s)he is going to say that it's impossible. Why? Because (s)he KNOWS that (s)he will not be able to lift it. However, ask a professional body-builder to pick up that very same rock... He would do it in two shakes of a rabbit's ear.

 

[ShybutHi]

What really gets on my nerves is to hear people (especially those that are either married or in relationships) say that "Oh, being single is so wonderful. You should be happy".

When people say stuff like that to me, it makes me angry to the point that I either want to curse them out, or ram my fist straight into the middle of their face. The reason being is this: If being single (and lonely) were in fact so wonderful, why aren't THEY single (and lonely)?

I have never been in a relationship and i am almost 24, i have quite a few friends and infact all of them except one has a partner, a few of them are married. I also get comments just like what you described, comments along the lines of being single is wonderful or making jokes that i can have all the girls or whatever....

There are multiple reasons which contribute to the fact im lonely, one example being the fact that i have never ever had affection from anyone in my life including friends and parents which makes you kind of feel worthless, another being the fact that i am a shy person and am a bit socialy anxious so ofcourse those types of comments are completely ignorant to my situation and are indeed quite annoying.

 

[Badjedidude]

This thread makes me chuckle quietly to myself.

 

[The_Iblis_Trigger]

This thread makes me chuckle quietly to myself.

And why is that, if you do not mind me asking?

 

[Badjedidude]

And why is that, if you do not mind me asking?

Just because it does.

By the way, I don't find your requirements:

1) She CAN NOT be married,

2) She CAN NOT be dating,

3) She CAN NOT be in a relationship,

and finally #4) She HAS to be interested in me. Also, she has to meet ALL FOUR of these criteria, or it doesn't count.

...to be too strict or too high. Those are fair. At least you're not demanding something EXTREMELY specific, like expecting your "dream girl" to have a 1cm mole on her left buttcheek and red hair and a petite build and boobs the size of...

...well, you get my point. Your criterion are fair, IMHO.

Personally, I'd probably get rid of #2 and #3, but that's just my view on relationships and pursuing love in general.

 

[GeeChee7]

Anyone can be lonely. Single or married. You are not lonely because you are single. You are lonely because you don't appreciate what you already have. You seem to be an "all or nothing" type of person. If you can't have what you want then you don't want anything and that leads to loneliness. Appreciate what little you have and before you know it, things will come into your life. Positive begets positive and negative begets, negative. In math a negative can cancel out a postive. So if you are this negative than even if something positive is trying to come your way, your negativity cancels it out. Put your mouth where your money is. Either you don't want to be lonely or you do. If you don't then shut up and put up and do what it takes until the loneliness leaves.

---

Anyone can be lonely. Single or married. You are not lonely because you are single. You are lonely because you don't appreciate what you already have. You seem to be an "all or nothing" type of person. If you can't have what you want then you don't want anything and that leads to loneliness. Appreciate what little you have and before you know it, things will come into your life. Positive begets positive and negative begets, negative. In math a negative can cancel out a postive. So if you are this negative than even if something positive is trying to come your way, your negativity cancels it out. Put your mouth where your money is. Either you don't want to be lonely or you do. If you don't then shut up and do what it takes until the loneliness leaves.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You gotta love it when guys wants pussy and make excuse not to get pussy

its all good....more pussy for me

 

[Minus]

By the way, I don't find your requirements
...to be too strict or too high.

Not at all. Just unusual to expect someone else to find the person for him.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I ve been listening to some selfhelp help material....its helping me alot.

It gose into details of why i do what i do and how to make corrections or changes in my life.

this thread is a good example of how a person can get into self defeating behaviors due to fualty ideas N beliefs systems. Or sort of like being in a hypnotic state or unconsiousley doing things that will not work.
our subconsious mind is always out to prove itself right. Its like a self fullfiling prophhacy....

 

[Badjedidude]

Not at all. Just unusual to expect someone else to find the person for him.

Yeah that is a bit strange.

I wish it worked that way, but it doesn't!

 

[The_Iblis_Trigger]

Anyone can be lonely. Single or married. You are not lonely because you are single. You are lonely because you don't appreciate what you already have. You seem to be an "all or nothing" type of person. If you can't have what you want then you don't want anything and that leads to loneliness. Appreciate what little you have and before you know it, things will come into your life. Positive begets positive and negative begets, negative. In math a negative can cancel out a postive. So if you are this negative than even if something positive is trying to come your way, your negativity cancels it out. Put your mouth where your money is. Either you don't want to be lonely or you do. If you don't then shut up and put up and do what it takes until the loneliness leaves.

---

Anyone can be lonely. Single or married. You are not lonely because you are single. You are lonely because you don't appreciate what you already have. You seem to be an "all or nothing" type of person. If you can't have what you want then you don't want anything and that leads to loneliness. Appreciate what little you have and before you know it, things will come into your life. Positive begets positive and negative begets, negative. In math a negative can cancel out a postive. So if you are this negative than even if something positive is trying to come your way, your negativity cancels it out. Put your mouth where your money is. Either you don't want to be lonely or you do. If you don't then shut up and do what it takes until the loneliness leaves.

---

With all due respect, sir or madam, you're talking a big game "appreciate what little you have". Since you seem to know so much about what (little) I do have, why don't you be specific and tell me? And as for being an "all or nothing" type of guy, I would not say that; it's more about me not wanting to settle for less. In case you have something (possibly legitimate) to say against that, then think about this one: Where do you think the human species would be if everyone "settled for less"?

---

By the way, I don't find your requirements
...to be too strict or too high.

Not at all. Just unusual to expect someone else to find the person for him.

That was not my intent, as I knew the woman would not be able to. It was kind of a way of shutting her up because it seems that only females who are either dating, married, in relationships, or would not otherwise be interested in me tell me how good of a man I am and how worthy I am and I get sick of it.