Never figured I would use a site like this but I need to reach out somehow, and doing so anonymously is all my pride will permit so thank you whoever actually reads this or cares.
Well like many others who suffer from social anxiety and loneliness I used to be what I thought was a complete loser. Overweight, pizza eating, porn and video game addicted basement dwelling nerd to put it bluntly. But I had similar loser friends...high school friends, online chat buddies, something I kind of felt apart of. However a little over a year ago I decided to change my life drastically, seeing as how I was becoming unhappy and even more fat. So on my 22nd Birthday (I'm a 22 year old male) I basically started to turn my "loser" life around.
I have lost nearly 100 pounds and am in the best shape of my life, got a new full time job that pays well, bought a brand new car and motorcycle, enrolled in college for the first time next year, and managed to improve my relationship with my wonderful and supportive family. But in doing all of this I have alienated all of my past friends obliterated my social life...it's now non existent. Despite the few chats I have with old friends now and then I can honestly say that I have no friends...I see the same people day in and day out, my parents/siblings and the two annoying coworkers I work with.
I just can't seem to connect with people anymore? I feel so...numb. Alone and desperate. And despite my new accomplishments I am ultimately less happy than I was as the basement dwelling nerd loser. At least then every morning I woke up with a purpose and drive. Now my drive has simply dwindled and my results feel empty. The anxiety that I had about my weight has more or less vanished with my weight loss journey, but now I am left with a borderline eating disorder (eating guilt/stress) and fat paranoia. Now I'm left with the very real and physical anxiety of loneliness which as of recently has nearly brought me to tears.
What I need, or at least I feel that I need, is a GIRL. I have never had a girlfriend or even kissed a chick but I know that I'm a decent looking guy so physically there is no problem. It's back to the same problem...I emotionally connect with very few people, especially women it seems. And the depressing thing to me is that despite getting my life under control, the one thing continuing to hold me back...this distance and disconnect from other people, I simply cannot control. And all the problems I used to pin on other people are actually all just simply my fault.
So to sum my life as of now up, I'm lonely. I feel that I may be becoming emotionally depressed...and I know I shouldn't be. I feel guilty, numb, alone, detached. It sucks
Well like many others who suffer from social anxiety and loneliness I used to be what I thought was a complete loser. Overweight, pizza eating, porn and video game addicted basement dwelling nerd to put it bluntly. But I had similar loser friends...high school friends, online chat buddies, something I kind of felt apart of. However a little over a year ago I decided to change my life drastically, seeing as how I was becoming unhappy and even more fat. So on my 22nd Birthday (I'm a 22 year old male) I basically started to turn my "loser" life around.
I have lost nearly 100 pounds and am in the best shape of my life, got a new full time job that pays well, bought a brand new car and motorcycle, enrolled in college for the first time next year, and managed to improve my relationship with my wonderful and supportive family. But in doing all of this I have alienated all of my past friends obliterated my social life...it's now non existent. Despite the few chats I have with old friends now and then I can honestly say that I have no friends...I see the same people day in and day out, my parents/siblings and the two annoying coworkers I work with.
I just can't seem to connect with people anymore? I feel so...numb. Alone and desperate. And despite my new accomplishments I am ultimately less happy than I was as the basement dwelling nerd loser. At least then every morning I woke up with a purpose and drive. Now my drive has simply dwindled and my results feel empty. The anxiety that I had about my weight has more or less vanished with my weight loss journey, but now I am left with a borderline eating disorder (eating guilt/stress) and fat paranoia. Now I'm left with the very real and physical anxiety of loneliness which as of recently has nearly brought me to tears.
What I need, or at least I feel that I need, is a GIRL. I have never had a girlfriend or even kissed a chick but I know that I'm a decent looking guy so physically there is no problem. It's back to the same problem...I emotionally connect with very few people, especially women it seems. And the depressing thing to me is that despite getting my life under control, the one thing continuing to hold me back...this distance and disconnect from other people, I simply cannot control. And all the problems I used to pin on other people are actually all just simply my fault.
So to sum my life as of now up, I'm lonely. I feel that I may be becoming emotionally depressed...and I know I shouldn't be. I feel guilty, numb, alone, detached. It sucks