umm..

[jales]

You ever think that you want too much?

I saw that movie 'Becoming Jane' .. I love JaneAustin books; all of them are amazing. But she ended up alone. She had many offers at marriage but guess what ..she ended up alone; cause she wouldnt settle.

Now somehow I feel like my youth will pass me by; and this one thing in my life will never be fulfilled. Partially cause I'm so scared of the unknown, partially because I want too much.

Sometimes I listen to what people say they want in a lover. And it's like they list all these things that mean nothing to me....
Yet even though I dont judge on as many things as them, I still have higher standards.

It sucks as well cause I'm not pretty, or as though I have anything going for me that 'generally' speaking guys go for.
Yet still I want too much. I want a friendship (at least partcially) with a guy if I'm with him. But no guys seem to want that.

None; or every few... okay i'm rambling. When do you settle? what do you settle for?

I know relationships arent a walk in the park, but
YoU know for some people relationships are just.. a lable to sex with someone you can tolorate(at first)... eventually you usually get attached. Not sure though.. it's different 4 everyone
ahh okay .. rambled thread..

tell me what you want or think about settling for the one? or your chances of getting what you really want? what's your take on this waiting game?

I know it's simplier than I make it out to be 2.. boy likes girl.. girl likes boy.. they are happy.. they fight... that cant live with out eachother :0]
maybe at least..

 

[Brodie]

You settle for whatever makes you happy. Don't keep looking for Mr. Perfect, he doesn't exist and there will ALWAYS be someone who is better for you. But if you keep looking for something better, you'll never be happy. EVER. If the person you're with makes you happy, and you feel like you can be yourself around them, and they don't treat you badly, what logical reason do you have to ever leave them? Just be happy, live life well, and die with a smile on your face.

 

[Arianna]

I think you can meet a lot of people that have different qualities you're attracted to. For instance..someone makes you laugh because they have a good sense of humor. While someone else makes you feel safe because they are protective. See what I mean? You probably won't find all the qualities you're looking for in just one person..which is why I think people often stray from their partners. They meet other people with different qualities that they like..which their partner may lack. And so it goes..anyway..decide for yourself what you're most looking for in a person. A quality..(or a few) that are simply non negotiable. Something they must have in order for you to be happy..and make the relationship work.

 

[Almond]

You know, I feel like this too. I don't think that I want too much though. I feel like I barely want anything really but even these little wants that I have I can't find in a guy. I'm not going to settle though that would be wrong since my wants are already so little. It sounds like yours are too. Maybe it's all about patience. I don't really know jales but I know I'm getting fed up with the whole thing.

Sometimes I listen to what people say they want in a lover. And it's like they list all these things that mean nothing to me....

 

[jales]

someone made me happy once.. i hope it happens again ..

ohhhhhhhh la la .. I really hope it happens again :/

 

[jjam]

I think to get what you want, you have to be bold and take some chances. If you're "lazy" in your pursuit, then you may just have to "settle". This principle applies to finding a lover, getting an education, getting a career or job, toning your body, and so on.

 

[jjam]

I think you can meet a lot of people that have different qualities you're attracted to. For instance..someone makes you laugh because they have a good sense of humor. While someone else makes you feel safe because they are protective. See what I mean? You probably won't find all the qualities you're looking for in just one person..which is why I think people often stray from their partners. They meet other people with different qualities that they like..which their partner may lack. And so it goes..anyway..decide for yourself what you're most looking for in a person. A quality..(or a few) that are simply non negotiable. Something they must have in order for you to be happy..and make the relationship work.

That's very interesting. I never thought of that.
Instead of thinking of it as "settling", maybe we should be more accepting of the imperfections of others, and more appreciative of their fine qualities. That might make a difference in our capacities for being satisfied or made happy by others.

 

[copperation]

Indeed. Even the 'go-girl' magazines are starting to question the have-it-all attitudes they themselves have always paraded. Lonely middle aged women have realised that pride or high-flyer careers made them too choosy and so they've had to face up to the consequences of demanding the perfect man.

They now look perhaps with envy at the way men seem much happier to simply love a woman, warts and all, and stay with her for years without much of a second thought. (Apart from the cheaters, obviously). We can even put up with quite a lot of nagging, something I've found that many women simply wouldn't tolerate in return!

So just why can't women make the best of it with an imperfect man? It's not denying yourself at all, it's simply accepting that there are no fairy princes and princesses and that nobody's perfect - and as long as you're at least a rough match and can give and take then you should rub along quite well.

 

[mink]

So just why can't women make the best of it with an imperfect man? It's not denying yourself at all, it's simply accepting that there are no fairy princes and princesses and that nobody's perfect - and as long as you're at least a rough match and can give and take then you should rub along quite well.

I'm a girl and I ask people this too sometimes lol..
Not just women, but men also. And if only people were more accepting of imperfections, I think the world will be so much better. But oh well lol..

 

[TalosNB]

I think partners should be friends, i know my ex was my bestfriend as well, as for imperfections i came to this realisation after being in the relationship it came to one day when i was getting annoyed at some flaw i just looked at her and thought to myself why am i getting annoyed? i love her and i have my own faults and idk after that it i was fine and very happy i guess and although in the end she was faithless i have not lost that perspective with people i want to be clost to, i think as long as you can be happy with someone know they will be loyal and can accept them for who they are then there perfect

 

[diamond-dancer]

I had a sudden realisation a couple of days ago which shut me up for the rest of the night. I honestly do not believe that I will ever be in another relationship. I think I will die alone. The things I hate about humans are also the things that make us human. Not only can I not imagine the type of man who might compliment my life, but I can't even imagine a scenario where I might meet this type of man.

 

[TalosNB]

I had a sudden realisation a couple of days ago which shut me up for the rest of the night. I honestly do not believe that I will ever be in another relationship. I think I will die alone. The things I hate about humans are also the things that make us human. Not only can I not imagine the type of man who might compliment my life, but I can't even imagine a scenario where I might meet this type of man.

Here's a scenerio your part of a forum on the net and you meet this awesome guy and he says hi to you

Hi diamond dancer how are you?

 

[TalosNB]

Sorry if that was to forward DD

 

[frey12]

I had a sudden realisation a couple of days ago which shut me up for the rest of the night. I honestly do not believe that I will ever be in another relationship. I think I will die alone. The things I hate about humans are also the things that make us human. Not only can I not imagine the type of man who might compliment my life, but I can't even imagine a scenario where I might meet this type of man.

I came to the samr realization a while ago also. But whats even scarier is spending your entire life with someone and then they die first. Honestly I dont know the pros and cons and which you would prefer. But the end of life thoughts become more scarier then the future ones.

 

[diamond-dancer]

Sorry if that was to forward DD

No comment.

 

[jales]

awh that is so cute...

(hushed voice)
DD:talk to him
TalosNB:Good Luck

btw I have that realization all the time..it's not that I don't like people I just really doubt that I will find what I'm looking for. It's a bit scary though. I'm okay on my own, but I'd be lying if I said that I don't want a really safe, till-death-do-us-part, strong relationahip.

On one hand it seems like bad luck that I haven't found that yet; but on the other it just seems that something is wrong with me.. it's prolly the second case lol (usually is).. ah well.. alone is not the worst thing in the world.. life can be enjoyed single.. lol!

You know it's true that both being single and being in a relationship are gifts. Yea really good realtionship have a bit of an edge over being alone.. but once you don't waste it being single can also be quite pleasing.

Okay ..yea I know you'll feel like you'll will be alone forever; I feel this as well. But question; do want to be alone forever? If the answer is no.. my advice is to give people and realtionships a fair chance even when you feel like locking yourself in a dungoen(can't spell). Not that you'll do this... but it's a thing that I find with people ..

I have a friend.. A REALLY GOOD friend. She is the most social person I know. I swear on my life if I didnt know her; more than half the people I know now; I would never have met. Okay so this girl; she is VERY COMPLICATED.. at first. She pretends to be a horrible person when you are getting to know her.. she flirts a lot, can NOT go 24 hours without alcohol. I know I'm tarnishing her rep but she sleeps with married people.. and enjoys it (okay.. i'm sorry but it's true).. she also is very depressed (but if you met her you'd think she is on extra levels of prozac..n you'd be right).

Okay POINT. This girl.. I mean I can't describe how she paints herself as a horrible person; she would out right say that she would never be with a guy who can't afford to take her on vacations n stuff.. but do you know she is one of the best people I know. You'd never see it at frist.. but after being her friend for as long as I have.. I have seen that girl sacrific levels of her pride just not to hurt someone she doesn't even know.. in ways.. I mean I have seen her do some thing that are saintly.

Even though she says she's a *****; she's actually a sweetheart.. who does half to stuff she does cause she is afraid of herself. I mean yea she lies to men, and cheats all the time and stuff; but the guys she chooses are always bastards.. n though she says she's with them for money.. part of her isn't with someone better cause she thinks that she'll hurt someone better.

This sweet guy liked her.. she didn't like him. Now this guy has money (lots of money) but he doesnt flaunt it.. but she knew anyway. She told him that she wouldn't be with someone like him because she only dates rich guys who drive better cars. You know she told him this to spare his feelings.. cause really she just didn't like him. For all the gold-digging-***** she claims to be.. (note she had to paint herself as a gold-digger just to get him not to like her. When she knew he had money.. we both knew.). When asked seriously why she didnt like someone nice who has more money than the idiots she messes with she say 'I don't know; he's too nice! I think I'd hurt him...'

So you see when you get to know people; we surprise you.. we arent that great; none of us. But we arent that bad either; none of us.

By the way there are lots of other reasons why I say that friend is a good person. Really she is; her life has just be screwed up.. she's also not a gold-digger.. she's just quite honest.. and to her everyone wants something for personal gain.. so she's not different from anyone else. N she is right.. what she wants just happens to make her unhealthy.. but it's all she knows.. n

Like she's someone who likes not to be cheated hence she plays the safe side of the field.. where she cheats.. She may have trust issuses (maybe..) okay bye. yea

Sorry if that was to forward DD

No comment.

 

[TalosNB]

awh that is so cute...

(hushed voice)
DD:talk to him
TalosNB:Good Luck

Thanx jales, i think you will find someone because all the people that best suite you are always the hardest to find, sometimes you think its nigh on impossible but you just have to keep looking well thats atleast the hope i cling to to make myself feel better and stop myself from thinking i will die alone

 

[An archist]

I don't know man, this thread really seems kinda over my head. I'm just so resigned to the fact that I'm going to be a hermit for the rest of my life that I never put any thought into what I'd be looking for in a woman. I guess I'd go with the first girl who shows some kind of interest in me...which is admittedly a bad idea. That leaves me open to all sorts of ways I could be taken advantage of. Ever read that book The Giving Tree when you were little? If I wound up marrying somebody who would perpetually cheat on me and take advantage of me in all sorts of other ways I probably wouldn't say anything out of fear of being alone forever.

But I must admit that I'm incredibly intimidated and put off in general by women who look like their out of a magazine or something. I mean, if you're looking for a plastic woman, than why not just buy a really life-like love doll? I find it kind of diffiicult to respect people who, due to their beauty, feel that they can just walk all over people and be incredibly lame. Sure they're hot, but they have no character. Looks have got to be on the very bottom of my list of traits I'm looking for in a person. Actually, I think what I would find most desirable in a woman is somebody who shares similar problems as me: depression, social anxiety, lonliness, etc. Those are the aspects of life I have the most expertise in, so if anybody was capable of really relating to me, they'd have to be well versed in these things as well.

 

[Colette]

You ever think that you want too much?

No and yes. I don't ask for much when it comes to materials things but I won't settle when it comes to love. Dating is another story, which is why it's called dating. I feel if I don't gel with the person I can just move on and the most that might happen is a bruised ego.